"Let's get the hell out of here."
His words were spoken softly, yet to McCoy they sounded as cold as ice. Had the man even realized what he had done?
"Yes Doctor, he knows what he's done." Spock's words echoed in McCoy's ears. If he knew what he had done, why had he done it? Bitter rage burned inside him. He had cared for Edith Keeler, she was a kind gentle woman and she had nursed him back to health. McCoy took a deep breath. He didn't want to judge Kirk's actions just yet, but he could think of nothing that would justify allowing such a horrible thing to happen.
Once aboard the Enterprise, he ordered Kirk and Spock to follow him to sickbay, muttering about twentieth century diseases. By the time they entered his office, he could take it no longer. He exploded. "How could you do that!? How could you let Edith Keeler die!?"
Kirk did not immediately reply. McCoy was surprised. He had expected him to come right back at him, but instead he hesitated for a moment before saying quietly, "I had to."
Something in Kirk's voice told McCoy something was wrong. He had gone to far. "What do you mean, you had to?" he asked, softer now.
"It..." Kirk paused. He seemed on the verge of a breakdown. Fortunately, Spock stepped in. "In the original time line, you never stopped Edith Keeler from dying. She was killed in an accident."
"So I stopped her from dying. Most people see that as a good thing, Spock."
"Perhaps if we were in our own time, saving a person could have been a good thing. However, we were in Earth's past. By saving Miss Keeler, you altered history. In the timeline in which you saved her, she went on to speak for peace to the nation's leaders. She delayed the United States' entrance into the second World War, allowing Germany to develop the atomic bomb first. The axis powers won the war and the world was plunged into a dark age. Thousands died who did not die before. Also, Earth's space programs were never developed. The Enterprise never existed. The captain and I were forced to go back to stop you."
Kirk was turned away. McCoy realized how harsh he had been on his friend. "Jim..." he began, but Kirk knew what he he was going to say. He held up his hand. "It's fine, Bones," he said slowly, clearly trying not to cry.
"Jim!" He put his hand on Kirk's shoulder. "Jim, I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"It's fine, Bones," the captain repeated, more forceful this time. McCoy didn't know what to say. He knew something more had happened down there than what he had seen and what Spock had told him, but he didn't want to ask what. He felt he should say something for Kirk, but he was at a loss. Instead he sighed and took out his small, cylindrical medical scanner. He held it over first Kirk's then Spock's body. "It doesn't look like you picked up anything," he muttered when he was finished.
"We had better get back to the bridge then." His voice was flat. He turned towards the door.
"No, you'd better not get back to the bridge," retorted McCoy. "As the ship's chief medical officer, I'm ordering you to rest." Uncharacteristically, Kirk obliged and walked out the door and in the direction of his cabin, which gave the doctor more evidence that something was very wrong. Spock followed the captain out and as he stepped into the corridor, McCoy called to him, "You too, Spock!"
Two hours later, McCoy made his way to Kirk's quarters. He knew he had been unfair earlier and felt that he needed to make amends. The sensor outside the door scanned him and identified him as CMO Leonard H. McCoy. It immediately slid open. Kirk must have programmed it to allow McCoy to enter without asking the captain for permission. The lights were low when he entered. Kirk sat at his desk with his head lying on his arms. He apparently had not noticed McCoy enter. "Jim?"
He looked up, surprised. "Bones?" His voice had that same flat tone it had carried earlier and his eyes were dull. McCoy sensed that he was greatly upset. "What are you doing here?"
"Jim, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing, Bones."
"Is it about Edith Keeler?" Kirk said nothing. "You know," McCoy continued, "there was nothing you could have done. Edith Keeler had to die. There was no other way."
"I know," he said softly. "I just wish things could have been different."
"We all do. But it was just one woman compared to the thousands you saved."
Kirk's eyes flamed. "Just one woman!?" He raised his voice. "Bones, how can you say that!?"
"Jim, I didn't mean it that way! It's just that it could have been as lot...Jim?" Kirk tried to hide it, but he couldn't stop the tears that filled his eyes and slowly started to run down his face. "Jim," he said again, softer this time.
"I'm sorry, Bones. I didn't..." he stopped, not able to continue. McCoy waited as he took a moment to calm down. He felt guilty for upsetting his normally calm friend so much, though he knew there was something else, something unknown to him, causing him this pain. Finally, he took a deep breath and repeated, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let you see that. I just – Bones, I loved her!"
Understanding hit McCoy like a wave. He had loved her. He put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I'm sorry," McCoy said quietly. Then he left the room, leaving Kirk to face his immense pain alone.