Michelangelo woke up to the familiar sight of his dark room. He pulled his T-Phone out from under his pillow to check the time; it was five o'clock in the morning, one hour before he needed to get up. He yawned and turned on his side and noticed that Donnie's bed was empty. Donnie never got up this early, so he assumed that he must have fallen asleep in his lab again.

It was then that Mikey realized that he was alone. This was a very rare occurrence in his home considering that they lived in such close quarters: a room he shared with Donatello, only one bathroom, and a very open kitchen and living room. At that given moment, for at least one hour, he could get away with doing anything because no one else would see it.

Deciding he should take advantage of the rare opportunity, he got up from his bed, peaked out the door into the hallway and saw that the lair was completely dark and quiet. He quietly shut his door and climbed back onto his bed, having decided to take a solo trip to Pleasure Town.

Raphael lazily rolled over in his bed and retrieved his T-Phone from his bedside table to check the time. It was ten after five in the morning. He groaned. In just under an hour, he would have to get up and train with his family. Why couldn't he just stay asleep for as long as he was allowed?

He rolled over on his other side, facing toward the bed where Leonardo lay and was surprised to see that he was still in bed. The schmoozer always got up before the rest of them to meditate with Master Splinter in the dojo. Raph wouldn't be surprised if he got up in the next ten or twenty minutes to go begin his daily kiss-ass routine.

Raph sighed, knowing it was not likely that he was going to make it back to sleep before he had to get up, or knowing his own luck, he would not get tired again until it was ten minutes before six o'clock. Giving in, he threw his blankets off of himself and trudged off to the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, he flipped on the light over the bar and opened the refrigerator. He scanned over the few things that the family had in their residential inventory and much to his dismay, the only thing appropriate for an early morning meal were some eggs. An omelet sounded pretty good, but he had no idea how to cook one. Maybe if he woke up Mikey, he could make him one, but was an omelet really worth sacrificing the only silence he got all day by waking up his obnoxious little brother? His stomach growled and he sighed and made his way to Mikey's room.

Once Raph got to the bedroom door, he noticed the door was shut, which was rather unusual for Mikey. Normally, he would keep the door somewhat open, not being fond of being closed up in his dark bedroom even with a night light. Nonetheless, he shrugged it off and figured that maybe Donnie had gone to bed late again and had shut it on his way in. He pushed the door open and stepped in, but when he looked to Mikey's bed, he was first startled to see that he was wide awake, but the second thing he noticed about his younger brother startled him so bad, he could have sworn that his heart stopped beating for all of about ten seconds. Possibly the most awkward ten seconds of his life.

"OH MY GOD, MIKEY, WHAT THE HELL?!" he screamed.

Mikey snatched his blanket and pulled it up to his waist to cover what he'd been up to. "DUDE, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" he shouted.

A mortified Raph wasted no time to practically leap through the doorway and slam the door shut behind him.

"Oh my god," he said through a gag, leaning against the wall. "What the hell did I just walk into?" The unfortunate visual dramatically played through his mind again. "Oh-ho man! I need to wash my eyes or something..."

Leo ran down the hallway and met Raph where he stood. "Raph! I heard you scream. What happened? Are you okay?"

Raph ran a hand down his face and breathed deeply. "I...I don't know how to answer that, bro."

Leo gave him a curious look. "I thought I heard Mikey too." He reached for the doorknob. "Is he okay..."

Raph smacked his hand away. "Dude, don't go in there."

Leo started to look frantic. "Why? Is Mikey okay? Donnie? Raph, what is going on?"

Raph shook his head. "Oh, Mikey is doing just fine. Just fine. Maybe a little too well."

Leo crossed his arms. "What are you talking about?"

Raph finally broke into a wicked grin and snickered.

Leo glared. "Raph, what did you do to him?"

Raph laughed out loud. "A better question would be: what was he doing to himself?"

Leo raised an eye ridge. "I don't follow you."

"I totally accidentally walked in on him playing with himself!" Raph said through fits of laughter.

Leo gasped. "You what? Dude! What...he...Mikey? Mikey was..."

"Oh yeah."

"A-are you sure? I mean, maybe it just looked..."

"No dude, he was totally getting after it," Raph joked.

Leo gagged. "Nasty! With Donnie in there?"

Raph's eyes grew wide. "I...crap, dude, I didn't look. If he was, he had to have been asleep."

"Well, was Mikey doing it under the blankets?"

Raph shuddered. "Nope."

"Then there's no way Donnie was in there," Leo reasoned. "He probably fell asleep in his lab again."

Raph sighed. "Whatever, dude. Hey do you know how to make an omelet?"

Leo's eyes widened. "You're asking me?"

Raph shrugged. "I'm really hungry."

Mikey could not believe what had just happened. His brother had just caught a visual of him doing the unthinkable. In a split second his emotions went from pleasure to pure shame; he never knew emotions to transition that way. How could he face Raph again? His family? Surely Raph was going to tell everyone. What would they say?

He sighed. Maybe if he went back to sleep for a little while, he would feel less shameful when he woke up. He yawned and lay on his side. It was worth a shot.

Mikey entered the kitchen with a yawn. The first thing he did was go to the sink and wash his hands and then proceeded to the refrigerator to find something to make his family and himself for breakfast. All he really found that was appropriate for breakfast was a carton of eggs.

"I guess I'm making omelets," he thought aloud. He got out the carton and set it on the counter. "Hey guys!" he called out and made his way to the dojo, assuming that's where everyone was. "I'm making omelets! Who's hungry?"

He entered the dojo to find Leo and Splinter meditating and Donnie and Raph sparring.

"Good morning, my son," Splinter greeted.

"Good morning, Sensei," Mikey beamed. "I'm making omelets. Is anyone hungry?"

Raph smirked. "I'm not eating anything that those hands touch." He laughed. "I've seen where they've been."

Mikey blushed furiously. "I-I...I don't know w-what you're talking about, bro."

Leo chuckled. "You need us to leave you alone for a bit, Mikey? Do you need to 'get prepared'."

"P-prepared? What are you talking about, dude?"

Raph winked. "Oh you know what we're talking about, Dr. Jerkenstein."

Mikey needed an escape. "Well, w-whatever, dudes. I'm gonna make breakfast. Are you hungry or not?"

Raph glared. "If you're gonna be making me food, then you'd better wash your hands pretty damn good."

"I always wash my hands before cooking," Mikey replied impishly.

Leo gave him a quizzical look. "Uh-huh. Sure."

"So, does that mean you always jerk off first thing in the morning?"

"Dude!" Mikey screeched.

Splinter's eyes shot open and he glared. "Raphael! That was highly inappropriate!"

Donnie gasped. "What are you guys talking about?!"

"I don't know," Raph replied coyly. "Mikey, why don't you tell Donnie and Sensei what we're talking about?"

Mikey's face turned an even darker shade of red and hot tears of humiliation began to sting his eyes. He bit his lip. "U-uh...I...g-guys, I-I really gotta g-get breakfast started, s-so..."

"No, no, breakfast can wait," Raph pushed. "C'mon, there's no secrets in this family, right? We share around here."

"Come on, Mikey," Leo chimed in, "why don't you tell us about this thing you clearly enjoy?"

Mikey's blood turned hot. "THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL, OKAY?! LEAVE ME ALONE!" He stormed out, fighting the angry tears that threatened to fall, burst through his bedroom door, and slammed it behind him.

"Remember to lock it this time, Mikey!" Raph yelled to him and laughed uproariously. His laughter was abruptly stopped by a green staff hitting the back of his head.

"Raphael! You are not to tease your brother! Masturbation is perfectly natural for boys your age! Now, how do you even know that Michelangelo was doing this?" Splinter scolded.

"I saw him," Raph replied, trying to fight his smirk. "I went in his room this morning to get him up, and he was...yeah..."

Splinter sighed and shook his head. "Well, you are not to bring it up again, is that understood? It is none of your business."

Raph looked at his feet nervously. "Hai, Sensei."

"Same goes for you, Leonardo. No more of that," Splinter ordered.

"Hai, Sensei."

"Now, if you will excuse me, I must go have a talk with Michelangelo that I should have had a long time ago," he said and dismissed himself to Mikey's room.

As soon as Splinter turned his back, Leo and Raph began to nudge each other and snicker.

Donnie cleared his throat. "Now, you know guys, masturbation is a perfectly natural and healthy behavior, especially for guys our age and living in our isolated situation."

"Well, if you're so cool with it, then maybe you and Mikey should have a jerking party together," Raph retorted.

Leo laughed uproariously, but stopped once the mental image of that set in, at which point he gagged a little. "Ugh, gross."

Donnie was not amused. "Very funny, Raph."

Splinter knocked on Mikey's bedroom door. "Michelangelo, may I enter?"

Mikey wanted more than anything to say 'no, go away!', but knew that would not be acceptable. He sighed. "Of course."

Splinter slowly entered and sat at the foot of his bed. He stared at the bundle of blankets that his son was buried underneath and rested his hand on it.

"Why don't you come out from under there and speak with me a moment?"

Knowing this was an order and not a suggestion, Mikey reluctantly threw his blankets off of himself and sat up.

Splinter wasn't sure where to begin. "Michelangelo...your brothers..." He sighed. "Hmm."

"Look, I know what I did was disgusting and wrong, but..." he shook his head. "...no, it was stupid. I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry."

"Do not be sorry, Michelangelo. Masturbation is perfectly natural and very common for someone your age. There is nothing wrong with self-simulating," Splinter explained.

Mikey's face grew hot with embarrassment. "...O-okay..."

"However, you should have probably locked the door so that you would not be seen. These things should always be done as privately as possible."

The hotness in Mikey's face expanded to his neck and down his back. If he had hair, it would have been standing straight up. "H-hai, Sensei..."

"And do not worry about your brothers, alright? I will handle them. They have no right to tease you for pleasuring yourself."

Mikey cringed at every word. "U-uh...thanks, Sensei."

Splinter grinned at him and pulled him into a hug. It was the first time in his life that Mikey felt disgusted with a hug and wanted to push his father away from him.

Once Splinter broke the hug, he looked at Mikey and noticed his discomfort. "Are there any questions you have for me? You may ask me anything you want to know."

"Thank you, Sensei, but I don't have any questions," Mikey said, looking down at his hands.

"Are you sure? You look as if there is something on your mind," Splinter pressed further.

Mikey shook his head. "No, I'm fine, I just...I just feel weird talking about this is all."

Splinter chuckled and ruffled his head. "I understand, Michelangelo. I will let you be now." He stood and walked to the door, but turned around before walking out. "But if you make breakfast, please be sure to wash your hands first."

Mikey groaned. "Hai, Sensei."

"My sons, I wish to speak with you," Splinter said as he entered the dojo.

"Is it about touching ourselves?" Raph piped up. "Because if it is, don't worry, we're not sickos like Mikey and we aren't gonna do that."

Splinter popped him on the back of his head. "That is exactly what I wanted to speak with you about. Your brother is very upset because you have been teasing him about something that is very personal."

Leo smirked. "Must not be that personal if he did it without locking the door and in the room that he shares with Donnie."

Splinter glared. "Leonardo!"

"I don't care that he did it in our room," Donnie added, "as long as he was doing it when I wasn't in there. Like I said, masturbation is completely natural."

"Exactly," Splinter said. "With that being said, if I hear any of you teasing Michelangelo about this again, you will be in serious trouble, is that clear?"

"Hai, Sensei," the three said in unison.

"Good," Splinter said.

April suddenly entered the dojo. "Hey guys, what's going on?"

"April!" Donnie chirped with pleased surprise. "What are you doing here? Don't you have school?"

"It's Memorial Day," she replied. "I don't have school. I thought I'd come join you guys for morning training." She looked to Splinter. "If that's okay...?"

Splinter grinned. "Yes, that is just fine. You will all have to do it without me, since it would appear that Michelangelo may not be making breakfast this morning, so that means I will be." He sighed. "Donatello, perhaps you could talk to him and make him feel better? I don't want him to miss morning training, but with him feeling this way, I do not want to force him."

"Hai, Sensei. I can try, anyway."

"Thank you," he said and gave one last warning glance to Raphael and Leonardo before exiting the room.

April looked concerned. "What's wrong with Mikey? Is he sick?"

Donnie hesitated to answer her.

"I caught Mikey rubbing one out this morning," Raph blurted out.

April gasped.

"RAPH!" Donnie yelped.

"W-what?" April squeaked. "W-why would you tell me something like that?"

Raph shrugged. "You asked."

"You could've just said it was something personal. I would've taken the hint!"She retorted.

"And what did Splinter just say about that? Stop teasing him!" Donnie snapped.

"I'm not teasing him. He isn't in here, is he?"

"Forget it, guys, let's just get our training started," Leo interjected, but was ignored.

"You were teasing him?!" April exclaimed. "What is wrong with you? That could like, kill his self-esteem! Not to mention absolutely humiliate him. It's no wonder he's so upset!"

"Relax, April," Raph shrugged. "Mikey's resilient. He'll be fine, and then he'll go right back to whacking off in his free time." He finished with a snicker.

April covered her ears as her face turned a shade of pink. "Ah! I'm not hearing that!"

"Guys!" Leo snapped.

Donnie sighed. "You guys get started. I'm gonna go talk to Mikey."

"Gotta make plans for your jerkin' party?" Raph cracked.

Donnie glared and chucked his staff toward Raph's head, but he dodged it and laughed harder as Donnie left the room and headed for his and Mikey's bedroom.

April elbowed Raph in the gut and silenced his laughter.

"Oof! You're lucky you're a girl, O'Neil," he grumbled.

Donnie knocked on the bedroom door. "Mikey, can I come in, buddy?"

"It's your room too, bro," Mikey groaned.

Donnie assumed that meant 'yes' and slowly opened the door to find Mikey lying face down on his own bed.

"Hey buddy," he said, "how are you feeling?"

Mikey sighed. "I've had better days, Donnie."

Donnie sat on the foot of his bed. "Well, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that Raph and Leo were making fun of you. That was really messed up."

Mikey only sighed.

Donnie placed a hand on his shell. "What you were doing was..."

"Donnie, I love you, bro, but if we're really gonna talk about this, can you please not touch me, like at all? I'd really appreciate it."

Donnie quickly recoiled his hand. "Oh yeah, sorry, Mikey. Anyway, masturbation is a perfectly natural and very common thing for someone our age. Don't let Raph and Leo make you feel bad."

Mikey shook his head and groaned. "I really don't wanna talk about this."

"But it's nothing to be ashamed of," Donnie pushed. "Sometimes you get urges that you can't satisfy with sexual intercourse because you do not have a partner, so you don't have much choice but to satisfy them yourself. As matter of fact, for a male, it can become painful not to."

Mikey covered his ears. "Oh god, not listening. This is a nasty conversation."

"Well sure it's gross, but that's why you do it privately," Donnie explained. "Maybe next time, you could lock yourself in the bathroom or even ask me to leave our bedroom if you need to do it. I don't mind sleeping in my lab if you need some alone time."

"Dude, I'm not gonna tell you..."

"Well, why not? It's not to be ashamed of. If it makes you feel better, I do it sometimes," Donnie effortlessly confessed.

"DUDE! Way too much info!"

"Sometimes it's late at night in the bathroom, and sometimes in my lab. I don't mind telling you that if it makes you feel better. You're not alone. Just don't tell Leo or Raph because clearly they don't understand." Donnie said and then lowered his voice. "I think they both do it too, but they're in denial."

Mikey cringed. "Ugh, I don't wanna think about that either."

"Heck, I'm sure even Master Splinter does it on occasion," Donnie added.

Mikey gagged and shuddered. "Aw, Donnie, why do you have to go there, dude?"

"Well, it's not crazy to think so," Donnie obliviously went on. "I mean he's been single for sixteen years..."

Mikey felt the contents of his stomach threatening to climb is esophagus. "Dude..." he groaned. "Stop. I get it."

"Having lost his wife less than a year before he was living here in America, I highly doubt the extent of his grief allowed for him to sleep with any other women," Donnie continued. "But I'm sure that didn't do away with any urges."

Mikey groaned even more. "Why are you saying all this? Is this supposed to make me feel better or make me barf?"

"You know, girls do it too. I'm sure even April does it," he said. "Don't tell her I said that though."

"Donnie!" Mikey scolded. "Not cool. I don't care if you're attracted to her, she's still a lady."

"And that wouldn't make her any less of one," Donnie clarified. "Like I said, that's totally natural for anyone. Is any of this getting through to you, buddy? Are you feeling any better?"

Mikey sighed. "Yes, Donnie. I feel much better. Thank you."

Donnie smiled and ruffled his head. "Anytime, Mikey. I'm always here to listen to your personal problems..."

"Yup, I got that," Mikey hastily interrupted.

"So you don't feel ashamed anymore..."

"Nope, I'm all good now, bro."

"Okay then, I'm gonna go train now. I'm really glad I could help you," Donnie grinned warmly, and got up to leave.

After he was gone, Mikey sighed. "Glad I don't have the worst issues in this household."

A/N: That was my attempt at a humorous and a bit more "adult" fic. Hope you enjoyed!