Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Greatly appreciated. I won't withhold writing for feedback, but it certainly makes it feel more worthwhile. I'll put each chapter up seperately, one day at a time to keep people interested. Anything you want to tell me, a line or scene you liked, would honestly make my day.
Author's Notes: The title is from an Erma Bombeck book: Motherhood, the Second Oldest Profession. It should be noted after the last chapter that I fully expect the characters to be using birth control, but it would have interrupted the scene to make mewntion of it. Much thanks to Bella for her wonderful, insightful, and understanding help: she's my psychic fic twin!
Music references: The la-las. (There's a bunch of variations. Imagine whichever one you want.) The Barenaked Ladies. Five for Fighting. Third Eye Blind. A theme I'm calling Townie Mischief. (See the scene in Christopher Returns, where Miss Patti spreads the word about Chris through town for an example of what I mean. It's sort of sneaky sounding.)
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They, and some of the scenes in the previously on are not my own writing, they belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino and the other creators of the Gilmore Girls universe.

*

(Sweet la-las. Morning. The sun is shining on RORY's face; she's lying on her side in bed. Slowly, she opens her eyes. Her gaze goes blank for a moment, as if she's seeing something that isn't there, and she smiles. Suddenly JESS comes into view, propping himself up on one elbow. RORY turns her head and he looks down at her. They grin.)
Rory: Hey.
Jess: Hey, yourself. (kisses her shoulder) How you feeling? (She rolls onto her back. He settles on his stomach, leaning on both elbows, his shoulder blades visible above the blanket.)
Rory: (mischievously) Well...except for the fact that I'm no longer guaranteed survival in a horror movie scenario, I feel pretty good.
Jess: Yeah?
Rory: Yeah. (wrinkles her forehead, looking cutely concerned) Is that weird? Aren't I supposed to be upset, or sad, or something?
Jess: (laughing) Do you want to be sad?
Rory: No. (shyly sheepish) I just wanted to make sure I did everything right the first time.
Jess: Trust me, morning-after depression is not necessary.
Rory: Okay. (She leans up and kisses him.) God. (lifts one hand to lazily rub her eyes) What time is it?
Jess: Um... (reaches across her to turn her clock towards him) eight-thirty.
Rory: Ugh. (yawns) Six hours is not enough.
(He flops down next to her on his back. They both stare at the ceiling. Suddenly, she sits upright, holding the blanket to her chest.)
Rory: Oh my god!
Jess: (sits up halfway, concerned) What?
Rory: I told my mom I'd be at the Dragonfly this morning! (She gets out of bed, dragging the sheet with her as she searches for clothes on the floor.) I can't believe I forgot! (whirls around, clutching a shirt to her chest) God, I'm sorry! I'm not supposed to just—just leave like this!
(Cut to JESS settling his boxers on his hips. He sits down on the bed.)
Jess: Don't worry about it. (RORY pulls a shirt over her head. It's his, and covers her to her thighs.) Luke needs me for the breakfast rush anyway.
Rory: (face falling) I was supposed to make you breakfast!
Jess: (doubtful) You were gonna cook?
Rory: Hey, mister, I'll have you know that I can make pop-tarts with the best of them. (She walks over to stand between his knees. He gazes up at her expectantly; she looks sad.) I don't want to leave.
Jess: That makes two of us. (She leans over and kisses him, her hair falling around their faces. He smiles.) You're wearing my shirt.
Rory: (pulling away reluctantly) I'll give it back once I've showered.
Jess: (stands up) I guess that's my cue to go make coffee.
Rory: You learn quickly. (grins) I knew there was a reason I liked you!
Jess: I feel so used. (follows her out)

(Dragonfly Inn. LORELAI is working behind the desk. RORY comes rushing in.)
Rory: I know, I'm late! I'm sorry!
Lorelai: Relax, white rabbit. Not much going on here.
Rory: Oh, good. (takes off her coat) I'm really sorry, I overslept.
Lorelai: That's okay.
Rory: (takes a stack of papers sitting on the desk) These need to be filed?
Lorelai: You bet. (watches RORY with a smile on her face) You feeling better?
Rory: Yeah. (sees LORELAI watching her) What?
Lorelai: (mystified) Something seems different.
Rory: Oh. I just slept...really well, that's all. (smiles inscrutably)
Lorelai: Okay. (grabs her coat) Listen, I have to help Babette with something. Can I leave you in charge?
Rory: Sure. Is everything okay?
Lorelai: Yeah, she's got some crazy plan to stop Taylor. (leans on desk) Promise me something?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: If I get arrested today, you'll come and bail me out?
Rory: Mm...depends on how much it is. I'm saving for that new Mercedes.
Lorelai: Ungrateful child! Tell you what, if you bail me out, I'll steal you a Mercedes. We can be a mother-daughter crime team.
Rory: Very Paper Moon.
Lorelai: Or Bonnie and Clyde.
Rory: Dibs on being Bonnie.
Lorelai: Ugh, you suck! (sighs) Anyway, I should go. The Rosenthals in Room 8 need to check out by twelve, and I left a message with the electrician. If he calls, tell him we need an estimate for putting in path lights.
Rory: Okay.
Lorelai: I'll see you soon. (She starts to leave, and the phone rings. She listens while RORY picks up, waiting to see who it is.)
Rory: Hello, Dragonfly Inn, this is Rory speaking. (pause) Oh, hi, Angela. (widens her eyes pointedly) You want to talk to her? (LORELAI rushes back, shaking her head frantically. RORY lies unconvincingly.) Oh, I'm sorry. She just went out. Yeah. (LORELAI gives her the thumbs up.) Okay, I'll tell her to call you. Bye. (hangs up) You're evil.
Lorelai: Self preservation, sister. What'd she want?
Rory: She wouldn't tell me. She said it was an emergency, though.
Lorelai: I'm sure it can wait. I'll see you later.
(LORELAI exits. RORY smiles to herself.)

(BABETTE is standing outside a building with a sign that reads Stars Hollow Town Hall and Historical Society. Townie mischief music starts as LORELAI walks up, wearing a low-cut red shirt.)
Babette: Lorelai, there you are!
Lorelai: Here I am.
Babette: Okay, you go in first.
Lorelai: Okay. (starts to go in, then turns around) What am I doing, exactly?
Babette: (impatiently) You're the distraction while I sneak into the archives!
Lorelai: Right. (walks inside)

(Cut to KIRK sitting inside at a small desk eating lunch. He's sitting so his back is to the hallway. LORELAI walks up to him.)
Lorelai: (friendly) Hey Kirk! How's that morality patrol going?
Kirk: (dejected) Not so good.
Lorelai: Aw, why? (sits down on the edge of the desk)
Kirk: Someone stole my badge.
Lorelai: You're kidding!
Kirk: No. (He looks up at her; she smiles and crosses her legs flirtatiously.) Can I help you with something? Do you have business with the Town Hall or Historical Society?
Lorelai: Not really. (BABETTE sneaks behind KIRK) I just thought you might be lonely, sitting here all by yourself.
Kirk: (defensively) I have a life, you know.
Lorelai: (smile pasted in place) Oh, I didn't mean—
Kirk: I have a job. I have hobbies. I make movies.
Lorelai: (changing tack) That's right! Your movies! I loved the last one.
Kirk: (stiffly) Thank you.
Lorelai: Is there going to be a sequel?
Kirk: Why would there be a sequel?
Lorelai: Oh, I just thought the ending was purposefully ambiguous so that... (trails off)
Kirk: (bewildered) You thought the ending was ambiguous?
Lorelai: (back-peddling) Uh, absolutely not.
Kirk: Well then why'd you ask?
Lorelai: Um... (glances around, looking for BABETTE) I didn't.
Kirk: You just did.
Lorelai: (sighs dramatically) Okay, Kirk, you caught me.
Kirk: (taken off-guard) What?
Lorelai: (pretending to confess) I desperately want to be in your next movie. I've been trying to think of a way to tell you for the longest time!
Kirk: Really? (BABETTE sneaks back out.)
Lorelai: I think you're a genius! The next Christopher Nolan. (sees BABETTE signaling her outside the window)
Kirk: (starting to get excited) Well, I was going to take a break between films but I guess I could—
Lorelai: (distracted) Uh huh, great...listen, I have to go. (gets up and walks out)
Kirk: (hopefully, half standing up) I'll call you!

(Outside, BABETTE rushes up to LORELAI, waving a sheet of paper.)
Babette: I found it! It says right here: rescinded officially in 1953.
Lorelai: Great! Wow, I can't believe that worked.
Babette: My mother may have only known half the alphabet, but she never lost a thing!
Lorelai: Let's go, then.
Babette: Go where, sugar?
Lorelai: (takes BABETTE's arm) Confront our friend Chillingsworth. (They walk off.)

(La-las. RORY walks through the center of town. Bright pink signs are plastered everywhere. She stops to read one: Puritanical Law Revoked. Kiss Away! Smiling, RORY enters Luke's.)
Rory: Hey, Luke.
Luke: Coffee? (she nods) You see the signs?
Rory: You bet. Taylor backed down, huh?
Luke: Your mom made him.
Rory: My mom?
Luke: Yeah. Those are her signs. (hands her the coffee)
Rory: Wow. She was serious. (LUKE looks confused.) She said she and Babette had a plan, but I thought she was kidding.
Luke: Well, thanks to them we've reentered the twenty-first century.
Rory: Yeah. (pause) Hey, is Jess around?
Luke: If you two want to experiment with your newfound freedom, it's gonna have to wait. He's working in the storeroom.
Rory: I thought he didn't have to work Saturday afternoons.
Luke: He took off again last night and never called.
Rory: (chagrined) Oh.
Luke: (kindly) I'll tell him you stopped by.
Rory: Thanks, Luke.
Luke: No problem.
(RORY smiles brightly at LUKE and leaves.)

(LORELAI sitting behind the desk at the Dragonfly, looking pensive. Suddenly, as if making up her mind, she picks up the phone and dials. Cut to MIA sitting in a sunny parlor room, picking up an old fashioned telephone.)
Mia: Hello?
Lorelai: Hi. It's me.
Mia: Oh hi, honey.
Lorelai: Um...hi.
Mia: (indulgently) Yes, you said that already.
Lorelai: What?
Mia: (perceptively) Is something wrong, Lorelai?
Lorelai: Okay. Here's the deal. (takes a deep breath) I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted, I'm not doing my best at either job, and worst of all, I barely get to see Rory anymore.
Mia: I see.
Lorelai: You know, maybe I could pull all-nighters when I was seventeen, but this burning-the candle-at-both-ends thing isn't working. (upset) I'm all burned up. I'm just a pile of wax!
Mia: All right, slow down. What are you saying?
Lorelai: I can't open my own inn, and train Angela at the same time. I'm so busy that Rory and I hardly ever talk anymore; I feel like I'm losing her. (pause) I'm so sorry.
Mia: (reassuringly) Don't worry about it.
Lorelai: Are you sure?
Mia: I was surprised when you agreed to do it, to tell you the truth.
Lorelai: I feel like I'm letting you down.
Mia: You'd be letting me down more if you didn't do what's best for your family. I taught you better than that.
Lorelai: Thank you so much for understanding.
Mia: Not a problem, honey. (smiles) Now you get back to work. I'll call Angela and break the news.
Lorelai: Oh god, thank you.
Mia: You're welcome. Goodbye, dear.
Lorelai: Bye. (She hangs up and smiles, relaxing a little. While she's still deep in thought MICHEL marches in. She smiles at him, confused.) What are you doing here? Tell the truth. Did you get lost on the way to the bathroom again?
Michel: No. (sits down huffily on the couch) I quit.
Lorelai: At the Independence? You quit?
Michel: Yes.
Lorelai: Why?
Michel: Angela. She wanted me to wear white gloves while I stand at the front desk opening mail. I told her I would look like Mickey Mouse and she yelled at me. (resentfully) I am not difficult to work with!
Lorelai: (trying not to laugh) Oh no. No one could ever accuse you of that.
Michel: (glares) I do not want to work for her. (pause) I want to work here.
Lorelai: Here?
Michel: Yes.
Lorelai: With me?
Michel: Yes.
Lorelai: And Sookie?
Michel: (annoyed) Yes.
Lorelai: Great! Wow. It's like the old team, back together again.
Michel: (sarcastically) Oh goody.
Lorelai: Hey, tell you what: you, my friend, can start with the night shift. (grins) Sookie and I need our sleep.
Michel: (stands up) I hate you.
Lorelai: Aw, I missed you too, sweetie. (MICHEL walks out.) Your shift starts at nine! (Smiles smugly to herself and picks up the phone. It rings once and RORY answers.)
Rory: Hello?
Lorelai: Hi, babe, it's me.
Rory: Hi.
Lorelai: Guess what?
Rory: Um, Judd Nelson's planning to make a comeback?
Lorelai: No, but that would be interesting! Suddenly Susan reruns just aren't doing it for me anymore.
Rory: We should watch The Breakfast Club again.
Lorelai: Definitely. Although Luke always gets annoyed at me whenever we watch it.
Rory: Maybe because you always spend the next week doing your Bender impressions.
Lorelai: Hey, Eat my shorts will always be a classic line. If other people can't appreciate that, it's their problem.
Rory: I agree. (giggles) So what's your news?
Lorelai: Okay, you know how I've been exhausted and overworked lately, no longer able to maintain my normally sunny disposition?
Rory: It has been a little cloudy of late.
Lorelai: (cheerfully) Well, put away the umbrellas, cause everything's different starting now.
Rory: (confused) What? Why?
Lorelai: I just got off the phone with Mia; I told her I can't work at the Independence anymore, so I'm not. And I hired Michel to work the night shift here.
Rory: (stunned) Wow.
Lorelai: I know. In five minutes I cut my workload almost in half. I should write a book about it. Do you think people would buy it?
Rory: (excited) This is great! You've been so tired recently; you totally deserve a break.
Lorelai: Plus, I can be around for you more! (apologetically) I've been really slipping in the mom department recently. They threatened to take away my license.
Rory: (reassuringly) Well, they shouldn't. I'm fine. It's you I've been worried about.
Lorelai: (a little taken aback) Oh. Okay. Well, I'm gonna be a lot better from now on. Sleep helps.
Rory: Amen for slumber. (pause) Hey, did you really threaten to impeach Taylor if he didn't revoke the law?
Lorelai: Not without proof! He was trying to hoodwink us all! (like a martyr) I didn't do it for myself, I did it for all the oppressed generations yet to come.
Rory: Well, I'm glad you're so selfless. (pause) Hey, Mom?
Lorelai: Yes, Daughter?
Rory: (broaching an awkward subject) Tonight's movie night.
Lorelai: That it is.
Rory: You used to let Dean come over for movie night.
Lorelai: I did. (There's a silence and she gets it.) You want to have Jess over and you don't want me to pitch a fit when I get home.
Rory: (nervously) Yeah.
Lorelai: Huh.
Rory: (quickly) I mean, it is fair. You used to allow Dean to be alone with me when we were dating.
Lorelai: I did. (pause, while she thinks it over) Okay.
Rory: (surprised) Okay?
Lorelai: Okay. We'll try this again and see if it works. You keep it PG and I'll try to rein in my mother bear instinct.
Rory: (relieved) Sounds like a deal.
Lorelai: And I'll be home soon. I could come walking in the door at any minute. Don't forget that.
Rory: Believe me, we won't.

(JESS is upstairs in the apartment, pulling on his coat to leave. He leaves his room, closes his door carefully, and turns just in time to see LIZ enter the apartment. They study one another in silence, and she clasps her hands in front of her. He looks away and to the floor, hand still resting on the doorknob.)
Liz: Where the Wild Things Are.
Jess: (lifts his head) What?
Liz: (slowly, taking a step in his direction) When you were five, your favorite book was Where the Wild Things Are. Whenever we went to the park, you would pretend to be the little kid in the story and climb the trees. (smiles) You told me you wanted to play with the monsters. One time it took me an hour to get you down.
Jess: (flatly) I don't remember that.
Liz: No. You probably wouldn't. But it still happened.
Jess: So what?
Liz: (takes another step towards him) Just because you can't always tell that I love you, doesn't mean that I don't. (JESS looks away, leaning against the closed door.) I've made a lot of mistakes, I'll admit it. And I'm sure under different circumstances you'd admit that you have too. (pause, then slowly) I'm not saying that I want to pretend that stuff never happened. I just want us to try again.
Jess: (shakes his head, his voice gravely) When I moved back here, you didn't even try to convince me to stay in New York. (His eyes flick up to hers then down again.)
Liz: (surprised) I didn't think it would do anything. You were determined to leave.
Jess: But you could have tried. (lifts his gaze, steeling himself) Unless you wanted me to leave.
(There's a silence between the two of them. Even though he's taller, there's a fragility, a vulnerability in the way he leans into the door for support. She regards him steadily, taking in his face with her eyes as if seeing it for the first time.)
Liz: (wonderingly) Want you to leave? (pause, then simply) Jess, I cried myself to sleep for a week after you left.
(He gazes at her then looks away, nods once. A sad smile touches the corners of her mouth as she watches him leave.)

(La-las. LORELAI cheerfully bounces up the steps to her house and opens the door.)
Lorelai: I'm home! What are we watching?
(She turns the corner to see JESS sitting on the floor in front of RORY. They both look up and RORY smiles.)
Rory: We were just about to start.
Lorelai: Ah, a modern classic! (starts walking into the kitchen) Start without me, I'll be right there!
Rory: Okay!
(LORELAI shrugs off her coat and drapes it over a kitchen chair. She pours herself a cup of coffee and walks back down the hall.)
Lorelai: You know, I was thinking about what would happen if you stuck the kid from this movie in a room with Paris. They either kill each other or—
(She enters the living room in time to see RORY bent over, kissing JESS, his face turned up towards her acceptingly. LORELAI's smile fades as she realizes how out of place she feels, intruding on their moment. RORY sees her and sits back guiltily.)
Rory: Mom! (embarassed) I didn't hear you come in.
Lorelai: Don't worry about it. I actually think I'm just going to go to bed. I'm exhausted.
Rory: (concerned) Are you sure?
Lorelai: Yeah. Go ahead, enjoy the movie. Make fun of Bill Murray's mustache for me. I'll see you tomorrow.
Rory: Okay. Good night.
(Sad la-las. LORELAI starts up the stairs, but pauses on the landing to watch them for a second. RORY's legs are draped over JESS's shoulders, she's leaned forward, saying something animatedly. He glances up, grins, and lifts a hand to rub her leg. Absently, she runs her fingers through his hair, settling back to enjoy the movie. LORELAI smiles sadly and goes upstairs.)

(the end)