So I apologize for not updating this for like a year. It was the last year of classes for my doctorate program and it included applying for internships. I got mine and I'm moving back to the West Coast next month so my life has been chaos for the last 6 months. If you're still with me thank you. I went to the last OUAT convention in Chicago two weeks ago and it inspired me to update this.
Some weeks after their first appointment with the therapist, things had returned to some form of normal in the house. The girls were on some sort of a sleep and feeding schedule and Henry had managed to tempter his anger and channel it elsewhere which let Regina work through her own issues on some level. Regina seemed to have finally recovered more completely from delivering the twins and was able to move around the house more freely and without help. She wouldn't return to work for a few more months (the perks of being mayor of a tiny town), but she was happy that she could finally move around her own room without wincing or getting too tired to climb the stairs.
This particular night, it was starting to storm outside, this time with rain and thunder as opposed to snow and ice. Regina usually didn't sleep well when it rained and when thunder shattered the silence of the house, but to Emma's surprise when she climbed into bed around 11pm her wife was already sound asleep. Emma just assumed the girls had worn Regina out during the day so she went to sleep herself, not expecting anything to happen during the night. Around 2am, Regina stirred a little in her sleep and soon found herself sitting up in bed. She didn't feel like she was awake and after a minute of just sitting there she assumed she was dreaming. That being said, she was about to return to just lying in bed, hopefully going back to regular sleep, when she heard something over the baby monitor. The noise didn't seem to bother Emma (why would it), so Regina got up to investigate. As she approached the nursery she heard someone talking in a soft voice and she slowly opened the door to see the outline of someone who she didn't recognize at first.
"Whoever you are, I don't have time to play game, just step away from my daughters." Regina growled through her teeth, but she was surprised when the figure responded. "Now, now, Regina. They are my grandchildren after all, I think I have the right to see them." Regina mouth went dry and she seemed to be in shock when the figure looked up and she could very clearly see her mother standing before her.
"Mother. What are you doing here?" Regina flicked her wrist to make a fireball, but nothing happened and Cora shook her head. "It's a dream Regina, you don't have magic here: you should know that by now."
"I don't need magic to get you out of this room, now leave or I'll make you leave, I don't care if I'm dreaming, hallucinating or am wide awake, you do not get to come near any of my children. Now leave, and do me the kindness of never coming back."
"Regina, I'm not going to hurt them."
"I find that very hard to believe mother. You aren't exactly a shining example of mothering a daughter well, so again, get away from mine."
"I've felt this anger bubbling in you since not long after you gave birth, I assumed something happened so I came to check for myself."
"By invading my dreams? Jesus mother, if you felt that I was hurting way didn't you search your brain or the heart that is actually in your chest and try to figure out why I was in such pain and what anger had a hold on me. You aren't stupid mother, I bet you could've figured it out well enough to know to leave me and my family alone."
"Regina, being angry at the past won't ease your pain."
"I'm not angry at the past, I'm angry with you! Damnit mother, you abandoned me: worse than that you just sold me into a marriage that scarred me. You took away my choices in life and pushed me into a life where I was brutalized all the time and I know you knew what was waiting for me."
Cora shifted slightly where she stood, in between the cribs, and she straightened her posture, clearly uncomfortable by the comment. "You were born to be a queen Regina, I simply made sure you got to your throne."
"Oh mother, wake up. You wanted to be queen forever and you found a way to do that by getting me anywhere near a throne. I wasn't born to be a queen mother: I was born to be a normal child, who was supposed to have dreams and grow up and fall in love, not be sold into a marriage with someone old enough to be my father. I didn't want to be you mother, I didn't want to be queen, I just wanted to be happy."
"Darling, all I wanted for you was happiness, but you never would've found it if you hadn't left that silly dream of being with the stable boy and moved on to being royalty."
"Mother. The only reason I'm happy now is because I have Emma, Henry and my girls. Your dream for my life was a nightmare that almost killed me and it darkened my heart almost beyond repair, but thank the gods Emma fixed that. Now, for the final time, I am tired of arguing with a ghost, so please just go." Cora locked eyes with Regina, and unlike in her youth Regina refused to look away.
"They are powerful Regina." Cora placed a hand on one of the cribs and Regina say red.
"I know they are going to be powerful and thank the heavens you aren't in this world and will never be able to try and turn them into another version of yourself. I don't know why, out of you and daddy, you are the ghost that won't seem to leave my life. What do I have to do to get you to go away and stay away?"
"You have to let go of your anger Regina. It keeps me alive in your thoughts and in your heart, so if your mad I'm here then you have only yourself to blame. You let your father go, because you loved him and you wanted him to be at peace. Part of you won't let me go because you never got to resolve your issues with me. So, if you want me to leave, then let me go." Cora's words stung Regina and she weighed her options.
"Mother…I can't forgive you, not after what you did, but I don't want to hold onto this anger and one day have my daughters try and pick it up and carry it themselves. I can let go of you without forgiving you completely and with time I think I might be able to forgive you, but it won't be tonight. But if letting you go will make you go away fine: I release you mother. Now get out of my house and stay away from my children."
"I meant what I said Regina. You would've been enough." With that Cora gently touched her hand to Regina's cheek, an action that made the brunette sit bolt right up in bed, this time in the waking world. Regina didn't realize her name was being called until Emma touched her shoulder and it startled her.
"Easy Regina, it's just me. You've been talking in your sleep for like 15 minutes and you started getting kind of teary towards the end. Even the dog tried to wake you up." Regina looked at the foot of the bed to see Apollo with his head on her feet, looking like a sad puppy.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Emma's offer was punctuated by a clap of thunder that made Regina jump and this finally prompted her to get out of bed and head toward the hall. "Gina, where are you going?"
"To check on the girls." Regina disappeared into the hallway and Emma quickly followed her, with Apollo close behind her. She found Regina in the nursery and Emma could see both babies were still sound asleep. Regina didn't want to wake them up, but she felt an intense need to hold them and prove to herself that they were safe, that her mother hadn't hurt them. Instead she slowly left the room and began to head downstairs, Apollo following her downstairs. Emma made sure the girls were settled before going after her wife. She heard Regina head into her study and decided to leave her to herself for a few minutes. Emma made her wife some tea, deciding that Regina might want a few minute alone before she was offered support. When she neared the study the door was cracked open and she could see Regina sitting on the couch in the room, wrapped in a blanket, Apollo in her lap and a fire roaring in the fireplace. There was also some music softly playing and Emma figured it was coming from Regina's computer which was settled on the desk. Emma walked in, set the tea next to Regina and took a seat opposite her wife on the couch, waiting for Regina to reach out for comfort and support. Emma listened to the music and got a pretty good idea what Regina had been dreaming about and why she was so unsettled by it.
Sometimes I think about you
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me
And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be
Cuz I look in the mirror and all I see
Are your brown eyes looking back at me
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all
Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me
I think about how it ain't fair
That you weren't there to braid my hair
Like mothers do
You weren't around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom
Like mothers do
Did you think I didn't need you here
To hold my hand
To dry my tears
Did you even miss me through the years at all?
Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me
Regina moved closer to Emma, forcing Apollo to relocate to the floor in front of her. She snuggled into Emma and Emma was happy to hold her close.
Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt
Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
And just in case you're wondering about me
From now on I won't be in Carolina
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off to Tennessee.
The music died down and all that filled the room was the crackling of the fire and a few sniffs from Regina.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Emma always knew that talking about Cora was risky because it could send Regina into a tailspin easily.
"My mother was in my dream. She was in the girls' room and kept talking about how powerful they were going to be. I kept telling her to leave and she told me that I had to be the one to let her go. So I told her that I couldn't forgive her just yet, but that I released her from being a part of my life. I don't know if it worked, but it made her go away in that instant.
"You were talking a lot in your sleep. Sounds like you gave her an ear full." Emma smiled into Regina's hair as she held her.
"I suppose I did. She kept going on about how I was meant to be queen and that she just wanted me happy. I pointed out to her that I was happy now and she had nothing to do with that happiness: her actions only brought me pain."
"Want to try to go back to bed?" Regina shook her head no and Emma understood, so she held her wife closer.
"I know dreams about her upset you, but you can come back to bed and I'll make sure she stays away."
"I don't know if she'll ever truly stay away from me my love."
"You let her go Regina, the pain may still be there, that's what therapy is for, but you let her go and I don't think she's coming back anytime soon." Their conversation was cut short when they heard soft cries coming over the baby monitor, prompting both of them to get up from their spots and head upstairs to the nursery. Emily was wiggling out of her blanket and was starting to fuss so Regina picked her up and let the baby snuggle into her chest which seemed to quiet her down and stop her from really crying. Emma came up behind Regina and wrapped her arms around her wife's waist, kissing her shoulder as she did. They didn't say anything after that, they just stayed that way till the baby was back asleep. When the room was quiet again, both women returned to their bedroom, where Regina never did get back to sleep, but she let Emma hold her and that at least offered her the comfort of someone who loves her holding her close trying to keep the monsters away.