After

Chapter One

-Life In Slow Motion-

Mackenzie quietly tip-toed into her mother's room. It was dark, and Meredith was lying on the bed.

Mackenzie opened the curtains and the window to let the light of the sun and the fresh air in. Then she lay down beside her mom, watching her carefully.

In the previous weeks Meredith had been amazing. Mackenzie looked at her and saw the strong, beautiful woman she had always seen. She cooked her breakfast, lunch and dinner, took her to the movies and to the mall, and allowed her to have sleepovers with her friends. The only difference was that Derek didn't live with them anyore, and Mackenzie spent her Satuday night at his and Addison's new house, and they drove her home around eleven pm. She hadn't spent the night with them yet, but she liked when they had dinner together. Meredith seemed happy to see her daughter so relaxed about the new situation, and Mackenzie was glad to see her mother work like always, like nothing had changed. But after those first weeks, Meredith did change. She became more silent, less smiley, and instead of spending her free time with Mackenzie, she often retired to what now was only her room.

Mackenzie was starting to be a little scared, because she had never seen her mom so sad and broken. She even skipped her dinner with her dad because she was angry with him for hurting her mom so badly.

That day started like the previous ones. Meredith woke her up for school, packed her lunch and watched her lovingly as she ate her breakfast. Mackenzie returned her look with a worried one, thinking that usually Meredith ate a few cookies with her morning coffee, but she hadn't in a while. She went to school by bus, but once there she couldn't really concentrate on anything, she kept thinking about her mom. It was the first time it happened, becuase she loved school and she always listened to the teachers. During lunch break she called her Aunt Cristina, asking if she could stop by at their house later that day. Now she was home, and found out Meredith hadn't really moved. She was still in her pajamas, and the table was still set for breakfast.

"Mommy? Are you okay?"

She saw Meredith blink before rolling to her side. She placed her hand on Mackenzie's cheek.

"I will be, eventually. Don't be scared, Peanut. I just need to figure out how to live without your father."

Mackenzie cuddled up in her arms, sad. "When's eventually?"

Meredith sighed. "I know I've been absent lately. I'm trying to react, but it's hard. See, you've already fallen into a new routine, but it's harder for me. I thought it would be easier."

"But you were okay." Mackenzie told her feebly.

"I think I wasn't really understanding what was going on. A big part of me was sure your dad would come back to me, and when I realized he really had left me for good, I started to feel really scared." she tightened her grip on Mackenzie, holding her close. "You father and I were married for a very long time. I never thought, not even for a minute, that our love might end some day. I had no doubt that we would spend the rest of our life together, until we got old and senile. I thought we'd watch your children play, holding each other's hands, warming each other in the evening breeze. But I won't have that, not with him at least."

"I'm so sorry, Mom. I hate him."

"No, you don't." Meredith told her softly, smiling for the first time in days. "And I don't want to hear you say it. Ony because I need time to get used to this, it doesn't mean that you have to stay away from your father. I know you love spending time with him and Addison. I always told you from the start that I wouldn't stop your from knowing your biological parents. It actually helps me to think she's related to you, I'd resent her a lot if she was just some random woman, but she's not, she's the woman who made you, who gave life to you, and I'll never thank her enough for that. I have a tons of questions for her, about her pregnancy and about her life, and about your biological grandparents and relatives in general. I'll get there, Mackie, I promise. It's not your dad's fault, and it's not Addison's either, if what they told us it true. So don't worry too much, kid. I just need a little more time, but I'm going to be okay. I'll get used to it and I'll be super happy again and we'll do a lot of things together like we always have. Be patient."

Mackenzie nodded, not completley convinced but slightly reassured by her mother's honest words.

The doorbell rang, and Meredith frowned. "I'm not expecting anyone."

"It's Aunt Cristina, I think. I called her. I was worried about you and I asked her to come..."

Meredith smiled at her daughter, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. "I'm so lucky to have you. So so lucky." She got up, replaced her pajama top with an old sweater, and held her hand out for Mackenzie. "Come on, let's go. Why don't you go do your homeworks for a while, honey? I'd like to talk to your aunt alone for a few minutes, please."

After giving another reassuring smile to Mackenzie, Meredith opened the door.

"Hey." she said quietly.

"Took you long enough, Mer." Cristina rolled her eyes as she and Lexie walked in. "How are you?"

"I'm fine."

Lexie raised her eyebrows.

"Do you want a cup of coffee?" Meredith asked, going towards the kitchen.

"Meredith." Lexie sighed.

"Mer, Mackenzie sounded a little too worried on the phone. She said you've been locking yourself up in your room or wandering through the house like a zombie."

Meredith wrinkled her nose. "I admitted I've been feeling a little down lately, but I'm doing my best, guys. My husband left me, I'm still grieving. It takes time."

"I know." Cristina told her.

"You've got to be strong for Mackenzie." Lexie added.

"I will." Meredith said firmly, looking at both of them. "I'm going on, slowly but I am. There are ups and downs, and the past few days have been downs, but I talked to Mackenzie and everything will turn out alright. I promised her and myself it would."

"It really will, Mer. You two will get through this mess."

"How is it going with Addison?"

"It's going." Meredith shrugged. "We haven't talked or seen each other yet, but I think Mackenzie's happy to know her, and if she's happy then I'm happy too."

Lexie nodded. "And have you seen Derek?"

"Yeah. It's hard to look at him though. We've met a few times to talk about the divorce and Mackenzie's custody agreements."

Mackenzie, tired of listening to the conversation from the top of the stairs, went to her bedroom and closed the door. She looked at the cellphone she had gotten for her eleventh birthday, forgotten on her desk. She rarely used it, but it turned out to be quite useful sometimes, like in that moment. She wanted to call her dad, she missed his deep and loving voice. She missed him. Slowly, she dialed his number.

"Princess, is that you?"

"Hi, Dad."

"Are you okay?" Derek worried. "You seem sad."

"I am. Dad, it's not fair. Mom is so so hurt by what you did. You shouldn't have fell in love with someone else."

She heard him sigh heavily, and when he answered he had a sad tone of voice, just like her. "Mackenzie, I didn't mean to hurt your mom, nor you. I wish I could change what happened so that you and your mom could be happier and we'd still be a family, but I love Addison. I fell in love with her. I can't change that, honey."

"I know." part of Mackenzie felt like crying, but the other part was happy because talking to her father made her feel close to him. She liked Addison, and she liked the house she and her dad lived in. She mostly liked their new life. The only problem was that now she had to share her dad, and that she felt guilty because her mom was feeling miserable.

"I have an idea." Derek tried to cheer her up. "In a couple of weeks, when your mom will feel better, we can do something together, you, me and Mom. Like we did before. We can go wherever you want."

"No. It won't be the same."

"I'm so sorry, sweetie."

Mackenzie sighed. "I like Addison, but I miss you!"

"I miss you too." Derek whispered.

"Promise me something, Dad?"

"Anything, sweetheart."

"Promise me to help Mom be happier. Please."

"I'll do whataver I can, I promise." Derek smiled despite everything. Mackenzie had always been mature for her age, and he was proud of her for dealing with the mess he created in such a grown-up way.

"Okay." Mackenzie said, feeling better. "I have to go now, there's Aunt Cristina and I want to say hi. Tell Addison I said hi, okay?"

"I will. And you say hi to your mom from me. I'll pick you up tomorrow after school like we said."

"Sure, see you tomorrow. Bye, Dad."

Throwing the phone on the bed, Mackenzie ran downstairs, and she smiled widely when she heard Meredith laugh at Cristina's jokes.

A/N: I don't like this chapter. It's way too sad, more than I planned it to be. I promise you the next ones will be much better. Please stick with it!