AN: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS OR THE SHOW.

I want to thank hunnyfresh being my beta reader. I really appreciate what she does even when her busy schedule. "You are Super Awesome."

Chapter 1:

Glimpsing herself in the mirror at the Coffee Shop, Regina Mills feels happier than she has in the year since . . . No. No need to go there now and ruin her day. You look good, girl. Well, girl may be stretching things (she's nudging thirty, after all) but she doesn't look it. She's been away for a month at a very exclusive spa being pampered and massaged and detoxed, spending her days sipping health drinks, trying not to gape at the freakishly tall supermodels tripping around, all skittish and gawky off the runway.

Yes, looking good, ready for the night that for the last half-a-decade has been the highlight of her year: the Spring Ball, a charity event sponsored by Regina Mills and Leopold White. Once upon a time Mr. and Mrs. White but no longer.

Seeing a frown line creasing her forehead, Regina banishes that thought. Let go, let go, let go . . . Regina hums the little mantra to herself, taking a deep breath. She will enjoy the Ball she has worked tirelessly to organize.

True, it'll be her first year going solo with no Leopold to lean on, but she'll do it. Yes, she will.

Regina smiles at herself, her good humor restored, pleased—again—at how rejuvenated she looks. Positively glowing. Then a face appears in the mirror beside hers. A young face. A very young, beautiful face framed by a froth of red hair, and a third face fills the looking glass, an all-too familiar one and Regina stares at the tanned features of the man she woke up beside for a half-a-decade.

"Gina," her ex-husband says, "great to see you."

Regina turns from the mirror and looks up into the eyes of her ex-husband.

"You remember Jenna," he says, pointing toward Regina's replacement, the once-upon-a-time personal assistant (make that very personal) who is the new Mrs. White.

"How could I forget?" Regina says, knowing she has to take charge here.

"What a pleasure to see you, Regina," Jenna says with an unconvincing smile.

"Yes, a wonderful surprise," Regina says. "Leo, I thought you were off counting your money in the Caymans or wherever?"

Leopold shrugs. "Well, even though I don't live up here any more, Storybrooke is still my home town and I wanted to share the good news with all the old gang."

"Good news?" Regina asks.

"And we wanted you to be the first to know," the child bride says, touching Regina on the shoulder, and when Regina looks down to assess the size of the rock on the ring finger she sees something that robs her of her breath: she's sees a bump. Not just any bump, a four-months-gone bump.

She's staring at the girl's midriff, and Leopold—Leo, darling, honey, lover man—lays a proud hand on the bump, lays a hand on the one thing that Regina (accomplished, witty, smart, stylish Regina) could never give him.

"I was going to come by the house and tell you . . ." Leopold's leading man smile not quite hiding his discomfort.

"Oh, well, what do they say about a picture being worth a thousand words?" Regina says, feeling very much as if she has just stepped in front of a speeding bus.

Regina, eyes swimming with tears, sees that gossip-seeking missile Maleficent advancing, false eyelashes beating like bat's wings, mouth open on her capped teeth, slavering with hungry anticipation.

Don't cry, Regina, don't cry, girl.

But the tears are coming, and she feels a sob building in her throat when clumsy Archie Hopper—like a gift from above—suddenly appears in front of her, executing a spin and stumble that would have done a silent movie comedian proud and ends up breaking his fall by enfolding her breasts in his mitts.

Regina's sob becomes a laugh as poor Archie jumps back like he's been tasered and says, "Oh, God, I'm so sorry . . ."

And Regina smiles at him and says in her best after dinner speaker voice, "Don't be Archie, they have gone a little unappreciated lately." Flicking her eyes over Leopold, who has the good grace to smirk.

"And I'm sure you'll vouch that they're real?" Regina says this with perfect timing as she snaps her gaze to the bitch Maleficent's chest, her top cut low to display her esthetic surgeon's finest work.

And on that note—an unexpectedly high note thanks to poor Archie Hopper—she turns and strides between the books to where her dearest friend Jefferson has swanned into the coffee shop.

"Darling," Jeff says, kissing the air in the vicinity of her left cheek. "You look absolutely edible. You have to give me the lowdown on that spa."

Jeff, born Jefferson Hatter in the Bronx, affects the voice and manner of a camp Englishman from the thirties. He draws out Regina's chair and seats her, whispering in her ear. "Is that the little cradle-snatchee I see over there?"

"Yes it is. Notice anything about her?" He folds himself into a chair opposite Regina.

"Mmmm, all those extensions must have left a Mexican village of Kojaks."

"Look at her middle, Jeff."

He stares at Leopold and Jenna as they exit the store and holds a palm to his mouth. "No!"

"Yes."

He takes her hand. "I'm sorry, Gina."

"Hey, it is what it is."

"The bastard could have told you."

"I know. Leopold's always been a coward."

"I would use a shorter word." He squeezes her fingers. "Anyway, darling, just think of those acres and acres of stretch marks."

A waitress appears with menus but Jeff waves them away. "Just a teeny little espresso for me."

"Perrier and a slice of lemon, please," Regina says.

She closes her eyes and sighs. "Tomorrow night is going to be a nightmare."

"Relax, darling, I'll be your plus one."

"That's just the problem, Jeff. Leopold will be escorting his young, beautiful and radiantly pregnant new bride to the Spring Ball and I'll be on the arm of Storybrooke's gayest bachelor. No offense, sweetheart."

"None taken."

Regina's Perrier has appeared and she takes a sip. "Where are all the damned single men or single woman, Jeff?"

"In this town? The possessive wives or jealous husbands have them shot as they exit the 101."

Regina laughs into her glass of water.

"Didn't you meet anybody when you were away?" Jeff asks.

"Yes, supermodels I could have smuggled out in my purse."

"Anybody interesting?"

"At a spa, Jeff? Please."

"I take your point."

"God, being a single woman in a town like this is so damned inconvenient. You know the other day I even had to call Rent-A-Husband?"

"Darling, you're not about to reveal something sordid are you?" he says, leaning in to catch every word.

"Rent-A-Husband is a handyman, Jeff. A chubby guy in his forties, with a combover and bad breath."

"Sounds delightful."

"He was very sweet and he sorted out my backed up drain."

Jeff stirs his coffee, looking out at the street, lost in thought. Regina says. "Am I boring you?"

"No, Gina, you're not. I think I have a teeny weensy little idea."

"Mmmm?"

"What you need is to arrive at the Ball tomorrow night on the arm of a Charismatic and Successful Person."

"Stop talking yourself up, Jeff."

"Not me, silly."

"You're not telling me anything I don't know, Jeff."

"And I think there's a way to make it happen."

"This is my life, Jeff, not one of your damned soaps." Jefferson is a successful creator of television shows, managing them by remote from Storybrooke, five hours down the coast from crazy NYC.

"That Rent-A-Husband thing has got me thinking," he says.

"I'm not going to the Spring Ball with the plumber."

"Regina, there's someone I know down in LA who would be perfect."

"Who is he?"

"First of all it is a SHE, she's the tall, charismatic, terribly beautiful scion of one of those ancient East Coast families."

"Did you say SHE?"

"Oh come on, girl. I know you swing both the ways. Who are you fooling; the entire town knows it. It was the most shocking news for this town remember."

"Oookay but why would SHE want to attend a dance in this hick town with a divorcée on her arm?"

"A beautiful divorcée."

"Cut the nonsense, Jeff."

"Would you be interested in renting a plus one, Gina?" She stares at him. "She's a failed actor. She's broke. She'd do it for the money."

"Ow, Jeff, I think that's my self esteem you just stood in."

"Regina, it's for one night. It's a bit of play-acting and it'll give you a real boost. And think of how much easier it'll be to stomach those two," Jeff says, nodding at the window.

Regina's eyes are drawn to Leopold and his new wife crossing the road from the wine store, arm in arm, laughing as they approach the Mercedes.

"What the hell," Regina says, "I'm in."

AN: Something new I am trying. If you guys want me to proceed. I will continue. I didn't forget my other story 'The Puppy and The Mayor', I will upload a new chapter by this weekend.