Hi guys! Bet you thought I'd forgotten about this story, huh? Well, no such luck. Shoutout to Bagilia for pestering me enough to make me get back into it. This is one of the longest one-shots I've ever written, so I hope it makes up for the lack of frequent updates. This one's light on the fluff, heavy on the Spezra. Remember that all my chapters in this story are standalone one-shots, so this one doesn't go with any of the other ones; it's just a separate story, Spezra-centric, not as light as the other chapters but it was the best I could do. So please review, feel free to bug me via PM, and I'll try to update again when I can. Enjoy!

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August.

Silence descended on the kitchen like a snowstorm – slowly at first, then gaining momentum and enthusiasm until it covers everything and you feel like you can't breathe. Spencer felt like that now, as she crossed one leg over the other and watched the love of her life tell try to come to terms with the fact that she had just told him she was leaving him.

"Wh-what?" Ezra managed to choke out. He'd been partway through making them coffee, and she'd intended on letting him finish before she dumped this news on him. But, not for the first time in her life, she let her tongue get the better of her.

"I'm leaving," Spencer repeated calmly, despite the way that her heart was hammering against her chest in a polite attempt to remind her of what exactly she was giving up.

"Why?" he asked, sinking into the chair, still holding his empty cup that read Teacher of the Week. She'd given him that for his birthday last year, she realized absently.

"You know why." The words were a challenge, and they both knew it. Spencer leaned back slightly, surveying him carefully, waiting for his reaction. Her decision was made, but if he just said the words she needed to hear, then maybe –

"I don't," he said, and her heart suddenly skidded to a stop. "I don't understand."

For a moment she considered explaining, but then she just shook her head. "I'm leaving next week," she announced, and she had to look away when his face fell. How could she still feel so bad about hurting him?

"Where are you going?" He was clutching the cup as if it was a lifesaver, but now he set it down on the table so he could look at his (former) girlfriend.

In response she pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and slid it across the table. Ezra picked it up and scanned the contents, a frown spreading across his face. "It's a textbook list," he said slowly. "For…" His eyes kept roaming across the page. "UCLA." He looked up at her, shock knifing through his eyes. "You're moving to California?"

"Yeah." She took the piece of paper, crammed it back into her pocket, and got to her feet. She'd done what she needed to do, and now the best thing for both of them would be if she just left, before they said or did something they'd regret.

She'd barely reached the door when Ezra leapt to his feet and hurried over to her. He stood an inch away, his hand drifting out to touch hers. "Spencer," he said softly.

She let his hand linger for a second before withdrawing her own, planting a quick kiss on his cheek, and ducking out the door, leaving nothing behind but a whispered apology.

February.

The stars shimmered above and the dew on the grass glistened below as Spencer and Ezra crept barefoot across the Hastings' backyard.

"Are you sure about this?" Ezra whispered as Spencer opened the door to the barn.

She paused, her hand still on the knob, and gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure. My parents are out of town and my sister's overseas," she reminded him. Then she added, with a teasing grin, "I mean, unless you're having second thoughts."

"No," he said quickly, returning her smile. "No, I want this."

"Good." She took his hand in hers and led the way inside, flicking on the light as she did so.

Ezra closed the door behind them and looked around the barn. He'd never been in here before, and he wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. Regardless, it seems a lot more upmarket than he'd thought – but then again, he should have learned by now to expect nothing less from the Hastings.

"Make yourself at home," Spencer said, with a wide sweeping gesture that incorporated the entire room. "What's mine is yours."

While Ezra settled down on the sofa, Spencer produced a bottle of wine and two glasses from a cupboard underneath the window. As she poured a generous amount into each glass her gaze drifted outside. The moon was half full, its light coating the grass with an ethereal glow. This night had an otherworldly feel, and as Spencer turned back around to her boyfriend she felt like this moment was surreal in the most wonderful way.

"Here you go," she said, handing Ezra one of the glasses as she sat down beside him.

He smiled in thanks and then shifted his position so that he was facing her. "I'd like to propose a toast," he announced.

Spencer smiled, puzzled, but let him continue.

"To us," he said softly, reaching out to take her hand in his. "To having many more nights like this, winters spent reading by the fire, summers spent lazing on the beach. To spending the rest of my life with the woman I love."

Spencer's heart swelled so much that she thought it would burst. How was it possible for one person to be so happy? What had she done to deserve such a perfect moment? Deciding not to push her luck, she raised her glass. "To us," she murmured.

"To us," he echoed, clinking his glass against hers.

They each took a sip of their bitter-sweet wine, and then Spencer set her glass down on the table and snuggled into Ezra's chest, wishing this moment could last forever. She'd never been this happy before, never thought she'd be able to trust it, but now she finally understood what it was to trust someone with your whole heart. She knew Ezra would never hurt her; she felt safe with him, in a way she'd never thought possible.

And for the first time, she let herself imagine that she'd get her happy ending.

September.

A gust of wind swirled an eddy of leaves around Spencer's ankles, and she shivered at their touch as she made her way across the campus. Her UCLA hoodie was a size too small, so it clung to her skin, almost suffocating; but it had been the last one left so she'd bought it anyway, trying to ignore the thought that this was just the latest in a desperate attempt to convince herself that she belonged here.

She was on her way back to the dorms, preparing to meet her roommate. All she'd been told so far was that her new roomie was a freshman from Texas, which was fine by her. Texas was a far cry from Pennsylvania, and any reminders of her past were unwelcome. She'd only spoken briefly to her parents since she'd been here, and she'd been meaning to call her friends – Aria was in New York, Hanna in Philadelphia, and Emily, in a spur of the moment decision, had disappeared to Alabama.

And Spencer was over the other side of the country from where she'd grown up, gone to school, fallen in love, had her heart broken, and fled from as soon as she got her acceptance letter. She shifted her pile of books from one arm to the other and opened the door to her room, automatically reaching for the light switch. Her hand fell limply to her side when she realized the light was already on, and her gaze fell onto the person sitting on the spare bed.

"Oh," Spencer said, waiting cautiously by the door. "Uh, hi."

The girl got to her feet immediately, one hand outstretched and a nervous smile spreading across her face. "Hi," the girl said brightly as they shook hands. "My name's Maria. I'm your new roomie."

"Right." Not knowing what else to say, Spencer set her bag down on the floor and sat down at the desk, aiming to get started on her homework.

"You're Spencer, right?"

Turning around, Spencer blinked at her new roomie, who was tying her hair back in pigtails and keeping up an almost unnaturally bright smile. "That's right," Spencer said quietly, realizing that this was the part where she was meant to make smalltalk. She hadn't made any new friends here, but maybe it was time to change that. "So, where are you from?"

"Houston," Maria said, pulling a face. She spoke with a slight drawl, but it wasn't unpleasant to the ears. "You?"

Cursing herself for not thinking this through – of course she would be asked the same question, and have to own up to where she came from – Spencer said quietly, "Rosewood. Pennsylvania."

"Ooh, Pennsylvania!" Maria said, her eyes lighting up. "I hear it's really pretty there in the spring. Do you -"

"It's okay there," Spencer interrupted.

Sensing that this wasn't something she wanted to talk about, Maria quickly changed the subject. "So what are you studying?"

"Law," Spencer replied, pulling out a thick textbook from the small bookshelf beside the desk. She held it up, grimacing. "It's definitely not as exciting as it sounds."

Maria laughed, and in that moment Spencer decided she liked her. There was something instantly accessible about her, something relatable. She liked that.

"What about you?" Spencer asked, putting the book away with some difficulty; damn, that thing was heavy.

"English Lit," Maria replied. "I want to be an English teacher."

Spencer's mind drifted back to the last person she'd met who'd had dreams of being an English teacher, who'd followed them through just long enough to end up at Rosewood High, to fall for a student, and to break her heart.

So much for leaving Rosewood behind.

April.

"Trade?"

Spencer looked up from where she was nestled on the couch, on the last page of the third book she'd read that week. Ezra was holding up his own book, which he'd evidently just finished. "Shh," she said, pretending to be annoyed. "I'm almost finished."

Ezra fell silent, running his hand along the spine of his book as if reliving the memory of the words between the pages. Spencer turned her attention back to the book, back to its last page full of revelations and resolutions, and she finished it in less than a minute. When she finally closed it she didn't give it to Ezra right away. Instead she rested it on her knees, closing her eyes and running through that least beautiful scene in her mind. Ezra didn't say anything; he was content just to let her revel in the beauty of the written word, a feeling he was very familiar with.

Finally Spencer opened her eyes, a dreamy smile on her face. "That was amazing," she said, resting her hand on the title of the book.

"That good, huh?" Ezra asked, as he handed his over to her and took the book that had affected his girlfriend so much. He skimmed over the back cover, a smile alighting on his face. "Romance?"

Spencer ducked her head, doing her best to pretend she wasn't embarrassed. She wasn't the hopeless romantic – that was Aria. Spencer was much more likely to work her way through some obscure Greek myth where everyone dies in the end, and she much preferred Shakespeare's tragedies to his comedies. But every now and then she would read something like this, something unspeakably beautiful and uplifting. Something that gave her hope.

"I hope this isn't going to make me look bad," Ezra said playfully, still holding the book.

"Not much," Spencer said. "As long as you commandeer a bus full of nuns and drive halfway across the country through a snowstorm to be with me."

"That happens in this book?" he exclaimed, re-reading the blurb and looking at the cover with renewed interest.

"You'll have to read to find out," she replied, already opening the book he'd given her.

For a few minutes she read in silence, unaware of the fact that he was still staring at her.

"I love you, Spencer."

The words jerked her out of the world of the book – which was an impressive feat in itself – and she glanced up at him. "What?"

"You heard me." Ezra put the book down on the table and walked over to her. When he sat down beside her all the breath left her body, all thoughts of the book disappeared. "I love you."

Spencer put her book down, meeting Ezra's eyes. Her hand drifted out to take hold of his as she replied, "I love you too."

Ezra smiled at her for a moment before he leaned in, catching her in a kiss that left her even more breathless. Spencer closed her eyes, wishing this moment could go on forever. It was perfect.

But even perfection has its flaws, and in the back of her mind she knew that.

December.

Space was relative. Spencer had gone back to Rosewood for Thanksgiving, had stayed with her family and done the whole three-course-meal bit, but she no longer felt like she belonged there. She had always felt like a stranger in her own house, but the feeling had intensified since being away. She was sitting right across the table from her parents, right beside her sister and her sister's new fiancé – some doctor from London, who overused the word 'brilliant' and kept asking for more potatoes – but she felt like she was worlds away from them.

And yet, now that she was sitting on the bed in her dorm room, with Maria playing solitaire on her laptop across the room, Spencer felt that she couldn't put enough distance between herself and Rosewood. Ezra had tried to call her several times over the past couple of months, but she'd declined all of them and deleted his emails. Did it hurt to block him from her life so completely? Of course. Did it make up for what he'd done? Absolutely not.

"Yo, Rosewood," Maria said, taking her headphones out but still nodding her head in time to music she could no longer hear, "do you have a highlighter I can borrow?"

Spencer reached into her bag and pulled out a selection, laying them down in a rainbow on her bed. "Color?"

"Pink," Maria replied, and Spencer tossed it over.

Then she watched as Maria took a strand of her blonde hair between her thumb and forefinger and started systematically using the highlighter to draw lines down it, a very temporary and somewhat childish dye. But it didn't strike Spencer as unusual; Maria was always doing strange things like drinking ten juice boxes in a row just to see if she could, or doodling Hello Kitty all over her notebook.

Turning her attention back to her essay, Spencer tried to focus on legal precedents and controversial cases, but her mind kept wandering. She'd told Maria that she hated being called 'Rosewood', but somehow the other girl never seemed to remember.

Spencer had just realized she'd highlighted the same passage twice when her phone went off. She glanced at Maria, who was still tossing her head from side to side in time to the music, and then answered. "Hello?"

"Spence!" Aria said, sounding panicky. "Oh god, I'm glad you answered."

"Of course," Spencer said tightly. She hadn't talked to Aria since before she left Rosewood, and for good reason. They had technically made up, but that didn't dissolve all of the hard feelings between them. And it didn't erase the past, no matter how much they wished it could. "What's going on?"

"It's Ezra," Aria said, and at the name Spencer almost hung up the phone. "Don't hang up," Aria said quickly. "It's an emergency."

Her finger hovering over the End Call button, she found herself flashing back to the very moment she knew it was over with Ezra. But then she thought about all the times she thought her relationship would last forever, and somehow that was enough to turn her away from the idea. "What happened?"

"There's been an accident," Aria explained, sounding like she was trying not to cry. "Ezra, he… His car hit a tree on the highway this afternoon. He's in hospital. They -"

"Is he going to be okay?" Spencer asked, feeling a pang in her chest.

The silence was answer enough.

July.

"So we're still on for tonight, right?" Spencer asked, cradling the phone against her shoulder as she beckoned for Aria to come in.

"Definitely," Ezra said on the other side of the line. "I wouldn't miss it."

"Great." Spencer smiled, feeling that warm glow that only talking to Ezra could bring her. As he said his farewell she thought she could hear a smile in his voice too. Hanging up, she turned to Aria, who was sitting cross-legged on her bed.

"What's up?" Spencer asked, putting her phone back on her desk, her mind already darting ahead to tonight. She and Ezra were going to go see a movie, and then go out to dinner at her favourite French restaurant. They'd both been so busy lately that they hadn't had much time to talk, and she was beyond-words excited that she would finally get to have a real date night with him.

She was just about to start sharing her excitement with her friend when Aria said, "We need to talk."

Spencer stopped spinning gently on her chair and looked at Aria. "Uh oh," she said with a tentative laugh. "That sounds ominous."

Aria didn't laugh too, which put Spencer on alert at once. Maybe it was serious. "What is it?"

"There's something…" Aria fell silent, but every second that passed just gave Spencer more time to come up with horrible things Aria was about to say. "There's something I haven't told you."

"Okay," Spencer said, more cautious than excited now. The thrill of going out with Ezra tonight was dimming when compared to her fear about what Aria was about to say. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Seemingly too agitated to answer, Aria just looked down at her hands. Finally she forced her gaze up to Spencer's. "I didn't want to have to tell you this, and I promised Ezra I wouldn't tell you, but -"

"Woah, hold up." Spencer held up her hand, silencing her friend. "Ezra? What does this have to do with my boyfriend?"

At the word 'boyfriend' Aria seemed to flinch, but Spencer hadn't yet put the pieces together. Spencer, the great intellectual, hadn't figured it out yet. "The other night, I ran into him at a bar," Aria began hesitantly. "We were both drunk, and we didn't mean for it to happen, but -"

"Didn't mean for what to happen?" Spencer asked sharply. She was starting to connect the dots now, but she couldn't quite believe it yet.

"It was just a kiss," Aria admitted quickly, as if that would somehow soften the blow. "I mean, a few kisses. More like -"

"Did you sleep with him?" Spencer interrupted, unable to believe she was even uttering the words. To accuse Ezra of infidelity was unthinkable, and yet here they were.

"No!" Aria said, shocked. "No, we didn't sleep together."

"How far did you get?"

"We…" Aria trailed off again, but Spencer's glare was enough to persuade her to continue. "It didn't get quite that far. But I did end up back at his house, and I wish I hadn't, and I -"

"Get out." Spencer's voice was low but firm.

Aria did a double-take. "Wh-what?"

"Get. Out." Spencer raised her gaze to meet her friend's.

"Spencer, I didn't mean -"

"Don't make me say it again," Spencer said, her voice almost like a growl.

It was enough to send Aria skittering from the room, throwing apologies over her shoulder. Spencer waited until she heard the front door slam closed, and then she crumpled onto her bed and cried herself to sleep.

December.

On the plane trip back to Philadelphia, Spencer thought about what to say to Ezra. On the bus trip back to Rosewood, Spencer thought about what to say to Ezra. In the taxi ride to the hospital, Spencer thought about what to say to Ezra.

But by the time she ended up in the waiting room, she still had no idea how to express her chaotic heart full of fear and frustration and love and pain. She had no idea what to say to him, had no idea if she even wanted to see him. Yet here she was.

It had taken the best part of the night to get back to Rosewood. She'd caught the first available flight, but it hadn't been as immediate as she would have liked. She'd only packed the bare essentials, but even that had taken valuable time. And the time she'd taken to explain to Maria – as briefly as possible – where she was going had been almost more than she could stand. It was now early morning, and she was ten minutes away from missing her first class.

This would be the first class she had missed all year, the first class she could ever remember missing, at college or high school, but she knew she had to be here.

She hadn't told anyone she was back. It wouldn't matter anyway. Emily and Hanna were still out of the state, and it turned out that Aria had only come back home for Mike's birthday, which was why she'd been here, why she'd been the first one to hear about Ezra. She didn't know how Aria had found out; Aria hadn't volunteered the information, and Spencer hadn't asked. Sometimes it was better not to know.

Spencer crossed one leg over the other as she sat in the waiting room, trying to find something to do while the nurse checked to see if Ezra was ready for visitors. The minutes stretched on, and finally waiting got to be too much. Driven by a desperate desire to do something, she got to her feet and wandered down the halls, ending up in the gift shop.

After taking longer than necessary to pick out the flowers, Spencer made her way back down the hall, clutching the bouquet to her chest. A nurse in pink scrubs was standing in front of the counter, scanning a chart. She looked up when Spencer approached.

"Are you the person who was asking about Ezra Fitz?" she asked.

Clasping the flowers even closer, Spencer nodded. "Yeah. That was me."

"He's conscious, but he's still heavily sedated," the nurse explained. "Are you related to him at all? Sister, wife, cousin?"

"I'm…" Spencer hesitated, glancing down at the flowers in her hand. "I'm his girlfriend."

The nurse gave her a sympathetic look. "Room 293."

Thanking her, Spencer began the long walk down to his room. Her footsteps echoed on the spotless floor, and even her heartbeat sounded too loud in the silence. The hospital hadn't woken up, and it felt almost indecent to be here at this time. Pushing on, she made it to his room.

After a brief pause, she opened the door and stepped through.

July.

This wasn't the first time that Spencer had known something about someone without them knowing that she knew it – but this was definitely the most difficult. She had wrestled with herself for a week, trying to decide how to confront Ezra about what Aria had told her. He probably already knew something was up, given that she'd cancelled on their date that night and hadn't spoken to him since. But what was she supposed to say?

She had finally broken her self-imposed silence and agreed to meet Ezra at the Grille – their usual booth, at the back and out of sight so they could avoid prying eyes. She still hadn't worked out what she was going to say, but she knew she needed to give him a chance to explain. She hadn't spoken to Aria since then either, although the other girl had tried to call her a few times. Spencer had nothing to say to her.

The Grille was crowded, and Spencer had to stop to greet people on her way – Wren, her sister's boyfriend; Mrs Jayne, her History teacher; Reese, a boy with whom she'd studied for trig last semester. By the time she got to their booth, Ezra was already there.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I just got you some coffee," Ezra said, nudging a cup across the table toward her as she sat down beside him.

A smile slipped across Spencer, as comfortable as her favorite sweater, and then she remembered why she was here. "Thanks," she said shortly, taking a sip of her coffee; it was just the way she liked it, no milk or sugar. Ezra knew her so well, so how could he not know her at all?

"So you wanted to talk to me about something?" Ezra prompted when she didn't speak.

"Yeah." Spencer hesitated, running her finger around the rim of her coffee cup. How was she supposed to say this? She opened her mouth to ask him about what had happened with Aria, but what came out instead was, "How's your writing group going?"

Ezra gave her a look that said he knew she was holding something back, but he didn't comment. "It's okay," he said cautiously.

He humored her for the next few minutes, telling her about the writing group he'd started at the library and how much he was loving it, and Spencer made a show of pretending she was listening. But all she was hearing were the words he wasn't saying. Aria had told her the truth, and Spencer had been holding onto the hope that if she gave him a chance, Ezra would come clean too. She didn't know if that would be enough to convince her to forgive him, but it would definitely be a start.

Yet with him, nothing seemed to have changed. He was still chattering like nothing was different, like he hadn't betrayed her, like this was just another date.

Finally he finished talking, and gave her a quizzical look. "That's not why you asked to meet me, was it? What's really on your mind?"

Spencer exhaled slowly, thinking. Here was her chance to confront him, to demand the truth, but she couldn't find the words. "Nothing," she said at last. "I just missed you."

It was true, but it was half the truth. The other half was that she was going to miss him even more, because she knew she couldn't stay with him.

December.

He looked so small. Lying there, hooked up to several machines, his breathing shallow and his eyes closed. Spencer stood in the doorway for a moment, uncertain, unwilling to disturb him, but then Ezra's eyes fluttered open, and for the first time in four months their eyes met.

She had spent so long thinking about what she was going to say that she hadn't even considered how she was going to feel. But as soon as he looked at her all the old feelings came flooding back, the ones from before everything went sour and the ones from when she decided to leave. While her feelings played tag around her heart, she looked into those eyes, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Hi," she finally said, something so woefully inadequate given their history, but she couldn't think of a single other thing to say.

It seemed to work, though, because a smile crept across Ezra's face, quickly replaced by a grimace of pain. He pulled himself slowly upright, wincing at every movement, until he was sitting up. Then he said simply, "Spencer."

A beat of silence passed, and finally Spencer managed to look away. "Uh, I brought you these," she said, gesturing to the bouquet of flowers as her eyes scanned the room, searching for something to put them in.

"Thank you," Ezra breathed. "They're beautiful."

Still not finding anything to put them in, Spencer settled for putting them down on the table beside his bed. Then she hovered, torn between standing and sitting on the chair and just walking out the door. Ezra solved the problem for her, gesturing to the chair. Sinking down into it, Spencer tried to sort out her feelings, but she'd need a forklift to maneuver through the emotional debris left behind by her relationship with Ezra.

"I know why you're in California," Ezra said suddenly. He hadn't taken his eyes off her, but she was now carefully avoiding looking at him.

Spencer blinked. "Ezra, we're in Rosewood…"

"I know why you left," Ezra amended. "And I was a fool for letting you go."

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked, even though she already knew.

"Which part do you want me to elaborate on?"

The look Spencer gave him was enough to make him serious again. The sound of his heart rate on the monitor beside his bed was a strangely soothing backdrop for this conversation, but Spencer still felt on edge. How had her feelings not faded yet? Wasn't time supposed to heal wounds like this?

"You found out about that night with Aria," Ezra said, and Spencer bit her lip so she wouldn't wince. "I should have told you about that as soon as it happened. In fact I shouldn't have let it happen."

"No," Spencer agreed quietly, still not looking at him, "you shouldn't have."

"I hurt you, and I will never forgive myself for that. And then I let you flee to the other side of the country and didn't even try to stop you. You have no idea how much I hate myself for that."

"Then tell me."

"What?" Ezra, who had been staring at the bouquet of flowers, jerked his head back toward his former girlfriend.

"Tell me how much you hate yourself," she explained.

Ezra hesitated just a second. "It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest," he said, and somehow it didn't seem melodramatic. "Every day I wake up and think about how much I hurt you, and at night it keeps me up. I never apologized. You deserve better than that. But I missed my chance, and -"

"I'm right here, Ezra. You have your chance."

Spencer watched, her heart in her chest, still not sure why she was here or what she was hoping for, as Ezra propped himself up on his pillows, took a deep breath, and said, "Spencer, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm sorry I hurt you, and I will spend the rest of my life making up for it – if you'll let me. If you want to leave, I understand, and I won't stop you. But if you want to stay, I promise I'll do my best to prove myself to you."

"I never told you." Spencer paused, intending on saying 'I never told you goodbye', but what she said was nowhere near that. "How much I love you."

"Enough to forgive me?" Ezra said hopefully, a familiar teasing glint in his eyes.

"Don't push it," Spencer said amiably. "But I think… I love you enough to stay."

At this she looked up and met his eyes, and she knew she'd made the right choice. They had a lot of things to work out, but they were going to be okay. This wasn't the happy ending she'd once thought she wanted; this was even better.

This was a happy beginning.

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There it is. I hope you liked it, and I hope you review. See you next time!