The summer night air was warm. It was so warm and humid it was nice. Or at least it would have been nice. The only thing the blond man could feel was coldness. It was in no way inviting. But it wasn't like he had cared. It didn't matter if it was warm or cold to him right now. Everything hurt right now. He was dying and he knew that much.

It wasn't his fault. No, it was that driver that had just crashed into him and then drove off leaving him laying in a pool of his own blood. He had no idea why. Maybe they were drunk? Maybe they were purposely trying to hit a random pedestrian. There had been some a lot of hit and runs lately.

What ever the reason was, it didn't look like he was going to live. No one had been around to see him get hit. He wondered if anyone would see his body. Probably not until morning. No one else would be up at this ungodly hour. It was ether to early or to late depending on how you looked at it.

It was two in the morning and he had been out for a walk. He had been plagued by nightmares for the past few weeks and nothing had been helping him with these nightmares. Every night they just seemed to be getting worse. They were getting darker and darker. More, and more gory. It almost felt like the dreams were telling him to just give up hope of any kind. Not that he had much to begin with. His parents had died in a car crash a five years ago. His older brother Alfred had all but abandoned him since there parents died.

The blond man had tried time after time to get his brother to spend sometime with him but every time his brother would come up with some half-brained excuse to get himself out of it. Eventually he just told his brother to forget it, he was done with the games. And that if he wanted to see him he could go look for him. That had been three years ago. He told his brother that he would probably die before they ever saw each other again, and that he was sorry for every thing he had done wrong to him in his life.

His body laid on the side of the road bleeding with no one around to find it. He was living in a cheap apartment. He couldn't afford to live anywhere else. He was broke, he worked a dead-end job. He had no friends. And he stopped thinking he had family years ago. Around the same time that he stopped talking to his brother. Around that same time he had been raped by a larger man on one of his nightly walks. He tried to get over the experience, but deep down he was never able to. After he had been raped he, by some miraculous miracle, he had made a friend. Or so he thought... A few weeks into their friendship, his 'friend' had drugged his drink. Once more, he had become a victim of rape. He was no longer able to trust anyone. He felt like he was broken. And in a way he was. His trust had been shattered.

Ever since middle school the blond man had kept a journal about his life. So if anyone really care to find out about how crappy his life was, they could just read that. It detailed every bit of his life with horrifying detail. It talked about the rapes, how he had been abandoned by his older brother. Every thing he felt was in there. It went into grave detail about his nightmares, about the loneliness he felt. It was a wonder that he hadn't committed suicide yet. At least now he wouldn't have to.

The beckoning call of death finally sounded to the dying blond man, and he was more then welcoming to its sweet sound. 'Looks like i was right...'He thought to himself as his vision blurred and every thing faded to darkness. In the distance a scream could be heard, but he no longer cared. His last breath escaped his lips and with a small smile on his face he finally passed on.

.oO~PAGE BREAK~Oo.

It was around five in the morning when one Alfred F. Jones woke up to the phone ringing beside his bed. He glanced at the phone, It was a number he didn't recognize. Carious as to who would call him up this early in the morning, he picked up the phone and answered it.

"Hello, Alfred F. Jones here."

"Ah! Yes hello, Mr. Jones, This is the Toronto city hospital. We have a body that we would like you to identify."

"Identify?" Alfred parroted. "Why would you need me to identify a body? I don't know anyone in Toronto..."

"It's the body of a one, Matthew Williams. We just want to make sure it's his body before we bury it."

"Matthew Williams?" He mumbled. He knew that name from somewhere he just didn't know where.

"Yes. You are the only person in his emergency contact list. So there really is no one else to identify his remains... Were sorry for your loss."

"Alright, uh, I'll be down in a couple of days." Was all Alfred could say. He hung up the phone. He had no idea who this Matthew Williams was. The only person he knew to have the last name Williams was his mother. That was get madden name, and she had been dead for a number of years. But he did know some one named Matthew. That was his little brothers name. 'Wait a moment' Alfred thought about it for a moment. His brother did always like his mothers last name. Could that mean that Matthew had changed his last name to make himself seem like he wasn't related to Alfred? Their last conversation awoke in his head.

He remembered the yelling and the screaming. He remembered how pissed off Matthew remembered how he would constantly dodge spending time with his brother. Always saying he had 'work' or that he was having a personal emergency when really he was just going to go out to a bar, get drunk, and then try to get laid. It never occurred to him at the time that Matthew was probably right, and would probably be gone before they saw each other again. In fact Alfred had completely forgotten about his brother. And now he was regretting his decisions to ignore his brother. He use to tell himself that Matthew would always be there and would come to his seances and start calling him again. But he never did. So eventually Alfred just forgot his brother existed.

Reality felt like it had just crashed over Alfred like it was a giant tittle wave. His brother was now dead. He needed to know how he died. He decided to go to Toronto.

He picked yup the phone once more and dialed the number for his work and told them that he would be away for the next few days. He didn't care about any other details right now. Hell, he didn't even care if he got fired for this. Right now, all that mattered to him was seeing and burying his brothers body. Alfred called up Arthur, his boyfriend to ask him of he would mind coming with him. The man had been less then enthusiastic about being called up at 5 in the morning. But reluctantly he agreed. Alfred wasn't the kind to show emotion. But the sorrow in his voice told the British man that his boyfriend needed him. With a quiet thanks Arthur was on his way over.

Alfred was glad to have such a caring boyfriend. He loved Arthur deeply. And he knew Arthur loved him. If he didn't he wouldn't have agree to go to Toronto with him.

.oO~PAGE BREAK~Oo.

The blond man looked around the room. Red and white sheets was on the bed. There was a Canadian flag hanging above the the bed. On the other side of the room, the wall had been lined with hockey equipment.

"Alfred? Are you in here?" A British came from the door way of the bedroom.

Alfred turned around to see his long time boyfriend, Arthur Kirkland. The american blond smile at the Brits appearance It had taken Alfred years to work up the courage to ask Arthur out. They had met in high school. Arthur's mother had moved them to America, where he met the loud man. They fell in love and were now a couple. Their relationship had been going on for at least 6 or 7 years now.

"Hey babe, what's up?" The normally rambunctious american asked. It was a strange site to behold. Alfred, being quiet and clam. It was clear to see the this was hitting him hard. Arthur frowned and walked over to his boyfriend. Pulling him into a hug. Arthur knew that the loss of his brother was taking it's toll on Alfred. Mainly because, Matthew had been right.

Arthur remembered the argument they had. Alfred had blown of his brother once again because he didn't feel up to going anywhere. Arthur had guessed that Matthew was just sick of it. Alfred was good at playing the 'maybe later game'. It was understandable once in a while... But Alfred had done it all the time.

They were on the phone and Alfred had once again said 'I'm sorry but i'm just to tired'. There was a tone of aggravation in Matthews voice as he made his reply.

'Of course you are Alfred. When aren't you?' Matthew had said. His voice, oddly enough, was louder then normal. Arthur at the time had been sitting beside Alfred on the couch. The only thing Arthur could remember thinking at the time was that Matthew had been over reacting. He hadn't known that Alfred had blown him off so much.

'Mattie look, i'm sorry, but you know how it is!' Alfred had also started raising his voice. He was clearly annoyed that Matthew wasn't just talking it like how he normally would.

'Yes I know exactly how it is!' Matthew snapped. 'You know what Alfred!' He was shouting now which was weird. As far as Arthur knew Matthew never raised his voice. Alfred looked just as stunned as Arthur felt. It appeared that even Alfred had never heard his younger brother yell like this before... There was a first for everything he guessed.

'Just forget it! Because i'm done! Call me when you want. Chances are, I'll be dead before you see me ever again.' With that Matthew had slammed the phone down, effectively hanging up the phone and his older brother. Leaving both Alfred and Arthur stunned. Alfred pressed the end button cutting off the dial tone that was coming out of the phone after Matthew had hung up. The blond american stood up and walked silently to his room.

Even then Arthur knew that what Matthew had said struck a cord with his brother. Arthur had guessed the even Alfred, deep down, had know that Matthew was telling the truth. Though Alfred wanted to try to prove Matthew wrong. But eventually the excuses caught up with Alfred and he did become busy with work and was tired more often then not. Guilt was holding on to Alfred's hands now.

The couple right now where checking out the home of Matthew. They were about to head out to Matthews funeral. Alfred had set it all up. Even though the brothers hadn't spent time together in years. Arthur knew what it was like to be out of touch with your brother and then suddenly lose one. Years ago Arthur had 3 brothers. Brothers that he had lost contact with due to a stupid family dispute.

Arthur lost his oldest brother, Alister, in a car crash 2 years ago. His brother, who had gone out drinking with some friends, had foolishly gotten into his friends car, whom was also heavily drunk. Apparently his brothers friend swerved off the road and crashed into a tree. He heard about the crash when Liam, his second older brother called him up to tell him the bad news.

'Drunk drivers and taking away family members' Arthur thought to himself as he hugged Alfred closer to him. Of course nether of them knew if it actually was a drunk driver. It could have been just some sick son of a bitch that thought they were playing 'Grand Theft Auto', and hit the unsuspecting blond while thinking 'Yeah man! Ten points for me!'

The police were trying to find whom hit him, but with no witnesses they weren't really getting anywhere. Video surveillance in the area was terrible. It was ether poor quality, or they didn't have it at the right angle... Ether way there wasn't much to go on. The only thing the couple was told by the police was that there have been a lot of hit and runs in that specific area lately.

One thing was for sure, Alfred was a mess. And wasn't about to play the 'maybe later' game anytime soon. No, not after this. Matthews wake had been the day before, and it was open-casket. Matthew only minor scraps on his face. Which was amazing considering the amount of damage the rest of his body had taken. Ribs had been broken, lungs collapsed and a considerable amount of internal bleeding. It was no wonder he died within a few minutes after the impact. His skin was pale, were eyes closed, and flowers were surrounding the casket. Alfred had broken down seeing his brother laying in the casket, knowing that he wasn't going to get up. Knowing that there was nothing going on inside his body. Knowing that this was the last time he would be able to see his brother.

Matthews face didn't have its usual smile on it. His face mimicked that of a peaceful sleep. So meany people had shown up at the wake to pay there respects to Matthew. Alfred was in awe at the number of people whom consider themselves friends of the deceased. It only made Alfred cry harder knowing that he would never be able to ask his brother what was new, and have him talk about the people he met, those he had become friends with and who he loved. Things that Alfred knew, Matthew had longed to do with him.

A man by the name of Gilbert had come to talk to him. He had claimed to be Matthews ex-boyfriend. He told Alfred that Matthew had really hoped that he would come to visit one day but that he also doubted it would ever happen. Gilbert told Alfred that the night after Matthew exploded at him over the phone, he felt horribly guilty. He cried for three straight hours after that. He told Alfred that Matthew would talk about him, and everything he would say was always nice. He never spoke ill of his older brother. And if he ever did, he would continue on by say positive things after. Gilbert left soon after that giving his condolences to Alfred as Alfred did the same to Gilbert. If Gilbert's plan was to secretly make Alfred feel worse then he already did then his plan had succeeded.

Alfred felt even worse then he did before.

Matthew had always been a kind person, He didn't like speaking ill of others. And if he did he would try and highlight the persons good points right after. That was just the kind of person he was, And Alfred loved him for that. Every one did apparently.

Growing but Alfred envied that about his little brother. So he did what any child would do in that situation. He tried to steal the attention away from Matthew and have it directed at himself. It was, in retrospect, not the best of all plans seeing as how it made Matthew anti-social, and horribly shy. His shyness during Middle school resulted in him being socially awkward, and in high school it resulted in him having no friends and being bullied a lot. Alfred at some point during high school stopped acknowledge Matthew as his brother. Alfred saw the pain and hurt on Matthews face once he started doing so.

When there parents died, they were finishing up collage. Matthew was invisible and to shy to do anything about it. Alfred on the other hand was excelling in all aspects if his life. Some how he kept good grades despite being a slacker, he was handsome, and could hold down a girl friend. So when there parents died Matthew tried to get a hold of Alfred. But Alfred didn't seem to interested. Which leads to now. Three years later.

Alfred remembered that Matthew had always kept a journal. Ever since they where in middle school. Out of what little respect Alfred had for his brother, he never actually read it. But right now he need it.

He guessed it was his own way of trying to catch up with his brother now that he was gone.

"Thanks babe." Alfred said with a smile hugging Arthur back. He let go of Arthur and went back to looking for his brothers Journal.

Alfred decided to check the closet. It seemed like a good place to look if any. He wasn't having much luck looking else where. Opening the closet door Alfred saw Matthews cloths. There wasn't a whole lot in it. A few sweaters, a pair of dress pants, a suit. blouses. Just bits of cloths you would assume some one to have in there closet. What caught Alfred eye was the shelf above the cloths. There was a box on top of it labeled 'PRIVATE.' Alfred, being the curious dumb-ass he was decided to look in it. Arthur Had left the room once more a little while ago, so that he could get some food from somewhere. This left Alfred to search the box himself.

Pulling the box down, Alfred opened it up. Sure enough, There were journals in it. But there wasn't just one. There was a good thirty journals inside the box. It appeared that Matthew never threw out any of his journals. Alfred grabbed the first at the top of the box. It appeared to be the most recent He cracked it open, and began to read it. What he read scared him a little. He flipped the page to another entry. It was similar to the last one. They spoke of Night mares that plagued him nightly.

Flipping to another entry, This one had a happier tune to it. Matthew had written about the cute guy that lived next door. Alfred smiled. There was another one about a little bakery that opened up down town with amazing cake. Putting that one down Alfred reached for another Journal and started reading that one. Alfred realized that he didn't really know anything about Matthew. But some how he felt this may have been a good place to start.

'Better late then never right?' he thought mournfully.

From some where up above, Alfred could feel Matthew smiling down at him. Happy that he was trying to get to finally know him.

A/N ... And i write more depressing shit. You're welcome... I'm going to go crawl into a corner and silently write more shit like this... Lately writing things where someone dies and its not there fault is just coming naturally to me... I have no idea why... but it is. By the way... i have no idea what the school system is like in the states... so I just went with what i knew from movies and other fanfic's... So not sure if that is how shit works down there or not, but i just went with it.