Disclaimer: I do not own anything. I am just taking these beautiful characters of TVD out for a drunken spin. ;)
"Screw boys! Who needs them and their evil evil penises!" Caroline yelled raising her shot glass.
"Magnificent penises!" Bonnie yelled back in response and raised her shot glass.
"I am gay!" Elena yelled too, matching Caroline and Bonnie's enthusiasm.
Caroline dropped her shot glass which hit the floor with a loud clink and Bonnie, after staring at Elena for few seconds, slowly emptied the contents of her shot glass in one gulp.
Caroline sat there like a statue for what seemed like an eternity until Elena snapped her fingers in front of her eyes to bring her out of her daze,
"Earth to Caroline, hello?"
"You are gay." Caroline spoke like a robot.
"That I am," Elena said proudly.
"Okaayyy… Not that this isn't extremely awkward and all… but… what made you gay Lena? After being in love with almost every guy and in your case, vampires… what made you finally realize that Penis is just not your thing?"
"You," Elena shrugged nonchalantly.
"Say what?" Bonnie exclaimed wide eyed.
"You… and Caroline… and Rebekah… but mostly Caroline. No offence to you Bon," Elena replied.
"Believe me, none taken…" Bonnie huffed.
"Caroline? Elena just professed her undying love for the Female race. Could you please... I don't know... react?" Bonnie asked raising her eyebrows at Caroline.
"She is gay," Caroline told Bonnie with that same Robotic tone she used on Elena.
"You don't tell me,"
"She is fucking GAY!" Caroline screamed which startled Bonnie and Elena just grinned.
"And… she's back," Elena said happily.
"How can you? Damon... Stefan… Matt… OMG Elijah… I mean you… Penis… vagina… no... how can... Seriously?!"
"There there…" Elena patted Caroline on the back.
"Huh. She's surprisingly taking it well," Bonnie observed while downing her 6th shot of tequila.
Bonnie handed Caroline the tequila bottle and nudged her to take a sip. Caroline downed almost half of the bottle and grimaced at the after taste.
"So, let me get this straight… You, Elena Gilbert, Girlfriend of Damon Salvatore, Ex-girlfriend of Stefan Salvatore, Matt Donovan, Elijah Mikaelson, Kol Mikaelson…"
"Hey! Kol was just a drunken one night stand!" Bonnie protested.
"Don't be jealous Bon," Elena winked at Bonnie with a smirk.
"Moving on!" Caroline said loudly to get Bonnie and Elena's attention, "These many boyfriends and you finally decide that you are gay? Are you kidding me Lena?" Caroline exclaimed raising her hands in the air.
"I am not. See, I just… got bored, you know? Penis isn't my thing," Elena shrugged.
"Penis isn't your thing?" Caroline exclaimed. "Penis isn't her thing.." Caroline turned to Bonnie and started laughing and then suddenly got serious. "It took you kajillion vampire boyfriends with their sex god vibes and hot hot penises to realize that PENIS ISN'T YOUR THING?" Caroline yelled at Elena.
"Okay… So maybe Penis was my thing. But now I'm into girls. What's wrong with that?"
"How do you know you're into girls? Have you even been with one?" Caroline asked skeptically.
When Elena didn't reply and just gave Caroline a lop sided grin, Caroline's eyes widened.
"O.M.G. You have. Who was it?" Caroline demanded.
"You guys know her… She's actually quite a lot like you… " Elena explained.
Suddenly a bulb went off into Bonnie's mind. She had been nursing her bottle of tequila when Caroline was interrogating Elena. But this caught her attention.
"Please… and I beg you with all my might… please don't tell me it's Rebekah…" Bonnie begged.
"Actually…" Elena started.
"Is there any Mikaelson left that you haven't fucked yet Lena?" Caroline asked incredulously.
"Actually…" Elena started again.
"Klaus isn't a real Mikaelson. Mikael wasn't his father. Moving on!" Caroline huffed and grabbed the bottle of tequila from Bonnie's hands. Bonnie winced in response. She felt like someone took a body part of her away from her. Sad.
"I bet if Esther were alive, you'd have fucked her too," Bonnie thought out aloud.
"Considering my current sexuality state, that's a possibility. She'd make a fiiine cougar, you know. Put her into 'Yes' pile," Elena replied mischievously taking the bottle from Caroline and taking few large gulps.
The girls burst out laughing at Elena's statement. Caroline could barely hold herself up while Bonnie was already on the floor rolling. Literally. That Tequila was one hell of a bitch. Funny bitch, though.
"I think we should resurrect her, you know... just so you can complete your Mikaelson Bingo," Caroline spoke between her laughs.
"OMG OMG OMG! Lena could totally be the 'female Barney'… We can call her… Larney..." Bonnie exclaimed.
"It's going to be… Legend-wait for it coz I need to pee…" Elena started but stopped mid sentence and ran upstairs to her bathroom. She returned a minute laters,
"..but now I am back- dary" Elena finished her sentence with a triumphant look on her face.
"We need a web cam," Caroline said standing up.
"That we do. But why do we do? Do you need to do do?" Bonnie asked.
"Do do," Elena laughed at Bonnie's drunken stature.
"We are gonna make some big bad vampires with big bad penises very bigly insecure of their manhood," Caroline explained with a smirk on her face.
"You mean…" Elena asked.
"Oh yes!" Caroline replied wiggling her eyebrows. Just like Damon. But she looked like a clown due to the million gallons of tequila she'd consumed.
"To the web mobile!" Bonnie exclaimed raising one hand up.
A/N: This crazy ass idea came to me last night when my best friend came home drunk. I don't have any serious story line as of right now. Tell me if you want to continue it. It depends on the response i get how long this story will be. Right now i see it as a 3/4 chapter story.