"I have a mission for you."

"You? Not S.H.I.E.L.D? Not Coulson?"

"There is an intruder in our city, one that, if the situation goes unchecked, will completely over throw the Avengers team."

"… what?"

(((((*)))))

Clint was smart enough not to question Natasha. Natasha knew what he thought anyways, and ignored him. That didn't stop him from thinking that this whole situation was a little extreme. There was no way this woman was enough of a threat to tear apart the Avengers. But if doing this mission meant he got to sleep in their bed and not the floor, he would do it. Still, this mission was ridiculous. She'd written the note in blood. He wasn't sure whose blood, and he wasn't going to ask. Ignorance of some things helped him sleep at night. So, he waited high in his perch at night, waiting for the target to get home, trying not to think about how crazy Natasha was acting. She'd be able to read his mind later, and kick his ass during training.

He saw his target pull into her parking spot, and get out of her car. He watched her enter her apartment building. He waited until the lights turned on and he saw her in the kitchen. He took aim and let his arrow fly. It shattered her window and sunk itself into her wood table. He didn't stay around to see her scream, or read the message.

Stay Away from Bruce Banner

(((((*)))))

Clint snuck back into the tower. He was not surprised when Natasha ambushed him as soon as he entered their room.

"The deed is done," he said dramatically.

She frowned at him. "This is a serious matter."

"Nothing's happened yet. "

"Taking preemptive action is the wisest course of action to prevent a problem from occurring."

Clint let it drop. He wouldn't win the argument anyways, and just because she loved him, didn't mean she'd let him place her mission in jeopardy.

(((((*)))))

Three days after he sent the warning Clint let himself relax, comfortable with the idea that the target would follow Natasha's instructions. Not many people disobeyed Natasha. No one alive, in fact. She was just terrifying like that. On the fourth day, however, there was tension in the Tower. It started off normal enough. He went on his run with Steve. He showered when he got back and went into the kitchen, expecting to find Natasha making coffee, freshly showered from her morning training session. Thor would be there getting out all the necessary items to make breakfast (he was very good at cooking, but most of his breakfast fair was too rich for the team in the morning). Steve would come in about the same time as Tony and Bruce, the latter two coming from their rooms, or the lab. This morning was different. Natasha was talking quietly with Thor, both of them frowning. She hadn't even started the coffee.

"What's up?" He asked as he entered the room, even though he was sure he already knew. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach. He hoped this wouldn't end like Rio. Rio had not been fun.

"There is a rift in the tower," Thor stated.

"What happened?" Steve asked, entering right behind Clint. He was early, Clint noted.

Natasha gave Clint a look, so he had a good idea of what Thor was about to say.

"A maiden from Bruce's past came to him yesterday. It has upset both Bruce and Tony." Thor shook his head sadly. "I do not know why this has happened, but I do not like it."

"Do you know what her name is?" Steve asked.

"Betty Ross," Natasha answered. Steve looked surprised by how terse her reply was. "Her father is General Ross. The one who has been hunting Bruce."

Steve was alarmed. "Is this a trap? Do we need to protect Bruce?"

Thor shook his head. "From what I have gathered from Tony's rambling, she has been estranged from her father, and seeks only to reconnect with Bruce."

"Then what's the problem?" Steve asked.

"She is disrupting the balance in the Tower," Natasha echoed Thor's earlier words. "Bruce has moved on, and he does not need her to drag him back. Tony is avoiding Bruce now, because he wants to 'do what is best for Bruce' which is upsetting Bruce because he doesn't know why Tony is pulling away."

Steve opened his mouth to say something. Clint yanked on his arm, distracting him. "Natasha, why don't you go, um, plan. Come back in twenty minutes and I'll have breakfast done. We can talk more then."

Natasha gave him a look, knowing full well why he wanted her gone, but consented, leaving the room.

Clint let out a sigh of relief. "Look, Cap, I don't know how things went back in the day, but now, woman hate each other."

"What? Natasha gets on very well with Pepper."

"Pepper's different," Clint said, not sure how to explain it.

"Lady Sif does not like many other females. She is a warrior, just as Lady Natasha and Lady Pepper are," Thor offered.

"But why would Natasha not like Betty Ross? I'm sure she didn't mean to cause any problems," Steve objected.

"I do not know why Lady Natasha dislikes this maiden Betty. I do know that Lady Natasha is an excellent judge of character and I trust her instincts."

"Look, Steve, this is just something you except as a man. You don't question it, you just do as she tells you. Trust me on this, I've been her partner for a decade, and every time I didn't listen, it didn't end well. For me. Just. Don't argue," Clint said.

"Alright," Steve said. If nothing else, Steve trusted his team.

He forced them to do enough bond exercises, so he'd better trust them, Clint thought darkly.

(((((*)))))

When Natasha came back to the kitchen Steve and Thor were gone.

"I sent them to give food to Bruce and Tony," Clint said unnecessarily. "We can't kill her. I know you think it'd solve the problem, and you'd make it look like an accident, or her body would never be found, but Steve would know, and he'd be disappointed, and it'd probably do some damage to Bruce if she suddenly appears and dies, or just disappears."

"I've already reached that conclusion," Natasha was amused. "I have reached a satisfactory form of retaliation."

"What is that?

"I will give you your assignment later tonight."

Clint was really worried now. In his opinion (an opinion shared by all intelligent people who knew her, or knew of her) Natasha was very scary. She was at her most terrifying when she was protecting something she cared for. She cared very much for her teammates. Clint was worried that in spite of his best intentions, there might be blood.

Thor came into the room. He held out a chair for Natasha to sit down. He got a plate for her and himself, filling them with food. "Tony is distraught. He and Bruce have not spoken since yesterday afternoon. I believe that he believes that Bruce will leave with maiden Betty."

Clint prepared a plate for himself and for Steve. He had just joined Thor and Natasha at the table when Steve walked in.

"Well, I was able to talk to Bruce for a little bit. He feels very guilty about Betty. And there's fear of her father, but he won't admit it." He sat next to Clint and started to eat.

Natasha shook her head. "First and foremost we need to get Tony and Bruce talking again. In a way that they cannot refuse, but also where it is not obvious that we are trying to get them together."

"Pepper might have an idea," Steve offered.

"Or Coulson," Clint added.

"Perhaps a benefit dinner of some sort. I am sure Lady Pepper would be a great asset in this endeavor," Thor said.

Natasha hummed. "She will have something. Maybe an event that is not in New York. It might help if we go to Tony's place in Malibu a while. If she follows, that will be a strike against her. Stalkers are never attractive."

Clint thought of all the times Natasha had stalked him. Better to just keep his mouth shut. She raised an eyebrow at him anyways. He winced internally.

"I'll get together with her during her lunch. Be ready to move out this evening." With that Natasha left the room.

"I don't understand woman," Steve complained. "Actually, that's sort of comforting, because I never understood them."

"I have found, that with woman warriors, a man is best off to just listen to her. It is painful otherwise," Thor told him.

"That is the best option when dealing with Natasha," Clint said. "Let's just hope everything works according to her plan, because I don't want to clean up the mess otherwise."

(((((*)))))

Natasha was very competent with computers. She just didn't like them. Which is why she was making Clint hack into the New York City Police department.

"What crime do you want her accused of?" he asked once he was in the database.

Natasha handed him a piece of paper. Clint raised his eyebrows. "All of that?"

"Yes. If you do it exactly to my specifications, she will be held overnight in jail. The police will eventually realize it is a simple case of mistaken identity. She'll be released in thirty hours. Enough time to get to California without incident. Also, I want you to place this note in her apartment."

Clint read the second piece of paper.

This is only a small taste of what will happen if you contact Bruce Banner again

"Will do."

"Good. Now I'm going to go talk to Pepper."

(((((*)))))

Pepper and Natasha were forces to be reckoned with separately. Together, nothing really had a chance against them. Pepper had neatly bullied Tony out of his lab, telling him that he had made the commitment to attend the children's leukemia benefit in California. In under an hour he was showered, fed, dressed and ready to go. Natasha had gone after Bruce. Clint had no idea how she had convinced him to come along, but such was the power of the Black Widow.

Currently, the two of them were giving Clint, Steve and Thor instructions on what to do during the event. If Clint didn't have the master control that he did, he would have flinched. They were scary.

(((((*)))))

Clint shut Steve's bedroom door with his body and let out a sigh of relief. He, Steve and Thor had congregated in Steve's room in Tony's mansion to debrief.

"That went well," Steve commented.

"Aye," Thor agreed. He was in the middle of taking off his tie, so most of his concentration was on that.

"They actually talked, Tony hardly drank, they both ate a little, and they left smiling," Clint summed up. "It went a lot better than I thought it would." This was his kind of debriefing. Short, and to the point. No unnecessary information, like who blew up what, and why going to medical wasn't necessary.

"Natasha seemed pleased. I saw her and Pepper talking in the hallway. I'm fairly positive they were planning."

"Steve, I think the word you were looking for is plotting. They're plotting. And we're going to do everything they tell us to," Clint said.

Thor nodded.

"Agreed," Steve said.

"Did anyone bring some of those chocolate things?" Clint asked. "I only got the cupcakes."

"Yes!" Steve pointed to a folded napkin on his dresser. "I grabbed a hand full of them."

"Care to share?" Clint was already on his way to the desserts.

"I have brought those mint cookies," Thor offered.

"It's the after party party," Clint said

(((((*)))))

Natasha came to Clint on their second evening in Malibu. "We need to think of a strategy for when we return to New York."

"Do we have to return to New York?" Clint asked. "I mean, none of us really have strong ties there, in all reality. It doesn't matter where we are for S.H.I.E.L.D. as the Avengers. The biggest thing would be Brue and Tony's labs, and even then I'm pretty sure they can relocate easily enough. Pepper's worked here before, and even then she's been spending time in DC for her project anyways."

Natasha considered this. "It would only be a temporary solution. She will always be a threat unless we neutralize her."

"Neutralize without bloodshed, right?"

"Only as a last resort."

"Your type of last resort, Fury's type of last resort, or Coulson's type of last resort?"

"… Coulson's."

Clint felt better. Coulson really only used last resorts in dire straits.

"Okay. Maybe play it by ear? I mean, nothing hasty, right?"

"We will see."

He wasn't really comforted by that.

(((((*)))))

Clint wasn't the biggest into science, but it was always fun sciencing with Bruce and Tony. Tony was always good to snark with, and Bruce had a hidden devious side to him. He had spent the third morning in California with Tony and Bruce in their lab, testing stealth robots. Basically he'd watch to see if he could spot them in the obstacle course. He spotted all of them eventually, but Bruce was satisfied with the time it took Clint to spot them. Tony's ego was damaged- that it his bots couldn't outsmart Clint, but he'd get over it. They'd taken a break for lunch (Steve had made meatloaf). Clint had stayed behind to help wash the dishes (it was his turn this meal- Steve insisted that meal time was bonding time, and that included clean up). When he got back down to the lab, Bruce and Tony weren't there.

"Where'd they go?" Clint asked the air.

"Dr. Banner received a text message from Betty Ross. She believes her father is trying to keep them apart. She wants to meet with him. Dr. Banner was distressed by the message and left the room. Sir went in the other direction," JARVIS answered.

"I didn't know Tony had gotten you installed yet," Clint said.

"Sir did that last night."

Clint looked around the room. "Well, shit."

"My sentiments exactly."

Clint abruptly realized that JARVIS had a stake in everything that was happening as well. "Have you been plotting with Natasha and Pepper?"

"I have had a conversation with Miss. Potts. Agent Romanoff has not consulted me."

"Which means you haven't told her anything about this."

"Correct."

Clint sighed. "So, I'm delivering the good news."

"The longer you wait, the more irritated she will be when you tell her Agent Barton."

Clint wondered if this was how those French royals felt.

(((((*)))))

Natasha was not pleased. "That was a miscalculation on our part."

Clint was unsure if the 'our' was like the royal 'we', or if she was blaming him.

"Her technological devices should have been investigated. It should not have been assumed that she would take the second warning to heart."

Oh, she was totally blaming him. That was unfair, this wasn't even his mission and she hadn't let him in on any of her plotting. Predicting an enemy's next move had never been his strong point. Unless it was in an actual fight. He was very good then.

"I'm not blaming you, Barton. Be quiet, I'm thinking."

Clint mentally translated 'thinking' to 'plotting'.

"Clint."

He emptied his mind.

(((((*)))))

Black Widow and Hawkeye were legends. They were legends before they joined S.H.I.E.L.D, and after, well, their reputations just grew. Clint had fun messing with the Junior Agents. As a Special Agent he was honor and duty bound to haze and harass the newbies. It was something he shared with Natasha when he brought her in. Their 'fun' terrorized nearly all the agents, to the point where most agents treated orders from them like orders from Fury himself. Hawkeye and Black Widow didn't take advantage of this. Often.

Natasha was teleconferencing with mid-level agent. She was at her scariest, a slight smile on her face and a hard glint in her eye.

"Betty Ross. I want you to practice your intimidation and stoic skills on her. You are an embracement to the agency."

Clint had a hard time holding in his laughter at that. She flipped him off out of the view of the screen.

"You are to freeze all of her assets. Seize her scientific work and anything related to Bruce Banner. Physical contact is also allowed. If you feel it is necessary." Her tone implied she would like it to be necessary.

"Yes ma'am." The agent saluted her. The screen went blank.

"This is not as satisfying was it would be if I were handling it personally."

"Tasha, we need you here. We'd probably blunder something."

"Mmm. I'm going to go talk with Pepper."

Clint wondered if he should be worried. He decided that yes, he probably should be. He went off to find Steve and Thor.

(((((*)))))

Clint found Steve and Thor playing Super Smash Brothers on Nintendo 64. He respectfully waited until they were done with their brawl.

"Guys, we have a slight problem. Ross texted Bruce after lunch, so all our work from the charity event has been ruined. Natasha is pissed. She took Bruce's phone. She sent S.H.I.E.L.D agents to confiscate some stuff from Betty. Now she's taking with Pepper."

Thor looked thoughtful. "What this situation needs is another party, one who is completely unknown to Bruce, Tony and maiden Betty. Someone who will be able to aid in our endeavor."

"Do you have someone in mind?" Steve asked, his military instincts kicking in.

"Lady Jane Foster," Thor replied. "She also has the added benefit of being a scientist."

"The woman you met in New Mexico?" Steve asked.

"Aye," Thor answered.

"That is brilliant strategy Thor," Clint said.

"I have decided to treat this like a war in truth, but with much less bloodshed."

Clint really hoped there would be little bloodshed. But id Betty thwarted Natasha again…

(((((*)))))

Natasha and Pepper liked Thor's idea. Natasha knew of Jane Foster, of course. The two women did a little research into Jane's background. They agreed that she seemed like a good candidate for what they were looking for. They teleconferenced with her. There was an immediate click between the women. Jen readily agreed with Natasha and Pepper about Betty. The three of them agreed that she needed to come to California a quickly as possible.

Natasha talked with a few S.H.I.E.L.D agents, who were reluctant to release Jane. Natasha made it clear that she was not making a request. Several agents cried. Jane was given as much leave time as she wanted. Clint was the one sent to New Mexico to pick her up. She was in the mansion less than eight hours after the three women had talked. As soon as Jane had arrived the women had shut themselves in Pepper's office for hours. There had been lots of laughing. Jane was officially introduced to everyone at dinner (Thor made lamb chops). Her presence was explained way with the truth- she knew Thor and had wanted to get to know the rest of them. Tony had taken to her instantly because she was attractive and knew science, and Bruce could get along with just about anyone. She managed to get both of them to take her down to the lab after dinner. She accomplished this in a completely natural way. Clint was amazed. He wasn't quite sure what her mission was, but he was pretty sure she'd achieve it.

(((((*)))))

While the three scientists were down in Tony's lab the rest of the group watched the Princess Bride at Pepper's request (Clint had mentally translated 'request' to 'demand'). He sat in the corner of the couch, Natasha leaning on his side. The movie was as good as he'd remembered it, not that he'd admit it. Steve and Thor seemed to enjoy it as well, so maybe he didn't have to turn in his man card.

By the time the credits rolled on the screen Clint had worked up enough courage to ask Natasha and Pepper what their plan was.

"She is going to get in the good graces of both Tony and Bruce, enough that Bruce will confide in her," Pepper answered. "Maybe Tony, but he internalizes everything."

"And Bruce doesn't?" Steve asked with a raised brow.

"That is different," Natasha said. "This is about a woman, and we're all betting Bruce is smart enough to realize when he is out of his depth. It helps that Jane is a fellow scientist. If needed, JARVIS will help alter a project Bruce is working on and Jane will be able to help."

There was a stunned silence.

"You… you actually got JARVIS to sabotage a science experiment?" Clint asked

"It has not come to that. Yet. It is in Sir's best interest that he and Bruce come to an understanding," JARVIS spoke up. "And even if it had been one of Sir's projects, it would have been in his best interest." The AI was definitely smug.

"It's a good thing you three use your powers for good," Steve muttered.

Natasha smiled. Steve looked unnerved.

(((((*)))))

Breakfast on the fourth morning in Malibu went very well. Bruce's pancakes and waffles and Tony's bacon (over ten pounds of it) had been devoured with relish. Jane had been fully accepted into the group, everyone was in a good mood. Bruce did ask if anyone had seen his phone. Everyone played dumb. Clint was pretty sure Natasha had smashed it. Or burned it.

Clint should have been expecting something to go wrong. Being on the Avengers had made him a little more of an optimist, weirdly enough (maybe because he actually liked more people on his team then Natasha). Luckily Natasha seemed entirely unruffled when Fury called saying there was a mission for Captain America, Black Widow and Iron Man. It was strictly a recover sort of mission- some items S.H.I.E.L.D wanted had changed hands and now there was an opportune moment for them to be taken. Clint had to wonder if she had gotten Coulson to assign them this. The mission was normally beneath what the Avengers did. It had the added bonus of getting Tony away from Bruce for some bonding time between him and Jane.

After the three of them left Jane and Bruce went back to the labs, Pepper went to do some work and Clint and Thor decided to play basketball.

(((((*)))))

"Here's the situation as I see it," Jane said that evening. "Bruce and Tony have fallen hard for each other. Bruce kind of realizes it, Tony is totally in denial. Both have a lot of emotional issues that they'll have to keep working through, but I don't think that will be a problem. They're each other's cheerleader, and with how close they are now, I think it'll only get better."

"We are now back to our two original two problems," Pepper continued. "What to do about Betty, and how to get the two of them together. There's also the matter of the order of solving these."

Clint glanced at Thor. The Asgardian was thoughtful.

"I believe it would be the wisest course of action to seal the relationship between the two. Once they are committed and bonded, nothing shall break them apart. The past and maiden Betty will not be a concern, but will need to be addressed," Thor said.

"What will you do with Betty, then?" Clint asked.

The two women shared a look.

"We have several… ideas," Pepper said.

"We need to gather more information on her, in order to properly predict how she will react," Jane explained. "We want her to go away and leave Bruce alone, but not in a way that will have negative repercussions on Bruce. Or Tony."

"Do you want to share any of those ideas?" Clint asked.

"No."

Well, he'd thought not. "So, what are we doing now?"

"For the moment, we're waiting for the others to get back, then we will conference. Then we will probably move back to New York. I like Thor's idea, and I think Natasha will as well," Pepper said.

More waiting then. That was okay. Clint could live with that. Maybe. If he didn't go crazy first.

(((((*)))))

Clint was making dinner when he got a text from Coulson. First mission successful, surprise mission also successful. Stark in S.H.I.E.L.D hospital with concussion.

"Shit."

(((((*)))))

It was decided that Pepper and Bruce would be the ones to fetch Tony from the hospital, as they were the ones who stood the most chance of making him behave. They didn't really need the precaution. Unlike all the other concussions Tony had suffered from, this one made him very nauseous. He had thrown up twice on the way back to Malibu. Or tried too. There wasn't much left. They settled Tony in his room. Bruce stayed to keep watch with saltine crackers and ginger ale. Vernors because Tony refused to drink anything else. He'd gone to Detroit years ago, tried it and fall in love with the drink. Since it was only available in Michigan he kept it stocked in all of his American houses.

Clint had been curious about the drink, so he brought cans for everyone when they met in the living room.

"According to the doctor Tony should be fine in about five days," Steve reported.

"This will push our plan back about a week," Jane commented.

Clint inspected the green can as Thor told them his opinion on getting Tony and Bruce together. He opened the tab and took a big gulp… only to choke and get the drink all over himself. He coughed and sputtered, trying to prevent the liquid from going down to his lungs. Steve pounded him on the back.

"Are you done interrupting?" Natasha asked with a raised eyebrow.

As he was still trying to breathe Clint just flipped her off.

"What happened?" Thor asked.

"Vernors is very fizzy," Pepper answered. She put away her phone and Clint realized she had recorded him. "The bubbles can cause people to choke, epically when the drink is cold.

"You knew!" he accused.

"Of course I knew," she scoffed. "Tony loves that stuff. It was the thing that finally convinced me that he is a masochist."

"Now I'm curious," Steve said, picking up his green can.

"Wait!" Jane said, holding out her arms as if she could stop him from the next chair over. "We need to record this, and Thor, you should do it took. Both of you chug it."

"I am game for the challenge! Thor declared.

Natasha rolled her eyes but moved to sit next to Jane.

"Here, pull the coffee table out and you two knee in front of it," Pepper directed.

Steve and Thor knelt on the floor in front of the table. Jane places a can in before each of them. Pepper got out her phone again and on Jane's signal they both started to chug their drink. Clint was gratified to see that most of Steve's first mouth full mostly ended up down his shirt. Half way through Thor choked and Vernon's came out his nose. He manfully kept drinking. Clint, Pepper and Jane where laughing by the time they finished. Even Natasha cracked a smile.

"This," Thor said, his voice rough "was a worthy challenge. I shall bring this Vernors back to Asgard when I next go."

"This was worse than I remember," Steve said. "The bubbles went up my nose."

"You've had it before?" Clint demanded.

"Yeah, one of the guys in my unit was from Traverse City. He got a care package and there was a bottle of the stuff in it," Steve answered. "Of course, I didn't try and chug it then. And it was room temperature."

"How old is it?" Jane asked.

"1866," Natasha said.

"How did you know that?"

"Its on the can."

Everyone looked at their can. "Oh."

"Is everyone done messing around?" Natasha raised her eyebrow at everyone. "Can we get back to the matter at hand?"

"Oh, relax Natasha," Pepper waved at hand at her. "You enjoyed this, I saw you smile."

"And this is totally going on youtube," Jane added.

"When Tony is better," Natasha's voice cut through the men's protest. They quieted quickly. "We need to have a strategy for making them admit to 'feelings'." She actually used air quotes.

"What they need to do it be able to talk, without any distractions. No science, no people, no technology…" Jane trailed off.

"They must be out of reach of JARVIS," Thor agreed.

"What about a closet?" Steve asked.

"What?"

"We'd have to empty one out, and the lock can only be on the outside, so they can't escape. One that's not controlled by JARVIS," Steve trailed off, noticing the looks the others were giving him. "Well, it's a small, closed in place. They'd be forced to talk things out. We wouldn't even need to give them a night light, Tony has the arc reactor."

Silence.

"I like this idea," Thor said.

Clint waited to see what the woman would think of it.

"I like it," Jane said. "Its very Seven Minutes in Heaven."

"I know Tony played a lot of that as a teenager," Pepper commented. "What do you think Natasha?"

"The idea has appeal, and a greater probability of success than any other plan we came up with."

"What were some of your other plans?" Steve asked. He was ignored.

"We should take their shirts," Jane said.

"Yes. And get before and after pictures for our scrapbook," Pepper agreed.

"Scrapbook?" Steve was ignored again.

"JARVIS," Natasha asked "Is there a closet here that would suit out purposes?"

"Yes, Agent Romanoff. There is a closet on the second floor of Sir's lab that I think will suitable."

"Wonderful."

"It'll be easy to force them into it as well," Pepper added.

"Now we wait," Natasha said with finality.

(((((*)))))

Tony's recovery was going slowly. Tony's injury had brought the two closer together. Bruce was actually able to make Tony stay in bed for three days straight, only allowing him up for trips to the bathroom. Clint had been tasked with 'checking in on them from time to time' and reported that Bruce's secret was lying in the bed with Tony. Pepper and Jane were very pleased. Natasha had to concede that even though their time frame had been messed up and their original plan was ruined, the result was to their benefit.

While the two were holed up in Tony's room the rest of them were able to clear out the closet and reorganize everything so that nothing looked out of place.

On the fourth day Bruce allowed Tony out of this room. They watched movies in the living room with the rest of the group. The day after Tony's three robots arrived from New York so Tony was allowed to visit them in the lab. One week after the injury Tony was allowed in the labs to do actual work. Jane was more than ready to bring about the plan. Clint was in the ducts for 'back-up'.

It started innocently enough. Jane set Tony's shirt on fire.

"Crap! Tony, I'm so sorry! Where's a fire ex-"

Dummy sprayed down Tony and managed to get Bruce as well, who had gotten close to help Tony. Bruce gagged on the foam. He's gotten hit right in the face.

"On, Tony, let me help you!"

"I'm good, it-"

There was a ripping sound as Jane tore the shirt off of him. She hit Bruce in the face with it, managing to wrap it around his head. The material clung to his head, ensuring he couldn't see. Tony didn't have enough time to properly mourn the loss of a band T-shirt (not a vintage one, Pepper had made sure of that) before Jane was herding him and a blind Bruce across the lab

"Here, I'm pretty sure there are medical supplies in here!"

"Jane, there's nothing-"

"Guys, I still can't-"

"-just want to look-"

"-don't nee-"

"-help?"

In one smooth move Jane opened the door and shoved Tony inside, hard enough that he stumbled to the floor. She tore the shirt off of Bruce's head and then ripped his shirt and yanked it off of him, also pushing him inside. Tony yelped as Bruce landed on him. Jane locked the door and fist pumped. The whole plan was executed beautifully. Natasha had coached Jane for hours, using Clint and Steve for practice. Clint had been the stand in for Bruce.

Clint climbed out of the vent to stand by Jane. They listened to the muffled shouting and pounding for a moment.

"Let's go get some cake," Jane suggested. "To celebrate."

Clint followed her to the kitchen.

(((((*)))))

They left Tony and Bruce in the closet for six hours. Every half hour someone would go down and check on them, so make sure they were still alive. At the four and a half hour mark there was definitely proof that they 'otherwise engaged' as Steve put it. Jane high fived Pepper and Natasha.

An hour and a half after that Pepper was the one who let them out, as it was decided she was the one who would make it the least awkward. On Bruce and Tony's parts, not anyone else's. Apparently it could be considered embarrassing to face your friends after they locked you a closet in the hopes that you'd have sex with the man you were in love with. Pepper insisted it was more for Bruce's sake, then for Tony's.

By the time they were let out Clint had made dinner and they were watching Die Hard while eating. The woman agreed this would be the best way to integrate the new couple with the rest of the group. The night was a big success, according to Jane. Clint thought it went well, but he wasn't sure why they were so worried in the first place. Tony was smug the rest of the night, while Bruce got over his embarrassment half way through the movie.

(((((*)))))

"I think we should enact the final stage of our plans. Bruce and Tony are comfortable enough."

"I agree. Tony's been a lot better about doing things for the company. What do you think Jane?"

"It's so romantic to watch them in the lab. They've practically been dating since they've met; they're just more physical now. And aware of it. I agree."

"Then we'll have a chat with Betty Ross in the next few days."

(((((*)))))

Steve and Clint were sparing in the gym.

"Do you know what the current plan is?" Steve asked.

"I think they're going to explain nicely that Bruce has moved on, and he's happy with Tony and she needs to leave him alone. Best case scenario is that she does what they want. Worst case would be that we have a body."

"They wouldn't!"

"Calm down. They most likely wouldn't kill her. They'd probably put her in a medically induced coma for a few decades."

"… diabolical."

"Yeah. Natasha has really mellowed out through the years. This is Coulson's type of last resort. If she wasn't trying to moderate, she might have just poisoned her. Mostly likely with something painful."

"I've never wanted to get on Natasha's bad side before, but now I really don't want too."

"Naw, she likes you, unless you hurt someone else she likes, you can't really do wrong in her eyes."

"… regardless, she can't do things like that to people who really aren't doing something extremely horrible. She really needs more non-violent ways to deal with small problems."

"If you really go through with that conversation, you've got bigger balls than I do. Cap." Clint clapped him on the shoulder.

"Thanks," Steve replied dryly.

(((((*)))))

One month after the 'Day of Success and Sex' Jane made an announcement at breakfast.

"I'm taking Natasha and Pepper out on a Girl's Day Out."

"I hope you'll have a good time," Bruce said.

"Will there be pillow fights? Please say there will be naked-" Tony choked when Natasha threw a piece of bacon at him and it landed in his mouth.

"Where are you going?" Steve asked politely. He knew, of course. Only Tony and Bruce were in the dark.

"New York," Pepper replied. "There is some work I need to get done, then we'll have some girl time."

"Clint is coming with us," Natasha added. "We need someone to carry the pages and packages."

Clint made a protesting noise. Because he knew that after he was the taxis their final mission the woman really would go shopping. And Natasha would make him be the pack mule.

"I wish you to have fun," Thor said diplomatically.

"Are you leaving today?" Bruce asked.

"Yup. Right after lunch."

"Well, have fun. And remember, if anything dirty happens, take pictures!"

"Even if something did happen, and even if we took pictures, what makes you think you'd see them Stark?"

Tony had no reply to Natasha's question.

(((((*)))))

Clint sat on the ground outside of Betty Ross's apartment. Natasha, Pepper and Jane were inside 'talking'. They'd been in there for half an hour already. There hadn't been any screams, but that didn't mean anything. When the door opened he fell back onto Natasha's legs.

"The deed is done," Natasha echoed the words he'd spoken to her a month and a half earlier.

"Time to shop!" Jane announced.

Clint groaned.

(((((*)))))

Five days after the trip to New York Clint, Steve and Thor were playing video games in the living room. Jane walked through, looking at the mail. The boys weren't paying attention to her until she screamed. Alarmed they jumped up, ready to fight. Jane had dropped all the mail except a single letter. She stared at it for a few second before running out of the room

"It is better not to ask," Steve decided.

They went back into their game. A few minutes later the three women rushed through, looking determined.

"Should we…" Thor asked.

"I'm curious," Steve said.

"We're going to regret this," Clint declared.

They followed the woman into the kitchen. Natasha put the letter in the oven.

"What are you doing?" Steve bravely asked.

Pepper glanced over at them. "When we had our talk with Betty Ross we told her she was allowed to send him a letter expressing everything she wanted to tell him. We don't trust her, of course, so we're going to read the letter before we give it to Bruce."

"If we don't like what we read, I will forage a letter and have it sent here from New York. Then she will be deported," Natasha said.

Clint gave Steve an impressed look.

"Is not maiden Betty an American citizen?" Thor asked.

Pepper made a dismissing motion with her hand. "Please. That wouldn't be a problem."

"Why is it in the oven?" Steve asked.

"If you warm the glue up, it comes undone, so you can open it and reseal it without it looking like someone's opened it," Clint answered.

"If we're heating the oven up, we might as well make something," Jane said. She looked at Clint expectantly.

"I guess I'll make snickerdoodles…."

(((((*)))))

The women read the letter while the cookies baked. Steve and Thor washed the dishes because Clint had made the cookies

"It is satisfactory," Natasha announced.

The three men let out relieved breathes.

"Its also kind of sweet," Jane added.

"It's a very well done goodbye letter," Pepper said.

"So, he reads it, when the whole thing is done?" Steve asked. He was ignored.

"They should go out to dinner," Jane said.

"Somewhere romantic," Pepper agreed. "We can send them along with the letter, and Tony can comfort Bruce I'm sure it'll be all heartfelt and sweet."

"And while they are gone, we celebrate." Natasha paused. "I will bring the vodka."

Thor looked delighted.

The timer dinged, indicating the cookies were done. Clint went to take them out.

"JARVIS, please tell Tony and Bruce to come up for cookies," Pepper requested. "And if Tony doesn't want to come, I'll come down and get them."

"Yes Miss. Potts."

The woman settled at the table, content to let the men get everything ready. Thor got milk, cups and plates while Steve and Clint got the cookies off the cookie sheets.

"Doesn't this look wonderfully domestic," Tony announced when he came in the kitchen. "Its like opposites day for the 1950's."

"Keep it up Stark and you won't get any cookies," Clint commented.

Tony opened his mouth to retort. Bruce yanked him down onto his lap. "They smell wonderful Clint."

"You two are going out for a romantic dinner."

"Direct as always, Natasha" Clint muttered.

Tony looked at the women suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because I'm telling you too."

"You won't like the consequences if you don't," Pepper added.

Bruce covered Tony's mouth with his hand. "We'll go. Don't worry about it."

(((((*)))))

It was a very good party. Thor always had good drinking games. Jane didn't bother to participate. Clint bowed out after twenty minutes to keep Jane company. Well, that and if he didn't stop, he'd pass out in another ten. He sat next to her on the couch. Well, she sat; he sprawled out next to her on his side, the crown on his head touching her thigh

"I think Darcy would like it here," Jane said.

Clint had to think for a moment. It made the room spin so he grabbed Jane's leg. "Your assistant?"

"Yeah." Jane patted his head. He groaned. "Sorry. I think she'd love it here. Not only because she could goggle all the guys, but I'm sure would write a very interesting paper."

"On what?"

"The Avengers. Really, all of you are something the world hasn't seen before. There have been tons of articles about you, but no one really as any information. Darcy's writings would go a long way towards helping with public relations."

Clint moved his head to look at her. "Sounds like you've been talking with Coulson."

"And Pepper." Jane shrugged. "They agree it's a good move. Even without that, I miss her and I know Thor would love to see her again. Plus I think she and Steve would make such a cute couple."

"Huh. …Paper? isn't she a scientist?"

"Political science."

"Oh." Clint blinked.

Jane laughed. "Take a nap. I'll wake you up when they start the next game. Then we'll both play.

"Kay."

(((((*)))))

Clint got up in the middle of the night. He went down to the kitchen for another cookie. He was probably still drunk, so maybe he should drink some water to help with the coming hang-over. As he stared at the sink in the kitchen he heard a noise in the front hall. He went to investigate. Tony and Bruce were stumbling in. They were trying to walk, kiss and grope each other all at once. Their movements were jerky and shaky. Not because they were drunk, but because they were in love. Drunk on love. Just like him and Natasha.

Clint snorted. He was drunk. Because he wasn't a romantic. At all. Nope. Not him. He went back to bed. He never did drink any water, so his hang-over the next morning was killer.

(((((*)))))

I love Vernors. I love the feel of the bubbles trying to kill me. If you get the chance, try it.

You know what I hate? Fing page breaks, because FF never wants to take them. Bullshit, every time I try to up-load a fic.