warning(s): coarse language and explicit sex
word count: 19,095
summary: [Three-Parts] A journey toward 'someday.' Stefan moves on and falls madly in love without him even knowing it.

Part II

-MADLY IN LOVE-

It was funny, how life could change on a dime, with so little warning. How everything she knew could be turned on its head in the blink of an eye.

Caroline found herself walking into a bar, still wearing her pajamas. Well, technically they were Stefan's pajama pants that she'd borrowed ages ago and refused to give back. Her hair was tied up in a floppy, lopsided bun. A great look, especially paired with her sheep-face slippers. Her car keys dangled from her hand, clutched tight, as she scanned the room for a familiar, if unexpected, face.

Bonnie was sitting at the bar, shoulders hunched, head thrown back as she did a shot; a line of empty glasses telling Caroline she'd clearly had enough.

"Bonnie!" She hurried across the room to her best friend, scanning her face worriedly. It wasn't every day that one of her oldest friends just showed up in town, with nothing but a frantic text to meet at a random bar immediately. Caroline had come running. Every awful, morbid fear running on a loop in her head. What happened? Was Bonnie dying? Was something after her? What terrible thing had life thrown in their lap this time? Just when she was starting to think they'd gotten out and could have normal lives, something had to drag them back down.

Bonnie's eyes were red-rimmed, her face clear of any and all make-up, and a sad, downward turn to her mouth looked wrong and out of place.

Caroline's hand found her shoulder and squeezed. "What happened?" she asked, quietly, and gently. The room was anything but. There were bikers playing pool, a few drunks arguing in the far corner, and a jukebox playing whiny country classics.

Bonnie snorted, like she'd cracked a joke. "What didn't happen? Right? I mean, look at our lives… My life. It's just one giant mistake after the other. I thought— I really thought it could be different."

Taking a seat on the stool next to her, Caroline shook her head. She wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she was missing a lot of the story, so she just waited for Bonnie to elaborate.

"It started small… I couldn't tell you. I wanted to. I did, but I just— I couldn't get the words out. We'd Skype or you'd call and I could feel it, this confession, just stuck in my throat, but I couldn't just say it." Bonnie swiped at her cheek quickly and shook her head. "I didn't even think I missed it. I was happy for a while. Everything was— God, it was easy. It was so easy and I didn't have to question it. I didn't have to wonder what it'd be like if things were different. There were no what if's, just what was. But then it changed… And it's my fault, I know that. But… I'm not even sure I'm mad about it. It's like something that wasn't there, something that was missing, it's back now. And suddenly everything I thought was good, all that time I thought I was happy, maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was just telling myself that so I wouldn't have to look at how empty and surface and hollow it was."

"Slow down. What happened? What's going on?" She smiled at Bonnie. "You know you can tell me…"

"I started to miss it. My magic. I just… I needed to feel that connection again. Before, after we left Mystic Falls, I put the grimoire away, I didn't touch it. I just settled into normality. College, Jeremy, a real home, all to myself. And it was good, for a while. It was… I don't know. Everything I wanted, once upon a time."

"But something changed."

"I changed." Bonnie reached for her, covering Caroline's hand and squeezing. "When I first realized I was a witch, I thought maybe it was a gift. Something that made me different, unique, even special. But then everything started going crazy and I changed my mind. It was a curse. The whole town was cursed. And I was being drained in every way imaginable. I was losing myself to it. So when we left Mystic Falls, I stopped. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Magic would only hurt me… But after a while, I thought maybe I could just use it a little. Just light the candles every once in a while, make a feathers float, little things. The kind of thing I used to do when I was just figuring it out. But it wasn't enough. It was like getting a taste of home; it only made me feel more homesick.

"So I started waiting for Jeremy to go out. For work or school or whatever. And I'd dig out my grimoire and try a few other spells; nothing big, no nosebleeds. And it felt… God, Caroline, it felt amazing. It was just, it was like a livewire, like everything inside of me just lit up. It was me, and my ancestors, and my magic, and everything I loved about magic was there again. No vampires, no werewolves, no desperately trying to save Elena's life at the cost of everything else. Finally, my magic was mine. And it was beautiful." She smiled widely, letting out a little laugh.

"Okay." Caroline smiled back. "Well, that sounds great. So what… Why the last minute trip to Chicago?"

Her smile slipped then, and she reached for another shot, throwing it back and screwing up her mouth for a moment. And then she said, "I left Jeremy."

"What? But… You were so happy."

"I was… Kind of."

"Kind of?" Caroline shook her head, confused. "We just saw you last year. You were… You had an apartment and school and everything was perfect. Wasn't it?"

"It was… a life. A life I thought I wanted."

"But you don't?" Her brow furrowed. "I'm so confused."

Turning in her seat, Bonnie stared at her seriously. "Last year, when you came up with Stefan, I asked him something… If you two were just friends. And he said that he needed you in his life, and he wasn't willing to risk your friendship. Not now. And it made me think. You and him, you're eventual. One day, you'll just turn around and see him and he'll see you and you'll fall together. Like puzzle pieces. I know it, you know it, anyone who's ever met you knows it. And as your best friend, I'm happy for you. I know that when it happens, it's going to be epic and forever and that years after I'm gone, you're going to have a great life with an amazing person who loves you.

"But I had to ask myself if that was what I had with Jeremy, and the thing is… It isn't. I love him, I really do. And he loves me. But we're safe. I'm with him because he's a reminder of home and who I was and that someone wanted me, someone cared when it felt like no one else did. But I can't live my life in that bubble. I can't hide with Jeremy, halfway fulfilled, holding him and myself back. So, I made a decision. I—I dropped out of school, I packed my things into the car, and I just, I came here." She waved a hand. "I'm not staying. I don't expect you to put me up in your guest room—"

"Don't be silly, of course you can stay with me. It's not an inconvenience."

"I know. And I know you mean it too. But… I think I need to do this on my own. I need to figure out who I am. What I want. And I can't do that with you or Jeremy or anyone. I just…" She took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. "Last year, you went on this amazing trip, you traveled everywhere, and you blossomed. You were light and happy and just full of energy. I want that. I want to know what it feels like to explore the world and bend it to my will. So that's what I'll do. I'll go as far as I can, see everything I can see, and maybe when I come back, I'll be whole."

Caroline stared at her a long moment, and then she reached out and pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly. "I love you so much, Bonnie Bennett. And if this is what you need, this— this 'Eat, Pray, Love' kind of thing. Then do it! If you need anything… Money, for me to compel you the penthouse suite of any ritzy hotel of your choice, name it, and I will do it."

Bonnie laughed, and clutched her close. "Am I crazy?"

"A little." She grinned. "But you've earned it."

A little weepy, Bonnie buried her face against Caroline's shoulder and just breathed. "I meant what I said, you know."

"I know. You don't just call someone up at 2 am and not mean all that emotional baggage you thrown down. Even if you are a little deep in the tequila."

With a snort, Bonnie shook her head and leaned back. "No, about you and Stefan."

"Oh." She shook her head, casting her eyes away. "Never mind that. Whatever me and Stefan are or aren't, it's not important right now."

"No. Just, listen, okay?" She took both of Caroline's hands and folded their fingers together. "You really do have all the time in the world, which means you could put off this epic, inevitable thing for as long as you want. But if you ask me, someone who just spent four years telling herself that life was just okay enough to pass muster, I don't think you should wait. Maybe he does. Maybe he needs more time. I don't know. But Care… You deserve happiness. Whether it's with Stefan or someone else, whatever you want. But as long as you two are living in the same place, sharing space and time and everything else, you're living on the cusp of something. So if you're ready, then explore it. And if not… don't let it hold you back." She smiled. "Okay?"

Caroline nodded. "Okay."

"Good. Now…" She tipped her head toward the bar. "Get completely plastered with me and then carry me to that penthouse suite you offered and let me sleep it off in style."

With a laugh, Caroline said, "Deal."

…

…

…

"You look distracted."

"Hm?" Caroline looked up from her book, brows hiked. "Sorry. What?"

Stefan smiled at her. "I said you look distracted… Everything okay?"

Just the lingering doom feeling that had been following her since Bonnie's visit. That all-consuming knowledge that eventually, whether she wanted it to or not, something was going to have to change. Her relationship with Stefan wasn't stuck in a snowglobe, a moment caught in time, unchanging. It was sentient. It was a living, breathing, growing thing, and maybe she had less control over it than she thought.

"Caroline?"

"Sorry. Ugh. Just stuck in my head, I guess. Ever since Bonnie showed up, I've been thinking."

"Yeah?" He took a seat on the couch, and pulled her feet up into his lap, fingers settling around her ankle. "You wanna talk about it?"

She smiled at him faintly. "Have you ever considered the possibility that you are too perfect?"

He laughed under his breath. "Is that right?"

"Yes! You ask if I'm all right, you willingly get into deep conversations, you're always looking out for me, you just…" She shook her head. "You, Stefan Salvatore, are perfect."

He shook his head. "I'm not."

"No," she agreed. "But probably as close as a guy can get."

"I have a history of viciously killing and decapitating people," he reminded her, brows raised in emphasis.

"We all have our flaws."

"As flaws go, that's a big one."

"Well, my hands aren't clean either. I've killed witches and completely innocent humans and… You know, I know it's not the right thing to say, but if we're being honest, under certain circumstances, I would do it again."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. If it meant saving you or Bonnie or my mom… absolutely."

"Does that make it better?" he wondered. "I mean, is it a justification? When you killed, you were out of control. You didn't even know what you were or why you craved blood."

"The first time, at the carnival, yeah. But I killed Aja. I made that choice. And the other witches that died because of it, those are on me too."

"You killed her to save your friend."

"Saving Bonnie doesn't make them any less dead." She chewed her lip a moment. "I don't know if that makes it better. I know that if the same thing was happening now, I'd still do it… Even though I know the consequences. Bonnie matters to me, and I was willing to let someone else die so she wouldn't have to. Look, I'm not saying I'm a good person, or that killing anyone is ever really justified. When you become the Ripper, when that part of you takes over, the good part of you is still there, it's just… I don't know, overwhelmed, I guess. But when it fades, when you realize what you've done and you're filled with shame and grief, that is the real you. It's your humanity, who you are at your core. Not some blood thirsty, evil Ripper. That's just a part of you that you try so hard to overcome. And it's hard, it's so hard, but you do it every day. Because you care and you don't want it to consume you. And that… That is what makes you you. Maybe not perfect in the general sense of the word. But… the closest version I've ever known."

Stefan stared at her a look moment, his mouth upturned faintly. "I think those rosy glasses of yours might be coloring your view of me."

Caroline mimed removing said rose-tinted glasses, and squinted at him. "No… still the same man I've always known and trusted…"

He grinned then. "Okay. Enough about me…" He patted her ankle. "You never really told me what happened with Bonnie. Why everything changed…"

Taking a deep breath, she shrugged, and slumped back against the couch, arms crossed over her chest. "She wasn't happy."

"She didn't seem… unhappy when we saw her last year."

"She wasn't, exactly. It was more like… I don't know. Like an epiphany, I guess. She realized that her life was only just happy enough to keep her afloat, but… she wanted more. She deserved more. So she decided to find it for herself."

Stefan nodded. "Good for her."

"Yeah." Caroline smiled. "She's right, too. She deserves it… We all do."

Stefan hummed, staring at her thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Nothing…" He rubbed his hand over her ankle. "Why, uh, why don't we watch a movie? I'll order some food in and we can just relax."

"Yeah?" She brightened. "I'd like that."

"Great." He slipped out from under her feet and made his way to the kitchen, digging around in their take-out menu drawer. "What are you feeling tonight? Thai, Chinese, pizza?"

"Ooh, pizza, extra cheese, light—"

"—on the sauce," he finished. "I know."

"See?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "Perfect."

This time, he didn't argue. He just smiled.

…

…

…

She didn't mean to look at him differently. For so long, she'd been pushing these feelings down. Packing them up in her suitcase and setting them aside. But their traveling was long over. Two years of real life was their normal now, with its schooling and deadlines and career expectations. They were back to staying in the same apartment, sharing space and time and looking for every opportunity to sneak away from their responsibilities and just be with each other.

Ever since Bonnie had come and gone, like a whirlwind of truth, Caroline had been thinking about what she said. About inevitability and expectation and growth and love and how it all wove itself together, like a spider web, interconnected, and just as deadly as it was beautiful.

The truth was, she loved Stefan. She'd always loved Stefan. He was… He was her best friend. Who she admired and trusted and held every man up against, only to fall flat in some way or another. Who could compare with the man that had saved her vampire life, promised to always be there for her, and followed through? But back then, in Mystic Falls, it was a mixture of idolization and puppy love. A crush that lingered, like the flickering flame of a candle she didn't quite want to blow out. That was then. It was different now. She was not the same Caroline she had been. She'd grown in ways she never expected to, flourished in ways nobody expected of her, and she was exactly who she wanted to be. She was proud of the person she'd become.

But Bonnie had a point. About accepting things because that was how they were, and not reaching beyond that for something more, something greater or deeper. Something she deserved. Caroline wanted to love and be loved. Not because she wasn't whole. Not because she needed a man. But because she had love in her to give, because she wanted a partner, because she was ready.

Just because she was ready, though, didn't mean he was. It had taken a long time for her to even glance at the idea that maybe they were, or could be, more. Too caught up in the idea that evolving from their friendship meant destroying it, meant putting it on the line, and she wasn't willing to do that, just like he wasn't. But eventually, there came a point where waiting became stagnant and empty and maybe even pointless. What if they were always waiting? What if waiting never led anywhere? What if friendship was as far as they went because of fear? She didn't want to be afraid. She didn't want to feel hollow or unfulfilled or like she was missing out on something beautiful and amazing.

She couldn't make Stefan be ready. She couldn't make him love her. And maybe she would always feel more for him than he did her. Maybe he would never reach the point she did. That didn't mean she had to linger in that state of hope, waiting on him to come around. Her life was going to be big and long and full, and if that happened with him as a friend or as a partner, that was only one part of it.

So if he made the leap with her, great, if not, that was okay. She would give him a chance to take her hand and jump into the deep end with her, and if he didn't reach back, she promised herself she wouldn't hold it against him. Whatever happened, Stefan Salvatore would always be her friend.

…

…

…

She started with a dress.

Stefan looked up as she walked into the room, heels clicking on the floor. She was still putting an earring in, her hair falling in a shiny blonde wave down her shoulders.

"Wow…" He stared for a moment, something both distant and very present in his eyes. "Going out?"

"I am." She smiled at him. "Come dancing with me."

His brows hiked. "Oh. I… I have a paper due Monday. I was going to get a head start on it."

"So start tomorrow." She smiled. "Come on… One night…" She held a hand out, wiggling her fingers for him to reach back. "Are you really going to turn me down? I'm all dressed up and everything."

His mouth stretched in a slow, knowing smile. "Are you manipulating me?"

"Maybe. A little. Is it working?" She curtsied and grinned at him.

He ducked his head as he laughed. "Two hours. No more."

Caroline bounced a little on spot. "Three, tops."

He shook his head, but didn't argue, putting his laptop aside and standing from the couch. "Give me a little while to get ready. I haven't showered since this morning."

"Sure." She bit her lip as he walked down the hall, and curled her hand around the skirt of her dress, swinging it side to side. It felt like progress.

It took Stefan much less time to get ready than it did her, and it wasn't long before they were making their way through one of her favorite dance clubs.

Dancing was their thing. It was intimate, the way their bodies found a way to fit together, no matter what song was playing, how fast or slow the tempo, or who else was around them. Somehow, they always found each other, and everything and everyone just faded away.

Here, there was only Stefan and Caroline. Her arms around his neck, his hands on her hips, their eyes meeting and holding and letting so many unsaid feelings leak out, unhindered.

Eventually, she would turn around, press her back to his chest, and let her head fall against his shoulder. She became arms and legs and a gyrating body, sensual and tempting, a fallen angel no longer in search of her wings or salvation or anything but this feeling. This freedom.

It wasn't friendly, the way they danced now, how he forgot himself and the distance he once put between them, careful not to cross an invisible line. Instead he tread closer until he was trampling all over it. His hands sliding up her sides, fingers tucked just under her breasts. His hips fit tight against hers, the heat of his breath against her ear. Her blood wouldn't slake his hunger like the average human's would, but some part of her was eager to feel his teeth pierce her skin, to sink her own into him.

She could blame it on the heat and the music and the hypnotic feeling that was overwhelming them in that moment, but she wasn't thinking of making excuses just then. She was thinking of how easy it would be to turn around, press herself up against him, and slide her mouth against his to see if their lips would fit as well as the rest of them.

But then a stray body bumped into them, knocked them off track, and suddenly reality inched its way between them. His hands fell away and his body detached from hers.

"I'm thirsty," he said against her ear. "You want anything?"

She shook her head, her throat tight, and watched as he sifted through the crowd to the bar.

Skittish wasn't a word she would use to describe Stefan. Far from it. He was always calm and in control. Except when it came to Elena. Then that faltered, lost in the frenzy of wanting to have her or save her or whatever jumbled up feelings he had when it came to her absent best friend.

And for a moment, she felt that insecurity of her youth creep back in and swamp her. She would never be Elena Gilbert. She'd long come to grips with that and even decided that was okay, because the world needed a Caroline Forbes just as much. In that moment, however, looking at her best friend and wishing that wasn't all he was, she was girly little Caroline, competing with a girl that would always win, even when she wasn't there.

Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it wasn't Elena that stood between them, metaphorically or not. But if she were being honest, it didn't have to be Elena herself, it was the effect she had that added a nail into the coffin that cradled her hope. Because Stefan would never love her quite like he had Elena. He would never look at her or treat her like he had Elena. He would never prioritize her in a way that transcended everyone and everything like he had Elena. And while a part of her knew that wasn't what love was, it wasn't healthy or right or good. Another part of her, maybe petty and jealous, but altogether human, just wanted to be 'the one.' It was clichéd, she knew. But she'd grown up watching boy after boy, man after man, trip over themselves to make Elena happy. To be the one she smiled at or dated or loved. And Caroline wanted that. She wanted to mean so much to someone that nobody else mattered. Was that wrong? Was that needy or desperate or pathetic? She didn't know. But she did know that this wasn't how she wanted this to happen. She didn't want to trick Stefan into being with her. She didn't want to lure him into bed with some skeezy dance at a club. She wanted romance and candle light and that perfect kiss with the perfect guy at the perfect moment.

This was not that. At least not the place or the moment.

She cut through the crowd, feeling off and uncomfortable and more than a little embarrassed.

"Hey, have you ordered?"

Stefan looked over at her, and shook his head. "No. Bartender's got his hands full. Why?"

"I think I'm ready to head home…"

He frowned, and checked his watch. "It's only been an hour."

"I know, and I'm sorry I dragged you out. I'm just not feeling it anymore." She fanned herself; the heat building in the room was making her skin flushed. "Besides, you've got that paper waiting on you." She half-smiled, and tipped her head, motioning to the door.

Stefan hesitated, but pushed off the bar to follow her out.

They were walking down the sidewalk to his car when he asked, "Sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine. Just…" She shook her head, and turned her eyes skyward. "It was crowded in there. Too many people. Sometimes I wish we were still traveling."

"Next summer, maybe. Or over Christmas break," he suggested. He unlocked the car doors for them to climb in and looked at over the roof.

Nodding, Caroline pulled her door open. "Yeah. Maybe."

For the first time in a long time, she wondered if maybe next year she would be on her own. Maybe time away from all of this, from Stefan, made sense. All of these feelings, jumbled up inside her in this chaotic mess, they could all just be confused. Something built from spending so much time around each other. Maybe a little time apart would give her some perspective on things.

Staring out the window as they drove home, she started writing a mental list of what she would need, where she would go, and how she would do it. It was a lot easier to make life altering changes when she had a detailed plan to work off of.

…

…

…

"You're… leaving. Why? Where? Why?"

Caroline looked up from the luggage, packed in a very concise order, clothing neatly folded and personal items put away in marked bags for easier access. "I'm going to meet up with Bonnie, spend a little girl time together. She's in France, I'll tag along for a bit, show her a few places you and I went. It'll be nice."

"Caroline, it's the middle of the semester. What about school?"

She sighed and stood back, hands on her hips. "I'll be doing a lot of my classes online. I'm not falling behind, I promise."

"That's not…" He took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest. "This is all just… very sudden. I didn't know you wanted to leave again. I thought, with last year, you wanted to set down roots again, settle in, focus on school."

"I did. I do. I just… I don't know. Bonnie's going through a tough time and I want to be there for her."

"I get that. But didn't she say she wanted to do this on her own? Find herself, without anybody trying to fill in the blanks for her."

"I'm not anybody, I'm her best friend. And I won't be filling in anything. She's free to be whoever she wants to be. No judgement." She waved her hands. "Like I said, I'm only going to tag along for a little while, then I'll probably do a little sight-seeing on my own. We saw a lot of the world last year, but there's still a ton to explore."

"Alone?"

"Yes. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. I just thought we were doing that together."

"We were. Are. But, maybe this will be good for us, you know? A little time apart."

His brow knit. "Are you saying you're leaving because you need space from me?"

"No…" She chewed her lip as she focused on the stack of dresses she'd folded, hands smoothing over invisible wrinkles.

"Caroline?"

She paused to look up at him.

He stared at her a moment. "Are you running away from me?"

"I'm not running anywhere. I'm… I just need some perspective. I—I need time. I need to figure out what's going on in my head and…" Her heart. "Can you understand that?"

"Perspective," he repeated, like it was a foreign concept. "On what?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" She stared at him searchingly. "Stefan, you're one of the smartest people I know. Please don't pretend you don't see it."

"See what?"

She smiled, but it was empty and sad and it hurt more than she cared to admit.

Nodding to herself, she looked back to her bags and took a deep breath. "I didn't tell you everything Bonnie said when she showed up that night. I mean, I told you most of it. I tell you everything… usually. It's just, part of it seemed too… much. And I didn't think you were ready. I know you're not ready. And that's okay. I'm okay with that. Maybe if I say that enough, it'll be true."

She laughed lightly, humorlessly. "The thing is, when Bonnie looks at us she sees this strange, inevitable, ships passing in the night thing. Like some cosmic force brought us together and we're these star-crossed lovers, destined to find each other on this windy little road full of friendship and drama and supernatural screw ups. And for a while, I told myself that wasn't true. That we were just what we are. Friends. And I believed it too. I convinced myself that I'd be okay with that. With just friendship. Because it's an amazing friendship, and if there's one thing we all need more of, it's friends…

"The thing is, I don't think I am. I—I don't think I can be okay with it. Not right now. Which is why I need to go. I need to spend some time on my own and figure out if this is just something that happens when you spend every waking moment with someone. You convince yourself they are yours in every single way. That the day begins and ends with their smile. That nobody else could possibly mean as much to you as they do. And you do, Stefan. You mean more to me than just about anyone. I mean, nobody's going to top my mom, but you're a really close second."

She zipped up her bag and moved to another one. "I don't know if I love you or I'm in love with you or what is going on in my crazy, confused heart. So I'm going to go away, and I'm going to get some perspective, and I'm going to meet people that aren't you, I'm going to talk to them and eat foreign food with them and I'm going to butcher their beautiful, native languages asking for directions. And when I get back, maybe things can just go back to the way they were. Before I started wondering what it would be like to wake up every morning right beside you or to go to sleep in your arms. And how right it would be to kiss you when you smile that way you do, like it's a secret, like—like it's special."

She pulled her bags down to sit on their wheels on the floor. "I don't know how long I'll be. I already put my part of the rent in your account. It should cover me until January. I can send more if I'm not back by then."

He was quiet, standing in her doorway, his gaze set heavy on the floor.

Caroline wasn't sure what she was expecting. Some grand declaration that he felt the same way. A plea for her not to go, to talk about it. But he said nothing. Her heart sunk down into her belly and stayed there, dissolving away in stomach acid. Her phone rang with the number of the cab service she'd called, and she pasted on a smile. "That's my ride."

He looked up, his brow furrowed, like he was coming out of a confused fog. "I can drive you…"

"It's fine. It'll be easier this way." She dragged her bags behind her by the handles and slipped through the door as he stepped out of the way, following just behind her.

She wheeled her luggage out into the hall and left it there as she pulled her jacket on and hooked her purse over her shoulder. "I'll send post cards, probably. You know how much I love things like that. And I'll tell Bonnie you say 'hi' and you miss her. Who knows how long she'll be on her 'find herself' tour. She could come back as some old, patchouli smelling hippy." She smiled, but it was forced, and she hated it. "Okay, well… This is goodbye."

"Caroline…"

But that was it. That was all he had to say. And part of her got it. It was Stefan. For as much as he was good at writing it all down in a journal, he was terrible at saying anything out loud. He was careful with his words, picking them out one at a time, while she blurted whatever nonsense came to her mind at any given moment.

So she let it go. She let him off the hook. After all, this wasn't about getting a reaction or hearing all the right words. It was about her figuring out herself. So she took a step toward him, leaned up, and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Take care of yourself," she told him, and then she turned on her heel, and she left.

Exiting their apartment, she took each handle of her luggage and pulled it down the hall to the elevator. She tapped her foot, breathing in and out, in and out, watching the numbers descend until she reached the main floor.

If this were a movie, this would be the moment the handsome lead male ran out, swung her around, and kissed her. Where he poured every unsaid word and want and hope into a desperate kiss, pleading with her not to go, telling her he felt the same way.

But Caroline's life was not a movie.

Instead, the cab driver, a man that smelled strongly of cigarette smoke and cheap coffee, loaded her bags into the back of the cab and waved her into her seat without so much as opening the door for her. She sat on cracked leather, with the noise of the radio crackling in the background, and told herself not to look back.

She was making the right decision.

She was.

Chester, the cab driver, pulled away from the front of her building and on toward the airport.

Despite herself, she looked back.

He wasn't standing outside, watching the cab pull away, like some mournful sap who lost the girl. There was nothing but an empty road. And it only reinforced the fact that she needed this time.

She loved him, she really did. But she loved herself too. More. And in a few weeks or months, maybe she would realize this was the best decision she could make. She would come back rejuvenated and ready to fall back into their routine, no uncomfortable and complicated feelings to mess things up. She would just be Caroline, his best friend, and nothing more.

She really, really hoped so.

…

…

…

"I don't know. It sounds a lot like you're running away," Bonnie said, twirling her fork in a bowl of pasta.

"What?" Caroline scoffed. "How is this any different from you leaving to find yourself?"

"My trip didn't come with an ultimatum. I told Jeremy we weren't working out, that I loved him but we both deserved more, packed my things and left. No loose ends. You basically laid out all of your feelings for Stefan and before he could even process it, hopped on a plane to halfway across the world. What else would you call that?"

"Well… I didn't exactly plan that part. I didn't think he'd ask so many questions. I panicked!"

"You didn't think the guy you've spent 24/7 with the last four years would have a few questions about why you were suddenly leaving without him?"

Caroline groaned. "It wasn't supposed to be this difficult. I just wanted to get some distance between us, so I could think about what you said and what I was feeling…"

"Hey, don't blame me for this!" Bonnie shook her head. "You're your own person, you make your own decisions."

"I know. You're right. It's just…" She turned the stem of her wine glass absently. "Was it too much to ask that he love me back?"

"Care…" Bonnie leaned across the table to cover Caroline's hand with her own. "Hey… Look, I can give you one of two pep talks. One involves telling you you'll probably get the guy in the end. If not Stefan, someone else equally hot, smart, and good. Or, I can give you the girl power pep talk. The one that reminds you that you are a kick ass vampire that doesn't need any man. You have the whole world at your feet and a lifetime to explore it. You are going to do amazing, wondering, sensational things, and I will be right there, cheering you on, every step of the way."

"That one, definitely. But only if I get to tell you the same speech."

Bonnie grinned. "Gladly. Now let's scrap the boy talk, okay? No Stefan, no Jeremy, no male-identifying anything."

"Okay." Caroline lifted her wine in cheers. "Who run the world? Girls."

Bonnie laughed. "Cheers."

…

…

…

Caroline and Bonnie spent an amazing and rejuvenating two months traveling together. Neither of them had any real destination in mind; they would just go to the airport, find out what flights were available, and take one. It was freeing. Even for Caroline, who preferred to have a plan, carefully plotted with highlighted passages and estimated times of arrival. Instead, they just went, and left it up to chance or fate or whatever.

She wouldn't say her time with Stefan had been any more or less fun than her time with Bonnie. It was just different. With her and Bonnie, it felt like reconnecting. Like building onto their friendship, filling in those spaces that had gone untended while they lived apart.

She watched Bonnie flourish. Let down her hair and just embrace life and her powers and the freedom that came with both. There was no boy drama for her. No girl drama either. No Elena or Caroline or anyone that needed saving. It was just Bonnie with the world at her fingertips and her best friend at her side. And to Caroline, she never looked so beautiful and light and full of something that had always been missing. Bonnie had always been strong. Maybe the strongest of all of them. But she was often trampled on and forgotten and thought of later, when everybody else was put first. Caroline knew a little something about that. About being second best. She was realizing, though, that it was much worse for Bonnie.

"I love you, you know that, right?"

Bonnie looked up from her drink, brows hiked. "Uh, yeah, of course I do… Where's this coming from?"

"Do you ever think about Mystic Falls…? About what life was like before we left?"

She frowned. "Yeah, sometimes."

"It's funny. I used to think about it one way, and it wasn't wrong, exactly. I mean, we made the right choice, leaving. But when I look back, so much of what I remember is just about me. And I know that sounds selfish, but I think that's how all of us look at things. At how they affected us. Sometimes we miss the bigger picture, we don't see how we hurt other people or didn't see them or didn't even think about them until it was too late… And I'm guilty of that. I mean, I used to put a lot of it on Elena. Her and the Salvatore brothers were this—this toxic little triangle, and everything that happened to them would have this ripple effect that would drag the rest of us down with them. I used to think, god, if she could just pick. Or if she could stop being the doppelganger, then maybe this would be easier. Or different. Or I don't even know. And I used to resent her, a lot. I used to ask myself, 'why her? What makes her so special?'"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I don't know what it is about Elena or Katherine or any of them. But I do know that it wasn't just Elena. It was a whole bunch of things. It was the town. It was the people coming to the town. It was us. Not looking out for each other first. Not prioritizing each other in the right way. Because you did. You always looked out for us, Bonnie. You put us first so many times, and you paid for it. You were always paying for it. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for my part in that. You didn't deserve it. Okay? I love you and you are my best friend and you are so, so important to me."

Bonnie stared at her a long moment, stirring the straw in her drink absently. "I used to resent her too, you know? And you, a little bit. Not just because of Grams or Abby. But because all my life, it was you and Elena. You guys were everything to me. And then we grew up and everybody else saw how amazing you were, and suddenly I was just the friend and there were all of these ridiculously good looking boys, desperate for your attention. I know you saw it as everyone wanting Elena and not you, and maybe that was true, sometimes. But you've had your fair share of great loves too. And I… I didn't feel like I had that. I wanted it. But it never really seemed to happen. It was like I was sitting in the backseat of my own story, waiting for it to start." She smiled, but it was sad. "I remember telling you not to take it personally, that it wasn't a competition, but sometimes… Sometimes it felt like it was, and I wasn't even in the race."

Caroline shook her head. "You are so beautiful and smart and amazing. And I'm not just saying that. You really are. And if the boys of Mystic Falls couldn't see that, then they were idiots. I mean that! If I was hot for girls, you would be at the top of my list."

Bonnie laughed. "Thanks."

"I do get it. You're right, I resented Elena for always being 'the one.' That insecurity is hard to get over. I still have days when it's the strongest thing I feel. And maybe it makes me an awful, terrible person, but sometimes I'm glad she's not here. Not because I don't miss her, I do. But because sometimes I felt like I was the worst version of myself around her. Like she brought this side out of me that I hated. And it wasn't her fault, of course not. I just… It's like the rabbit hole I can't help falling down."

"I know. I get it." Bonnie nodded. "Me too."

"Well, if I ever make you feel that way, just… I don't know. Knock me over the head or something, okay? Because that is the last thing I want you to feel when we're hanging out."

Bonnie smiled. "Okay."

"Great. Now…" Her eyes scanned the room. "Let's find you someone hot to dance with me."

With a laugh, she nodded. "Yes. Lets."

…

…

…

"How much longer do you think you'll travel around with me?" Bonnie asked one morning. They were sitting on the balcony, eating brunch, with a stunning view ahead of them.

"Why? Tired of me already?" Caroline bumped her arm with her elbow.

"No…" Bonnie bit off a piece of cantaloupe. "Just wondering how long your little trip of self-denial is going to last. I don't mind indulging it. You get us swanky hotel rooms, the best food, and you're a great wing-woman… But you can't keep this up forever."

"But I have forever. Remember?"

"Caroline…"

She sighed, and stabbed a piece of honey dew with her fork. "Another week. Maybe two…" She sat back in her seat. "I'm not ready to go back."

"Not ready to go back or not ready to face the obvious."

"What's the obvious, exactly?"

"That sometimes you fall in love with the wrong person, or the right person, and you just have to ride it out. Falling in love doesn't come with a safety net. It's a free fall. And sometimes it hurts when you hit the bottom."

"Wow, way to get philosophical on me."

Bonnie shrugged. "This is the Bonnie Bennett Finds Herself tour. I've been racking up wisdom everywhere we go."

Caroline grinned, and plucked a piece of pineapple from Bonnie's plate.

"Hey! Thief!"

"One more week… And then I'll go home."

Bonnie stared at her a long moment, and then nodded. "Okay." And then she stole one of Caroline's strawberries. "One week."

…

…

…

"You're sure you don't want me to stay? Because I can stay…" Caroline's brows hiked. "Think of all the hotels and the food and the boys."

Bonnie laughed, and pulled Caroline in for a hug. "I'm gonna miss you."

"But you'll write. And send post cards. And you have to Skype me every week. Sometimes more than once, especially if you meet anybody. Like some ridiculously handsome Italian painter that wants to worship the ground you walk on."

Bonnie grinned as she pulled back. "I promise."

"Okay." Caroline bit her lip and yanked Bonnie back into another hug, squeezing her tight. "Be happy, okay? Have all the fun you can and if you need anything, ever, tell me. I'll be on the first flight out, no questions asked."

Humming, she nodded. "I will."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

Finally, she pulled back, wiped a stray tear and put on a bright smile. "Bye."

"Bye."

Caroline turned on her heel to leave, the call for passengers on her flight ringing out one last time. She looked back just once, and found Bonnie hugging herself, her eyes shiny, and a shaky smile pulling her mouth up. "You'll be okay," she mouthed.

Not for the first time, Caroline thanked whatever force in the world brought Bonnie Bennett into her life. "Thank you," she mouthed back.

And then she left.

Destination: Home.

…

…

…

Caroline's bus arrived in Mystic Falls just after sunset. She was exhausted; between two connecting flights and the bus ride, she just wanted to fall face-first into her bed. A cab ride later, she was that much closer, climbing the stairs of her childhood home and swinging the front door open, dragging her luggage in behind her.

"Hello…?" she called out. "Mom? Are you here?"

She probably should have called ahead. It wasn't like her mom took much time off from work. But she wanted to surprise her, and surprise her she did.

As Caroline walked into the living room, she found her mother quickly trying to button her shirt while a fellow officer, at least ten years her junior, was pulling his pants up.

"Oh my God…" Her nose scrunched up. "Oh my God! Mom!"

"Caroline, what are you doing here? I thought you were still traveling with Bonnie."

"I was. I took a flight back yesterday. I wanted to surprise you" She pointed an accusing finger at the other police officer. "Who is he?"

"Oh, uh, this is Scott. Scott, this is my daughter, Caroline."

"Hi." He waved, and then tried to lean over and shake her hand, his pants still unzipped. "It's nice to meet you. Your mom's told me so much. She's really proud of you."

"I'm not shaking your hand," she told him.

"Caroline," her mother groaned.

"What? I have no idea where that hand's been, but I have a pretty good idea."

Liz covered her face, but Scott laughed, grinning.

"Well, she's honest. Can't fault her for that." Scott dropped his hand, finished doing up his pants, and tucked his shirt into the waist. "I've gotta head back to the station anyway, and you two need some time to catch up…" He walked to Liz and pressed a kiss to her cheek. To Caroline, he said, "We should all get breakfast tomorrow, get to know each other better." With that, he collected his belt and gun holster from the coffee table before making his way to the door.

As it closed behind him, Caroline turned to her mother. "What was that?"

"That was Scott. We've been… It's new. Kind of… Well, maybe not new. It's been almost a year, but—"

"A year?" Caroline's eyes widened. "When were you going to tell me?"

"I don't know. I just… It was harmless fun at first, nothing serious."

"But…?"

"But now it's serious." Liz smiled gently, her gaze moving to the window. "He makes me happy. He…"

"You love him." She said it quietly, a little stunned with the revelation. Not that her mom didn't deserve to be loved. Of course she did. But it had been so long since she'd pursued a relationship with anyone. She'd been so burned after everything with Caroline's dad, it seemed like a relationship was the last thing she wanted. Things had changed, obviously. "I don't know what to say."

"Tell me you're okay with it. That— That you support me."

Caroline blinked rapidly. "Of course I do. Mom…" She walked to her, taking her hands. "I'm just a little in shock, that's all. You haven't exactly been dating much since, well… dad."

"I needed time. To figure out how I felt about all of it. What I wanted. And then everything with the vampires and you, it was a lot to deal with it. Dating wasn't really a priority."

"But it is now?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Scott is… He's such a good man, Caroline. I really think you'll like him."

"I'm sure I will." She smiled then. "Tell me all about him."

"Later. First you tell me what you're doing back here."

Caroline looked away briefly. "I missed you."

"Uh-huh. Now the real reason."

"What? I did."

Liz frowned. "This wouldn't have something to do with the fact that you're in love with your best friend, would it?"

"Who wouldn't love Bonnie?"

Raising an eyebrow, Liz simply waited, patient and knowing.

"All right, fine. So I ran away, hid like a complete jerk, and now I'm afraid to go home."

Liz rubbed her arms comfortingly. "Why?"

"Why am I afraid to go home? I thought I explained that part…" She sighed, dropping her head back. "I told him. I told him everything. That— That I had feelings for him and I needed some time to figure them out and get over them, and then I just… walked away. Got on a plane and didn't look back."

"Okay… And now you'll get on a plan and go back."

Caroline's shoulders slumped. "I don't know if I can."

"Caroline…" Liz caught her chin and raised it so they were eye to eye. "Be honest with me. And yourself. Are you afraid to go home because you know that your feelings aren't going anywhere and he doesn't feel the same way? Or because maybe he does feel the same, and everything's going to change?"

Caroline felt tears spring to her eyes. "I don't know. Both, maybe." She laughed, a smile wobbling on her mouth. "I told myself I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't let a guy become the center of my world. But it's just… It's Stefan. You know? And everybody keeps telling me that it's obvious and inevitable and maybe a part of me believed them. Even hoped for that. But what if they're wrong? What if I'm doomed to be madly, crazily in love with him, and he will never look at me like that?"

Liz shook her head sympathetically and wiped the stray tears that slipped down Caroline's cheeks. "I won't lie to you. It happens, and it hurts. But listen to me… You deserve love. Whether that's with Stefan or someone else, you deserve to love and be loved. And hiding in some foreign country because you don't want to get your heart broken, honey, that's no way to live."

"It was a pretty amazing trip," she argued.

"Even if." She dropped her hands to Caroline's shoulders and squeezed. "If this thing between you and Stefan isn't going the way you want it to, if it isn't headed toward a relationship, then talk to him. Both of you can get it all off your chest, lay it all out, and then it's done. Maybe you get a different place for a while, maybe you take some time off from your friendship. But I know Stefan, and I know you. Even if this doesn't work out, you'll always have each other. Some friendships, they can weather through anything."

Caroline nodded, but a frog had crawled up her throat, thick with emotion. "I'm scared."

"I know. It's okay." Liz pulled her in for a hug. "You're going to be okay."

Caroline wrapped her arms around her mom and buried her face against her shoulder, just breathing in her familiar scent for a moment.

Running a soothing hand over Caroline's hair, she said, "Why don't we order in? We'll eat junk food and I can tell you about Scott and we'll just relax, okay?"

She nodded, but didn't let go of her right away, content to just be held.

"How long are you staying?" Liz wondered, still rubbing her back.

Caroline took a deep breath. "Tomorrow. I'm going home tomorrow."

…

…

…

It would be a lie to say that Stefan fell apart without Caroline. Their relationship had always been supportive, but never dependent. He was his own individual person, capable of going through life on his own. That didn't mean he didn't miss her. He did. A lot.

He used to be eager to get home, just to be around her, to listen to her singing while she cooked, or watch her pace while she worked at memorizing something for school. Now he found the apartment empty. There was no singing, no muttering, no carefully put together rhymes for easier remembering. There was just a hollow apartment with nothing but him to fill it.

Throughout the day, things would happen, someone would say or do something, and he would dig his phone out to call her or text her and tell her about it. He found himself saving up stories, writing them in the margins of his notebooks, so he could tell her when she got back. If she came back. And that was the thing, wasn't it? Caroline could leave for months or years; time wasn't a limitation for her. She could come back to Chicago, compel her way back into University, and pick up where she left off. The world was at her feet, and he was sitting in their apartment, hoping she would drag herself back to it. To him.

Why?

What could he offer her that she couldn't find out there? What could their friendship, their thing, bring to her life that made her better, more whole, more something? Because he knew what she brought to his life. Light and happiness and laughter. She made him feel free, like all those limitations of before, that he had to be serious and no-nonsense, the person that always knew what to do and say, that all fell away. He could just be himself, a happier version of who he'd been. Because when he was with Caroline, he felt like she accepted him, every part of him.

It was easier not to question what that meant. What any of it meant. What she meant. It was easier to label them best friend and never dig past that. Never question what life could be like if he stopped restraining himself from feeling and wanting more. Caroline loved with every fiber of herself, and he thought he did too. But if he was honest, there was always an element of fear, of distrust, of waiting for the other shoe to drop. His romantic past was spotted with mistakes and betrayal and secrets. Of a fear that he wouldn't be enough. That eventually they would want someone else, someone more in control, someone more alive. Katherine wasn't content with just him, she wanted Damon too, despite her proclamations of loving only him. Elena was seduced by Damon too, by whatever he offered that Stefan didn't have. What if that was just how it would always be? That missing element he couldn't name or have, always wedging itself between him and whoever he loved. Or his fear, sabotaging any chance of real happiness.

He wanted to say he knew the answer. He racked his brain from the moment she told him she was leaving. But what could he say? That what he felt for her had long ago transcended his understanding of love and friendship. That it blotted out his idea of what a relationship was meant to be. That she was the only person in his life that he'd ever trusted completely. That when he was with her, she made him so happy, he sometimes wondered if it was all a fever dream. That he couldn't imagine his life without her, and he didn't want to.

What he said instead was nothing. He let her leave and he spent the next two and half months kicking himself for it. Because now all he had was time. Time spent going over all the ways things could go wrong. All the ways a relationship could backfire. All the ways she could fall out of love with him or break his heart or just walk away. All the ways he could ruin one of the most important relationships in his life.

Fear and guilt were Stefan's cruxes. He brooded and buried himself in his past, his misery, his mistakes, because he never felt like he'd atoned for them. What had he ever done to deserve better? What made him worth Caroline? He didn't have an answer. But he wanted one. He wanted to be able to tell himself that it was okay. That loving her, wanting her, being with her, was okay. He just wasn't sure how to string those words together in a way that made sense to him. Because it didn't. Caroline was sunshine and flowers, hope and laughter. Stefan was leather bound books filled with the names of his victims, written in the ink of their own blood.

And the truth was, maybe he didn't deserve her friendship, but it was what he had, and he held onto it so tightly, too tightly, because he just knew that one day it would try to slip away. And it had. She'd walked away, boarded a plane, and sent him a post card every other week.

Wish you were here!

- Caroline

xoxo

He wondered when the postcards would stop. When she would give up on him and coming home. When one day the post card would be a Dear John-esque letter.

And then he found yet another thing to grieve over.

…

…

…

By the time Caroline opened the door to her apartment, it was after midnight. She wasn't expecting him to be awake. It was a Tuesday, he had class in the morning. But as she made her way down the hall, dragging her luggage behind her, she was surprised to find him sitting at the kitchen table, a half-empty bottle of bourbon open and a glass in his hand.

"Oh. Hey. I… I didn't think you'd be awake."

He huffed a laugh under his breath, brows hiked. "Is that why you caught the late flight…? So I'd be in bed when you got home."

She glanced away and then back to him. "Don't you have class tomorrow? Little late to be drinking, don't you think?"

"The way I see it, I'm a vampire." He shrugged. "A blood bag in the morning is the best hangover cure around."

"Okay…" She took a step toward her room. "It's late. I'm going to put my stuff away. We can talk in the morning—"

"Do you remember the couple in Tuscany? We, uh, we were dancing to Tu Per Me at this outdoor restaurant, and there was this older couple that stopped us, asked us a question, and when you wanted to know what it was all about—"

"You said it was something to aspire to…" She stared at him searchingly. "Okay…"

"They thought we were newlyweds. The, uh, the wife laughed when I said that we were just friends. And her husband told me that the strongest love starts with friendship." He licked his lips and twirled his glass a moment. "If I look back on my history, I was never friends with anyone I fell in love with. I… I fell in love on sight. It was a habit. I'd see someone… Katherine, Elena, whoever, and there would this… electricity. A— A jolt that would just tell me… She's it. This was who I wanted. Who I wanted to be with and who I wanted to love me and… And it became this consuming, passionate need. Having them, keeping them safe, being who they wanted me to be, being enough for them… And I thought that was what love was. And maybe it is, maybe that's just one form of love."

He stared at his glass a long moment. "I didn't feel that way when I first saw you. I'm not even sure I can remember the exact moment we first met. Because when I met you, I'd already seen Elena, and my world narrowed down to her. Just like it did when I was seventeen and I saw Katherine Pierce for the first time, climbing out of a carriage in this big green dress…"

Caroline bit her lip and wrapped her arms around herself, fingers dug in around her elbows. "Stefan…"

"The first completely clear memory I have of you, that I remember every second of, was the day you turned. We were in that bathroom, and you were so scared. That Bonnie hated you, that you were a monster." He smiled faintly. "You thought you were hideous, because of the veins under your eyes."

"So you showed me yours. I remember."

His smiled faded. "And I promised you I wouldn't let anything happen to you…"

"You were always there for me, Stefan. Always."

"Yeah." He nodded vaguely. "I think that's the day all of it started. Before that, you were… a bystander. You were one of Damon's victims, Elena's friend, Katherine's next move on the chess board. But right there, I realized something was going to change. And it didn't happen immediately, it took time, but you became… you are my best friend. One of the most important and influential people in my life. And for a long time losing you in anyway was… It was terrifying. Because you were all I had. Damon is… wherever he is. Elena too. Lexi is gone. You're all I have left, Caroline. So risking that, it just wasn't something I was willing to do."

She nodded. "I get that. With everything that's happened, I'm pretty limited on friends too. And I liked it, when it was just us, when we're traveling and seeing the world and there was nothing tying us down. When we didn't have to worry about the next tragedy to hit Mystic Falls or who might be desperate to get their hands on the doppelganger. It was just… It was us." She smiled. "I meant what I said before. I needed some time away to think, to just… I don't know. Get some perspective on me and what I want. We have a life here, and a home, and I'm happy. I am. But…"

She licked her lips and shifted her feet. "When I was with Bonnie, we talked about what it was like growing up. About how I used to be so insecure about Elena and how everybody always wanted her instead of me. And she told me she felt it too, about both of us. Like nobody ever saw her when she was standing in our shadows. But Bonnie, she's such a good person. She's beautiful and kind and smart. And she deserves love, she deserves to have someone amazing that knows how wonderful she is… And so do I."

She swallowed. "I do remember the first time I saw you. I can tell you what you were wearing. I— I can remember every time I was around you, because I did like you. Yes, at the beginning, but then there was Matt, and you had Elena. And then I turned and we were in that bathroom and that tiny little crush flared up again, always there, under the surface, for the rest of our friendship. I told myself it was nothing, it was admiration, it was love for a friend. But if I'm being honest, I fell in love with you. Slowly, over time, over every conversation, and every day we spent traveling, and every time we danced. I fell in love with you.

"And it's okay. It's okay that you don't love me too. It hurts and I'll probably cry myself to sleep, but tomorrow, I'll wake up and I'll get through it. Because you're right, our friendship is so important. Beyond anything else, I want us to be friends."

She blew out a shaky breath and forced a smile. "Between mom and Bonnie and you, I think I'm all deep-feely talked out… I really just want to get some sleep, okay?"

"Caroline…"

"Please." She unfolded her arms and reached for the handles of her luggage. "I've spent two months trying to figure out what I was going to do and say and I don't have any more words to make this okay. So just… please… let me go."

"I don't want to."

Her brow furrowed. "Stefan—"

"We both know I'm not good at saying these things out loud. I figure it out in my head and in my journal, but when it's time to say something, to step up, I wait too long. I hesitate. I second-guess myself." He stood from the table and circled around it to stand in front of her. "I let you walk away the first time, and maybe it was the right thing to do. Maybe you needed that time. Maybe I did too. But I don't want to do it again. Because I spent months alone, wishing you were here. Missing you. Wondering what I could've said or done or felt that would make it different."

She shook her head, opening her mouth to argue, but he raised a hand, asking her to let him finish. She sighed, but nodded all the same.

"What I said before, about not remembering the first time we met… It came out wrong. I don't remember the first time I saw you, and I didn't fall in love with you on sight. I fell in love with you slowly, gradually. Over a collection of moments and days and years. I didn't fall in love with a face or an idea, I fell in love with exactly who you are. Every good and bad part of you. And it doesn't feel the same as it did with Elena or Katherine, it feels completely different and new and unique and terrifying. But also amazing. Because you are the best person I know and for some insane reason, despite knowing me better than anyone else, you love me too."

Caroline stared up at him, shocked speechless. "I… I don't..." Her eyes widened. "I mean, I do! I just…"

He smiled slowly, and reached up to brush her hair from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. "It's late, and you should get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning."

"Right. Yeah." She nodded. "Or…"

Caroline took a step forward and reached for him, her hand gripping the front of his shirt, and then she tipped her head up, close enough that her mouth was only a few inches from—

Stefan closed the space between them, lips slanting over hers. His fingers buried in her hair and stroked along her neck as he kissed her. Caroline's eyes fell closed and she hummed, arching up against him, meeting each move of his mouth with her own. His free arm wound around her waist, pulling her as close as she could get. She rested a hand against his cheek, sliding it down, fingers dragging over the back of his neck.

Her heart thumped against her chest, shifted and cracked open. Warmth and excitement filled her, nerve-endings firing like crazy. It could've lasted seconds or minutes or hours, but eventually, it was just his forehead meeting hers, his breath panting against her mouth, the tip of his nose brushing her own, and a moment. A huge, defining moment, hanging in the air between them.

She opened her eyes slowly, like he might disappear if she moved too quick. "That was…"

"Yeah." He reached a thumb up and stroked it over her cheek. "We, uh… We should sleep. And tomorrow… I want to take you out."

"Dancing?"

He smiled. "Definitely dancing."

She bit her lip as she grinned back. "Okay."

He slowly untangled from her; his fingers from her hair, his arm from her waist, but he didn't step back. "If I go to bed, you'll be here tomorrow, right?"

She laughed. "Yes. And I'm sorry for leaving. Especially the way I did. I was scared and I wasn't sure I was ready to hear what you had to say."

"And now?"

"I'm still scared, but… Also excited."

He nodded. "Me too."

"Good." She blew out a relieved breath. "So, tomorrow… Our first date."

"I'll make it memorable."

"I'm pretty sure we could get McDonalds and dance in the parking lot and it'd still be great."

He laughed under his breath. "I think we can do better than McDonalds."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Okay." She slid her hand down his chest, thumbed a button on the way, and then let her arm fall to her side. "Goodnight."

"Night."

Caroline took up her luggage and pulled it along beside her as she made her way to her room, closing the door quietly.

She pressed a hand to her heart and just smiled.

And then she dug her phone out to text Bonnie and her mom, and received the expected, and well-earned, I told you so's.

…

…

…

It was funny, how life could change on a dime, with so little warning. How everything she knew could be turned on its head in the blink of an eye.

For the better.

The restaurant he picked was fancy. There were no fries or shakes or drive-thru's. There were red table cloths and bread baskets and wine lists and a candle on each table. There were pasta dishes she couldn't pronounce, so he ordered for her, and tiny little appetizers that probably cost more than she ever wanted to know. And a piano playing in the background, the melody utterly enchanting.

"I can't tell if I'm so nervous I'm not nervous, or if I'm just not nervous," she admitted, playing with the stem of her wine glass.

He smiled. "That makes two of us."

"Did I ever tell you what I told Bonnie the first day of school? Back when you were the mysterious new guy…"

He shook his head. "No."

"I asked everyone I knew, everybody I saw, what they could tell me about you. Who you were, where you were from, everything. And at the end of the day, I told Bonnie everything I'd gathered. That you were Stefan Salvatore, from a military family, your favorite color was blue, and you were a Gemini."

"Two out of four isn't bad."

She laughed. "Well, to be fair, you did tell us you were from a military family later. I don't know where the Gemini thing came from though." She waved a hand. "Anyway, it was funny, I told her we were going to have a June wedding."

He hummed. "Warm, but not too hot. Flowers are in full bloom. Not the worst time for a wedding."

"Of course. See, I knew you'd see it my way."

He ducked his head as he grinned. "You're a persuasive person."

"You mean I'm stubborn."

"I mean when you want something, really want something, I don't think anything can stop you."

"Is that what I did with you? Wore you down over time."

He shook his head. "No, because that would imply I was suffering through something. And I wasn't. Even before, when we were still in Mystic Falls, when things were complicated and dangerous, the one thing I could depend on was that you would always have my back. That I could go to you for anything. If I was losing control, if I was hurt or I needed someone to be straight with me. You were always there. That wasn't wearing me down, Caroline. You were being my friend, and over time, how I felt, how we felt, it just grew."

She sat forward in her seat. "Do you ever think you stop growing? That one day you just are as much as you'll ever be. Or do you think we're always becoming more?"

"I've had a hundred and fifty years to test it out, and I think growth is constant. If you're asking if I think you can grow out of people, then yes. Sometimes you grow in different directions, you prioritize different things, and it doesn't make either of you better or worse. Friendships, relationships, they can run their course and that's all there is to it… I don't know if we're one of those. I don't think we are. But I'm sure if you took a poll, nobody who gets into a relationship expects it to end. You fall in love and you hope for the best and you try really hard not to sabotage yourself. That's all we can hope for."

Reaching for his hand across the table, she tapped her fingers over his. "I just don't want us to regret this, or look back on it and wonder if maybe we should've stopped before we ever started."

He stared at her a moment, and took a deep breath. And then he stood from the table and he held a hand out for her to take.

Smiling, Caroline let him lead her out onto the floor, twirling under his arm as he raised it above her head. She laughed under her breath as she spun back into him, her hand on his shoulder.

"Are we going to dance all our worries away?" she joked.

"Maybe just a few. We'll save some for the next dance, and the dance after that."

"Ah, spread it out a little, give ourselves a reason to keep doing this."

"I don't think I ever need a reason to dance with you." His hand swept up her back. "It's become second nature."

Caroline swallowed. "You know what they say about getting too comfortable in a relationship…"

Stefan pulled her closer, his nose gently grazing her cheek. "I don't know about you, but this feels different from every dance we've had before."

"Maybe." Her fingers slid up his shoulder and over the nape of his neck. "Do you think some things are just… inevitable?" she whispered.

He pressed his forehead to hers, lips brushing hers. "Whatever this is, whatever brought us to this point, I'm just glad it happened."

Caroline let out a shaky breath. "Me too."

He kissed her then, a slow exploration of her lips that left her feeling like she was floating. When he leaned back, she wanted to chase after his mouth.

So she did.

…

…

…

It wasn't so much that the touching was new as much as it held a different meaning. Caroline had always been physical. She loved hugs and dancing and took every chance she could get to hold his hand or hook her arm in his. Where Stefan was a stationary being, Caroline was always moving, weaving herself in and out and around him. He'd gotten used to that, to the way she stepped into his solitude and shook it up, carved out her own place beside him, just to exist. And to occasionally push him out of his carefully worn paths of predictability.

As much as Caroline liked plans, there was a part of her that loved spontaneity too. That still saw the world with wide open, curious, hopeful eyes. Stefan could admit that his own wonder for life had long dulled. He'd seen too much darkness, too much evil, and it was exhausting. But when all of that overwhelmed him, when the weight of the world seemed to be crushing him, she would find him and drag him back from the edge. A gentle, 'is it Tuesday or are you just feeling serious?' that would nudge him out of his brooding.

Stefan didn't believe it was healthy to put any part of him, good or bad, on someone else. But he could understand and appreciate that people influenced each other. That they left an impact, big or small, on those around them. While he may not age, he did grow, for better or worse, and in many ways, Caroline was the reason that he felt lighter, happier, than he had in decades.

They'd had a few dates since their first. Ice skating and hot chocolate; an open mic poetry reading they'd never repeat; and a play the theater students put together on campus. It was a week of just building together, testing their own and each other's boundaries.

His previous relationships were filled with that flirtatious temptation that left him wanting more, and when he had it, being swallowed up by the passion and excitement of something new. What he had with Caroline felt different. They already had a routine and a relationship; they already knew each other. So this was adding on to that, rather than building from the ground up.

The anticipation was still there, the desire to have more, to know more, to touch more was always present. There was a push and pull, a subtle growth with each passing.

"Stefan?"

"Hm?"

He looked up from the books spread out in front of him, brow furrowed.

Caroline smiled and hugged her arms around herself, closing her cardigan as she went. "Sometimes I think I'll come in here and you'll look like an old man…" She walked toward him. "You'll take your reading glasses off, all professor-like…"

He laughed under his breath and turned his chair.

She hooked a leg over him and took a seat in his lap.

Leaning back in his chair, he slid his hands over her waist. "Not sure how good of a professor I'd be. Or how long I'd be able to keep it up without someone mentioning that I'm not aging."

"We could add a little gray to your hair." She reached up and brushed her fingers through it. "Salt and pepper could be a good look for you."

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

She hummed, shaking her head. "No." Her hand slid down to his cheek, thumb stroking lightly. "I'm afraid you'll just have to suffer with looking insufferably young and hot."

"Insufferably?"

"It's a real crux being with someone that looks like you. If I wasn't so self-assured, I'd be worried about how many people want a piece."

He laughed deeply, a rumble from his chest. "I'm glad you're so secure then."

"It's one of my better qualities," she joked with a lighthearted shrug.

Stefan's hand rubbed up and down her sides soothingly. "One of many."

She stared down at him. "Charmer." Leaning in, she rubbed their noses together and let her mouth hover just short of his.

He reached up, stroking her hair back and behind her shoulder, his fingers stroking over her neck. "I try."

Kissing Caroline still felt new, like a burst in his chest, full of awe and excitement. Homework forgotten, he lost himself to the cradle of her lips, her hand sliding down his front, while the other skimmed up into his hair.

It wasn't long before he was stripping her cardigan off and kissing down her chest, his hands sliding under her shirt and across her skin. A little cold to the touch, but soft.

He dragged the strap of her top off her arm and kissed across her shoulder, his teeth scraping gently. Her breath hitched and she leaned into his mouth, nails dragging down his neck.

He looked up at her, curious, and she looked back, sliding her knuckle across his cheek.

He pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder and lifted his head, kissing up her neck until he reached her chin and teetered there.

The sun was filtering in through the curtains, collecting around her like a full-body halo, making her hair shine, an ethereal glow surrounding her.

"What?"

He blinked. "Hm?"

She smiled. "You're staring at me funny."

He shook his head. "Just… mesmerized."

Caroline's eyes fell for a moment and a flush filled her cheeks.

He cupped her face, and felt that familiar thump in his chest as she leaned into his hand. And he felt relief fill him, that he didn't keep holding on to those old fears, that he took a chance on this, on them. Because if he hadn't, he would've missed out on something beautiful and amazing and completely unique to them.

…

…

…

Life outside of their relationship continued. Classes and homework and friends. Even before they started dating, he looked forward to coming home just to see her, to be in her orbit. Now that feeling was doubled.

Fingers threaded through his hair and tugged. "Hey." She leaned down over the back of the couch, an arm wound around the front of his chest. "I've got a Skype session with Bonnie. But we should order in dinner tonight. Watch a movie. What do you think?"

He nodded, and rubbed a hand over her forearm, fingers teasing the inside of her wrist. "Say 'hi' to Bonnie for me."

"I will." She kissed his cheek, patted her hand to his chest, and then stood back and made her way to her bedroom. "Your movie pick tonight," she called, before the door closed behind her.

Stefan smiled to himself, before pushing off the couch to dig around in the take-out drawer for dinner options. Knowing Caroline and Bonnie, they would be Skyping for a good hour. If he ordered at the right time, dinner would be arriving just as she was finishing.

Damon suddenly came to mind, and Stefan could practically hear the 'wpshh' noise he would make in reference to his and Caroline's relationship. It didn't bother him one bit.

…

…

…

Stefan looked up from his journal as her hand slid over his back and her chin landed on his shoulder.

"Here." She placed a mug of heated blood in front of him. "You've been stuck in your head all morning. You should eat."

He smiled. Dropping his pen, he reached for the mug and swallowed back half of it.

With a hum, she reached for him, catching his chin with her fingers. She turned his head and caught his lips in a kiss, licking the stray droplets of blood still lingering on his mouth. His gaze felt to her lips as she leaned back, a smudge of blood on her chin, and he took a deep, stabilizing breath for a moment. Hooded eyes raised to meet hers, holding for a fraction of a moment, before they were reaching for each other.

They stumbled from the island counter and into the living room, tripping over each other until he was sprawled on the couch and she was on top of him. She laughed lightly, stretched herself out along his body and stacked her hands on his chest, her chin on top of them.

"I have a class in forty minutes," she warned.

He nodded, rubbing his hands over her shoulders. "I can work with that."

She bit her lip to hide a smile. "There's a Sadie-Hawkins' style dance happening on campus. I'm pretty sure it's just an excuse for us to get dressed up and dance, but when have I ever passed up on one of those?"

He grinned. "Never."

"Exactly. So." She poked his chest. "You should be my date, and then we can sneak out early, and come back here and… not have to worry about anything for a while."

His brows lifted faintly. "Okay."

"Okay you'll be my date?"

"Okay to pretty much anything you ask right now," he admitted freely.

She laughed, and then leaned up to kiss him.

…

…

…

Caroline was no stranger to sex. She'd had her fair share of partners, of which she had no shame about. Sex was just sex. It was healthy and fun and a great way to relieve stress, of which she'd often had an abundance of.

Sex and making love were two different things. The way it felt more than the act itself. She'd loved Matt, she really did, but their relationship was always so complicated. Mixed with lies and old feelings and edged with her ever-present fear of not being enough. She'd been in love with Tyler. And their relationship had been huge and passionate and defining in its own way. Then there was Klaus, and the wildly confusing feelings she had for him. It seemed like every time she fell in love, something or someone appeared to make it more difficult than it should be.

But this, here, with Stefan, it felt… different. It didn't make those previous relationships, or almost-somethings, any less important to her. They just felt different, each of them. Matt was a young love, struggling to get traction. Tyler was a fiery love, where she found her strength and her confidence and sloughed off a lot of her insecurity. And Klaus was a path not quite traveled, but full of promise and exploration that made her question parts of herself she'd never looked at before.

Stefan was a combination of all of it. He was that first crush, when she was still figuring herself out and comparing everything she was and did and had to Elena. He was the steady hand that helped her find her feet when the world around her went sideways. The 'what-if' that lingered in the back of her mind. The one she compared every man, every relationship to. He was her best friend and her sounding board and her pillar of strength and support through all the worst of it.

And now he was hers. A new step in an ever-growing relationship.

There was a nervous feeling welling in the pit of her stomach. Butterflies building up a storm inside her. Excitement and anticipation and the knowledge that things were changing, slowly but completely.

His hands were gentle on her shoulders, squeezing and rubbing up and down her arms. "You look scared."

"Not scared. Just…" She took a deep breath. "I don't know. I don't know how to explain it."

"Okay." He nodded. "We can stop."

She shook her head. "I don't want to stop."

"We can go slow."

"I think that might be the problem."

His brow furrowed. "Sorry?"

"I think I'm thinking too much." She scrubbed her fingers back through her hair and nodded. "Take off your clothes."

He huffed a laugh. "Just like that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Did you want a little music? I'm not opposed to you dancing for me."

He bit his lip as he grinned. "Okay." He started unbuttoning his shirt and kicked off his shoes, toeing at his socks. "Is this going to be a situation where I'm the only one not wearing clothes, or…?"

"Right." She reached for the end of her top and stripped it off, letting her blouse flutter to the floor at her feet.

Stefan paused, his gaze falling to her revealed skin. "I think I liked it better when I was taking your clothes off…"

"I don't remember you taking my clothes off. I remember us awkwardly standing here, next to your bed, staring at each other."

"I was working up to it. You interrupted the process. There was a whole thing going on before you ordered me to strip."

She laughed. "I'm sorry. Please, continue where you left off."

"With the awkward staring?"

"Whatever your plan calls for."

He hummed, and then reached for her, hands on her hips and tugging her a little closer. His fingers skimmed along the top until they reached the button. "Is this weird for you?"

"Being undressed?"

"Being undressed by me."

"We've made out. You've felt around under there."

He laughed. "Clearly the most romantic way to put it."

She blew out a sigh. "I don't know. It's… new. Not weird. Just… I think I'm waiting for something to go wrong."

"Like?"

"Like someone will call or a long-lost ex-something will show up at the door or an earthquake, or I don't know. Stop laughing." She shoved his shoulder.

"I'm not."

"You are."

"No one will call. No ex's are going to show up, and if they do, we are not opening the door."

She smiled.

"No earthquakes or avalanches or hurricanes…" He lowered the zipper on her jeans and peeled the fabric down her hips, thumbs sliding under the lacy fabric of her underwear to stroke across her skin. "It's just me and you. Standing beside a bed. Half naked."

Her cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing and… "I don't remember talking this much during sex."

"No?"

"No." She shook her head. "You think that'll be our thing?"

"I think it'll depend. Sometimes we'll talk and sometimes we'll be too caught up in each other."

"We're not caught up now?"

"We're exploring." He leaned down and pressed a kiss between her collar bones, his hands sliding up her sides, fingers spread wide. "I'm a big fan of exploration."

"Mm, I can tell." Her fingers skimmed through his hair. "This feels a little unbalanced though. I'm down to a bra, my underwear, and half my jeans. And you haven't even taken your shirt off…" She plucked at the fabric of his shirt, and, when he leaned back, started undoing it for him. "See? And you have an undershirt too. You are way overdressed."

"Feel encouraged to change that."

Caroline smiled and pushed his shirt off his shoulders, dragging it down his arms, to where it caught on his wrists. She unbuttoned the cuffs then, and finished stripping it away. Hooking a finger under the bottom of his undershirt, she shuffled that up his body and over his head, tossing it to the floor by her blouse. "There. That's a little better."

"Just a little?"

She dragged a finger down his chest and along the outline of his abdomen. "I don't feel so nervous now." When she reached his belt, she unbuckled it, giving it a few hard jerks to pull it free of his pants. "You know what's a good cure for being nervous?"

He hummed, his gaze on her hands as she undid his pants. "What's that?"

"Being in control."

She tucked her fingers into his underwear and slid her hand down, cupping her palm around his shaft. As he sucked in a breath, she felt her confidence build. Shifting her hips, she wiggled her legs free of her jeans and kicked them off. Stepping a little closer, she used her free hand to shuffle his pants down his legs and his boxer-briefs out of the way. Her hand moved smoothly, exploring the length of him, gently at first. And then she slid down to her knees in front of him.

"Caroline." He choked her name out, and it was beautiful.

She wasn't surprised when he buried a hand in her hair; he had a small fixation with that. As long as he didn't pull on it or use it to direct her, it was fine. His fingers seemed more intent on stroking her neck than anything else.

She took her time, exploring him with her tongue before she took him into her mouth. She let her hands move around his thighs, teasing every muscle until it flexed and twitched in response. Her fingers explored the shape of his knees and the indentations of his hips, the lines of his stomach and the length of his cock. It was all new territory that she wanted to memorize, inch by inch.

And she would. She had all night. She had a lot more than that too.

When she was in high school, she used to find it a little degrading, being on her knees for someone, the pleasure only going one way. But later, with partners she felt more comfortable with, it wasn't so much about not receiving pleasure as it was about giving it. About watching his face when she brought him to a new height and letting him linger there before she pushed him over. She'd seen a lot of things in Stefan's face over the years, complete and utter ecstasy was something she was glad to bear witness to.

The way he said her name was guttural, and then his fingers were digging into her shoulder and he was pulling her up, mouth slanting over hers, a little harder than before, his teeth scraping over her lips. He hugged his arms around her waist and pulled her in until her chest was pressed flat to his own. Fingers pulling at the back of her bra, he tore it the clasp open, and dragged the straps down her arms, letting it fall away.

She hummed as his hands palmed her ass, squeezing and kneading. They turned and fell back on the bed, with her on top of him, straddling his stomach. She broke away from his mouth to kiss down his neck and chest, biting and sucking at his skin. And the words of before, the lighthearted teasing, all fell away in favor of this. A different kind of intimacy.

He turned them over and pinned her hands above her head, his face buried at her neck. Hands sliding down her arms, his mouth trailed from between her collar bones to her belly button, pressing sucking kisses against her skin. He cupped her breasts, thumbs circling her nipples, and his tongue dipped into her navel. She arched up into the weight of his hands, fingers skimming over her skin, just light enough to tickle.

He nipped at her stomach and slid lower, kneeling on the bed. Sitting up, his hands swept down her hips and caught under the sides of her underwear. He dragged them down her legs and tossed them away, hands under her knees, opening her. He kissed down her right thigh first, and she could feel her legs trembling, the lower he moved. But while she could feel his breath against her, he skipped over her center to kiss up the opposite thigh, his fingers dragging down the underside of her legs.

Caroline watched him, her hands moving from above her head to slide down her body. One rested on her stomach, fingers outstretched, eager to touch herself where his tongue hadn't yet. But she held back, letting the anticipation and want build. Her other hand curled around her breast, circling and rubbing her nipple.

His hands slid around to the tops of her legs, swept across her hips and up her sides. She was panting and flushed and biting at her lip so hard it was just short of splitting.

And then he smiled up at her, let his face hover for just a moment, before his tongue was sliding up the center of her slit.

The noise that left her throat was equal parts desperate and demanding. Slow was nice and fun, but she wasn't capable or slow right now. He chuckled a little, but took her cue for what it was. Burying his mouth against her, he dropped an arm over her stomach to keep her steady. Sucking on her clit, he brought a hand down to tease his thumb over her, rubbing it in ever widening and shrinking circles. Caroline sunk her nails into his arm, her head thrown back, as she muttered incoherently under her breath, a mixture of his name and fuck-shit-yes-damn-it and please.

Stefan didn't tease her as long as she did him, taking her up to a precipice and pushing her over immediately. One and then two fingers moved inside her, curling and stroking, his tongue teasing, lips sucking, and the end of one climax slipped into a second.

She fell back against the bed, every muscle tightening and releasing, and he crawled up her body, leaving wet kisses on her stomach and her breasts and at the end of her chin. She wrapped her arms around his neck and slanted her mouth over his, humming with satisfaction.

"Not weird," she decided.

He grinned against her mouth. "No?"

"Mm-mm." Her hands skimmed through his hair to his face, framing it. She shook her head and dragged her thumbs along the arches of his cheeks. "There are those clichés people always use about how a relationship just feels right. I used to hate those. I mean, the idea of soul mates is... romantic, in theory. Slightly terrifying in reality. And then there are people who don't live in the eye of a supernatural hurricane, and they see it as something to aspire to. Like their partner has to be made for them, carved out of marble to fit all their weird little edges.

"And I get it. Because it's a way of making yourself feel better for feeling strange. Telling yourself there's someone out there, a yin to your yang. Maybe it's a lie, I don't know. I do know that when I'm with you, sex or no sex, it feels like coming home. Not like finding that other puzzle piece, but like there's bits and pieces of me that live inside you and vice versa and when we're together, we feel whole. Not just me, but us. Like we create a unit… Do you know what I mean, or is sex brain making this sound like I'm just high on dopamine?"

He laughed, but nodded. "I get it."

"Good." She tapped his temple. "That's because little bits of Caroline translate my nonsense, probably."

"I like to think I'm pretty good at figuring you out all on my own."

"That too."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Caroline dragged her fingers down his neck and tapped them against his chest. She hooked her leg over his hip and flipped them, so he was on his back, sprawled out beneath her.

Stefan's hands rubbed circles atop her thighs as he looked up at her.

She leaned down, peppering a collection of kisses across his chest, the ends of her hair trailing against him. Her hands slid over his shoulders and down his biceps, fingers tracing taut lines of tensed muscle.

One of his hands trailed up her thigh and stroked across her pussy. She spread her knees a little further apart and felt his hand shift, wrapping around his shaft. He rubbed the head of his cock against her clit. Caroline kissed him, a little harder, and then leaned back, sliding her hand down to join his. Her mouth fell open on a cracked inhale as she sunk down on him slowly.

The hand still on her thigh squeezed, fingers digging into her skin, and Stefan let out a strangled noise.

She watched him, his eyes hooded but watching her. She clenched around him, an involuntary reaction to the utterly destroyed look on his face. He choked out a 'fuck' and she smiled, rocking her hips in a slow circle.

He bit his lip, teeth scraping, and she leaned back, her hands on his stomach to keep her steady. She moved slowly, lifting herself up, inch by inch, and then sliding back down, clenching at random. It was a slow-building tease, testing his limitations. How far he'd let her push him to the edge, how much he could take. He watched her for a while, just enjoying it, the anticipation before the bliss. And then his hand crept up, fingers circling her clit.

She leaned down then, distracted him with her mouth moving over his, demanding all of his attention. He buried a hand in her hair, fingers tangled behind her neck, and when she broke away, he busied himself kissing her neck and her shoulders and across her collar bones and chest. And then control was taken away, or at least limited, when he lifted himself up, an arm around her waist to hold her steady, and stationary, as he moved his hips up, a little deeper and faster each time. Breasts pressed flat against his chest, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and dropped her forehead to his.

Years ago, when she was a fresh-faced seventeen-year-old who was still figuring out the world and her place in it, she'd looked at Stefan and thought of him as her new target. The new boy, who had no history with the town, who she could tote around as her token hot guy. Her first big 'in your face' to Elena. It would take years of friendship, a transformation from human to vampire, and a struggle to live and survive against the odds, that would bring them here.

She wasn't the same girl who looked at him and saw a pretty package and he wasn't the same mysterious guy that fell for a familiar face in Elena Gilbert. So she understood what he meant that day when they laid it all out. That he hadn't looked at her and fallen in love on sight. Because she hadn't either. She'd seen what she wanted to see when he first walked by. It would take a long time and a lot of growth for both of them to share themselves with each other in a completely sincere and real way. The Stefan she was with now, the Stefan she loved, was a man she had known and grown with. Someone that made her feel safe and loved and knew the best and worst parts of her. So to hell with love on first sight, or soul mates, or any of that. She would take a slow-burn friendship to lovers any day of the week. Because it made every moment of this, every excruciatingly blissful second of touching and being touched by him, that much more amazing.

Caroline came with her nails scraping down his shoulders, mouth panting against his neck, entirely wrapped around him, her entire body shaking. She could feel it from the roots of her hair down to the tips of her toes, like a flood of energy and sensation, sparking inside of her, overwhelming everything else. For a second, sound drifted away, and then a buzzing in her ears and a gust of air in her lungs. She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until her lungs ached.

His hands were stroking up and down her back soothingly, lips soft against her shoulder, and she peeled her eyes open. He was still hard inside her, and that throbbing insistence that demanded another peak rippled through her. She took a deep breath and lifted her head back, catching his lips with hers.

"Your turn," she mumbled against his mouth, before pushing him back against the bed once more.

He laughed.

Pulling one of her hands up from his chest, he pressed a kiss to her fingertips.

Caroline's heart flip-flopped without shame, and she decided they weren't leaving this bed until he couldn't feel his legs.

…

…

…

Stefan would be lying if he said they left the apartment much over the next couple days. There were shower and food breaks, but for the most part, they spent as much time as supernaturally possible exhausting each other in the best way possible. By the end of the weekend, he was almost glad to go to school. They had a routine they needed to get back to, a life that was slowly but surely finding its groove with this new addition of their relationship.

So he slipped out of bed Monday morning, took a shower, and met her in the kitchen. Half asleep as she browsed the news on her tablet, she handed him a glass of warmed up blood and hummed when he pressed a thank you kiss to her hair. They sat, side by side, eating breakfast and going through their usual morning, and it felt both different and completely the same.

He kissed her before he left for class, lingering at her mouth.

"Don't forget Josef's art show tonight."

"Mmhmm." He nodded, pecked her lips one last time, and then stepped back. Grabbing his bag, he promised he'd be back in time, and then he was on his way.

Life found its footing again. Regularly scheduled classes, frequent texts to and from Caroline, overwhelmed with her love of emoticons, and later that night, a date at the art gallery that was showing their friend's unique photography collection.

An arm around her waist, he stared at the picture in front of him with a confused, and mildly critical eye. "What am I looking at?"

Caroline checked the title of the picture. "'Man's inner child.'"

He blinked. "It kind of looks like an apple…"

Together, they both tipped their heads to the right and squinted. "Eye of the beholder?" she suggested.

"I guess art is supposed to be subjective."

"Sometimes it just seems overly complicated. Like everyone's trying too hard to do something different and edgy that it all comes out looking like, well, nothing."

He smiled. "Damon used to paint."

"Really?" Her brows hiked. "I can't imagine that."

"He was good. Our mother taught him. That and piano."

"Wow. And the ogre has layers."

He laughed, rubbing a hand over her hip before he turned his head, burying his face against her hair a moment.

"Do you miss him?"

"I…" He took a deep breath. "I know I'll see him again."

"Even with his track record of getting into trouble?"

"Even with that." He nodded, and looked back to the photo in front of them. "Me and Damon… We always find each other eventually. It might take time, and we might be in very different places in our lives, but… We always end up back together."

"Like magnets."

"Whatever Damon is or isn't, he'll always be my brother. I like to think while we've all been doing our own version of growing, so has he. This whole thing, with Elena and Katherine and all of it… It's behind us now. If they found each other, if they're together, if they aren't, it doesn't matter. When he's ready to find me, I wanna be there. I want to have a place in my life for him to fit."

Caroline looked up at him, and slid a comforting hand over his heart. "He puts on a good show, but I think he feels the same way about you."

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "He's not my favorite person, for various reasons, but… I know you love him, and I know he loves you. If having him in your life makes you happy, I'll support you."

Stefan pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you."

She smiled, hooking her arms around his waist. "I love you, too."

"Does this mean I win the pool?" Josef walked over to them and hung his arms around their shoulders. "Are you two lovebirds finally exploring the obvious?"

"Did you say 'pool'?" Stefan asked.

Josef waved a dismissive hand. "A betting pool, for when you two would finally hook up. Don't act like you didn't know it was happening. We have to get our kicks somewhere, Stef." He grinned, and then nodded his chin toward the picture in front of them. "So? What do you think? Isn't it just… visceral?"

Caroline and Stefan looked at each other, and then to their friend. "It's… something," she said.

"Definitely," Stefan agreed.

Josef nodded. "Amazing. It's one of my favorites."

Caroline's brows hiked in surprise, but she nodded anyway. "I can… definitely see that."

"Josef!" someone called.

He sighed rather dramatically. "Back to work." He squeezed their shoulders. "Enjoy yourselves. And if you see Tanesha tell her that she owes me. I won the pot fair and square."

Stefan nodded. "Sure. We'll pass that on."

Turning on his heel, Josef walked off to meet his adoring fans.

"How much do you think they won?" Caroline wondered when they were alone once more.

"Why don't we find Tanesha and see?"

"Are you sure? This is Josef's favorite." She pointed back to the picture. "We should probably stand here in awe of its beauty a little longer."

"I'm still seeing an apple."

Caroline's phone buzzed in her bag, and she dug it out to read a new text. "Apparently Tanesha already knows he won. Judging by the angry emoticons she used, I don't think she's happy she lost. And she's over by 'Man's struggle to accept defeat…' Is that ironic?"

He laughed under his breath.

He stopped laughing when Tanesha told him she still had money on when they would get married, and she really needed them to be on the same page.

…

…

…

Later, when they were pulling back the covers on the bed, Stefan found himself wondering, "Did she ever say what she picked for the wedding date?"

"Who, Tanesha?" Caroline tucked a few pillows against the headboard and behind her back, pulling a magazine off the bed side table and into her lap.

Somehow, in the course of a week, his room had become their room. He wasn't complaining. Half of her clothes had been living in his closet for years. It was actually kind of nice. He'd gone from having the apartment all to himself, and disliking how hollow and empty and absent of her it was, to having her right there next to him, every night he fell asleep and every morning that he woke up. It felt right.

"Yeah. She said the wedding pot was bigger and she wanted us to coordinate with her so she'd win. But she already had a date picked out, didn't she?"

"More like a month and a year." Caroline flipped the page in her magazine. "I guess Josef already lost the year part, because he picked last year. He thought we might elope while we were traveling. But he could still win for the month. Their voting scale was a little weird."

"And Tanesha? What did she pick?"

Caroline looked up from her magazine. "Uh, I think she picked a year after we graduate. In June."

Stefan stared at her a moment, and then he nodded. "All signs point to June."

"It's a good month." She shrugged, and returned her attention to her magazine. "Josef said if we get married in January, he'll personally photograph our wedding."

He grinned. "Can you imagine that photo album?"

"We'd never know what or who anything was. It'd be full of close ups and strange titles and abstract pictures of like loose flower petals and 'man's eternal search for companionship.'"

He laughed. "It'd be memorable, at least."

"Yeah. Definitely unique."

He hummed, and laid back in bed, watching her from the corner of his eye as she flipped through her magazine, a loose curl falling from her ponytail to rest against her neck, tucked behind her ear.

"You're staring."

"Admiring."

Closing her magazine, she turned to him. "Staring."

He gazed up at her. "You're beautiful."

"And you're… tempting." She put her magazine aside and shuffled down the bed, her head propped up on her hand. "Aren't you still tired from the weekend? I feel like my legs might be a little bow-legged, and I'm not sure blood will fix that…"

He laughed, deep in his chest. "Your legs are perfect."

"My legs are tired."

He reached for her, stroking a finger over her cheek. He lingered a few seconds, and then he reached back and he turned off his lamp. Caroline did the same, and when she came back, he turned over onto his back and held an arm out. She slid up against his side and rested her head on his shoulder and her hand on his heart.

"You'd tell me if all the wedding talk and betting pools were freaking you out, right?" she asked quietly.

"It doesn't."

"It's just a lot of pressure. Knowing that all our friends and our family expected this. And it's so new. So if it does, if you ever feel like it's too much, talk to me. Okay?"

"Okay. I will."

"Good."

"It's fine. We're fine." He kissed her temple. "I promise."

Caroline took a deep breath, and let it out on a content hum.

[Next: Part Three]

author's note: oh man, this has been such a long wait for me to put this up. i can't apologize enough for how long that took. it's also been so long, that i feel like maybe the tone's different from the first chapter, but this is just where it all led me. i had a few other pieces of them traveling that i cut in favor of going where the muse actually wanted to go and this is where we landed. i hope you enjoyed it, and i hope it somehow managed to live up to the amazing response i received for the first chapter. i'm still incredibly touched by how many people left reviews on this story. the third, and final, chapter is in the works and currently has a good 6k+ already written. :)

for those of you who know my tvd writing and my otp preferences, i'm all about bamon and steroline. so i'm sure you connected the hints throughout that suggested a little bamon in the future. i am considering writing a one-off side-shot of those two finding each other during her travels, with sprinkles of steroline as well.

be sure to check out my polyvore (sarcasticfina) for outfits, specifically caroline's dresses both at the club and on their first date. ;)

thanks so much for reading. please try to leave a review!

- lee | fina