Rated T for TEENS (13+)

ULTIMATE DREAM LEAGUE

ISSUE #9

"CATFISH"

Written by Joseph Label

Full credits at the end of the issue

PREVIOUSLY ON ULTIMATE DREAM LEAGUE…

· Ariel Adelphos, first cousin of Hercules Adelphos (Wonderboy), 'auditioned' for the Dream League and passed. She is now La Sirenetta, an aqua-powered fighter who can transform into a mermaid.

· Her water powers are the primary reason she was hired by the Masked Mallard, because he recalled the time he defeated a robot just by liquid alone (Issue #5).

· Ariel has met Alice but seemingly does not know that her alter ego is Dreamchild (Issue #6).

· When Alice returned to her single-student dorm after Ariel was accepted, she was greeted by a ninja duck known as Cold Shadow. (While the two obviously share a history, it hasn't been made clear to the reader exactly how they know each other… yet.) They discussed the latest happenings in the news and speculated about the recent onslaught of robots, and he left after the conversation ended (Issue #8). They also discussed the cat who made a ruckus in Reno, Nevada (Issue #7).

JEEZ, IS ARIEL STOKED! SOMEBODY'S GOTTA NAIL HER FIN TO THE FLOOR…!

The next morning, an emergency appointment was arranged for Ariel to see Edna Mode. The Star Wisher was clear to land within Mode's enclosed property. Little did Ariel know that Duck Avenger was considered dangerous cargo, at least in the eyes of Edna.

"Seriously?" Ariel asked him. "You're not comin'? I thought the Dream League was a 'whole package' deal."

The Avenger, also the pilot, refused to see the fashionista dictator. "Nuh-uh. She and I ain't pals."

"You're not 'pals' with anyone, Avenger," the Masked Mallard casually jabbed.

The pilot crossed his arms on his chest as he remained seated. "Say whatever ya want, I'm stayin'. Just go."

Ariel looked to the costumed Wonderboy and Dreamchild. "Why? What's up?"

"My dear," Dreamchild jested, "you are witnessing an immovable object, and Edna is quite the unstoppable force." She smiled.

Wonderboy also found the whole thing amusing if kinda tedious. "Edna the costume-maker hates capes with a passion, and DA refuses to drop his cape. That's what I gathered."

The Masked Mallard had already detached his own cape. "And she won't see mine! Heh-heh!"

The Avenger rolled his eyes and kicked up his boots on the dashboard, crossing them into a comfortable rest. "Brilliant. She'll never see through that. Now get goin'."

Ariel's disappointment was short-lived. She practically bolted down the ramp and into the building. The others kept pace with her and soon found themselves in front of a seated Edna. She sat on the same chair Herc had picked for the interview, back when he first joined the Dream League. It wasn't long ago, and yet it kinda felt like a past life. She was reading the day's newspaper, but she made room in her leisure to politely greet the supers. "Good morning, Dream League."

"Good morning, Edna!" Wonderboy answered.

The Masked Mallard was even more confident in speaking to her. "And a good morning to you, Ms. Mode."

Edna glanced up at the duck and rolled up her newspaper in an instant. She hopped off the chair and bee-lined to him.

The old duck continued, "It's always a pleasure to—"

Nobody expected Edna to smack the Masked Mallard with the newspaper with full force, except for Edna. She was judge, jury, and executioner in this domain, and that newspaper was her gavel. The leader of the Dream League was naturally the most startled by the attack. "ACH! Wh-what—how dare you!" He tried to fend her off with his cane, but she kept delivering the pages. Newspapers might have been a dying art to some, but they were alive and well in Edna's grip.

Dreamchild covered her face with her palm to hide a big smile. She mentally cautioned Ariel. And this is the woman responsible for designing most of our disguises.

Ariel slowly nodded. Okay. Should I be scared?

You get used to it, Wonderboy thought. Dreamchild knew how to handle mental invitations to any telepathic conversation, which is how he joined the discussion with moderate ease. I met her before and this is the norm.

Dreamchild said out loud, "I know precisely why she's assaulting you with the sports pages, Mr. Mallard."

"I think we all do," Wonderboy added."

Edna finally stopped her viciousness. She threw the beaten newspaper upward, the ripped and crumpled pages fluttering around them as they descended, like a snowfall of text and advertisements, with at least one page of comic strips whirling by MM's face as if to mock him. Her eyes were like Satan with fashionable glasses, digging into the heroic team's leader. "NO. CAPES."

The ruffled Mallard adjusted his spectacles and cleared his throat. "Ehh, I'm not wearing a cape—"

"NO. CAPES. What have I repeated over and over?" She trembled in emotion. "NO. CAPES. Spell it out for me, man! N-O. C-A-P-E-S. Two words, two syllables, and they still can't penetrate that thick skull of yours! You're the leader of the Dream League, for God's sake, and you're a walking terrible example! Your team looks up to you, but they look up to a man with a death wish. And not just for your health, dahling, but your fashion. By adding a cape to my design, you're spoiling perfection."

Furious as he was, the Masked Mallard kept his temper under control…for the most part. If only he was Scrooge McDuck, he'd really give her an unfiltered rebuttal. But he didn't want his teammates to know who he really was, as Duck Avenger was already one too many, and he suspected Dreamchild also knew, at least ever since the 'coin' incident. [In Issue #5, Scrooge mentioned a time when he, as the Masked Mallard, greedily reacted to hearing the sound of a quarter dropping, and a witnessing Dreamchild was apparently satisfied with how he reacted!] "Miss Mode, I think you're overreacting. That cape has helped me—"

"And has caused the deaths of many. Airplane jets, elevator shafts, rockets, clockwork gears, man-eating plants—do I have to staple a laminated note to your utility belt? You don the cape, there's no escape. Repeat that to yourself every day! The mantra will help you more than a cape ever could."

Ariel thought to her cousin and Dreamchild. Guess I'm not gettin' a cape. She stiffened when Edna snapped her attention to her. Aw, gosh—

Have fun! Wonderboy joked.

Edna's eyes squinted as she quickly approached the stranger. "Your hair is alarmingly red. Who are you?"

The Masked Mallard spoke. "Ah, Miss Mode. Allow me to introduce—"

Edna rolled her eyes. "I wasn't asking you, Masked Caper. Now, be a good boy and let the women talk."

Ariel didn't know if Edna's behavior was tough love or if she really had an acid-spitting hatred for capes. Like, did a cape kill her first dog or something?

The Masked Mallard really hated to admit it, but he was slightly envious about Duck Avenger staying behind. He bit his tongue and fought back the many insults that flooded his head, but he had to deal with his temper somehow. Less-than-kind thoughts about her being smothered by her own wardrobe would suffice for now.

Wonderboy mentally groaned. Whoooaaa. That was a burn.

No, Dreamchild thought in politeness, I would say Ms. Mode let him off gently. I was present when she and Duck Avenger quarreled. Oh, my goodness, that was verbal warfare.

Ariel knew she had to stand up to this fashionista if she wanted some good threads. Or spandex. Whatever the fabric was, she wanted it, and that's why she worked up a charming and kind smile that didn't overdo it. Besides, she was soon going to physically trade blows with really bad guys. If she could take a punch, she could take intense teasing from this strange tailor. "Hi, Edna—Miss Mode! I'm Ariel, and I'm Wonderboy's cousin. It's weird, but it turns out I have superpowers, too." She shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm different than him. And I wanna help everybody out with what I've got. Uh, not the bad guys. I wanna help the good guys."

Edna retained her toughness, but her smile softened a little. "Call me E, dahling."

"Okay, E." She offered her hand, which E gripped for a cordial shake. "I gotta say, I love your work! Did you design every Dream League costume?"

"Thank you, Ariel. While the Dreamers have had their own costumes when they started, I've updated most of them with the best quality available. Except for he who won't be named."

"Duck Avenger," Wonderboy said. "Right?"

"Do not mention that name!" Edna melodramatically pressed the back of her right hand to her forehead and leaned back. "I offered him the best of the best, but he refused it!"

The Masked Mallard interjected, "I appreciate your work, but—"

"But nothing!" She pointed to the old hero. "You're no better as long as you use that cape!"

Ariel played with her hair as she asked. "I get it, no capes. Not a problem! So, I was wondering… could you design my costume? For what you've done for the others, I'd love to work with you."

"I'm glad somebody appreciates my work." The big teeth in her flattered grin displayed a hint of menace.

The Dream League's elder wished he could lift that no-insult embargo. "Get to the point. She needs a suitable outfit."

"Just a minute," Edna said. "I don't even know what her powers are."

Within seconds, Ariel's skin and hair turned blue, light and dark. "My powers are all about water." She aimed her opened right hand at the fountain under the huge mural and fired a stream of water into it, even from her distance. Somehow, her palm shot water out like a garden hose at full blast. "I'm not giving it all I've got, though."

Edna pursed her lips as her unimpressed eyes watched. "Hm."

"And I can fight. I've been training." Ariel ended her water stream and demonstrated some of her close-quarters moves, a rapid succession of punches and a roundhouse kick, all carefully controlled so no one would get hurt.

"I see," Edna said. She was polite but obviously not spellbound.

"Uh… I can turn into a mermaid." Ariel grinned as soon as Edna's facial expression changed.

"Come again?"

"You heard right," Wonderboy said. "She can turn into a super-mermaid."

"I've seen that with my own eyes," the Masked Mallard confirmed.

"Likewise," Dreamchild added.

Edna's face lit up in intrigue. "That's different." She was a very short woman, so she had to look up to Ariel just to make eye contact.

"Yeah, I grow a fin and I can swim like crazy. I can even make some spikes. But the problem is I can't—my clothes don't change, too. It's not like magic."

"I must see proof," Edna demanded.

Ariel was already taking off her shoes. "Sure, but everybody's gotta look away until I say so."

"That never gets… not-awkward," Wonderboy mumbled.

Following Ariel's demonstration...

"That… is very interesting." Edna's spark of curiosity flared to pyromaniac levels. "Yes… yes! VERY interesting!"

Ariel beamed. "So, you'll do it?"

At that point, Edna Mode broke character and flat-out said the hard truth. "No, I won't! Because Ultimate Dream League is CANCELLED!"

"Bollocks," said Dreamchild, equally out of character.

Sadly, it's true. Due to problems behind the scenes and other major roadblocks in development, UDL is cancelled, effective immediately. That's why what was written of this issue was just a rough draft and not even finalized. Sorry about that!

There is good news, though. The Dream League is being rebooted into a new and more manageable series. Most of the characters will remain, but I regret to say that Wonderboy won't be featured in the reboot, due to falling-outs and a colossal shift in life. I repeat, Wonderboy/Hercules Adelphos will NOT be in the reboot. I understand if this is a deal breaker for some of y'all, no hard feelings, but I wish to thank you deeply for reading any of UDL. Thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart.

I wish to thank some awesome readers both past and present, Roninarnia and MaliceArchangela, DisneyFreak010, Flyin Kiwi, my sister, and her friend. Regarding development and seeking advice, I thank One Lucky Unicorn, FantomeNocturne, Collin, and Emma.

Merry Christmas and happy new year!

Joseph