A/N: Written for the Kurtbastian Big Bang in January.

"I can see the way, I see the way you look at me," rang out over the speakers backstage as Kurt straightened his tie. He rolled his eyes, wondering why exactly they were playing this Avril Lavigne song given the upcoming festivities, but he figured it got the audience excited. Signing up for a date auction was not what he planned to do with his Saturday, but Rachel's Jewish Students' Association had been short on guys for the charity event and didn't really care where they got them from. She'd conned Brody into it too, and he was two mirrors down from Kurt, using a lint roller. The romantic attraction had fizzled over the spring semester and he was now good friends with both of them and a constant visitor in their warehouse.

Speak of the devil, Rachel slipped through the curtain that formed the back wall of the makeshift stage. "Hey," she said, just loud enough to be heard over the music. Technically she was working the event too, but as a plant in the audience to fluff up bids. They'd already had enough girls sign up to be bachelorettes for auction, and Rachel claimed this gave her acting skills more exercise than standing on a stage and smiling.

"Hi," he said, smoothing the last few hairs into place. "You remember the deal, right?"

"Only guys, or girls that I know for a fact aren't vicious harpies, can win your date," she repeated obediently. "I know, I remember. And thank you again for doing this."

"Why didn't I get a deal? All I got was a box of cookies," Brody pouted from his station.

"Because Dinah from my Italian opera class has been putting out feelers for months and when she heard you were thinking of participating, she begged me to make sure, then told every girl she could find to back off because she was taking you home." Brody's eyes widened and he stared at Rachel like he couldn't believe she would let this happen. "Stop worrying. She's not crazy, just determined. She's actually very sweet." When he didn't seem reassured, she moved toward him and reminded him, "It's only one date. It won't kill you. Besides, if she does turn into a stalker, we have all her info and can turn her in to the NYPD."

"This isn't making me feel better, Rach."

She straightened his lapels. "Then I'll appeal to your shallow side and tell you she can put her leg behind her head and doesn't like wearing bras."

He smiled lasciviously at that, making both Kurt and Rachel roll their eyes at him. "Yes, yes, take her to dinner and on a walk in Central Park and when you suggest a carousel ride, take her up on the offer of a different kind of ride."

A year ago, Kurt would have choked at those words coming out of Rachel Berry's mouth, but it was a tribute to how much had changed that he didn't even blink. Her short-lived relationship with Brody and her ongoing rivalry with Cassie had done wonders for boosting her confidence in certain areas. Kurt had rebuilt his own confidence going toe-to-toe with stubborn fashion folk trying to get ahold of Isabelle and dating his way through a number of perfectly nice but ultimately not right men. He had been dating a nice boy named Brian in July, but that fell apart in the face of the work rush to get the August issue to press. He wasn't about to sit around and wait for Blaine either, especially since his ex had taken a full scholarship to a school in California. Neither of them were foolish enough to think a newly rekindled relationship could survive that distance, so they decided not to push it and simply salvage their friendship instead.

"Now that Brody's okay with his inevitable date," Rachel turned back around, "I promise I will do my best. I have our collective emergency fund to cover everything if I end up buying you, I've asked some of the other girls to talk you down to the less savory members of the crowd, and at least one of the guys is going to bid on you to make it clear that avenue is open."

"You're amazing."

"I know." A bell rang and Rachel kissed his cheek, before giving Brody the same quick treatment. "I've gotta get out there now. Good luck to both of you. Remember, it's all for charity!"

She ducked out through the curtain as the girls backstage started lining up to enter. The pre-show music gave way to some stereotypical intro music as the two hosts burst onto the stage.

"Hello, and welcome to the Annual Jewish Students' Association Charity Date Auction!" a girl announced to loud cheers. "I'm Ashlinn, and this is Simon, and we'll be your hosts for the evening."

"Just a reminder before we get started," Simon said, "this is an inclusive date auction and LGBTQ-friendly. So don't be afraid to bid on the date and not the person. All the money is going to the same place, so ladies, if you really want two tickets to the Jets versus Patriots game, go ahead and outbid some of these guys standing around."

Some giggles rippled through the crowd, and Kurt heard one guy yell, "Fat chance, those tickets are mine!" A few more laughs and Ashlinn took over again.

"Well, let's get the party started! Ladies first, if you please…"

One by one, the girls backstage filed out front to provide some background eye candy before getting called up to tell about their date. The first girl had an hour-long bakery sampling followed by a double feature at one of the movie theaters that ran classics. That one went for a fair price and the auction went on.

A picnic lunch sold for a low price, but from the noise of the audience, it was the girl's boyfriend that bought it. The girl with the Jets tickets did in fact end up being bought by another girl, probably for more than the price of the tickets, but it was worth it for the grumblings of the men in the audience. A night with both a carriage ride and a mini shopping spree through a toy store got a fierce bidding war between two boys as they topped each other in increments of five. One by one, the girls' dates were sold and before too long, all twenty had come and gone.

"And now let's get our handsome gentlemen out here!"

They had lined up by when they submitted a bio, meaning Kurt, as a last-minute fill-in, was last in line. Even Brody was three people ahead of him, as he'd been far more willing to go on the meat market. After a brief introduction of the first bachelor and a description of his date (tour of Chinatown's shops and restaurants), the women began bidding.

Kurt zoned out, only paying enough attention to clap at a sale and keep a smile on his face. It's not that he had a problem going on this date with a girl. He designed something that could be an actual date or something he could do with a friend. He ran it by Rachel, Brody, Blaine, even Finn to make sure that it kept a degree of ambiguity that could become something specific depending on who won the package.

"Next up, we have Brody Weston." Kurt glanced up as Brody stepped forward, waving and smiling brightly. "Brody is a senior by way of Missoula, Montana. He's offering up a delightful dinner at Sardi's followed by a walk through Central Park and a chance to see where the night takes you." Some of the girls giggled and Kurt barely kept from rolling his eyes at the incredibly cheesy description of the offering. Out of ideas, he had asked Rachel about the best New York date she'd ever been on, and modified what she told him. "Starting bid is thirty dollars."

"Forty!" cried one girl from the center of the room.

"Forty-five!" And there was Rachel, doing her job at one-upping.

"Fifty!" came from the left.

"Fifty-five!"

"Sixty!"

"Sixty-five!"

"One hundred!" This was from a girl in the second row, who was smiling at Brody like the cat who got the cream. This had to be the Dinah that Rachel was talking about.

"One ten!" Rachel had apparently decided to force this girl's desire to make more for whichever charity they had ended up choosing.

"One fifteen."

"One twenty!"

"One twenty-five."

Ashlinn looked back to where Rachel had been sitting and heard nothing. "One twenty-five once… one twenty-five twice… SOLD for one twenty-five to the girl in the second row. Please head to the table on your left and collect your gentleman there." Dinah smiled at Brody again and he flashed a grin back, heading down the steps to meet her at the table stage right. Kurt clapped politely as the next boy, who reminded him of Joe without the dreads, stepped forward. He and the next two sold fairly quickly, and then it was Kurt left alone on the stage.

"Alright, last but not least," Simon enthused, "we have Mr. Kurt Hummel. Kurt is a sophomore from Lima, Ohio, and he's offering up a treat that I wouldn't mind bidding on myself." He winked at Kurt and Kurt blew a little kiss back at him, causing the audience to laugh. He'd met Simon during his first class at NYADA and the boy had taken him out within the week. Neither one had felt a spark, so they stuck with being classmates, albeit ones who made out once when they were bored and a little drunk at a house party.

"Kurt will use his own kitchen to make the meal of your choosing, which if his cooking is anywhere near his cake-baking skills, will be amazing, as my fellow JSA members know." A murmur of assent rolled through the audience from the people who had sampled his baking. "This will be followed by front-row seats to one of the finest classic musicals off-Broadway now, The Fantasticks." A few more murmurs, this time of excitement. "Now, these tickets are already purchased for a week from today, and non-refundable, so keep that in mind when we start the bidding at—"

"Sixty dollars!" Kurt raised his eyebrows slightly, as he was pretty sure his starting bid was supposed to match Brody's, but kept smiling.

"Sixty-five!"

"Seventy!" Rachel was still looking out for him.

"Seventy-five!"

"Three hundred."

A voice, definitely male, called from the back of the room. Kurt couldn't see who it was, but upping the bid that much seemed to be an effective way of shutting all the girls up. He really hoped Rachel didn't try to bump it up because if a guy was that interested in buying his date, he was going to let it happen.

When no one else bid, Simon called out "Going once… twice… SOLD for three hundred to the gentleman in the back. Please come forward to pay the bill and collect your beautiful prize." Kurt swatted good-naturedly at Simon, who in turn pinched his arm, as he went down the steps to the side table, but kept smiling. He barely listened to the wrap-up Ashlinn and Simon were delivering, although he caught that the total came to just over five thousand dollars for the evening, the second-highest they'd ever raised.

First he saw the top of a hairdo heading over to the table, which meant this man was both tall and wore his hair that way. Then he caught a flash of stripes between two girls, most likely the guy's shirt. He glanced over his shoulder when the music flared up again and saw Simon bowing his way off stage while Ashlinn curtsied and followed. He started clapping automatically once again. With the music rising in volume, he barely heard the voice speaking over the sound.

"Well, well, Kurt Hummel. I can't wait to see how bad this date is going to be."