Sleaze-balls
Riiing.
Riiing.
Riiing-
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"Hello~! This is the Kise Residence. How may I help- "
"Oh, uh, hey. Can I- I mean, may I talk to Kise Yukana?"
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"...May I know who is calling?"
"Um, hey. I'm her boyfriend, Misaki- "
"What."
"Her boyfriend- "
"Again, what."
"I'M HER BOYFRIEN- "
"Who the fuck are you?"
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"...Who the fuck are you?"
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"DON'T YOU EVER, EVER CALL HERE AGAIN! FOR THE RECORD, I'M KISE-FUCKING-RYOUTA AND I'M HER AWESOME YOUNGER BROTHER, BITCH."
"Shit, wait, I'm sorry- "
Toot. Toot. Toot.
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"So he goes all like, Can I talk to Kise Yukana, and I was all like, 'Who the fuck are you' and he answers back with the exact same words and don't get me started on how much of a fucking sleaze-ball he sounded!"
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"What."
"Sigh, Aomine-chi, are you even listening?!"
"Yeah, yeah, I am. I got a question, though."
"Yeah?"
"How do you know he's a sleaze-ball?"
"HE JUST IS, AOMINE-CHI! CAN'T YOU SEE! He calls randomly, in the middle of the friggin' night, asking for my sister- "
"You haven't even met the guy yet, Kise-kun. You're so judgmental."
"Kuroko-chiiii~ "
"Don't touch me."
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"...Anyway, how is he a sleaze-ball?"
"Listen, Aomine-chi, I've been in the modeling world long enough to know that there are three types of people in the world: innocent people, closet sleaze-balls, and full-blown sleazeballs. And I'm telling you, the caller. Was. A. Full-blown. Sleaze-ball."
"You heard his voice, Kise-kun, not his fucking autobiography."
"Kuroko-chi, I've had so much experience with sleaze-balls that I can recognize them by the voice! The guy is a sleaze-ball!"
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"Wait. Holy shit."
"What is it, Aomine-kun?"
"...What makes a sleaze-ball, a sleaze-ball?"
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"Well, fuck me and call me a sleaze-ball."
"Tetsu, shut the fuck up, I'm serious here. Does a sleaze-ball have to be fat?"
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"...Aomine-chi, what?"
"Does he have to be fat?"
"What does size have anything to do with this?"
"Huff. Sleaze-ball. Balls are round. Fat people are round. Or round-ish, whatever. See where I'm coming from?"
"...Aomine-chi has a point there, actually."
"You're both stupid."
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"...Do they have to be greasy too? Do sleaze-balls sweat easily?"
"Maybe they do, since they're perverts and all. If you know what I mean."
"Dude- "
"Give me some five, Kise- "
"I'll give some fives right across your faces unless you stop being dorks."
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"Okay, really, what makes a sleaze-ball, a sleaze-ball?"
"Aomine-kun- "
"Can people who play ball games be considered sleaze-balls? Since they sweat and play with balls?"
"Shit, that makes sense. You're being smart today, Kise!"
"But wait! Is there a difference between hard ball games and soft ball games?"
"You mean sports with hard balls and soft balls?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe the way they feel and play the balls?"
"Oh my god- "
"YEAH, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BALLS!"
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"Shut the fuck up, we're in a playground- "
"Aomine-chi, I think we got it all figured out now- !"
"Yeah, it's the balls!"
"Does it also involve how they touch it- ?"
"I think it's more about whether it's hard or soft, and whether it's big or small- "
"YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR PERVERSION AND PEDOPHILIA. COME WITH ME, YOU TWO!"
"What the fuck- "
"We're not doing anything- "
"Tetsu, tell them we're- WHAT THE- "
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"WHERE'S TETSU?! TETSU, YOU BASTARD!"
"KUROKO-CHI!"
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"What happened to you? You look like you just ran a marathon. You're all greasy and it's like you just played some hard ball- "
"Kagami-kun, kindly stop talking, please."
And thus ends the awkward (and innuendo-filled) conversation between Kise Ryouta, his sister's douchebag boyfriend, Aomine Daiki, an unusually cussy Kuroko Tetsuya, and an ignorant Kagami Taiga.
"TETSU, BAIL US OUT! YOU TRAITOR!"
"KUROKO-CHI- "
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"You know them, son?"
"No, officer. They're just a couple of sleaze-balls, if you'll pardon my term."
"I've encountered many of those, son. I've encountered many of 'em."