The Third Hokage sighed as the small boy in front of him once again asked about his parents. He didn't want to lie to the boy, but he knew that revealing such information would put the child's life in danger. If anyone outside of Konoha learned that Naruto was the son of the Fourth Hokage...

The child was unusually persistent this time, and it was becoming harder for him to keep his silence. In most universes he would say nothing, but in this one...

"Naruto, I can't tell you about your father, but I did know your mother." The Hokage said with a sigh, praying that he was making the right decision. Unlike Konoha's Yellow Flash and Fourth Hokage Namikaze Minato, Uzumaki Kushina of Whirlpool had been a relative unknown outside certain circles, and the few who had known of Minato and Kushina's relationship had kept silent throughout the years. Telling Naruto about his mother would be far safer than telling him about his father.

"Really?!" the blond ten year-old asked, his eyes widening in surprise, before scowling because the old man had been holding out on him for years.

"I wanted to wait until you were able to take care of yourself before I told you about your family. Your father made a large number of enemies who wouldn't hesitate to kill you if they knew that you were his son." The Hokage said as he rooted through his desk looking for a couple items that had been recovered from the wreckage of a certain house that had been destroyed during the Nine-tailed Fox's rampage. He had planned on giving them and a few items that had belonged to Minato to Naruto when he became a Jonin, at which point he had planned on telling the boy about both of his parents.

"Uzumaki Kushina was a very kind and very beautiful woman who made friends wherever she went. She was also alot like you are now when she was your age. I even had to reprimand her for some of the pranks she had pulled shortly after arriving in Konoha." The Hokage said as he finally located the headband bearing the symbol of a country that no longer existed and the scroll containing what looked to be several prank Water Jutsu and a manual on the uses of numerous non-standard weapons as well as a beginner's booklet on creating seals.

"Her family came from a small island country called Whirlpool, that ceased to be after the fall of Uzushiogakure after the end of the Second War. She was an orphan who arrived with a small group of refugees during the war." The Hokage continued as he set the items on his desk, hoping Naruto didn't spot his little white lie since he wasn't going to say a word about the Kyuubi to its current host, especially considering the number of kidnapping attempts - successful and otherwise - that had been made on his mother when Kushina's status as a Jinchuriki had gotten out.

"These belonged to her. I was told that the headband was worn by her father and her grandfather before him and therefore is something of a family heirloom. I request that you only use what's in the scroll on your enemies, because if I find you using the listed techniques as pranks I will take the scroll back until I decide you're mature enough for me to return it to you since I was going to wait until you were older to give these to you, but I think I might have kept them from you long enough." The Hokage said as he handed the scroll and headband to the boy.

Naruto accepted the items, holding them reverently and looking at them with an expression of awe. He sat there staring at them for several minutes.

"Thanks Old Man!" he yelled abruptly as he got up and raced towards the door, cradling both items as if they were precious treasures.

Teuchi looked down at his favorite customer and saw something he hadn't seen in a over two decades, the symbol of the Shinobi of the former country of Whirlpool. When the country had been conquered by the combined forces of Kumo, Iwa, and Kiri and Uzu had been overrun by Ninja during the Second Shinobi War, his family had been amongst the few to escape to Konoha. Unlike Uzumaki Kushina who had been his best customer before her death however, he had been a civilian. His favorite cousin who had died with their home had been a Ninja though.

"You shouldn't wear that until after you graduate from the Academy." He said pointing to the headband Naruto was wearing like a collar - since he couldn't fit it over the goggles that someone had anonymously given him for his seventh birthday - after he set a bowl of Ramen down in front of the boy who was busy asking Umino Iruka if he knew his mother.

"Why not?" Naruto asked before he dug in.

"Other than the fact that it's bad luck?" he replied.

"Bad luck?" Naruto asked.

"Wearing one of those before it is earned is practically begging for misfortune to befall you." he replied.

Naruto grumbled as he untied the headband and put it in one of his voluminous coat pockets.

Umino Iruka, who had been treating the Uzumaki boy yet again poked Naruto to distract him from his dark musings and said "You'd better eat up, or your ramen will go cold."

Before Naruto started eating however, he looked up at Teuchi with a inquiring expression.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Did you know my mother?" Naruto asked.

"Sure, she was my best customer." he replied before launching into a story about the child's mother since it was apparently safe to do that at least. He had of course been forced to carefully edit the story in order to leave out the child's father just in case.

Two days after the Sandaime had told him about his mother, Naruto sat in his favorite tree thinking. When he mentioned had told his class about his mother, several students pointed out that he was obviously illegitimate since he had her family name. The Old Man had said that the reason he had her name was because his father had made a bunch of enemies, but it was also possible that they were right.

His classmates had started picking on him the instant school let out, saying that his father didn't want him. But what if his father did want him? What if his father had hid him to keep him safe and was alive somewhere? His enemies must have been real dangerous if The Old Man was so afraid of them that he wasn't going to say anything about his parents until he grew up.

Why was The Old Man afraid of his father's enemies? Why did The Old Man talk about his mother like he liked her alot and was really sad she was gone? Could it be...?

"Minato, where did I go wrong? What did I do to make me deserve this?" Sarutobi Hiruzen moaned three days later when he had heard the conclusions Naruto had jumped to about the identity of his father.

Somehow, Naruto had come to the conclusion that he was his illegitimate son. Once Naruto had grabbed onto something, it usually took an epic struggle to make him let it go and it didn't look like Naruto was going to let this go any time soon. That night, when he discussed his dilemma with his younger son Asuma during a rare shared meal, the man whose diapers he had changed laughed, forgetting he had food in his mouth until it sprayed across the table. After chewing and swallowing what was left, he started laughing again and laughed so hard he had nearly stopped breathing.

The next morning Iruka swallowed nervously when Asuma Sarutobi entered the classroom and asked for Naruto, Mizuki barely held back a smirk at the thought of the fox getting what it deserved for spreading that lie about the Hokage, and Naruto nervously walked up to the man and left with him.

They walked until Asuma found an empty room and ushered him inside. He gestured for the boy to be silent before he set up some privacy seals to deter eavesdroppers.

"My father's probably going to skin me alive for telling you this but, welcome to the family." Asuma said smiling and chuckling. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't go telling anyone else though, seeing as it's supposed to be a secret."

"But why...?" Naruto started, wondering why the Old Man didn't want anyone to know he was his son. Did he not want him?

"Well, you see, it's like this..." Asuma said, as he started on a tale of star crossed lovers and an affair that could bring down the Hokage if anyone knew, barely keeping his laughter inside as he watched the child lap it up.

That's what you get for pawning me off on that stupid tutor dad. Asuma thought as he sent a certain Jinchuriki back to class in a much better mood.

A month and a half later, a Naruto who had suddenly started spending a great deal of time in the Konoha library came to class grinning in a manner that was oddly familiar. Iruka remembered the chaos that had resulted from the last time Naruto stood in front of the class puffed up like that. Before Iruka could stop him, Naruto made his announcement.

"I'm gonna be a Hokage just like my..." Naruto started.

Oh Crap, Oh Crap, Oh Crap. Iruka thought Naruto's going to claim to be related to the Fourth Hokage this time and he'll get into some serious trouble.

"First Cousins thrice removed." Naruto continued, listing his next closest relations who were Hokage since he couldn't say a word about his real father because that evil one-eyed Danzo man would use it to steal the hat from him.

The collective "WHAT?!" could be heard across the village. The class erupted into chaos with people talking over each-other most of them saying something along the lines of "Yeah right" and "Liar".

When Iruka finally got the class to quiet down, before calmly walking over to Naruto, smacking him over the head and yelling "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT FALSELY CLAIMING TO BE RELATED TO THE HOKAGE?!"

Naruto rubbed his head and whined before pulling a set of notes and what looked like some sort of chart out of his pocket.

"There's nothing false about it!" Naruto snapped "My mother was Uzumaki Kushina who was the daughter of Uzumaki Akira who was the son of Uzumaki Kintaro who was the son of Uzumaki Hikaru who married Senju Kanna who was the First and Second Hokages' aunt. Look it up, it's all on that giant Senju family tree thing in the Library that no-one looks at."

Author's Note: According to Wikipedia, if someone's great-great-great-grandparent is someone's grandparent, they are first cousins thrice removed. So if, for instance the 1st and 2nd Hokages' aunt married Naruto Uzumaki's Great-Great-Grandfather as in this story they would be so related and such a thing could be entirely possible since Kishimoto had indicated that the Uzumaki and Senju clans had intermarried. According to the chart, Naruto and Tsunade would be Third Cousins Once Removed.