~*~ Forget the Past ~*~

Author's Ramblings: Lazy, lazy, lazy… Exams, exams, exams… Excuses, excuses, excuses… Lol. Do you really want to listen to me ramble on and on about my boring life?? Ah hah, didn't think so… ^_~ But really, my laptop was in the shop place thingiemabober for a while!! I swear to Bob! And I just remembered that Raoul has to travel with Kel, so they're gonna meet up with Numair, Alanna, and Daine later.

Chapter Eleven: Setting Out

~*~

As it always does at the unearthly hours of the morning, the dawning sunlight streamed brightly through Belle's windows. It managed to land right on her face, startling her from her light slumber. She pushed herself up on her elbows and smiled happily for a moment, before she remembered why she was waking up so horridly early. The beam was swiped from her face in an instant. For the hundredth time, she asked herself why she had told those pesky two-leggers that she would leave with them.

Because you're miserable here… that annoying little voice in her head reminded her.

Deciding that it was far too early in the morning to be arguing with herself, Belle stumbled out of bed and strode past the large saddlebag near the door over to the windows. They were bathed in the splendor from the slowly majestic daybreak. For a moment, Belle lost herself in the illusive splendor of the untouched morn.

Yesterday, after she had returned from her brief escape, and agreed to the two-leggers' crazy plans, the Wildmage had taken her aside, arm around her shoulder, mouth to her ear, and whispering ideas to her as though they were mere girls planning their first sleepover.

Belle could remember her slight hesitation when Daine had first slipped the arm around her shoulder. Never before had she been touched so gently. But, before it had always been a slap, or a shove. Before, it always left a mark, one that would be scorned and laughed at later. Daine's touch had left a mark, but not one that was visible to the human eye. Her subtle taps and pats had left a tight, yet warm feeling unfurling in her chest -- the feeling one gets when you see something so inexplicably magnificent, they want to touch it to assure themselves that it is actually real. But at the same time they're afraid that if they touch it, it will disappear.

That's how Belle had felt -- if she reached out to embrace this "friendship" she and the Wildmage seemed to be weaving, the delicate threads would fray and tear until the whole thing unraveled.

Belle had been told her entire life that she was nothing…and she believed it. She had no reason not to. No one -- with the exception of Evie's short but sweet companionship -- had ever wanted to stay close to the despised, shunned daughter of the influential Lord of Ravensloft. Even the servants handled Belle with disdain, as if they were taking care of dirty, smelly linens instead of a living-breathing maiden. The few that were new to Ravensloft or younger than Belle dealt with her with cool, distant reserve in such a way that their charge eventually removed herself from the public eye. She started to think that she was no more than the disobedient animal that she was treated as.

And throughout the long, lonely years, Belle isolated herself from the hustle and bustle of the day-to-day life in Ravensloft Castle. Occasionally, some good-hearted Samaritan would try to lift her out her self-imposed solitude. They either learnt fast, or gave up.

Suddenly, the full radiance of the leisurely sunrise brilliantly penetrated the angsty memories slowly slicing their way to Belle's heart. The girl realized that she had been standing at the window for almost a quarter of an hour. She could hear the faint reverberation of the servants rising from their mattresses and preparing the morning repast. Which meant that she was long past due at the courtyard. She had agreed to meet Daine, Numair, Alanna, and Raoul at first light to ride out. The rest of the Great Progress participants weren't scheduled to leave Ravensloft for a few more days, but Daine had said she wanted a few days of relative peace and quiet.

Gliding over to her bureau, Belle pulled her nightgown over her shoulders and tossed it in the vague direction of her still-open saddlebags. Slowly, she slipped into a dove-gray riding skirt, a yellow cotton peasant blouse, and her soft, worn, leather boots. After attempting to tame the riotous tangle of curls tumbling down her back, she twisted it back into a long plait, and then wound it around her crown. She thumped softly over to her saddlebags, buckled them up, tossed them over her shoulder, and stepped out into the corridor.

Whisking through the maze of dimly lit halls, Belle thought about what it would be like to travel with Daine, Numair, Raoul, and Alanna as her "guides". They couldn't really be her companions because companions were generally friends, and could trust the other to watch their back inevitably. Belle had no desire to get any closer to any of them than she had to. She got the sneaking suspicion that when the Wildmage tired of her, she would be cast aside; easily forgotten. She told herself that that was what would be best. She knew what she required to survive -- she needed no one else. Certainly not friendship. And the last thing Belle wanted to be was a burden. She had been a burden for the past sixteen years; her father had made no small matter of that.

Before she realized it, Belle had reached the small anteroom that held the doors to the west pastures and stables. She crept to one of the tall windows and peeked out. There, in front of the main stable, stood the three adults who would be accompanying her. Numair was leaning causally against the front wall, the Wildmage resting against him in turn, their arms wrapped around each other. The tall mage's chin rested on the top of Daine's head. They seemed not to care that the other two adults were right there, talking to them, not paying attention to their intimate embrace. The obvious and easy affection the two had for each other struck a pang deep in Belle's stomach.

She stepped away from the window and leaned against the solid oak door that led outside. Her pent up breath came out in a rushing huff. She hadn't even realized that she had been holding it.

This distress is silly, she reprimanded herself. You need to pull yourself together. Don't let them see your feelings. They'll only take advantage of it --just like your former father.

Even though something in Belle rebelled at thinking of the three that way, she forced herself to stand up tall, square her shoulders roughly, and yank open the door violently. All three heads whipped toward the loud entrance, and Belle faltered for a moment, and then marched on, plastering an acrid frown on her face.

~*~

Daine and the three other adults watched the girl's stiff march across the small field. Her blond hair was fiercly tied back, and her skirt swishedShe disentangled herself from Numair's comfortable arms and stepped forward to greet Belle. The frown that was fixed on Belle's face didn't deter her any. She would break through the young woman's crisp, bitter, self-imposed armor. She could see right though it.

And I should well be able to, she mused to herself with a twinge of sorrow. After all, isn't that all I was clothed in when I first came to Ouna? (A/R: Spelling??)

Daine knew what it was like to be betrayed by those who were closest to you. She could read the fear and calculation behind the rigid mask on Belle's face. Both struck a chord in Daine's heart. She had seen Belle's small, place face peer out the window in the far castle. She had pretended not to notice it, but she did notice the pain and longing evident in the girl's expression.

As the young woman got closer, Daine could almost taste a swell in her awareness of the Wild Magic around her, it was so vivid. Now she knew what Numair meant when he said that he could feel Belle's magic. As much as the girl was determined to deny her magic, she had a fair amount of it.

Once Belle had finally reached them, she glanced at first Daine, then Numair, and then the other two. A look of boredom and superiority washed over her face as Daine took another step forward and held out her hand. Belle ignored the hand, brushed past her and tramped into the stable.

Confused and slightly hurt, Daine wondered at Belle's sudden arrogance. But she had missed the tiny flicker of some unidentifiable emotion in the young woman's eyes that put the actions to lie...

~*~

When Belle caught Daine's swift, kindly appraisal, a tight band closed around her chest, making it hard to breath. When the Wildmage had stuck out her hand in greeting, Belle had wanted to turn and flee back to the castle.

I don't know how to handle this sort of thing! If I take Daine's hand, she's going to think that I want to be her friend… Belle's emotions churned within her as her feet carried her inevitably closer.

And that is the last thing you want to do! The voice warned her.

So Belle had transformed her features into a cool mask of insolence after a moment of hesitation. Just like her father had caused her to shrink back in shame with a single glance, the girl tried to make the three adults realize that they were the ones who could be easily tossed aside and forgotten.

Her heart skipped a beat as she forced herself to stride impudently past the Wildmage, noting the hurt look on her face with a sudden spasm of displeasure. Marching herself into the stable, she practically ran into Demon's box and sagged against the stallion.

Goddess, that was hard… I don't think I'll be able to do that all the way to the capital.

Trying to ignore her warring feelings, Belle took a deep breath and saddled Demon. She would not let her emotions rule her. She would brush those nosy adults off with nothing more than pure, unjustified rudeness. Then they would see her for the heartless girl she really was, and realize that trying to tutor her in magic was ultimately pointless.

Swinging herself into the saddle, Belle nodded with approval and walked Demon out to the stable yard. It was empty, something Belle was thankful for. She didn't want have to spend any more time with those three than she had to. The minute she could, she would bolt and start a new life -- all on her own, with no one in charge of her.

But a tiny little voice inside her head told her that Daine and the others would take care of her.

Who would bother to take care of me?? she asked herself violently. I'm not good for anything and a powerful overlord has just disowned me, leaving me with no family.

"Belle?"

The softly spoken question caused Belle to startle in her saddle, almost losing one of her saddlebags. She glanced up into the dark eyes of Numair Salmalin. He was seated on a tall piebald gelding that suited his long legs. She could read concern hovering in his face and eyes, but she chose to ignore it.

"Yes?"

The question came out more brusquely than she had intended it to. She could see the concern in Numair's eyes increase, instead of receding, as she'd meant it to. That he wasn't acting the way she wanted him to unsettled her. Her first feeble attempt at manipulating someone wasn't working very well.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were all right. You seemed a little… discomfited when you came out of the castle."

"No," the harsh answer made Belle flinch inwardly. "I'm fine." She swallowed, and continued. "I just want to be left alone."

"All right," Again, the man didn't seem to be the least taken aback by her incivility. "Just let me know if you need anything."

Belle sighed and could only manage a blunt nod. She could see Daine and Alanna coming out of the stable. The thought of more questioning made her want to retch. She glanced once more over at Numair, and found him studying her with a kindly curious look on his face. His unspoken, casual consideration for her was too much to bear at the moment. She kicked at Demon's sides, and they went galloping into the forest.

~*~

The three adults watched the young woman steadily disappearing into the rich olive foliage of the forest. All of them were thinking the same thing.

This is going to be a long trip.

~*~

Author's Ramblings: Ok, yes, I know, it got kind of ragged there in the end. And I realize that the plot has become very slow moving, but Belle is starting to change, and that requires a lot of details. I hope you guys liked this chapter -- I think it's my favorite so far!! I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors. They are all my own.

Thanx to:

Keita: It's okay, we all have our…strange days. ^_~ Right now, I've got a thing for Winterfresh gum. I'll get one of those five packs and stuff all the pieces in my mouth at the same time. Talk about mature. *Grin* Thanx for reading!

Free2BMe: I'm glad you like Belle. When I first started writing this story, I was afraid I had made her a little bit of a Mary Sue. *gasp* Lol. Keep reading!

M'cha Araem: *cringes* I am sooo sorry about not updating sooner. As I said before, it was a major case of laziness. I'm glad you still like the story, though!!

Chibi Chingo: Haha…that's two people who were going to kill me. *evil grin* Don't worry, I won't do that again -- hopefully. And don't kill me anytime soon, cuz I finally think I know where I'm going with this fic…maybe. ^_~

MistressSilverWings: *blushes* Thanx!! Lord Jared is very easy to hate, and a good person to take that anger out on. But don't worry, later on in the fic, I have plans for him… *evil grin* Thanx for reading!! By the way, love your pen name.

Keziah: Lord Jerk!! *falls over giggling* That's good… But anyway, I really have no clue what those shadowy things were…I kinda lost my train of thought over my absence. (Okay, a very looong absence. ^_^) *blushes* You're so nice…and I feel so awful because I haven't updated in so long or had a chance to read any TP fics lately!! *wails* Thank you so much for reading!

Anita Blake: Lol. Demon is DA BOMB!! Ahem, ok, anyway, thanx for reading!! ^_^

Black Rose: Thanx for reviewing again!! =) It's so nice to get these constant readers!!

BraveSirRobin ran away: It's all right…we all suffer from our various…problems. *giggle* Like me -- I really didn't like the way Lady Knight turned out. *grumbles* *brightens* But that's okay, 'cause I got reviewers!! Lol.

RETARDED DUCKLING: Here ya go, Em, you don't have to threaten me any more. *wink, wink* GO WEB GO! *1 2 3 4* ^_^

Peace, love, 'n crème puffs,

~SolitaryStar~

[2.8.2003]

P.S. Closing adopted from Larzdinn!! Lol!