Chapter 9

Things get difficult at school after that. No-one gives them any trouble, but then again no-one goes out of their way to tell them that they don't have a problem with it, either. It's okay though, because they've got each other. Dean's biggest problem is during practice – Gordon and the rest of his so-called 'mates' have taken to ignoring him completely whenever they're not making snide comments about Cas. He refuses to drop out of the team though, because he knows they'd love that, so he just grits his teeth and tries his best to ignore them.

And it doesn't matter that his dad's declared that he's completely fine with Dean's newfound homosexuality – or bisexuality, or whatever – because he always feels like he's walking on eggshells at home, and Cas is beginning to notice the way he always puts an extra few inches of space between them when John's in the same room as them, or the way he stiffens when Cas kisses him, or the way he'll squeeze Cas's hand when it slips into his but then pulls away again.

But Cas isn't the only one who's noticed.

"Dean?" John asks him one evening when Sam is at a friend's and Cas is in the shower. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," Dean nods.

"How's the exam studying going?"

"Good."

"Because I know you've got another game coming up, and you know that Bobby would cover your shifts if you needed the extra time, right?"

"Yeah."

John pauses. "And I know that now, obviously, you're going to be wanting to spend a lot of time with Cas..." John trails off when he sees Dean stiffen. "Is everything okay with you two?"

"Yeah," Dean frowns. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know, you tell me – living together can kind of take the shine off a relationship."

"We're good."

"Then is Cas happy here? I have to ask, because I can't help but notice that you look a little... distant, with each other."

"Me and Cas are fine."

John nodded. "Okay. But if ever do want to talk about it – about anything – I'm here. I mean, I know I've not exactly got any experience with guys, but—"

"It's fine, Dad," Dean says, standing. "We're fine."

But John notices the way Dean can't quite look him in the eye. "Is this about me?"

"What? No!" Dean exclaims too quickly. "Why would you think that?"

John leans back in his chair and just looks at him. Eventually, Dean sinks onto the sofa again because he knows his dad's caught him out. He doesn't say anything though, because he doesn't know what to say.

"You know, when I was in Vietnam there was this marine in my unit – Steve – and he was the bravest man I knew," John says conversationally. "He saved my life."

This catches Dean's attention, because his dad doesn't talk about his years as a marine, and never talks about his time in Vietnam.

"The war was just ending, and we all thought he was going to get a medal recognising his bravery. But instead of giving him a medal, they gave him a dishonourably discharge – all because he was gay." He lets that sink in for a moment. "Dean, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. And neither would you or Sam. So if you're still worried that I love you any less just because you're dating a boy, I want you to think about that."

And without another word, John stands up and leaves the room.

. * * * .

Dean tries to think about Steve and the fact that he's been good and strong and brave as well as gay when people don't stop hassling him at school, but their comments keep escalating, trying to provoke a reaction from him, until one Friday they're at practice and Gordon jokes about grabbing Cas after school and fucking him with a baseball bat, and that's when he loses it. He breaks Gordon's nose and knocks two others to the ground before the coach pulls him off and sends him back to the lockers to get changed. He gets kicked off the team after that, not that he's surprised, and he knows he's lucky he doesn't get detention, or worse, suspended. He goes straight up to his room when he gets home, which is where Cas find him half an hour later, packing a bag.

"Dean?"

Dean guiltily follows Cas's gaze to his bag. "Uh..."

"Are you running away?"

"What? No!" he laughs. "No." When Cas just looks at him, awaiting an explanation, he licks his lips and sighs. "I'm just going to go and visit some friends for the weekend, okay?"

Castiel nods understandingly. "I know that I've cost you your friends here, so—"

"They were never my friends, Cas. I mean, I thought they were, but if this is how they're going to be then I guess I was wrong. Jo and Ash are different, though." He pauses. "You should... You should come with me. Ellen's not exactly wanting for space."

Castiel pulls away. "I don't think that would be such a good idea," he says quietly.

"Hey," Dean says, gently grabbing his wrist and tugging him back. "They'll like you."

Castiel bites his lip. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Dean kisses him. "Come on – pack some stuff. We'll head up tonight, and be back for school on Monday."

It's a long drive to spend less than two days with the Harvelles, but Dean figures they deserve a break. And he's right when he says that they'll like Cas, though he doesn't tell them until Saturday night that they're together so that they all have a chance to get to know him first.

Their reactions are supportive, however Jo is pissed that Dean hadn't told her right away. Ellen just nods when he tells her because she's already figured it out based on the looks and little smiles they've not-so-carefully been giving each other, and Ash just laughs with delight when he finds out Cas is gay and that Dean is 'favouring the D, now', because it means more girls for him.

. * * * .

Knowing he's got the support of his whole family now (because Ellen and Jo are more than just family friends) and being able to get away for a couple of days makes the following days easier, and though Dean misses out on the last game of the season not having to go to practice after school means that he picks up a few extra shifts at Bobby's. He likes it there, because no-one treats him any differently and he needs to concentrate on what he's doing so he doesn't have a chance to think about anything that's weighing him down. The garage almost becomes his safe place, until one day he hears a familiar voice outside and his blood runs cold. Then Bobby shouts for him.

"Dean!"

Dean briefly considers climbing out the back window so that Bobby needs to get someone else, but Bobby comes looking for him.

"Dean. Car for you."

"Sure," he says thickly, wiping his greasy hands on his overalls. Bobby points him in the direction of the customer waiting at reception and heads back to the office. "So what's wrong with your car?" Dean asks, thinking that maybe Alastair won't recognise him.

"Dean," Alastair drawls, a sinister smile stretching across his face until it resembles a grimace. "I trust you've got a little more experience with cars than... other things."

Dean shivers and tells himself that it's just the cold, but it's complete bullshit because it's seventy degrees which is hot for April.

"What's wrong with your car?" Dean asks again.

"It doesn't always want to start."

Dean pops the hood and leans over the engine.

"Well that's one angle I didn't get to see the last time we met," Alastair says, licking his lips appreciatively. "I think I prefer you like this."

Dean's phone beeps after five minutes, and he knows he shouldn't have it on at work but he flips it open anyway. Sometimes Cas sends him inappropriate texts for when he goes on his break, and often Dean struggles to keep a straight face. But today he's just checking what time Dean's supposed to finish because they were talking about going to see a movie later that night.

"Hmm," Alastair smiles knowingly. "Boyfriend?"

Dean snaps his phone shut without replying and puts it down next to his tools. He knows that if he tells Bobby the guy is hassling him he'll send him away, but he doesn't want Bobby to lose any business over him so just grits his teeth as he gets to work. He can feel Alastair's eyes on him the whole time and it takes him longer than it should, but when Alastair finally drives away with a brand new spark plug installed Bobby takes one look at him and sends him home.

"You don't look so good."

"Yeah, I don't feel so good," he admits.

He checks his phone once he gets in his car to see if he has any more messages from Cas, with the intention of replying to the one he sent earlier. He does have one text, but he doesn't know the number, and when he views the image he feels sick. He's on his knees in the back alley at Heaven or Hell, and his face is flushed red and covered with Alastair's come. He switches his phone off without replying to Cas and drives home, ignoring his dad when he gets in and mumbling at Cas to please leave him alone.

When Cas comes to bed later that night he doesn't say anything; he just quietly slips under the covers and drapes an arm over Dean, pulling him close. And for once, Dean doesn't complain about being the little spoon.

The next day Dean's got a free first period and though he'd usually give Cas a lift to school he sleeps in instead. John sticks his head round the door before he goes to work and tells him that if he doesn't feel up to going in then maybe he should just stay in bed. But the longer Dean lies in bed, the more time he has to think about Alastair, so he heads in to school even though he's tense and distracted in all his classes.

Cas comes up to him at lunch, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him before telling him, "I missed you this morning."

That's all it takes for Dean to snap, because Cas is worried about him when he should be worried about his university applications. He's applied to five different universities, none of them in Kansas, and Dean hasn't applied to any. Cas says he's missed him, but when he leaves after the summer it's going to be Dean missing Cas, and then Cas is going to meet someone better than him, someone who isn't going to be stuck in his hometown working for his dad's mate all his life, and then Cas isn't going to come back.

Dean pushes him away a little too roughly. "Damn it, Cas, you're so freaking needy all the time!"

Cas takes a step back, a hurt expression flashing across his face before he straightens and walks off.

"Cas," Dean calls after him, regretting it immediately.

But Cas is gone.

Dean feels guilty because it's not Cas's fault that he's been off today, and he hates that Cas ignores him in and between classes. He tries to apologise and explain after the final bell's rung, but Cas doesn't even let him get two words out.

"I don't want to hear it, Dean. And I won't let you drive me home because I wouldn't want to be too needy!" he snaps.

"Lovers spat, Winchester?" Gordon taunts from across the car park.

Dean ignore him, but he does consider reversing into Gordon's Camino as he plays an old AC/DC cassette at deafening levels, but he doesn't want to damage his baby so just waits for Sam to come out of class.

They don't drive past Cas on the way home, and Dean wonders if Cas took the long way just to avoid him. He sighs, and doesn't follow Sam inside. Instead he sits and waits on the front steps for Cas to arrive.

Half an hour passes, and there's still no sign of Cas. He hears the front door open and close, and then Sam's sitting beside him.

"Maybe he just needs to clear his head," his little brother offers.

Dean shakes his head. "I fucked up, Sammy. I was mad at something else and I said something I didn't mean in the heat of the moment."

"Just tell him that."

"He wasn't happy, Sam."

"So make it up to him."

"I don't know how," Dean admits. "I'm kind of new at the whole relationship thing."

"So's Cas," Sam points out.

"So what's the story with you and this Becky chick who keeps calling, anyway?" he asks, desperate to change the subject.

Sam screws his face up. "Becky likes me, but I don't like her, and Chuck is head over heels for Becky but she just doesn't notice him," he summarises.

Dean chuckles, but then Sam elbows him in the side and he snaps his head up. "Cas!" he exclaims, racing to his boyfriend's side as soon as he registers the blood on his face. "What happened?"

"Gordon," Castiel said, as if that explains everything.

Which it does, Dean supposes. "I'll beat the shit out of him."

"No," Castiel pushes him away and shakes his head. "Leave him alone. And leave me alone."

"Cas, would you shut up and let me apologise? Okay, I know I fucked up earlier."

"You can't keep shutting me out every time you freak out that you're dating a guy, Dean" Castiel hisses, aware that Sam's still watching them. "It's not fair on me, and it's not fair on us!"

Dean stares at him. "What? Cas, you've got it all wrong!"

Castiel frowns. "But you've been acting strange, lately," he says, and Dean can almost see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to devise another logical scenario for Dean's behaviour. "And then at lunch today—"

But Dean shakes his head vehemently. "It was just weird at first, being around Dad. And as for lunch..." Dean bites his lip, because he really doesn't want to talk about it yet Castiel needs to know. Then Castiel's hands are around his and he finds his voice. "Alastair came to the yard yesterday," he says quietly, and finds that's all he needs to say because Cas's arms are around him and he thinks he's forgiven.

"Oh, Dean," Cas murmurs. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Now, at least. I don't know, I guess I just thought I'd never see him again and when I did..." Dean trails off with a shrug, because looking back maybe he'd overreacted a bit.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Cas asks him.

"I tried after school, and you just blew up in my face."

Castiel looks abashed at that. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. For what I said – it's not you who's needy, Cas. It's me. I need you."

He's afraid that Cas will laugh at him, tell him that he needs to grow a pair, but Cas just smiles and kisses him.

"I need you, too," he smiles.

They stay out on the front steps until John calls them in for dinner, but Dean can't shift that feeling of unease over the fact that Cas is going to be leaving him after summer. John's made chicken pot pie, with apple pie for dessert, and Dean wonders what's up because two pies in one meal? Dean's birthday was months ago.

"You'll remember we agreed that Cas staying here would be on a trial basis?" John asks once everybody's sitting down.

"Yeah," Dean says quickly. "And we've never used up all the hot water in the mornings, we've replaced whatever we've eaten, we've kept the noise down, we've been safe—"

"That's more than I needed to know, son!" John laughs. "I'm not kicking him out."

"Oh," Dean relaxes. "Good."

"I'm asking him to move in permanently."

Dean grins, and he doesn't realise he's been that worried about it until he doesn't need to be, because it just feels so normal having Cas in the house now.

"Thank you, John," Castiel says.

After dinner the three Winchesters gather around the TV to watch a film, but Castiel politely excuses himself because he'd like to go and study. John raises a questioning eyebrow at Dean, who assures his dad he'll go up later and do some studying before he goes to bed.

When he does finally make his way upstairs, he finds that Cas has cleared six year's worth of crap off his desk so that he has a space to study at. He creeps up behind him and presses a kiss into his ruffled hair.

"Dean, I'm studying," Cas protests.

"So why don't you stop studying physics and start studying biology instead," Dean teases.

"I'm not taking biology."

"You could help me study it."

"You're not taking biology either," Cas points out distractedly, because an alpha particle of mass 6.7 × 10^-27 kg is moving with an initial velocity of 1.0 × 10^7 m s^-1 directly towards a fixed stationary gold nucleus...

"That's not what I... Never mind. Just come to bed."

"Dean, the longer you distract me the longer it will take me to finish this paper."

Dean lets out an exaggerated groan and collapses onto the bed. "Fine," he says. When Cas doesn't turn around, he frowns. "Fine," he repeats, and sighs heavily.

After several minutes of rereading the same question while hearing Dean sighing and groaning and fidgeting behind him Castiel turns to him, fully prepared to launch into a lecture about how he's behaving like an annoying, petulant child when he stops, because he's not prepared to see Dean lying naked on his bed, legs spread, slowly fisting his cock.

"About time you turned round," he grinned.

"You are very, very distracting," Cas tells him, moving towards the bed with all thoughts of the velocity of particles and nuclei forgotten.

Dean smirks. "Even physics geeks need their study breaks."

"Hmm," Cas agrees, gripping Dean's ankles and pulling him forwards so that his ass rests on the edge of the bed, before sinking to his knees. He moves Dean's hand away from his cock and puts his mouth around it instead.

"Fuck!" Dean hisses. Every time he's blown away by just how damn good Cas is at this. And it's when they're like this, just the two of them, that he thinks that maybe they can make everything work out.

. * * * .

Epilogue

The week before their exams are due to start Cas comes into the kitchen waving a sheet of paper excitedly. "I got accepted!" he announces with delight.

"Where to?" John asks, because he can't remember everywhere Cas had applied to.

"Stanford."

Sam grins. "That's awesome, Cas! That's where I'm hoping to go when I graduate."

"Easy, bitch – you've got another four years of high school to survive, yet."

"Jerk! If I want to be a good lawyer then that's where I—"

"Boys," John cuts him off with a sigh. "How many times do I need to tell you both not to call each other names?" It's harmless and they won't stop, but he feels like he should put up some mild form of protest.

When Dean starts washing up, everyone notices how careless he is with the dishes in the way they clank loudly against one another.

"I thought you'd be happy for me," Cas says dejectedly to Dean after John's gone to work and Sam's gone to meet up with Becky and Chuck.

"Happy that you're leaving me behind? Happy that you're going to start living your life without me? I'm sorry, but I can't," Dean says, and he doesn't mean to snap.

"It's not the other side of the world, Dean! I can come back at holidays, or you can come out to California."

"I'll be working," Dean says automatically.

"Not every weekend. Bobby does give you holidays."

Dean shrugs. "Not a lot of them."

Castiel has learned to see things that Dean won't let anyone see in the months they've been together, and right now he can see that Dean is trying not to show just how afraid he is that he's going to lose Cas – that Cas is going to find someone better than him. He's just surprised it's taken him this long to see it.

"Dean," Cas says, cupping his cheek and forcing him to look at him. "I love you. You're right – this is my life. And I want you in it."

Dean grins, but he doesn't hold on to too much hope.

. * * * .

The weeks pass by in a blur of lessons and studying and exams until suddenly it's graduation and Dean feels sick because where did his childhood go? This is supposed to be when his life's supposed to start except it doesn't feel like anything's changed. Dean smiles for his dad's brand new digital camera, bought especially for today, despite the twisted knot in his stomach that's making him want bend double and throw up until there's nothing left inside him. He can't wait to escape, but Cas is insisting on saying goodbye to all his teachers from the past six years. They all try to hide their surprise at the fact Dean and Cas ended up together, but don't quite manage it. Cas is oblivious, of course, because he's far too excited about starting the next chapter of his life. (Cas's words, not Dean's.)

Once they're in the car heading home, however, Castiel goes quiet.

"Cas?" Dean says, nudging him gently.

"My family might hate me, but I thought they'd at least have turned up," he says quietly.

"Well, we're your family now, Cas!" Sam says happily. "You'd be a better big brother than Dean – you won't tease me and will help me with my homework!"

"As if you need any help!" Dean grins. "But he's right, you know," he says to Castiel. "You're family."

. * * * .

Bobby gives Dean some more shifts over the summer until he's almost working full time. On his days off he spends all his time with Cas, trying to cram in as much time with him as he can before the summer is over and he tries not to count down the days until Cas has to leave.

Their exam results come through eventually – Castiel has passed everything with flying colours, not that Dean expected any different. It takes him two hours to open his own results because he doesn't want his disappointment to ruin Castiel's good mood. Eventually he does, though, if only because Bobby and Ellen keep calling to find out. It turns out that even he passed everything, to no-one's astonishment but his own, so maybe he's not as stupid as he thinks he is.

. * * * .

The weeks keep flying past, and Dean can't stop counting the days until he has to say goodbye to Cas. The number gets single figures far too quickly, and on the day it reaches nine Dean goes to work and throws himself into his job, wanting to concentrate on something that isn't Cas leaving for six hours, and when he finishes up Bobby's standing waiting on him.

"Is something wrong?" Dean asks him.

"That's what I was going to ask you, boy."

"I'm fine."

"Fine my ass. Do I look like I was born yesterday? You're boyfriend's moving almost two thousand miles away in just over a week's time so don't you take me for a fool. Now how are you really?"

Dean looks at the scuff marks his feet are leaving in the dirt. "I want him to go. I want him to be happy. But I also don't want him to leave."

Bobby nods, satisfied at getting an honest answer out of him. "You know, I know a guy. Rufus. He owes me a favour. I called him earlier and you've got a job with him if you want it."

"You're firing me?" Dean exclaims.

"No I'm not firing you, idgit!" Bobby rolls his eyes. "I got you a damn job in California so you can quit your moping. If you're going to be this miserable for the next four years I'm going to drink myself into an early grave."

Dean freezes. "What?" he asks in stunned disbelief.

"You heard. Now get out of here."

Dean doesn't remember launching himself at Bobby, but one minute he staring at him and the next he's got Bobby's beard scratching his ear.

"Get off," Bobby says gruffly, but there's a pink tinge to his cheeks and he looks pleased. "Now go home before your dad starts calling me wondering where you are."

Dean feels like he's walking on air when he gets in, and John looks at him like he's liable to pass out.

"Are you okay?" John asks him.

"Bobby got me a job in California," he tells them, still processing the fact himself. "If I want it."

Then Cas is nearly knocking him off his feet like a whirlwind and it's a good thing he shut the door because his back collides with it.

"Hey! Easy, Cas!"

"I didn't want to leave you behind," Cas mumbles into his ear. "I knew you were worried so I was trying to act like everything was okay but I didn't want to leave you behind."

"So you think I should accept it, then?" he grins.

"Dean Winchester, I will kill you if you don't!" Cas all but shouts at him, but the threat is lost in his wide grin.

And that's how Dean finds himself hurriedly packing the last of his and Cas's things into the Impala the next weekend and trying not to cry as he hugs his dad and Sam goodbye.

"We'll be back for Christmas," he promises them. "So don't think you can get away without buying us any presents!"

John chuckles. "We wouldn't dream of it."

"I want postcards from everywhere you stop along the way!" Sam insists. "I'm going to tack them to the map on my wall."

"We're just stopping to sleep – we're not going sight-seeing," Dean grins, hugging Sam. And it's weird, because Sam's grown over the summer and they're practically the same size. "You'll need to stop growing because I'm supposed to be the big brother!" he jokes, and Sam laughs.

"Dean, as much as I don't want to see you leave, you've got a long way to go," John reminds him. "So you can't stand around on the porch hugging everyone for the rest of the day."

"Bye, Dad," Dean says, as John pulls him into a final hug.

"Bye, son. Drive safe."

"You bet."

"Take care of him, Cas," John shouts as they drive away.

They wave until they're out of the street, and Cas promises not to tell anyone that Dean had to pull over just outside of Lawrence because he couldn't see the road for tears. Half an hour after they left the Winchester residence, they're finally on their way west.