Back to December

By Lady of Spain

Prologue:Not Really

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight

A/N: This is dedicated to all the Three Worthless Years fans, who wanted that story to go on forever. Some of you may have already read this prologue, so just scroll down to Chapter 1. I am leaving it here so as not to confuse the numbers on the chapters.

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be ficcing my own Fanfic, yet here I am. As you can see, this prologue isn't really that at all. I'll actually be posting the first chapter on May 1. For those of you who haven't read the original story, you'll probably be totally lost, but if you don't want to wade through forty chapters, here is a synopsis:

Bella leads a lonely, structured life. Her parents are strict, and her father lets her know that there's no such thing as love. She takes him at his word.

She and her cousin, Garry join the Civil Air Patrol where she meets new friends and has great experiences. That summer she goes to a boot camp and meets a cute, cocky, Quileute, named Jacob, who asks her to the military ball. She agrees even tho' she has a boyfriend back home, thinking it would only be for one night.

Jacob gets a hold of her address and writes to her (this is 1996, so no email), and falls in love. They correspond for about six months, and he asks if he can visit her for Christmas. She finds herself pregnant, and is embarrassed to have him come, since she'd be showing by then. Her mother forbids her to write to him anymore, and truthfully she doesn't want him to know she's pregnant. So in December, she stops writing to him with no explanation, breaking his heart.

He decides to enlist in the air force, along with Quil and Embry, and becomes a helicopter pilot in Iraq. One day, on a routine mission, he gets blown out of the sky, and nearly dies from the injuries. As he teeters on the edge of mortality, he decides to go find Bella if he lives through this. After his tour, he visits his roommate's wife in Arizona; her husband, Dale (Already) Osborne was killed earlier in the year. He stops by to see Bella, and meets her two yr old son, Michel. They talk, and she stays with him awhile at his motel.

He's offered an opportunity to train some new pilots at FortHuachuca in Arizona, and gets to visit her a couple of times. While at the airport after his second visit, one of the members of her boyfriend, James', band spots her and overhears her tell Jacob that she's moving to La Push. James gets wind of it and goes to her house threatening her not to leave with their son.

Even though, Bella loves Jacob, she's reluctant to be intimate with him. It seems that James, who thought he was the god of sex, was always in a hurry. She never realized any pleasure, and in fact found the act, itself, painful, and humiliating. FYI, Jacob finally sets her straight on that account.

Bella sneaks off to be with Jacob days earlier than expected, to evade her ex. Her relationship with Jacob blossoms, culminating in a helicopter ride to a waterfall, where he proposes.

The couple is happy until James shows up. I won't give the spoiler here (because it's a doozy), just that things work out.

Okay, so there you have it in a nutshell. The new story starts when Angela comes to see Bella and is horrified that Bella left Jacob, broken-hearted and clueless as to what happened.

A/N: For all you non-military types, there is a glossary of terms after the first chapter made especially for you.

Chapter 1: Stuck on You

My best friend Angela had stopped by that day, and made me begin thinking about what I'd done to the only boy I ever loved. She came to tell me she was engaged, and invite me to her wedding. Instead of congratulations, she was peppered with the facts of my life—a life that as far as I was concerned, reeked of ruin. At first she fought with me over my pessimism, but handing her my son, Michel, proved to be an armful of my broken dreams. But then, she started badgering me about Jacob, the boy I left behind without so much as a goodbye.

Angela's eyes got wide, and her mouth dropped open. "Oh, no ... Please say you didn't do that."

"I couldn't tell him, Ang. It was too humiliating. He thought of me as this sweet, innocent little virgin. How could I disappoint him?"

"Let me get this straight. So, you just let him think that he was to blame—that he did something wrong? That poor guy. I can't believe you'd do such a thing.

"He was in love with you, Bella, and even if he doesn't forgive you now, he still deserves an explanation. You can't leave him hanging. He'll always wonder what happened between you two; it'll haunt him forever. That was really cruel of you. His heart was probably broken in a thousand pieces."

My voice sounded shrill and my excuses sounded just like what they were—lame excuses. "But I can't write to him and explain. Maria said he enlisted in the air force, and he's serving his tour in Iraq. It's too late now."

There was fire in Angela's eyes. "It's never too late. You've got to tell him."

Michel started to squirm, and Angela handed him back to me. She picked up her purse and got ready to leave. Walking to the door, she turned to me, and remarked, "Think about what I said." She canted her head, clicked her tongue and sighed loudly. "I'm going to tell you something I know you don't want to hear. I believe you can't face Jacob, because you were in love with him too. You're still in love with him; you can't deny it. Otherwise why would you care what he thought? If you don't do this—and I mean find him and apologize—I guarantee you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Jacob could be the one. I'm not saying he is, but he could be. You'll never know if you don't stick your neck out and risk hurting your pride."

She reached her hands out to me. "Well, I guess it's time for me to get down off my soapbox. It was nice talking to you again. See you at my wedding, huh?"

We stood on the threshold, hugging each other. "Wouldn't miss it."

I did reflect on Angela's little lecture. In fact, I thought about it a lot. He was fighting in the Middle East, though. Hearing from the girl who stomped on his heart would only cause him to lose focus. I didn't want him to get hurt because he was thinking about me. I'd already heaped enough emotional damage on him, no sense in adding physical injuries on top of that.

Months slipped by, and I continued my clinicals and other studies at ASU. I kept to myself, with my nose in my textbooks. I didn't date at all. It would be hard to tell a guy that I had to get home to my baby halfway through a date. And if I told him up front, there'd be no need to; he'd dump my butt as soon as the words left my mouth, and scuttle away to find someone with no little people attached.

Mom wasn't quite as jaded as I was. She even volunteered to watch Michel so I could go out if I really wanted to, but my heart just wasn't in it anyway. There was no one like Jacob—no one.

JPOV:

Another day in Iraq had literally bit the dust. Luckily, Mac and I missed getting our tail feathers shot off once again. We set down the Apache, and headed in for chow.

One of the other pilots, Nelson, I think it was, started toward Already, and me, whining, "Oh, c'mon, Scrapper, why don't you ever come with us for a little i & i?"

"Why? You guys need a designated driver? Noooo thanks. I'm gonna chow down, take a shower, write some letters, and hit the sack. Another glorious day in the desert tomorrow, fellows."

He rolled his baby blues at me, and taunted, "Hell, anyone would think you were a virgin or something."

I was used to getting razzed about not going out with the guys for some horizontal refreshment, and as usual, it just rolled off my back. So, I answered, "Yeah ... what about it?"

"No freakin' way! You mean to tell me that the great Black Scrapper is still a fresh cherry?"

My red-headed companion stood up and faced the loudmouth. "Lay off, Nelson. He's saving himself for someone who's worth it—a girl that's special, not some well worn trollop like you've got your tongue hanging out for."

"This coming from the other born again virgin. Just shut up, Already—you're married, and you've got a woman. If you wanna remain faithful, that's fine, but the kid here, needs experience."

Bull Metcalf horned in on the convo, and bracing himself against the edge of the table, stared at me. "Look, a guy has needs. And Osborne's making a pansy outta you. Man, you need to sow some wild oats, before you give it all up for one lousy girl."

"I'm keepin' my oats to myself, if you don't mind. I'll sow them when I find the right place to plant them, and it won't be here in this godforsaken place with some girl I've never even seen before. Just to be clear, Already and I are of like minds. We want the whole enchilada—love and commitment, not any ol' port in desert storm. Now don't you and your cronies have an appointment in the red-light district?"

With his grey eyes narrowed, he blared, "One of these days, Black, we're gonna have a little go-round, you and me."

"Sure, sure, but this isn't the day, and my food's gettin' cold."

"Freakin' pansy," he huffed, as left the mess hall.

Already was rolling his eyeballs. "What a bunch of bull. He's just jealous. He's not man enough to hold onto his oats. Come to think of it, the red-light district is probably the only place he can find a girl to have sex with, and then he has to pay her. Phft ...! That's not love, that's a business meeting."

Dale was such a great buddy. Looking up at him, I smiled. "Thanks for watching my back, and just so you know, I haven't been pansified. This is the way I was brought up."

"Any time, pal." Already pointed to my plate. "Hey, are you gonna eat that other chicken leg?"

As we walked toward our CHU, Already asked," So, who is she, anyway?"

Hooh boy, he was poking around in my one sore spot. I continued looking straight ahead. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't give me that, Scrapper—you know ... the girl."

"What girl?"

That crazy carrot top shoved my shoulder, laughing. "The girl you've been saving your oats for, goof ball."

"Oh, that girl. She's not really my girl, at least not anymore—if she ever was."

"Maybe not, but you wish she was."

"How can you tell?"

"Come off it, already. I see the way you sometimes get that faraway look in your eyes. Are you going to look her up when you get out of here?"

"I don't know if she wants to see me or not."

We reached our CHU, and I started to get undressed. That shower was gonna feel so good.

Already yanked off his fatigues and and slung his tee shirt at me. "Well, you'll never know, if you don't try. Faint heart never won fair lady. Now, let's get going already, when we come back from the showers, I want you to tell me all about her."

"Are you sure she got your last letter?"

"Sure, sure. Maria wrote and told me after I started training. She says that Bella is very vague in her letters, like she's hiding something. She has a boyfriend, too. That's one of the reasons she was so cautious around me. I don't think he treats her right, but there's nothing I can do about it here."

"I still think you should go find her after this is over."

"You do, huh?"

"What's the matter, you can't take advice from an old married man?"

"No, it's just ... I don't know. Maybe I'll think about it.

"Hooh boy! I came all the way out here to forget about her, and the more I try, the more I keep seeing her in my head."

Already shook his mass of red hair. "I'm telling you—you are still stuck on her. And another thing; I've never seen you back down from a fight, and this is the fight. It's the battle for your own happiness. Life without love is no life at all. I know what I'm talking about. I'd be lost without my Pam, and you are lost without your Bella."

Was he right? Was I lost? Is that why I'm fighting so hard here in Iraq—fighting to get her out of my heart—fighting to root her memory from my mind? I felt so helpless. What did that girl do to me? How could I free myself from her?

Here I was attempting to put that little brown-eyed girl out of my mind, and wouldn't you know it, my very next thought was: Will I ever see her again? Damn, I was waving the virtual white flag. It was hopeless. I'd never forget her if I lived to be a hundred.

BPOV:

I put on the only formal dress I owned, and went to the Wright House in Mesa for the wedding. It was a beautiful affair. The Victorian structure and grounds were gorgeous, a very fitting atmosphere for a wedding—for her wedding anyway. I'd just as soon run off to a JP, not that it looked like that would occur any time in my future.

Angela was glowing in her satin and lace gown, and Ben looked quite debonair in a tux. I knew most of the people there, but still felt awkward and out of place. I purposely got there after the receiving line ended. I didn't want her questioning me about him.

I stayed until the happy couple cut the cake, but Angela caught me before I made my escape.

"Not so fast. You didn't think you could duck out without me noticing, did you? So, did you write to him? Is he here with you?"

"No, and no."

"God, Bella. You're such a coward. It's been six months. How long are you going to make the poor boy suffer?"

"For all I know, he could be married by now."

"In Iraq? I don't think so. Your friend Maria would have said something."

"Anyway, I've got a husband and a honeymoon waiting. I'm so happy, but I was hoping you'd be happy too."

Angela took both my hands in hers. "Promise me, you'll write to him, or see him. You've got to take a chance."

I averted my eyes. She turned my head with one hand. "Look at me. You're my friend, and I can't stand to see you like this. Now promise me."

"Ang, Ben is waiting for you."

"He's okay; after all, he can't honeymoon without me. I'm not leaving until I hear you say the words."

"Okay, okay, I promise."

She lifted my hands, glancing at them.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't trust you. I'm just making sure that your fingers weren't crossed."

Ben walked up behind us. "Can I have my wife back now? Her carriage awaits."

He kissed Angela's cheek, winked at me and strolled off with his arm around her waist. I strolled off to my car, and back to Tempe to continue my bleak existence.

A/N: As promised, here's a glossary of military terms used throughout the story:

Anaconda: The military hospital at Balad, Iraq.

Nightmare: The artillery assigned to the 1st Cav, Jacob's unit

HESCOS: Wire baskets 7ft tall and 5ft wide, lined and filled with sand. These were set up, double-stacked around the base to absorb bullets and mortars meant for the occupants behind them

Hevlar: A fabric five times stronger than steel and with no melting point. It was used to line helmets and body armor, that incidentally weighed 75 pounds.

Bradley: An armored military vehicle with a gunner poised on top.

Bajooka: The nickname given to Enrique Cavasos, a medic who was constantly chewing Bajooka bubble gum. He refused to be labeled, Bubbles, so Bajooka stuck

Warhorse: The FOB (forward operating base), north of Baghdad, where Jacob was stationed.

Razor wire: A concertina type of wire set atop the surrounding wall of the base. In place of barbs, there were razor blades.

RPG: Rocket propelled grenade. This was a shoulder held tube that launched grenades.

IEP: Improvised explosive device. These mines were crudely devised and remotely detonated, so the soldiers were always unaware of when or where they might explode.

EEP: Explosively formed penetrator. A more sophisticated mine, manufactured professionally in Iran. They were packed with molten copper that could eat through a soldier's protective armor and vehicle bodies. Highly destructive.

Reveille: A bugle call to wake up the troops.

Ambush Alley: An actual area in Nasiriyah where the troops were constantly being harassed and ambushed.

Salute and cut: A crisp salute that is dropped quickly, as opposed to one that's held longer during a funeral, for instance.

Hug your horses: An expression used by the 1st Cavalry. Their insignia was two shoulder patches emblazoned with a horse's head. When in a tight situation, they would grit their teeth, and grab their shoulders symbolically—in effect, hugging their horses.

CHU: Containerized housing unit. A trailer to house the officers. The walls were thin metal, so they were surrounded by HESCOS. Jacob refers to his CHU as the choo choo.

1st Cav, 101 Airborne Brigade: This is Jacob's assigned unit.

Born again virgin: A sexually experienced man who has been abstaining for a while.

I & I: Phrase used interchangeably with R & R. In this case meaning, intoxication and intercourse.

Apache: A military chopper with tons of fire power.