I never expected to stay in Beacon Hills after High School, and especially in light of everything that's happened.

Not after the Alpha Pack came into town, nearly destroying whatever fragile little bond or whatever it was that we all had to each other. How they tested us, made us doubt that our Alpha was even deserving of the power he had. Sure, they all perished, but the words lingered long after.

It was when everyone caved in on themselves, and each other, and pack meetings became nonexistent for a while. How I always worried whether or not they were okay, or if they had disappeared, or even just up and left us entirely. The odd text here and there I would send them would come back and my worry and doubts would get washed away.

And especially not after both me and my dad were left in the hospital, result of the aftermath that was written all over our bodies. Seeing his body covered in bruises, now yellowing after a few days; cuts that would leave scars after they healed up; the pained expression he gets when he moves even a fraction of an inch; and the amount of hurt and betrayal that flashes across his face when our eyes meet across the way.

Yeah. That was definitely what hurt the most when we were recuperating.

After they released us from the hospital, I could tell he no longer trusted me; I mean, how could you trust someone who asked for your help, and left you in that state? I sure wouldn't, and I'm not mad at it. Okay, maybe a little, but it's nothing I can't handle.

It was just disappointing that I couldn't give him the news that I'd been accepted to colleges in New York.

The letters all came with the last few months of senior year. In March, it was one from Stanford and Harvard. And in April, it was NYU, Cornell and Syracuse. I had no real idea what I wanted to do, but my Counselor told me to apply to a wide range of colleges that all pretty much offered similar things. It was smart, but that still left me not knowing.

For now, School moved on like normal, more or less the same. Prom was coming up at the beginning of May, but I had nobody to go with, and no real motivation to rent a tux anyways. I'd probably be gone soon anyways, so it didn't make sense to go. After that, graduation announcements had been sent out by almost everyone, plans were made for the summer by the lower classmen, college was thrown around by the juniors and end of school jitters hit a few seniors hardcore. Luckily I wasn't one of them.

Scott caught up with me by my locker, worry clearly written on his features. He never really did have a good poker face, if I'm being completely honest. "You alright, dude? You seem kind of…" The word hung in the silence, not really sure of what it wanted to become.

My poker face was much better, and I nodded convincingly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little stressed with finals and all that." I threw in a small smile as well, because this was not a lie; finals were killers for everyone, the seniors mostly. I just hoped I would make it through the last month, as well as packing.

He bought it, graciously, swallowing. "Alright. Just wanted to let you know that there's something Derek wants to talk to all of us about, so we're meeting tonight." The bell rang, and he cursed for good reason; his next class was English, and he was about to fail it if he missed any more days of it. "Shit, I gotta go! I'll text you the details after school!" And he was gone.

I exhaled a breath I hadn't known I was holding. Would I really be okay with seeing everyone again? Hell, I don't know how any of us are going to react tonight; Jackson was gone, so was Boyd, as was Allison. Well, not so much she was gone, just staying distant from everyone. Derek especially. I slammed my locker shut and walked off, putting the expected pack meeting far in the back of my head.

I did in fact get a message from Scott, surprised because he usually forgets and blows me off for Allison. But now that his head is actually out of her ass-in both aspects-I can depend on him a little bit more.

Scott: Be at Derek's tonight by seven. Something's going on and I can't tell what it is.
Stiles: Alright. See you then.

Sure enough, by Seven O'clock, everyone is assembled in the subway station, standing around for Derek to start talking.

Derek opened his mouth; eyes flashing red, basically saying "I don't want any interruptions until I'm done" and it was loud and clear to me. "I know that, in light of recent events, it's been… difficult, for some of us." His eyes flash, briefly, over certain members before continuing. "Including myself. And, to be honest, I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this, the whole 'Alpha' thing." He stops, gathering his thoughts.

My eyebrows slowly furrow, but not enough to be noticed; where the hell did that come from? I understood that we were all hanging by a thread, this pack of ours, but… really? It came as a shock to most of us, if I was reading their faces right.

He gets ready to continue. "I know most of you are going away for college," Derek looks around at the majority of the group. "But I know one or two of you are staying here." He meets my gaze, and then Scotts. "If we can stay together as a pack for the rest of this year, then I won't keep you around; I won't let you suffer with my terrible leadership. You can all find better Alphas, better packs." That was one of the things that the head Alpha had said to him; had made him doubt enough so that everything Derek did, he questioned.

"So, what?" Erica says, speaking up. "You're just going to abandon us? Give us away to some other pack, and stop caring?" He looks at her, arms crossed.

"I never said I was abandoning you, nor did I give you away. You remember well enough the last time you 'abandoned' me." Erica shut her mouth in a quick manner, and she surrendered her gaze. He turned back to all of us. "I'm not telling you that you're no longer in this pack; if you want to stay here, then fine. But if you no longer want to be under my lead, then I won't stop you." He looked utterly defeated, but firm in his decision. "So, unless someone has an issue that needs to be brought up, then we're pretty much done here."

I nod, raising my hand like an idiot. "I, uh, actually have something to bring up." I wasn't nervous about the reactions of everyone; in fact, I was ready to see them. "I'm not staying here after graduation." I say, firmly. "I got accepted to a few colleges in New York, and I'm making the road trip in the middle of June. I didn't know if we would see each other between now and that time, so I thought I'd say it now." I shrugged, moving my hands to my pockets.

The range of emotions at that bit of info was just as I expected; Scott and Lydia both looked equal amounts of sad; Erica seemed surprised; Isaac didn't say anything, just had his eyes downcast to the ground; and Derek, well, Derek looked some sort of heartbroken, the hurt apparent in his eyes mostly. I licked my lips, swallowing nervously, not daring to meet anybody's gaze.

"Wait, when were you going to tell us this?" Scotts' voice had the anger I had expected right around the edges.

"Because I wasn't?" I say in a deadpan, looking him in the face. "I mean, come on guys; after the recent events, why would I?" I slowly grew angrier. "We're all hanging on by a thread as it is; nobody talks to each other anymore like before; my dad doesn't even talk to me at all, because of what happened these past few months; and I don't remember the last time that any of us hung out besides the pack meetings." I stopped myself, not wanting to get any angrier. "I'm going. If any of you want me, you'll know how to reach me." I stormed off, making a note to turn my phone off when I got home.

I didn't necessarily go home first; I stopped out by the preserve to clear my head. I thought it would be difficult to leave everyone behind, but after tonight it only showed easy it would be if I just up and went, without a word. Sure, it would make them hate me, dad included, but that's the funny thing with time and distance; wounds heal. And if I was far away, they wouldn't have to worry about seeing me while the healing process was happening.

Still, it would be difficult not seeing everybody's faces, or even calling them or talking to them whenever the time or situation called. But, if they could move on with it, then I could too.

It was probably closer to one a.m. when I pulled home. After dad stopped trusting me, he really didn't care where I was, not nearly as worried any more about me. Just one of the joys of being me, I guess.

I also wasn't expecting to freak out as much as I did, when Derek was standing in my dark room. Ever since he stopped needing a researcher, he stopped coming around. That was the pattern I realized; as soon as the danger dissipated, nobody really needed me anymore.

"Jesus, Derek!" I shout, regaining my composure. "What the hell?" I shuck my shoes off, going to the dresser by my bed.

"I'm-" he begins, but I stop him with a hand.

"Yeah, yeah, 'I'm the Alpha' and all that shit." I said that part in his stupidly broody voice, going through my dresser to find sweatpants.

"Not exactly what I was going to say." He said, clearing his throat. Even in the dark, I was sure his eyebrows were drawn in an annoyed way like usual.

"Then what is it?" I ask, clearly tired and annoyed. He was just looking down, sadness in his features. I exhaled, softening my tone and expression. "Derek, what did you come to me for?"

He looks up at me, the moonlight casting a sickly pale glow across one side of his face. He looked… well, wrecked is as good a term as any. "Why didn't you say anything sooner?" His voice is quieter.

I groaned. This really wasn't something I wanted to deal with after tonight. "I, I don't know. You tell me, why would I stay after the mess that's happened in the past few months? Would you really want to stay when your friends rarely talk to you anymore, and your father doubts most of what comes out of your mouth?" It was an unfair comparison, knowing his dad was dead. But it's one I used regardless.

"You could fix it. That's what most people do anyways." He shifts closer, staring me right in the face.

"And then what?" I ask, not breaking his gaze. "I fix everything and its fine and dandy, and I go to Beacon Hills University? Get a piss poor degree and make dinner with the pack every night?" I shake my head, tugging my hair in frustration; I had grown it out at the beginning of junior year, and it's stayed that way ever since. "I don't want that, Derek. I know I might have said that to make everyone happy, but that was just it; I didn't say it to make me happy. I want to see the world, and not just stay in one place." I was aware of Derek becoming closer and closer to me as I spoke each bit, making my case to leave more and more valid. Not like I needed it to be valid in the first place. "Derek, I'm really tired, and I just want to go to bed."

He looked conflicted, like he wanted to say, or do, something. I swallowed, crossing my arms and staring at him. "I…uh-"I rolled my eyes, moving past him.

"When you figure it out, will you please just let me know? Or better yet, do this when I'm better rested." I went to move to the bathroom, to shower, before I was pressed against the wall. "Derek, wha-mmmph." I didn't get a chance to finish before his mouth pressed against mine. "Is this what you came all the way over here for?" I slide a hand under his jacket-that stupidly sexy leather jacket that I hate to love-and fist in his Henley.

"No," he says, "I want you." He pushes his tongue into my mouth, me smiling against his mouth. Yeah, I'd like that too, I think. Then I remember that I actually need to move my mouth to make words. But, I was a little preoccupied at the moment.

He thinks about what he said for a moment, running his tongue over my bottom lip, before speaking again. "No, I mean I want you." Wait… what is he saying? Oh! Oh. That's unexpected.

"O-okay. I've never done that before… Kind of expected to let you and your wolf powers go for the kill. Not to be cliché or anything like that, but just-"

"Stiles," he mutters against my mouth. "Shut up." And, okay, having him shut me up with his mouth, his tongue, hell his whole everything is more than enough for me. I experimentally run that hand lower, cupping his left cheek. By the breathy moan I got in response, he seemed to enjoy that. I squeeze a little, and he bucks into my hips.

"Oh my god Derek, you really do want this." I swallow, looking him in the eyes. "Have you uh, ever, you know…?"

He looks at me. "Bottomed?" I nod. "Nope. So, you know… get on with it or something." He was obviously nervous, but didn't want to stop. I smile against his mouth, sucking his lower lip into my mouth.

"I want to s-see you," I stutter, stripping his jacket from him, hands running underneath that Henley. The rest of our clothes follow suit soon afterwards, and Derek is soon on his knees, legs open wide to me. I place a hand on his right cheek, squeezing lightly. Hesitation was apparent, rolling off of me in waves. Derek's voice snaps me out of my nervous funk.

"Stiles, what the hell are you doing exactly?" He seemed-okay, more so looked than seemed-annoyed.

"I'm sorry!" I say, defensively. "I've just, uh… never done this before. I mean, is it one finger, or two fingers, or do I use a bottle and shove-"

"I'll rip your throat out, with my teeth, if you finish that sentence. Now just do something besides what you're doing, because I'm sort of dying." He says the last part with a strain, looking back at me. My breath goes ragged, so I squirt some lotion on his, area, and just kind of-

"Stiles," he says, eyes locked with mine again. "You don't have to prep me; I won't break, you know. Just come on."

"I just, uh… thought-"

"Yeah, you thought, that's the thing. You don't have to think with this, because I won't judge you." He waited a beat. "Please." Okay, maybe that small plea was what made me grab the lotion off of my desk.

"Do you want to be like this, or on your back?" I ask, quietly. I had to set the bottle down on the bed, not wanting him to see how nervous I was.

He thinks about this for a moment, before flipping onto his back, giving me enough of an answer. Then the realization kicked in full force. Oh shit, I'm about to have sex with a guy. An actual man and not just my hand like usual. I mean, what if I hurt Derek? What if I do something he doesn't like?

"Stiles," Derek says, gripping my forearm. "Relax. And don't think about it. Just, do it." I nod and slather my dick with lotion. Derek watches from above with an approving look, inhaling as I line myself up.

"Exhale," I say, pushing in right as he does so. And the feeling is…

Well, that's pretty short of fucking incredible. The low moan that escaped my lips I tried to will back inside, but sadly, no. It was gone forever in the abyss of sexual noises.

"Move." He grits out, throwing his head back.

"Can't." I say right back. I mean, with the same tone and everything.

"And why the fuck not?" He inquires, tone annoyed.

"Because," I say, shooting a withering look his way. "If I move, this will be over before it even begins. And I don't want that."

He chuckles. "Oh, it doesn't matter if you do this quick or slow; because this isn't the last time we're doing this." My hips shoot forward without me knowing how it happened; then I was filled in him halfway. He groans at this movement, urging me to go all the way in.

He whimpers when I push in further, throwing his head back, and his canines extending past his mouth. I can feel that familiar feeling of orgasm curl around the base of my spine, signaling the end of this moment. I slowly pulled back out of him, only to push back in slowly. A low whine, almost too quiet to hear, came from him, and he wrapped a hand around his dick, exhaling slowly with his eyes closed.

It's too much to look at; when I shove all the way in for only a second time, I swear through my orgasm, hanging onto his thigh for dear life. When I calm down from it, breathing slowing to an easy rhythm, I can feel a blush slowly creep from head to shoulders to chest. Derek chuckles from his position, and I roll my eyes. "This really isn't my best moment, to be honest. Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed." I hide my face in his leg, not wanting to look.

He scoffs lightly. "Shut up. It's not the end of the world, like I said before." I really couldn't even think about yesterday, let alone two minutes ago or whatever, so I shrug. "Whatever you say," I reply, muffled slightly by his leg.

When I look back, he's stroking himself, eyes closed to concentrate on what he was doing. "Want some help with that?" I ask, a small grin playing across his face. One of his eyes cracks open, giving me a "really?" kind of look. "What?" I ask, my hands defensive. He rolls his one eye, and gets back to it. "I'm the one still buried inside of you, so I'd be quiet."

"Didn't say anything," He spits back, voice strained. I reach down, a hand lightly squeezing his balls. He breathes out, locking eyes again with me.

"Want me to stop?" I ask, stopping. He shakes his head, and I take it as a victory. I twist my hand a little bit, and he suddenly went rigid. I think I did something bad, until I realize he was having his orgasm. He was quiet while this happened, but his face spoke more than enough to make up for that, entirely blissed out and open.

When I pulled out finally, his dick gives a little lurch, before resting against his stomach. We were quiet for a minute, just looking at each other as the light of what just happened settled. His breathing was easy, and he looked more relaxed than he had in quite some time. I personally felt on top of the world in a way, totally awesome and smiley. Well, there was one thing that I could use right about now.

I got up, looking over my shoulder. "I'm gonna shower. Want to join me perhaps?" His glare was more than enough for an answer, and I snickered as I left for the bathroom. The water was warm, and it soothed my totally blissed out body. A few content sighs escaped my lips, but I was able to clean myself up pretty thoroughly.

"Derek, I was curious-" I didn't finish that sentence, because… well, because Derek was gone. At first I was confused. But then I became angry and hurt. Was this just to keep me around? Was he seriously that much of an asshole? Then my eyes caught on the note sitting up on my desk.

Sorry; by now, you're probably way overthinking this and are regretting this entirely. I heard your dad's police cruiser pull into the driveway, so I had to go. We're talking about this tomorrow though. –D.

Well, that was reassuring, I thought to myself. Shrugging, I got into bed that smelled of sex and, even less noticeable, of Derek.