First of all thank you to all of you who read and reviewed "I'll stay till you're asleep". Reading that my words affected you was very important and encouraging and great for me. Thanks also for the idea of getting this story forward – I hadn't thought about writing this, but now I'm glad I'm doing it – not only for Jamie. I hope you like it!

„Reagan?" Jackie's voice cracked at the word as tears won over, but Danny didn't hear her.

He was totally focused on his baby brother. Jamie's face was very pale now, his lips almost blue in the flashlight someone had brought. The limp body was heavy in his arms, pulling him down into depths he didn't really want to see. He didn't want to see anything, or hear, for that part. Maybe if he stayed very calm, it wouldn't be real. He could still protect Jamie, he just had to stop time and make the world forget about the past minutes, and then it would be okay.
Pictures wound up in his mind, of the siblings playing in the garden, of Joe becoming a police officer, of the boys in their first suit at Erin's wedding, Jack's birth,… the memories blurred at the edges, but all of them had one thing in common, one special picture that shone through the years: Jamie. His baby brother smiled, he was alive, he was happy, he was… yeah, he was doing something stupid, and Danny mocked him. That was how it was supposed to be.
Danny swallowed heavily. Was Jamie afraid of him? Did the kid know that he never meant to hurt him but to protect him? He had to! He had to protect this smile.

"Reagan! It's time to let go." His partner's voice was unusually gentle, and at first Danny didn't understand it. Why was she crying? He watched her as she opened up his fingers carefully, without really feeling anything. His body was deaf and cold.
"I'm so sorry", Jackie whispered again as she pulled Jamie out of his arms and lifted him up.

As the weight left his body, Danny understood.

Jamie was gone. He was gone and would never come back. He would never be with him again.

"No." It was not a cry, not even a pleading. It was what should be a simple statement: Jamie could not be dead.
Danny's head spun as he watched his brother being laid into a metal tomb and then driven away in the coroner's car. With every meter the car moved, his heart hurt more and more until it was ripped apart.
It was out of sight now. Danny struggled to breathe. His arms felt empty now, there was something missing from them. Sporadic tears rolled into his open mouth and made breathing even harder. He felt like a fish on dry land.

Eventually Jackie knelt down at his side. "I'm so sorry", she whispered, crying openly, "Danny, I'm so sorry." She shook her head as if to forget what just happened. She knew this situation; she had already seen Danny crying for a brother.
"What can I do? Tell me, Reagan, what can I do to help you? I'll do anything, I…"
"I need to tell Dad…" His voice was remarkably clear – if there was anything remarkable left in the world.
Jackie bit her lips to fight back the tears. "Sure. I'll get him on the phone." At least anything she could do. Quickly the detective's fingers ran over the keyboard, she was good with numbers, the phone rang. Jackie took a deep breath. Would the commissioner be worried when he picked up? Would he assume something to be wrong or was it okay for him to be called after midnight? And did he have her number? Because if he had, he surely would assume something to be wrong – but with Danny, not with Jamie. Jamie was the good one of the family, he didn't do anything stupid. It was always Danny who stepped over boundaries, who brought himself in danger of losing more than his job. Nobody would ever, could ever think that Jamie would ever…

"Detective Curatola?" Jackie gasped. He knew her number. Unable to say anything, she threw the cell into Danny's lap.

"Hey Dad", Danny's voice was thick with uncried tears.
A sigh of relief was heard. Jackie felt sick.
"Hey, Danny. How are you?"
"Dad… Joe. Joe's dead." It was difficult for Danny to pronounce the words, and he closed his eyes, that way not seeing Jackie wincing.
Frank sighed again, and this time there was no relief. From that kind of pain there never would be relief. "I know, my son. I know." Saying "my son" to the one when talking about the other, dead one – it sounded wrong.

In the unending ocean of desperation he was drowning in, Danny felt an edge of confusion. "You know? How can you…" A sob made him stop. Jackie.

Then it hit him.

"It's Jamie, Dad." He said it very gently, as if he could hurt the little one when saying his name too harshly.
"What's with Jamie?" The commissioner forced himself to stay calm. There was not necessarily need to worry. No need for the ice crawling up his throat and down to his heart, no need to count his own heart beats till they would stop. This had happened before, he mustn't confuse his children, it didn't happen now. "Come on, Danny, you know what time it is? Get yourself home. Jamie'll be fine." A prayer, not a fact. Frank closed his eyes and mouthed a Lord's Prayer. Please watch over my children.

At the mentioning of home, Jackie turned around to detective Anderson. Despite what she had thought and heard about him, the man seemed really sad about the rookie's death. At least he gave her his cell without hesitation, never looking away from Danny. "Will he get over it?", he asked hoarsely.

Jackie had to swallow down a hysterical chuckle. "No." Then she dialed. "But if he does, he'll do because of her."

"Linda Reagan." The voice on the other side of the line was scared to death, as much as she tried to hide it.
"Linda, it's Jackie. Danny's okay…" Linda, same as her father-in-law, sighed in relief.
"Thanks, Jackie. Now what can I do for you guys?"
Jackie looked at Anderson as if asking for help, but he just shook his head. She couldn't even blame him.

"You need to get here, Linda. 27th street. Danny needs you." Jackie took a deep breath. "Jamie just got shot."
"Oh my…will he be okay?"
No, dammit! He's a fucking Reagan, you Reagans die whenever you get shot, and then it's Danny who's gonna find you, remember, that's the fucking plan!
"Jackie?" Linda was alarmed again.
Jackie closed her eyes. "He's dead, Linda. I'm sorry."
The line went silent.
"Linda, you need to get here, I don't know what to do with Danny, please", urged Jackie, throwing a short look over to her partner who finally cried freely, fiercely, utterly hopelessly.

So he had finally managed to tell his dad.

That Jamie had been shot.
That Mary had been right to want him to stay out of the family business.
That he had held his little brother as he had died in his arms, and now had lost him forever.