Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto… but Sasuke is tied up in my closet…

My Beta: Randomonia21 (I love you!)

Warning: Hot man sex in the near future. This is a crack fic with little to no actual plot and there might be a slight case of OOCness in this fic too. I'm planning on making this fic dirty, so be prepared!

Before You Read: This is where I got my inspiration from: I had an issue with my TV so when I called the Direct TV's hotline to fix it, this super sexy sounding guy picks up the phone… only to burp half way through the conversation. *sighs* Such is life. But yeah, enjoy my crackish creation!

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Chapter 1: A Man of Many Talents

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"Hello, you've reached Direct TV's tech support. My name is Naruto; how may I help you this evening?" The words spilled from the blonde's mouth with effortless joy lining his every word.

As a college student, Naruto needed a part time job to keep himself from not becoming too dirt poor. A guy's got to eat after all.

This was by no means Naruto's first job, and it certainly wasn't going to be his last, but it was his first day actually answering phone calls by himself without being under the supervision of another employee. He'd already had four successful phone calls that ended with happy customers and he felt like he was on a roll. This fact contributed to his animated tone as he clicked his headset to answer another phone call, cracking his knuckles in preparation for his rapid typing on the chunky white computer placed on the slightly cluttered desk in his teeny-tiny cubicle.

"Hey, I'm having trouble downloading a program from the 'on demand' section this service provides," a man's silky voice drawled in a slightly distracted and impatient tone.

The honeyed tone sent shivers down Naruto's spine, his palms breaking out in a sweat. The voice made Naruto wonder if a phone sex company had called him as a joke or not.

"Mhm, alright, can you explain to me what happens when you try to download your program?" Naruto put an extra effort in making his voice sound appealing, wanting the caller to be as affected as he was.

"Whenever I try, a box pops up saying 'error 77-15-64-126', I tried resetting the system, turning it on and off, and even checked to see if was connected to the internet. Everything else is running smoothly except for this," Naruto pressed the headset further into his ears to hear more of that exquisite voice, appreciating every syllable that sounded in his ears.

"Ah, this is a simple problem that I can solve from my computer right now. Can you tell me your box number so that I can reset it from here and apply the appropriate changes?" Naruto bubbled up with excitement at the notion that he was appearing smart to this unknown owner of a positively mellifluous voice.

"Hn, its number is 123-137-243-967-855," the numbers were spoken in a rapid fire succession and poor Naruto could hardly keep up.

Naruto's fingers paused in their typing of the code and he bit his lip before asking, "I'm sorry; could you repeat the last two sets of numbers please?" Naruto scratched the back of his head in his embarrassment, wishing that he'd paid more attention to what was being said than the hypnotic lull of the customers tone.

"It's 967-855, you dumbass," Naruto took the time to type in the numbers into his computer swiftly before he could comprehend the whole of what was said.

The blond flushed up to his ears with rage and the sting of the insult and sputtered, "Wha-? That's just- You bastard!"

"Hn. Just fix my TV, idiot." The nerve of this guy! Who the hell does he think he is saying all this asshole-ish things in that velvety voice?

"I'm getting there! Fuck! No need to be such an impatient asshole about it! Damn!" Naruto's voice rose in his fury along with his hands, he flailed them above his head as if he was trying to prove a point to his computer since the bastard wasn't there with him personally.

"Excuse me? Are you that much of an ignorant fool that you would curse over the phone to a paying customer? I have no qualms in filing a complaint with your superior you know," Naruto's mouth snapped shut so quickly that he was sure the clacking sound had carried through the phone.

"Whatever man; just let me do my job without being a dick about it, okay? You do want to watch your precious show or whatever you're downloading, right?" a sigh was heard on the other line and them a monosyllabic "hn" was heard and the blond got to work figuring out why the dick wad's TV was on the fritz.

"Okay, just hold on for a sec while I get this fixed for you," and with that the blond got to typing furiously on the key board, resetting the bastard's downloading connection and making it workable again.

"There. It should be fixed now so try ordering what you wanted again just to make sure it goes through," his voice was smug and accomplished sounding. He stretched his arms above his head and leaned backwards in his chair to stretch out his back.

Just then the bastard's order popped up on the screen and Naruto choked violently on his own saliva when he read the title of the program the silver-tongued asshole was in the process of ordering.

Now, Naruto had had many jobs.

He was an orphan and had grown up tossed about in the foster care systems that left him scarred, both physically and mentally. He'd managed to pay for his college on his own because of the fatty scholarships he got thanks to the epic sob story that was his childhood, but as he acknowledged before: a guy's got to eat.

So that led a naïve, eighteen year old Naruto, to go hunting around for some quick and well-paying part time job, and since he was so young and gullible, when a man came up to him asking if he wanted a modeling job, the blond had said a big fat "Hell yes!" and had gone with the man with a skip in his step.

Imagine his surprise when he came onto a porno set.

A gay porno set.

While the 'action' was still happening.

After thoroughly freaking the fuck out, the unexpectedly persuasive director had managed to make him sign a contract of at least one performance. A week later, after getting tested for any scandalous diseases, the blond was getting oiled up and prepared for his loss of 'ass virginity'.

The movie was a threesome, and Naruto was the middle spot. Meaning he was the one getting pounded into the mat of the martial arts gym where the scene had been set, while his dick was being rode on.

The acting itself was beyond atrocious.

Naruto played the part of an advanced student that stayed late after practice and happens upon his sensei and a younger less experienced member of the gym, having it out in the middle of the dojo. Naruto, of course, just had to join them in their activities, and had played the part of a blushing virgin rather well. Thinking back on it now, it wasn't acting; it was how he would've really acted in that situation, except he probably wouldn't have wanted to join them as much as he would've wanted to run away screaming like a frightened three-year old.

That was the only porno the blond had shot, the idea of having a camera and a whole crew staring at you the whole time you were fucking didn't settle well with Naruto in the least. So with his virginity gone and his pride whisked away, the new found gay male had gone searching for another job.

And now, that very same movie, that very same one, was being downloaded by the god of all phone sex voices and bastards.

"U-um, hmm-ehmh… uh…" the blond tried desperately to find an excuse that would make the asshole not watch the movie so cleverly entitled, "XXX HOT BLOND SEX GOD LOSES HIS VIRGINITY TO TWO HOT KARATE MASTERS XXX" the title was truly cringe worthy with the amount of originality packed into that one sentence.

"What? Is it not going to download or somethi- oh, never mind, it popped up," the line went dead before Naruto could even mumble a goodbye, leaving him stunned and feeling rather exposed and awkward.

What. The hell. Just happened?

Does this mean that this guy was so desperate to see his dirty little "adult film" that he went through the trouble of actually calling in the issue as soon as it happened? After he tried to fix it himself several times? Was the summary of the film that enticing?

Naruto just had to find out. He'd never actually watched the film before, because he figured he didn't need to, he lived through it after all. But now he was curious. Extremely curious. So outrageously curious that he ended up sticking a ruler down his throat to make himself puke (not an easy task when you have basically no gag reflex) to go home early and download his own porno.

As soon as Naruto got home, he all but sprinted into the small den of his itsy bitsy apartment, and turned on his TV to go searching for that oh-so cleverly titled film. He found it almost immediately and cringed at the cover picture.

The picture was of Naruto on his knees with the smaller actor's dick in his mouth, while he was pumping the larger man's dick with one of his hands, as the large man came on his face. The picture was taken at an angle that was eye level with Naruto, who was looking directly into the lens with a dazed and flushed expression, looking freshly fucked and ready for round four. The picture also cut off the two men at their waists, yet they seemed to have made a point of showcasing the blonde's impressive erection that had pre-cum dripping off of it.

To say that it was a lewd photo would be the understatement of the century.

Naruto could see the hickies freshly placed on his skin, the teeth marks, the blood and come dripping from his abused asshole and down his inner thighs, and of course he could see the look of satisfaction and nervousness in his once so innocent blue eyes.

Naruto felt shivers of trepidation run through body, causing a nervous sweat to spread across his tanned flesh. Should he really watch himself as his ass virginity gets taken away? Is he really that curious to see what the guy on the phone would be watching him do?

Yes. He was that curious.

He clicked to play the program with shaky fingers and settled himself on his sofa, not knowing whether or not it would be considered sick to masturbate to a sex tape of yourself.

The film started off with the title and still shots of what was to come, showing the names or aliases of the actors starring in the film. He cringed slightly when the screen read, "Starring Kitsune" in big bold letters, his alias in this production of doom.

When the actual film started Naruto had to burry himself under his couch cushions and cover his ears, occasionally peeking out from his pillow castle to steal quick glimpses at the provocative screen. He watched himself get stripped, fingered, blown, and fucked in brief glimpses at the screen, his face glowing red with copious amounts of embarrassment.

When the program ended Naruto felt somewhat violated, he didn't know if it was because of the fact that he'd basically just watched himself get buttfucked into oblivion, or the fact that the bastard on the phone earlier had watched this very same movie, probably jacking off while he was at it.

Naruto just sighed at his misfortune in life and huddled down further into his couch cushion castle for some shut eye.

He had had many jobs. Some of them were just more dignified than others.

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REVIEW! And tell me what you think about: whether I should make this a NaruSasu, SasuNaru, or NaruSasuNaru fic. I can't decide! So I'm going to put my fate in your hands and let you perverts pick for me. Hooray for perverts!