Chapter 5

"Butch, you're going to have to slow down, you're only human."

The words hit him like a ton of bricks, actually he would have preferred the impact of something physical, but it seemed that every time he began to move on something came hurtling towards him reminding him just why he was here. Those words were more personal, ones he had said before to only one person and only they would know why they caused him to retract at them. How long ago was it since that moment? Years, time had flown since he had left the vault and now look where he was. It wasn't what he'd hoped for then nothing that had happened was what he'd thought would have been waiting for him when finally got out of the vault. Getting kidnapping twice, taking on the government, all the adventures, finding himself befriending an Android, if you could call it that. It didn't matter what he called it there was nothing to name anymore, there couldn't be. It was better this way, he was alive, he wasn't Harkness's problem anymore. He would not have to go through the ordeal of taking him in, locking him away, watching on knowing he could never be released. If they would have done that, more likely that they would have had him killed and Harkness would've had to do it. He hoped that he understood it wasn't that he was scared of dying Butch didn't fear death, it had stared him in the face far too many times and now it never startled him, but what he didn't want was see the look on Harkness's face as he was told that he was the one that had to put him down. But it didn't matter if he understood or not this was the way it was, it was the way it was going to be. But the tug and pull that churned in his chest, tore at every fiber of his body, gripping at every possible attachment to his heart, demanding a piece, claim its prize. But he had nothing to give, Butch had never understood any emotion or feeling like… that.

"You zoned out again."

"Huh?"

"Butch…" Red straightened up, pausing from mopping the fresh cut upon his brow and lip, giving him a stern look one that he knew all too well.

"Don't fuckin' give me that look." As she started to dab at the wounds again he swatted her away, shoving himself up he grabbed his shirt.

"No, you need to stop this, whatever this is," She wildly gestured at him as he pulled his shirt on. His eyes darkened as he looked on at her a moment, he didn't realize that he had stopped in his tracks. Shaking it off he continued what he was doing.

"Don't know what the fuck ya on 'bout Red." Standing, a firm hand on his shoulder forced him to sit once again, it remained there making sure he stayed put. It wasn't as if he couldn't push it away but the interrogation would only continue another time and truthfully he wasn't sure what she was on about.

"You know what I'm talking about Butch. How long have you been here for now?"

6 months, 2 weeks and 4 days

He knew, that voice didn't need to remain him constantly. Butch kept track he knew how long it had been.

"6 months, 2 weeks an-" No, this was ridiculous he didn't do organized, Butch didn't keep track he was unpredictable worked on spur of the moment everything was random. Nor did he help others for the sake of it, for nothing in return. It wasn't for any sort of gain it was just because he wanted to forget. That was all he wanted, to forget everything the vault, the rebellion, Rivet City, Maria, Harkness… everything. Because that would mean that he wasn't here in this situation and they weren't there. If none of it had happened he would still be the person he pretended to be, the mask, the bully, the trouble maker. Right now, he wasn't being Butch. That was a broken promise.

"Yes, just over 6 months, since you got here you've done nearly every night shift, if there's a big patrol you go with them and 9 times out 10 you come back with an injury because you've stupidly thrown yourself in harms way. I hardly see you sleep and when you do it's because you can't physically stand anymore, I mean what are you trying to prove? Getting yourself killed won't do you any good!"

"I know!" They both stared, both sizing up the other. Red knew she had hit a nerve, the fuse was lit and a flicker of the old Butch flared in his eyes. He could feel it, that bubbling sensation that simmered in the pit of his gut, hissing and spitting threatening to unleash itself from it cage. Each time he was aggravated or pushed the wrong way it would rise, till eventually it exploded. This was what had put him where he was now and if he wanted to move on he had to learn to control the demon that roared within him.

After a small moment her lips formed into an O nodding she backed off.

"I get it, do you think if you dig deep enough, you'll find what you're looking for Butch?"

No, he didn't he had found it already but he had to leave all that behind. The glare that he was shooting her down with softened to a puzzled frown, it was obvious why she was a doctor it was rare out here to find ones that could look into your eyes and see right into your soul. There was one other he'd met that could do the same and that was Maria's Dad. The day he'd given him that box he just knew, he didn't say anything and neither did Butch, they didn't have too because there was a small silent understanding between them and that was all he needed to know exactly what Butch lacked. He wished he had that box now, but once again it was punishment for what he had done.

"I don't know I thi-" Before he could continue Dusty burst through the door, panic stricken he panted, pointing frantically at the entrance of Big Town.

"Supermutants!"

"Fuck, how many?"

"5, maybe 6 I don't know." He instantly shot up from the bed, heading out of the door Dusty at his heal. All the kids had gathered in the center of the town, they had had enough training to take them on but it wasn't that simple. Fair enough you could battle each other for years and become the best but put under pressure and a faced with a different enemy was completely different, nerves effected your abilities it could either make them better or a hell of a lot worse.

"Red standby there maybe some casualties," He hoped to god it was nothing serious, but it would be worse lying to them all, "Right fuckin' listen up, me and Shorty are gonna go up front, Pappy and Dusty you take longer range try an' get as many of those fuckers down as ya can from a far, mainly the ones with guns, the rest ya gonna proved cover fire for me and Shorty to get in close, then we can take care of them from there. Go, get into position." He watched as they all sprinted to there posts, he never thought he's see the day were he would be properly leading, were people looked up to him because he was the best they had.

"Right Shorty," There was a small amount of fear in his eyes, now was not the time for that he needed him at his best. "Ya ready to put all that anger to use?"