June 2, 2013

Before I tell you what happened on June 2, 2013, I want you to keep in mind a few things. There are a lot of things in the days of my life that I regret doing and not doing. This life is what we make it and no matter what, we're going to mess up sometimes. It's the universal truth. And this day was no exception. Of course, I didn't know it at the time it was happening. Because everything I'm telling you now is just that . . . a memory. Memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly. But I don't go along with that. The memories I value most, I don't ever see them fading. But the pleasure of remembering though . . . had been taken away from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we'd done were less real and important than they had been hours before. And this is what this story is all about. It's what my life is all about.

"Aren't you taking too many pills?" Annabeth's adoptive brother, Nico di Angelo, asked through the phone. Annabeth was driving at that time, on her way to see me. But she spent a little time to get to a payphone to call her brother. I told her to meet up during lunch at this fancy hotel so we could spend time together. I love spending my time with her and I want to spend every ounce of time I could spare with her. Because the thought of not being with her and of our time running out . . . it was too excruciating.

"Why do you take them so often?" Nico prompted.

"My head hurts. Butt out" Annabeth answered back, popping some of the pills into her mouth and downing it with water.

"Do you have some stress in your life I don't know about?"

I'm sure Annabeth felt nervous. She didn't want anyone to know just as much as I do. It's just too humiliating, "What are you talking about?" she returned the question to her inquisitive brother.

"Then why are you in pain so often?" He was expecting an answer from her not a question.

"I don't know" was Annabeth's safe answer.

"Maybe there's a lump in your head" Nico joked, trying to make her sister feel at ease and let him in with what's happening in her life.

"That's harsh" Annabeth laughed "Why say such a horrible thing?"

"Because it happens so often" Nico probably shrugged.

"Wait, maybe I really do have a brain tumor" Annabeth still joked but she was massaging her head already because of the pain.

"Just go to the hospital, sis. Do you want me to take you?" Nico asked, concern taking over.

"It'll probably just go away" Annabeth tried to chide her brother.

"Wait, did you get out?" Nico veered from their original topic. "Didn't you say you were not going out? Did you get an interview from a client so suddenly? You didn't forget to take your phone with you again, did you? You're using a payphone number"

"All right, enough of that squirt"

"Fine. One last thing, dad said to call him when you get the chance. Something about a bank account. What about it?"

"I paid our house loan yesterday, it was nothing."

"You should've seen mom and dad's reaction yesterday. Mom's tears were flooding out and I couldn't do anything to stop them. And dad was muttering something along the lines of 'the energy and effort my little girl went through to keep her promise and her own father is worthless'"

Annabeth smiled melancholically, "Take care of them, Nico."

Unlike me, Annabeth came from an unprivileged family. Her parents had to work day and night just to raise her and Nico. But their parents loved them so much in a way that mine never will. Well, at least in a way my dad never will. I was jealous but happy at the same time. Happy for her. She deserves everything that's good in life. And it was my own selfishness that allowed me to take her as mine. Even though I know I don't deserve her.

"I will"

Annabeth hung up the phone and just stood there by the phone booth a few minutes more, thinking about her parents and how much they'll be disappointed if they knew what she was doing . . . with me. It's a bit hard to explain but I guess you'll probably know later. And I beg you not to judge us when you do.

She went back to her car and resumed her driving. By that time, I was calling Annabeth's phone but as discussed earlier with Nico, she left her phone at home. She has this forgetful tendencies sometimes that even I couldn't explain. I couldn't reach her. I was beginning to grow anxious. Time's a wasting and very second with her is important.

"Hello" Annabeth stopped to ask directions. I told you she has forgetful tendencies.

"Can I help you?"

"Sorry, but how do I get on the road to East 57th? I think I passed it" she asked uncertainly.

"Oh, you went past it quite a bit" the man answered. "Turn left and go back up and if you go about 5km you'll see the turn"

"Okay, thank you!"

Honestly, sometimes I don't know what I'm going to do with her. But that's what I love about her. Her imperfections.

At last, after hours of waiting, she finally arrived at our meeting place. To be honest, I wasn't fair to her that time. I was frustrated that her being late ate half our time together. I even considered going out and looking for her myself.

"I'm so sorry! Kill me!" was her greeting when she finally entered our hotel room.

"What happened?" I demanded.

"I passed the exit" she admitted sheepishly, which was kind of cute, I must admit. I went all the way to 59th"

"How could you have gone all the way there?" I grumbled.

"I know! How could someone go that far?" she laughed, clearly she wants this fight to be dismissed and just spend our time, or what's left with it, happily. I didn't see that wanted that back then.

"Who do you think we're talking about right now?" I asked furious that she's trying to talk about other people.

"Me"

"Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"Can you believe I forgot it?"

"I thought you were in an accident" I answered weakly. "I was about to go out and look for a car in an accident"

Annabeth smiled and wrapped her arms around me, as if unfazed by all my grumbling and snapping, "You told me you were busy and that you wouldn't be able to meet me today. But you changed your mind and asked me to leave in 10 minutes. How could I not forget my phone? Shower, 3 minutes. Get dressed, 3 minutes. Roll my hair, 3 minutes. I'm telling you I left on time."

"I have to get back to the office by 4:30" I told her, still a bit mad. "We lost an hour and a half"

"I said I was sorry" Annabeth sighed. "Look on the bright side. It's just 3:00. We still have an hour and a half left. In minutes, it's 10 less than 100. 90 minutes. And 90 is ten times as many as 9 minutes. There's been a time we only had 14 minutes. That time there was an accident at the construction site and you ran out while I was pouring wine. I only saw your face for exactly 14 minutes."

I closed my eyes, unable to deny my love for this woman. I held her hand and kissed it, "What the hell is going on in your head? I used some ridiculous excuse to postpone a meeting."

"Don't be so mad, okay?" Annabeth soothed and suddenly all the anger within me vanished. "Didn't you say we don't have time? Let's not waste it. I can see why you'd be irritated but there's no need to get that mad."

I lost it. I threw her in the bed and kissed her senseless. I was glad that she felt only too good to return the enthusiasm.

"This is new" I told her between kisses. "This blouse" The tie up is making me crazy. It's like it's made to seduce me.

"I thought it might be getting boring," she panted. "So I thought I might get racy and seduce you"

"But other guys can see too" I whined as I nipped her neck and removed the damn tie up of her blouse.

"They didn't seem to have any interest" she answered before I claimed her lips back to mine.

I love this woman. I really do. I'd do anything for her. Be anything for her. If things just weren't so complicated, life would be bliss, a dream. Before things could get steamier, my phone rang. Damn that phone. I should've crushed it into a million pieces. I thought it over after it rang but the damage was done. Annabeth went stiff as a board and she pulled away from me as if we were grenades and if we made contact with each other, we'd explode. It fucking hurt me. And the moment that she made her reaction, I knew that she must know who was calling me and it hurt her as well.

"Answer it" she said in a monotone.

"It's okay. It's nothing urgent" I tried.

"Answer it" she just repeated in the same tone.

"It's okay. Really"

"I said answer it" she snapped. "Answer it. Then turn it off. It bothers me."

I looked at my cell phone and sure enough, Rachel Dare was calling me.

"I'll go to the bathroom" Annabeth told me and left without even hearing my reply. I know full well that she'll be shedding a few tears in there and it breaks me that I can't do anything about it.

I sighed and picked up the call, "Yeah?"

"Hey, babe! I'm at Pilates!" Rachel chirped.

"That's not usually at this time," I answered, not being able to think of any other thing to say about why the hell she's in there.

"Yeah, the teacher said she went to her hometown and came back in the middle of the night or maybe she just over-indulged last night and ran late. She loves to drink." Rachel ranted. Actually, I think she might have said more than that but I really wasn't listening.

"I have to go," I told her.

"No don't hang up!" She said in this fake poutsy voice. "She hasn't shown up yet."

"I'm busy"

"I got a rubella vaccination." She boasted. "They say I've got no antibodies. But babe, they said we should use contraception for at least 1-3 months."

"Rach, I have to go."

"Oh okay! I love you! Bye"

I hung up the phone without even replying to her. I buried my head into my hands and accepted the reality screaming at me. I tried to drown it in my memories but the truth is I can't and I never will be. It's just that. Rachel Dare is my fiancée and has been even before I met Annabeth. But when I did meet her, my upside down world went right into place. I knew she was the one. But my dad arranged this marriage for us. I have no love for Rachel. And declaring to my family about Annabeth will make her life miserable. They will let her suffer. They'll never let her hear the end of it. And so I thought I was protecting her.

I told Annabeth about me and Rachel a while back and I was deathly scared that she'll leave me. That she'll want nothing to do with me because then she'll be the . . . other woman. And I don't want her to be that. I don't want her to feel ashamed and I don't want us to hide. But what can I do? I can't lose her. I'd die. I was selfish. I was a jerk.

But what can I do? I love her.