Hey,

I hope everyone is staying safe and happy! Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. I hope you guys liked Chapter 13. Here's Chapter 14. I just have a little information for you guys. I quit my job and I actually found a new job and I'm a little stressed out. So, I think my writing is suffering a bit. Please send some good vibes my way! I am going to try my best to not let it interfere with my writing. I still plan on having this as my priority. But, nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!

I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, Tumblr, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bullying, anger issues, stress, emotional abuse, and negative thoughts.

Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 14: From The Heart

"We are who we are, because of those we choose to love and because of those who love us."

― Kate Mosse, The Winter Ghosts

5:06 p.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I glanced at Paul from the corner of my eye, watching him speak quietly to Jay. I could still hear his words from earlier echoing in my ears. I blinked rapidly, when Kim snapped her fingers in front of my face, trying to get my attention. She opened her mouth to say something, but I held my hand up, stopping her. "Give me a few minutes, there is something I have to do," I moved around her, grabbing the notepad from the table, making my way to my art room.

I sat down at my desk. Shoving the art supplies that littered on the top to the side as I frantically looked for my lucky pencil. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I finally found it. I stared at the blank paper, grimacing when I realized that I had no idea what I wanted to say. I am an artist, not a writer. I gnawed on my lip, pleading with my brain to come up with something. I wasn't sure how to respond to Paul or if he even wanted a response to him telling me that I made his heart happy. I had known Paul for almost two months, and he made me feel... I pushed the lead to the notepad several times, closing my eyes, taking a deep breath in. I was making this more complicated than it should be. If my mom had the gift of creating masterpieces with words, then maybe I could tap into her talent. Since I painted with my heart. All I needed to do was write from my heart.

I wrote his name, grimacing at my hideous penmanship. My hand was shaking, and I couldn't seem to keep my hand steady. "I didn't get a chance to respond since the others came, and time seemed to go fast. It feels like that way too often with you. I wish it would stop moving so damn fast so I could have more time with you." I rolled my eyes at what I had written, why was I speaking so much about time. This wasn't supposed to be a message to time. I thought about starting over until I realized I could apologize on the paper for rambling. "Sorry, I'm rambling. What I have with you Paul, I don't want with anyone else." I whispered to myself, ignoring the feeling of vulnerability. I hoped he didn't feel like I was being clingy, it was just the truth. "Like I told you before I tossed us off the bed, I only have eyes for you," I felt the blood rush across my body at my admission. I thought back to earlier when I shoved us off the bed and my body flushed at my mortification. My mind drifted to the feel of his warm hand holding my leg to him. I wanted to cover my face at how brazen I had been, yet that feeling had stirred up something in me. It made me feel alive. "I feel alive with you and I've never felt that way before. Everything I've never done, I want to do with you." I eyed the last sentence nervously, I didn't realize that I had written it.

"Laryssa the boys just left," Kim knocked on the door. I ripped out the paper quickly, folding it so I didn't change my mind about the last sentence.

I opened the door, seeing Kim eyeing me wearily. "I have to give this to Paul." I murmured brushing past her, almost barreling into the screen door. I saw Paul and Jared heading towards his truck. I threw open the door, "Paul," I called, trying not to trip down the steps as I ran to him. I skidded to a stop in front of him, seeing Jared's bewildered look. I knew I looked like a crazy person. Grasping Paul's hand, I pushed the paper in before I chickened out. Moving to my tiptoes, I pressed my lips to his, he moved to deepen it and I pulled away before we could get carried away. I saw the disappointment flash through his eyes when I pulled away. Cupping his face gently I brushed my nose against his. "Text me when you make it home," I stepped away from him, sending a shy wave to Jared when I noticed his smirk. I eyed Paul once last time before I ran back to the house.

"What was that about," Kim asked, resting her arm around Jay. I stared at the two of them, hoping that it was just hot in the room and it wasn't my body flushing with embarrassment. Jay eyed me from my head to my toes. Kim let go of Jay to go peek between the curtains, "He's grinning big." I looked down at my feet, smiling softly to myself. "Love letter?"

I clicked my tongue against my teeth, "No." My fingers trailed up to my hair as I stared at Kim and Jay.

"Kim, can I talk to my sister alone," Jay asked, stepping towards me. I held in my sigh because I knew that it was coming since I haven't seen him since yesterday morning.

"Yeah of course. I'm going to get started on the pizzas'," She said ducking into the kitchen. I listened to her search for the pans.

I moved to the couch, curling my legs under me waiting for Jay to join me. I expected him to sit on the other couch and not right beside me. I glanced at him, seeing a withdrawn look splashed across his face. I wanted to assure him that I was okay. "Maybe once you graduate we should move with mom to New York." I gaped at him in shock. That was the last thing I expected out of his mouth. Just as I was about to shut the idea down he held up his hand. "Hear me out first."

"No. I'm not doing this with you," I rubbed my temples, shaking my head at him when I heard him start to protest again. I didn't want to talk about the possibility of moving to New York with mom. La Push was my home and I didn't want to leave it, even though I knew that I was gonna be the center of attention for a while. "I've always told you that if you wanted to be with mom then you should go. This is my home and I'm not going to leave it."

"Laryssa. Bad memories keep piling up here," Jay whispered through his teeth. The frustration he was trying to keep at bay was starting to seep out. "It's time for us to move on."

"If you want to go... then go. I'm not leaving," I stared at the look of disbelief etched on his face. "Bad things will happen wherever you go."

"I'm not leaving without you," He growled, running his fingers through his hair tugging on his roots. "Someone here put their hands on you. I doubt they would move, so we need to." Jay reached over grabbing my shoulders, shaking me slightly. "Please listen to reason."

"It's not, reason Jayden. It's fear," I took his hands from my shoulders, holding them tightly. "What happened was scary and traumatic-"

"Damn right it was. Cody put his hand around your throat. What's to stop him if he comes at you again in retaliation since he got expelled and everyone hates him. It's you and I here. We don't have Po-" Jay cut himself off as he stood up to start pacing, I dropped my hands to my lap. "You know how anger destroys everything." Jay murmured and I knew that he was taking on the protector role again.

"I'm not scared of him anymore," I sighed, watching him stop his pacing. "I know we don't have dad here and it would be nice if he was, but he's not so I have to handle this. Jay, I understand what you're feeling… I do. But, I'm not gonna run." I grasped his hand pulling him so he was sitting next to me. "I stood up to someone who was bullying me and if he's smart, he will leave me alone. If he's not, then I'll stand up to him again." I placed my hand on his cheek, pulling him so he was looking at me. "If anything, I'm embarrassed because it took me so long to find the courage." I rested my head on his shoulder, "You missed one hell of a punch though," I pulled my hand away from him flexing my fingers. They were sore and it was going to take a while for them to heal. I had grown frustrated earlier when I was trying to paint the sunflowers.

"Collin said it was nice," Jay said, patting my head gently, pulling me from my thoughts. "At least you didn't tuck your thumb. Pops taught you well."

"He showed me how to punch with my thumb tucked in. You're the one who told me that wasn't how you punch," I smirked at him, seeing a small grin make its way on his face.

"I was trying to be modest," Jay complained, shoving my head away from him. "I'm gonna stay the night with Seth so you and Kimberly can hang out." I tilted my head when he said Kim's full name loud enough for her to hear.

"Jayden!" She called sharply coming from the kitchen. I watched her place her hand on her hips as she glared at him. "We talked about this," Jayden smirked at her, using my shoulders to heave himself up. I held my smile when I realized that my little brother had a small crush on Kim. "It's Kim, not Kimberly."

"Sorry, I keep hearing Kimberly," He teased, sending her a charming smile. I glanced between the two of them, wondering what I missed out on. Jay laughed when she swatted at him. "Have fun on your guys' girls night." He turned on his heel, still smiling to himself as he walked towards his room. "Oh and Bossy?" Jay stopped, leaning against the hallway wall.

I closed my eyes breathing in deeply at the old nickname. He hadn't called me that in years. "What do you want Runt," I let the words fall easily from my lips. I could feel the forgotten cherished memories start to swirl from the depths of my mind.

Jay smirked, rubbing his chin, "You got a Lil something." My eyes widened and I darted to the mirror, not seeing anything on my face. I glared at him through the mirror, seeing him holding his stomach as he laughed silently. "You fall for that every time," he wiped the imaginary tear from his eye, turning on his heels when I tossed a pillow at him. Kim walked over to the pillow picking it up, tossing it back on the couch.

I bit my lip, walking over to Kim. I stood in front of her pulling her into a tight hug. Kim wrapped her arms around me just as tight, "Don't do that again. If you're gonna hulk out, you gotta give me a warning so I can hulk out with you." I snorted pulling back to send her a small smile. Kim squished my cheeks in her hands, her eyes gaining a serious tint. "Laryssa, you're my best friend. You can come to me with anything," She stressed, her brown eyes misting over slightly. "I'm here for you and I have your back. Just like you've always had mine."

Tears started to fall from my face at her words. "You're my best friend too Kim," I sniffed, wiping my face. "I'm sorry for not telling you."

"Nothing to apologize for," She said as a small smile graced her face. "Do you want to talk about it or-" I shook my head rapidly, I wanted to have fun. "Let's get started on the girl's night!" Kim yanked me into the kitchen showing me the goodies that she brought.

10:06 p.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington

"No way," I tossed popcorn at her, staring at the TV. "I'd make waffles over pancakes any day."

"You have no taste, Laryssa," Kim snorted, sending me a disappointed look. I pursed my lips at the thought of soggy sugary bread. "Pancakes are way better."

"I have no taste, Kimmie cakes," I couldn't keep my face straight with the nickname. "Says the girl who kills at the chance to eat my food." I leaned my head against the couch trying to catch the kernels in my mouth. "The crunch is what makes it taste divine."

Kim scoffed, catching one of the kernels out of the air popping it into her mouth. "False," She smirked, chewing with her mouth open. "I guess we will just have to agree to disagree." Kim stretched out on the sofa. "Soo, how has Paul been?"

I set the popcorn bowl to the side, turning to face her. "He's been sweet." Kim giggled, sitting up to face me. "Kim, how did it feel when you first got together with Jared?"

"Like I was walking on air," Kim said, running her fingers through her long hair. She winced at how her fingers caught in the tangled strands. I stood up, pulling her with me to my room. I sat her down at my vanity, pulling out my comb from the drawer urging her to continue. "He is my first serious relationship. I mean I had the one from middle school but what I have with Jared is real." I combed her hair gently, grinning at the way she seemed lost in her memories. "I was nervous when we started talking, like why me sort of thing and I thought it was a joke. But he slowly started to gain my trust and everything clicked. Can you braid it?" Kim reached towards the mirror, touching the photo that I had printed of us. I parted her long soft hair, starting to dutch braid her hair. "Y'know the day I realized I loved him was one of the best days of my life. My parents had left for Seattle the day before and he stayed the night with me. I wasn't even nervous, since he spent the whole time making me laugh. When I woke up the next morning, Jared drooled all over the back of my neck. I stayed quiet patiently waiting for him to wake up and I realized that he was everything that I ever wanted. It is like Jared and I are made for each other. When he woke up he was so embarrassed and he got this cute look on his face. It was the kinda look that made me want to cuddle him forever. I didn't care that he drooled or how he snored like he didn't care that I kicked in my sleep or that I constantly move." I tied her hair, grinning at the fact that Jared was a drool monster.

"You kick me in my sleep and I will kick you off the bed," I laughed, playfully pulling on her ear. "Kimmie cakes loves Jared," I teased, squishing her cheeks. "In all seriousness, you guys are goals."

Kim brushed my hands away, leaning towards the mirror pulling out her baby hairs to frame her face. "Looks like you and Paul are well on your way to goals." I sat down on my bed, biting my lip to keep from smiling. "Yeah, I saw the whole love note and nose brushing." I covered my mouth trying to keep the fact that a huge smile wanted to make its way onto my face. "Are you happy?" Kim stretched her hand out. I set my hand in hers, letting the smile overtake my face.

"Yeah, I am," I admitted squeezing her hand. "As for the note, it wasn't a love note. He told me something before you guys came and I didn't get a chance to respond to it. So I wrote down what I wanted to say."

"So what did he say," Kim questioned, wiggling her eyebrows. She moved from the chair, jumping to sit next to me on my bed. "Give me some juicy details."

I giggled to myself. I never thought that I would ever be sitting in my room huddled with my best friend talking about a boy. "He told me that I made his heart happy." Kim squealed, moving to stand up. "But then everyone came and I didn't get a chance to respond, so I wrote it down. I said what I have with him. I don't want anyone else, how alive he made me feel, and that everything I've never done, I want to do with him."

I laughed at her when she shook my shoulders excitedly. "Laryssa that's a love letter!" Kim pulled me up, shoving me out of the room and into the living room. "Sit," I fell back ungracefully onto the couch. I watched her rummage through several of her bags pulling out her laptop. Kim plopped herself next to me, typing in love letters in the search bar.

"What are you doing," I asked, pulling my legs to my chest. I rested my head against her shoulder, looking at the various searches.

"Showing you that you wrote him a love letter," Kim smirked, holding that laptop closer so we could read through them. I snorted, I didn't write Paul a love letter. If anything it was a feelings note. "You're telling me that you don't think what you wrote was a love letter?"

"It was a note of adoration, and affection," I smiled softly. "With a touch of hope," I grabbed the party size bag of peanut M&M's searching for the brown ones.

"Hope," Kim questioned, holding her hand out for one. "One of the blue ones." I hummed picking out a few of the blue candies, placing them in her palm.

"So that I get the chance to experience new things with him," I squished the M&M, setting the bag to the side.

"You don't think that you will," Kim set her laptop off the side turning to face me. "Laryssa is something else going on?"

I shook my head quickly. "No of course not. I'm just hopeful for the future. That's all. No doubts."

"You scared me for a second," Kim let out a deep breath, wiping the imaginary sweat from her brow. I rolled my eyes at her, seeing her smile. "You probably have no idea how happy you made him." I grinned because I had a pretty good idea.

2:06 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I glared at Kim's blanket hogging form, debating if I was going to kick her off. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, rubbing the sore spot on my lower back. I took her foot out of my tank top feeling slightly bad for Jared. I didn't even understand how her foot had ended up there. Carefully I got out of my bed grabbing my phone, making my way to the couch. I settled on the couch, unlocking my phone brushing my fingers against my lockscreen. His words were still ringing in my ears and I wished that I could see him. I highly doubted that he was awake. That didn't stop me from sending a quick text asking if he was awake. I set my phone to the side trying to find a comfortable position, so I could go back to sleep. My phone started to vibrate rapidly and I picked it up seeing Paul's contact. "Hey," I answered, laying back down adjusting the small throw so it covered my cold feet. "I didn't think you were still awake."

"Are you okay babe?" I frowned at the phone when I realized he sounded groggy. I wished I hadn't texted him.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Did I wake you up," I asked, praying that I didn't wake him up.

"No, I promise," Paul said, "Why are you up?" I heard the shuffling coming from his end.

"Kim kicked me and woke me up. Why are you up," I asked, pulling the throw closer to my chest. I would give anything to have his insane body heat. My body was cold and the small throw wasn't providing any warmth. I tried to get myself to get up and get a blanket.

"Can't sleep. Jared's snoring is loud. Wait she kicked you," Paul's voice crackled on the other end. "Jared said she kicks hard. Are you okay?"

I laughed lightly recalling Kim's story about Jared's drooling. "Yeah she does and I almost shoved her off the bed, but other than that I'm okay." Paul chucked and it sent a shiver down my spine. "Sorry, we didn't get to talk more. Are you okay from earlier? The picture must've shocked you."

"Laryssa, can I come to see you?" He asked suddenly.

I paused glancing down at my phone to see the time. It was late and he still sounded groggy. The last thing I wanted was for him to be out and driving tired. "Of course… Are you okay to drive? I can come to you." I didn't want to leave Kim by herself, but if I could see him for a few minutes longer than I would take them.

"Yeah, I'm wide awake. Trust me," I could hear the smile on his face. "I'd rather come to you, I'll be there in a few minutes. Stay on the phone with me?" I listened to him start up his truck.

"Yeah," I sat up, pushing my hair away from my face. "Fair warning, I look horrible."

"Not possible," Paul countered quickly. "You never look horrible."

"You're a sweetheart," I murmured, getting up to go sit outside. I pulled the throw closer to my body, opening the door. I was cold, but I was too excited to see him. "I can hear your truck coming down the road." I sat on the small bench, seeing the dim lights coming down the road.

"Are you outside? It's freezing," He chided as he pulled into the driveway.

I pushed my hair away from my face, "Good thing my boyfriend who has an insanely high body temp is walking towards me. I should probably go and greet him."

I smirked at him, getting up slowly, "Yeah I guess you could say he's really hot then?" I snorted hanging up on him. I glanced up at him, seeing his bed head. He had been asleep, I noted mentally. "Ouch, hanging up on me. That was harsh baby."

"The hottest," I smirked, wrapping my arms around his waist. I smiled when his arms came to rest around me. A rush of warmth encased me. "Let's go inside."

"Wait," Paul leaned down, his lips brushing against my cheek softly. I hummed closing my eyes, turning my head so that I could pull him into a kiss. My hands trailed up his clothed chest, as I rested my hand on the back of his neck. Paul pulled back, grinning when I whined at the loss of him. "Payback."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Is that how it is?" He laughed, pulling me inside and out of the cold. "I'll remember that." Paul locked the door, turning to head to my room. I pulled on his hand, shaking my head. "Kim's asleep."

"Where are you sleeping?" I pointed to the couch. It was my bed for the rest of the sleepover. There was no way that I was getting kicked again. "It's gonna be a tight squeeze but I'm sure you and I can make it work." Paul laid on the couch opening his arms. I pulled the throw from my shoulders, tucking myself into his arms. Paul hummed once I settled in his embrace. "See we fit perfectly."

"What a relief," I smirked, peeking up at him. Paul looked down at me, shifting slightly so we were lying face to face. I let my hand trailed up to his cheek. "You're so handsome." Paul knocked his head against mine gently as if he were trying to hide his face. He murmured something that I couldn't catch. "Sorry, I didn't catch that." I laughed, running my fingers through his hair, fixing the bed hair.

"First you take my breath away. Now you're making me blush," Paul said, shifted again so he was resting against my chest. "You're the first girl who called me handsome. It looks like we are both experiencing new things." I closed my eyes when I felt his hands settle on my side. The warmth of his hand was seeping through the thin material. "I didn't want to talk about the picture over the phone."

"Do you want to talk about it now," I asked, letting my fingers trail from his hair to his back. I started tracing shapes, on the fabric of his shirt.

"Yeah," Paul let out a deep breath, tugging me closer. "I was a little surprised to see a picture with Tif. She isn't someone I want to remember." I opened my eyes staring up at the ceiling, waiting for him to go on. "She broke my heart. So I don't have fond memories of her, but I'm glad she did what she did."

"Was she the one who liked Cody," I questioned remembering our conversation in Sue's cramped kitchen. I didn't understand why he was glad that he had a broken heart.

"Yeah. She left me for him. She stayed with him until sophomore year, then she left during the fall semester of junior year. I don't know anything else," Paul rolled his shoulders, his fingers skimming over my side. He didn't sound as if he missed her and I didn't realize how much I wanted to know if he missed her or not. "I used to get angry when I saw something that reminded me of her. Like a bitter taste in my mouth. Now, not so much." I pulled him impossibly closer, letting the insecurity simmer down. "I thought about what you said about learning something."

My heart soared when I realized how much he paid attention to what I had to say. "What did you learn?"

Paul shuttered when I ran my fingers down his spine. "That feels good," He sighed as I repeated the action, spurred on by his words. "We were toxic together. It takes two people to work in a relationship. It was always me making an effort to get her to want to be with me. When we fought it was nasty." Paul let out a deep breath. "I learned that what I had with her, is the exact opposite of what I want with you. I want to have a healthy relationship. I want you and I to work together." My heart sped up at his words. I was ecstatic that he thought about the longevity of our relationship. When I told him that I only had eyes for him, I had meant it. I couldn't stop the fear from building in my chest. His words made everything seem so real. I wasn't sure if I was deserving of him. It was my insecurity of not being enough that was creating the fear. "Does that make you uncomfortable?" Paul pulled his head up to look at me. I stared into his eyes, seeing an emotion that I wasn't familiar with. I couldn't understand why he was looking at me like that, I knew that if I was standing it would make my knees feel weak. The past weeks were filled with nothing but my drama and he didn't deserve someone so weak willed. As much as I wanted to be with him, my doubts kept telling me that maybe I wasn't the right one for him. "Laryssa?"

I could feel in my stomach that this was a moment that would change the course of my life. I was at a crossroads. On one side I could be even more vulnerable with him or I could shy away in fear. I had been vulnerable with him and not once had he judged me for it. "I feel scared." I let my hand trail to his cheek. "This feels real and I've never experienced it." Paul sat up quickly, pulling me so I was straddling his lap and he looked as if he wanted to cut me off. I shook my head, silently telling him to wait as I continued with my thoughts. "What if I don't have what it takes to be healthy? Paul, I have a plethora of problems. I know you said that I was worth it, but there are times where I don't think I am. I want you to know that even though I'm telling you this, it's not your job to make me feel better or tell me that I am worth it. It's not something you can change because that's something that comes from within and I have to work at that. With all the drama that has happened has made me realize that I have to talk to a professional." I cupped his cheek fighting the urge not to be vulnerable. "But that's not all I feel. I feel ecstatic alongside the fear of all the possibilities. I want to try with you even if I'm scared. I want to make mistakes with you. More than anything, I want to be with you."

His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his chest holding me tightly. "Laryssa, thank you for telling me. You know there will come a day where you feel it worthy." He adjusted his grip so he could look at me. I held his gaze, letting my nose brush against his. "I know you will and I'll be right beside you." Paul leaned up pressing a kiss to my forehead. "It's scary for me too. We can set the pace, however fast we want Laryssa." I nodded, letting out a small sigh in relief that I wasn't the only one nervous. Paul let himself fall back into the couch. I quirked an eyebrow at him as I sat on his torso. He opened his arms, inviting me to lay on top of him.

I smirked as a devious plan came into my mind. I leaned down letting my lips brush against his lightly, feeling his hands going to settle on my waist. Paul leaned up lightly and I took the opportunity to pull back, "Told you I'd remember." I kissed his nose lightly, snuggling into his neck, grinning against his skin.

Paul scoffed, maneuvering me so that I was lying underneath him. "I give," He whispered before pressing his lips against mine. His hands tugged me against him, and there wasn't another place I would rather be. I held him to me tightly so that a piece of paper couldn't get between us. I gasped slightly when his hand wandered under my shirt. His hand trailed against my stomach until it rested on my back holding me to him. In my shock, he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. The warmth of his hand on my bare skin and the feel of his soft lips against mine was making me feel pleasurably dizzy. My body was pleasantly warm from him and I could hardly think straight. I pulled away to breathe, my eyes rolling back when his lips traveled down my neck. I let my hands wander from their place on his neck. It was like an urgency to feel more of him. My hands wandered under his thin shirt. Paul groaned, lowly when my fingers trailed against the muscles on his back. He pulled away from my neck, smiling down at me and kissed my lips. "Thank you for remembering," Paul whispered, brushing his nose against mine.

I smiled, brushing my finger across his bottom lip. "Anytime, handsome." He closed his eyes, chuckling. I tugged him so that he was resting his weight on me. I loved the feeling of him close to me. He tensed slightly, "Are you uncomfortable?"

"I'm heavy baby," Paul started to lift himself off of me.

"What if I told you that you aren't," I countered holding him. He glanced at me doubtfully, "You aren't. It's not like I'm picking you up," I ran my nails through his hair, feeling him hesitantly relaxing into me. "You don't have to stay like this if you don't feel comfortable."

"I don't wanna crush you. Can we try when we are on a bed?" Paul moved, turning us so that we were facing each other. He rested his head on my chest, slinging his arm over my side.

"I'd like that," I murmured, cuddling him closer.

08/09/2020