"We gotta find those books," Dean snapped as he wondered back into the bunker.

Sam was awake but looking extremely tired as he sat at the table running his hands through his messy hair. Dean noticed but kept the comment to himself. Sam didn't want to be babied.

"Charlie said they were on the internet, right?" he mumbled.

"Right," Dean nodded, swivelling the laptop to him and sitting down opposite Sam.

He opened the search bar and typed in "Carver Edlund, Supernatural". All at once, thousands of results surged in. Dean clicked on one with the cover that didn't at all resemble himself and Cas. Charlie had said that Cas was "dreamy". Then again she had also said thank you for "saving the world".

"Sam…" Dean stopped. Sam raised his eyebrows. "Do you think Chuck carried on the books? Like… until the apocalypse?"

Sam frowned. "I told him at that stupid convention that-"

"I know but Charlie thanked us for saving the world. He must have written about it!"

His brother sighed and rubbed his face with his hands so, with a final glance, he returned to the volume on his screen. Dean scrolled quickly looking past all the minor details and conversations he had already had with his brother and the angel. This volume particularly interested Dean as it was mainly told from his perspective. It was when he and Cas were investigating Raphael and it was all there. The encounter with the sheriff, Cas' upside down badge, the hooker, the post office. Dean smiled at the memory. But it was his view on the angel that caught his eye. A passage went like this:

"They tumbled out of the back door and Dean double over laughing. He looked over at the completely clueless and innocent angel and smiled to himself, throwing an arm around his friend's shoulder. Castiel's eyes shone bright blue and he seemed to enjoy Dean's laughter. Dean noticed that his friend was quite attractive by his standards. Anyone's standards. Maybe he could even be classed as quite dreamy. He wanted nothing more to just embrace him and, from looking at the angel's full lips, maybe even kiss him. No. Where had that thought spouted from? He remembered his promise to Cas just an hour before that he wouldn't let him die a virgin and-"

Dean choked on his water. "What?" he spluttered.

"What?" Sam asked.

He read through the extract again and yet, despite how much he wanted to, he couldn't deny thinking that about the angel. He couldn't stop himself from thinking those thoughts. "Nothing."

Sam raised a sceptical eyebrow but left it there. Dean closed the laptop and stood from the table to go to the kitchen. He was just setting out a plate as his meal cooked when he heard Sam snort with laughter. Nearly dropping the plate onto the floor, he flew back into the room mentally kicking himself for leaving the window open.

"Sam-"

"Dreamy?" Sam laughed.

"Sam-"

"Dean."

Dean stared at his joking little brother. "Come on, man." He felt defeated. The not-so-secret was out.

Sam was laughing. "Your thoughts get carried away." He smirked.

Dean was stumped. What could anyone say to that? "Bitch."

"Jerk," his brother responded with a smile.

The elder Winchester smiled to himself at the familiar exchange between them that hadn't happened for… years. He strolled back into the kitchen, made his meal then made his way up to his room with a beer. Dean set the bottle down on his bedside table next to the plate then sat heavily on his bed to do what he did every night.

Pray.