Chapter Seven – The Benefit of Belief

Late October through November

The next few weeks were a fluctuating wave of changes in Olivia. One day she'd be back on her game; the next he'd be seeing the signs of shut down again. Every day it was a question of which side she'd be leaning toward when she came in. When he saw the slumped shoulders and distant eyes he knew they were all in for a rough day. Other days she came in looking calmer, more capable of smiling (maybe), and more like herself. There had even been a few cases she'd knocked completely out of the park. The fears that had ignited after the case with the young musician hadn't faded completely, but they weren't as strong anymore. While he didn't know what would happen in the end, whether she could pull out of this, at least it seemed like she was trying. The progress definitely wasn't fast or in one direction, but there was still a chance.

As Cragen looked out at her now though, that chance seemed small. The light slump of her shoulders said it all. Nick headed over to her and dropped down into the chair beside her desk. The conversation looked civil, and Olivia appeared to be interacting just fine with Nick. Cragen doubted Nick even noticed anything was wrong, though he could be wrong about that considering Nick's instincts. Either way, Cragen recognized the schooled look on Olivia's face. She was not having one of her good days. Nick moved back to his desk, and Cragen returned to his own work after making a mental note to keep an eye on Olivia that day. Not fifteen minutes later events in the squad room caught his attention again.

"We got it!"

Nick was hurrying toward the printer, and Olivia was watching him curiously. After he'd snagged the paper off the printer Nick moved to Olivia's desk, a wide smile on his face.

"We got him, Liv."

"Yeah?"

Olivia took what Cragen assumed was a mug shot from Nick and glanced at it. For the first time that day he saw real emotion lighting her up. A slow smile graced Olivia's face and she nodded at Nick in approval. As she turned to grab her coat Cragen caught the glint of fire and excitement in her eyes. It had been over a week since he'd seen that much light there. Good. Maybe he really was worrying too much.

The two of them disappeared out the door, hopefully to apprehend their suspect. With any luck things would go their way and they'd be back soon enough. If not, well, Cragen wasn't particularly worried. Both of them had left with looks of pure determination on their faces. Should something bad go down, they could handle it.

Luck seemed to be on their side because Olivia walked back into the squad room less than an hour later.

"Things go alright?" he asked as he stepped out of his office to greet her.

Olivia flashed him a smile, looking rather pleased. Not only that, but Cragen saw no sign of her recent weariness or strain. She was herself again. Alive and determined.

"Yeah. Caught him completely off guard. Nick is bringing him down to the cage. I figured I'd give Erin the good news."

"Sounds good. Just get me the paperwork when you're done so we can get this one closed up."

"Will do."

Cragen nodded and left her alone to make the call. She deserved the chance to be the bearer of good news. Hopefully it would help keep her spirits high as well. That was, quite honestly, what he was most worried about.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

"Captain?"

Cragen glanced up from his work to find an officer at the door. Normally he'd be concerned, but he recognized the guy from the building.

"Yes?" he asked curiously.

Without giving a verbal answer the officer stepped aside to let a woman enter instead. She kept a close eye on the man as she passed and gave him a soft thank you. With her slight unease Cragen figured she was one of their victims, but why would she be here to see him? Well, there was only one way to find out. He stood and motioned her to a seat.

"What can I do for you?"

She sat down on the very edge of her chair like a bird prepared to take flight at the first sign of danger. After running a slightly shaky hand through her hair she spoke.

"I was looking for Detective Benson."

The few times they had a victim come in who actually named a specific detective, the name was almost always Olivia's. Unfortunately for both of them Olivia wasn't around.

"She's out right now, but I'm sure one of my other detectives could help you. If you'd be more comfortable talking to a woman, Detective Rollins is here."

"Ah, um, no. Do you know when Detective Benson will be back? I just wanted to thank her."

So she wasn't here to report. He smiled softly at his guest. If she wanted to speak with Olivia, he wouldn't try to turn her away, especially since she would be giving Olivia something positive to hold onto during a time when he personally believed she needed as much positivity as he could get her. Considering this woman had come all the way to the precinct, it shouldn't be too hard to convince her to stick around until Olivia returned.

"Well, Olivia should be back in maybe fifteen or twenty minutes if you'd be willing to wait, Miss…?"

"Howard, and I'll wait."

Cragen nodded his approval and gave her another calm, reassuring smile.

"Good. I can show you to Olivia's desk or one of our interview rooms. Whichever you'd prefer."

"I know where her desk is, but thank you."

Cragen nodded once again and stood to escort her out of his office.

"If you need anything, please let me know."

He watched until she was situated at Olivia's desk before returning to his own. As he refocused on his files he reminded himself to keep an eye out for Olivia's return. While he wouldn't need to let Olivia know she had a guest since Miss Howard was at Olivia's desk, he did want to see the interaction between the two. Perhaps more specifically he just wanted to see how his detective would react to it.

Olivia returned slightly later than he had predicted, but Miss Howard had waited without complaint. As Cragen had expected, Olivia spotted her right away. A flicker of surprise flashed across her face as she approached.

"Erin?"

Ah. Erin Howard. He knew the name, but he had never met her before. This was the woman Olivia had called personally three days ago when she and Nick had picked up her rapist.

Erin stood right away and moved to Olivia's side. Without any warning what-so-ever she reached up and wrapped her arms around Olivia. Cragen saw Olivia hesitate for a second before her arms lifted and she returned the hug. When the two women pulled away he was pretty sure he caught the glint of tears in Erin's eyes. Not only could he observe their interaction, he was incredibly grateful that he'd left his door open so he could hear what the two women were discussing as well.

"Erin…"

"I know that I said thank you over the phone, but I wanted to tell you in person. Thank you, Olivia, for finding him and putting him away. And for helping me."

Olivia smiled quietly at Erin and gently squeezed her arm.

"You're welcome. I'm glad we got him too."

"No, Olivia. The thanks is for so much more than that. If you hadn't been there with me through all of this I don't know what I would have done. I don't know if I would have made it through."

"You would have. You're stronger than you think, Erin."

"There you go again."

"What?"

Olivia honestly looked confused, like she had no idea what Erin was talking about. Cragen didn't even bother to hide the smile that washed over his face when he saw Olivia's expression. She looked like someone had just pointed out that the sky was yellow or birds flew upside down. It was really rather amusing. While Olivia appeared to be completely stumped by Erin's words, Cragen had understood what she'd been getting at right away. Olivia simply had an innate talent for connecting with victims and offering them exactly what they needed to hear at any given time. He knew that it wasn't news to Olivia that she was good with victims. She knew that quite well, but Cragen doubted she knew just how good she was, how much her presence meant.

"Always reassuring me. Always giving me hope when I have none. They're really lucky to have you here, and so are all of us," Erin answered.

"Us?"

"Survivors."

Most people who had been raped, assaulted, or abused didn't refer to themselves as survivors. They tended to use the word victim instead, and that was typically how they felt too. If a victim began using the word survivor, it generally indicated a sense of strength and moving forward. Cragen had always believed that, and he knew Olivia did as well. Something changed in Olivia's eyes when she heard that. Cragen could see it, but he wasn't sure he could identify it. He was still working on putting a name to the light when Erin left.

Olivia remained where she was standing even after Erin had walked out. Slowly her eyes scanned the squad room before she took a slow breath and returned to her desk. She fished into her purse and pulled out a business card. At first she only twirled it in her fingers without looking at it. Then she did glance down at it before tapping the card against her left hand like she did a pen when she was considering how to phrase something in a report. Soon after Olivia picked up the phone and punched in a number. Cragen honestly had no idea who the business card belonged to or why it would cause Olivia so much distress and consideration to use it, but he didn't need to know. Olivia was in charge of her own life, and right now there was definitely life in her. If the owner of the business card could somehow help keep that life in Olivia, then Cragen wasn't all that sure he would care no matter who the person was.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

If Cragen had to pick the moment that was the turning point for Olivia, it would have been the day Erin Howard came in to thank Liv for solving her case. Whether thanks to Erin or the business card's owner or something else entirely, from that day on Olivia had seemed reborn. The change had been immediately, but the full extent of it was slower. At first she'd simply shown more energy. Then she became more lighthearted and social. Before Cragen knew it he was looking at a detective who was completely in sync with the squad. Olivia was guiding her partner, taking initiative, connecting perfectly with the victims, and driving it home in interrogation. Not only that, but her intuition was cracking cases open and filling in missing pieces. He hadn't had reason to call her into his office for a reminder or reprimand either.

For the most part he hadn't commented on her improvement, but they had been the only ones in the squad room for some time now. It seemed like an occasion that was about as safe as it was ever going to get. Leaving his office, Cragen headed toward Olivia's desk and rested half against it. She pulled her eyes off her paperwork right away and glanced up at him with a slight questioning head tilt.

"Welcome back, Liv."

Her eyes widened slightly, and Cragen couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through her mind after those words. Whatever it was, she seemed to sort it out rather quickly. Before he knew it the swirl of emotion was gone. She beamed up at him, a true smile that made her eyes dance like fireflies on a dark night.

"Thanks, Captain. It's good to be back."

Pride swelled up in him, but Cragen managed to hold it in check. Olivia might have accepted the welcome back, but anything else would be too much. That wasn't a problem. He patted her lightly on the shoulder as he moved past her back to his office. Six months later and Cragen could finally say without any qualms that Olivia was back. The squad was going to be okay. No. They were going to be better. He would make sure of that.

Author's Note: Hurray, it's complete! Amazingly enough I actually have another story already planned. Even more amazingly it's going to be a one-shot. I know, me, attempting a one-shot. Honestly, I think this time I can actually do it. We shall see! I also have another overly long and complicated SVU story that's over 55 pages in. It could be one that I don't write all of before I post, but maybe not since I'm not sure if I can actually do that.