Title: Volleyball Disaster

Summary: When Allen and Kanda become the source of amusement on the volleyball court.

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-man.

Warnings: Language and slight (very, very slight) shonen-ai.

A/N: I hope this will be funny. It's probably not.

"… I really want to punch you in the face right now."

"Oh, please. You always want to punch someone in the face." The shorter one of the two sighed.

"Especially you." The navy – haired Japanese sneered.

"Especially me." The boy with grey contacts agreed.

"Stop being so irritating, Beansprout."

"You find my existence irritating, Kanda."

"That's why you should do everyone a favour and go choke to death on a Mitarashi Dango or something."

"… Do you have a grudge against Mitarashi Dango or something? That was the seventh time that you included it in your insults today. And it's only 10:15 in the morning." Allen sighed, exasperated.

"I definitely do have a grudge against it. Every day, I have to see it shovelled down your face, and it's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. Just like you." Kanda said as he glared at Allen through the net.

"Hey! Mitarashi Dango is the best thing in the world! If I could, I would go back in time and marry the person!" Allen shot the glare straight back.

"If you actually marry that person, s/he would probably hang her/himself because s/he has to deal with you everyday."

"Fine, then I'll just thank her/him!" Allen pouted.

"Then s/he'll think you're a retard with brain damage to like that kind of shit."

"… Maybe I should use the time machine to go back in time and wash that filthy mouth of yours when you were little." Allen said, his patience slowly running thin.

"Maybe the time machine would malfunction and spit you out straight into cave-man times. Which, might I add, is most likely where you belong."

"Maybe if I send you back to Shogunate Japan, you will find a sense of belonging, Kanda."

"Maybe I will. At least I will be able to kill your ancestors before they reproduce and create you."

The argument was stopped by Lenalee.

"Boys, boys! Try to at least concentrate on the game, will you?"

Allen and Kanda turned in opposite directions.

"I'm not teaming up with this jerk."

"Who would want to team up with a stupid midget?"

"I am not that short!"

"… You're the shortest guy in our year, Beansprout!" Lavi chimed in cheerfully.

"Lavi! Who's side are you on?"

"I'm just stating facts." Lavi winked, and jumped back into place.

"C'mon, Allen, Kanda. You guys are stuck together for the time being. Try to make the most of it, okay? Kanda, you're mid-back. Allen, you're at the net."

"Beansprout's at the front? Will he even be able to jump high enough?"

"…" Allen fumed, clenching and unclenching his fists.

The whistle blew, signalling that the volleyball match was commencing.

"Just you wait, Kanda."

All Kanda did was smirk. And that infuriated Allen even more.

All eyes were on Lavi, as he adjusted his stance to get the best possible shot. He stuck his tongue out in concentration, and served the ball. It soared over the net. Lenalee ran with the speed of a track and field champion. She reached the ball with ease, and lobbed it back over. Allen ran over, ready to smash. He jumped, but something grabbed his collar and dragged him back down. He let out a strangled choke as his collar dug into his throat, cutting off his precious air supply. Allen immediately knew who was responsible when the ball smashed at full-force down to the other side.

A whistle blew.

"One point to the Blue Team! 1 – nil!" The referee called out.

Once Allen's world stopped producing black spots, he turned around, and glared heatedly at Kanda.

"You jerk! I had that ball! Besides, isn't that abuse?! Or harassment or what-not?!"

"It's not abuse if it's done to a Beansprout."

"Why do you always state that I'm vertically challenged?" Allen's right eye twitched.

"I'm surprised that you're not horizontally challenged, with the amount of food you manage to disgustingly shove down that black hole you call a stomach."

"Urgh! How come all your insults either lead to my height or my eating habits?!"

"Oh, stop shouting. You're giving me a migraine."

"Well, I hope it splits your head open and your brains fall out!"

"At least there will be brains there to fall out. You probably have food spilling out, Beansprout."

"See, there you go again! Always insulting either my height or eating habits!"

"Maybe I'm trying to convey the message that you have a problem with your height and eating habits."

"At least I'm not the one who likes to sleep in his Sherlock Holmes boxers and falls off the bed often!"

A fit of barely suppressed giggles escaped from the crowd gathered around the arguing two. Even the referee was listening, amused.

"You – How did you know that?!"

"I'm, sadly, your roommate, genius."

"Who the hell in their right fucking mind puts a Beansprout in my dorm?!"

"Language, Kanda. Language." Allen chided.

"Oh, please. I can do even better."

"I'm sure you can, Kanda. Would you like a Grammy award with that?"

By this point, the class stopped what they were doing and were watching the live comedy show between Allen and Kanda.

"Do you think we should stop them?" Lenalee whispered to Lavi, who was openly grinning at the show.

"No, Lenalee. I'm getting pretty good blackmail material here. Shh, wait, Allen looks like he's about to reveal something big!" Lavi whispered back excitedly.

" – Least I'm not the person who gets at least one love-struck male every two weeks ready to confess to you because he thought you were a girl."

Lavi snorted. So did the rest of the class. Kanda sent a glare to all of them.

"This "girl" can kick your ass any day, Beansprout."

"Oh yeah? I'm pretty sure this beansprout kicked your ass yesterday during martial arts."

"That was because some retard put his drink bottle in the middle of the fucking floor!"

"Denial is the first step, Kanda."

"Yeah, and the next step is to put a bullet through that brainless head of yours."

"Oh, this is a first. Not going to threaten me with Mugen like last time, Kanda?"

"Shut up. It's much cleaner to use a bullet and I don't have to clean Mugen afterwards to get your blood off."

"Kanda, I'm sorry to break this to you, but you don't own a gun."

"I'll get one."

"How? You're a minor. It's illegal."

"I have my ways."

The referee chose this moment to interrupt.

"Mr. Kanda, Mr. Walker, please refrain from arguing any longer. You're holding up the class."

Allen murmured an apology, while Kanda just rolled his eyes and looked bored. The referee, who is also the teacher, sighed, and signalled for the game to continue.

As the ball was served, Kanda was already extremely bored. Couldn't they have done some Martial Arts instead? That way, he could have his sweet revenge on Allen after his humiliating defeat – though he refused to admit it – and get some stress out of his muscles along the way. Since he could not concentrate on the game, Kanda decided to just close his eyes and listen to the sounds. That relaxes him too. He could hear the resounding thunk as the ball hit flesh, and the pattering of feet as they rushed to reach the ball. Voices shouting encouragements, and an annoyingly familiar voice calling his name – wait, what? Kanda opened his eyes and blinked. He saw the volleyball rushing over at top speed. He grunted, and started a run up to smash the ball.

Too bad he didn't notice another body running towards the ball. As Kanda was about to jump, he suddenly heard desperate voices from behind.

"Yuu, you idiot! Allen's already got the ball! Stop!" Lavi shouted.

Kanda wanted to beat the shit out of the Rabbit for calling him that. Instead, he focused on getting the ball before the Beansprout does. Allen didn't back down from the silent challenge either.

Lavi wanted to smash his hand through his face in an exaggerated facepalm. Couldn't they see that they were about to crash into each other? Still, he also wanted to see what's going to happen. And so he did.

Inevitably, Allen and Kanda crashed. They both went forward and jumped, so they collided in mid-air. Due to Kanda being taller and heavier, Allen was bowled over. In the end, no one managed to get the ball. They were all too shocked at what was happening. When Allen was bowled over, Kanda went with him as well.

He managed to land smack on Allen, which led to, coincidentally, Kanda's face on Allen's.

In more detail, his lips on Allen's.

From the audience's perspective, it looked like a frozen French kiss between the two. Never in their lives would they have thought they would ever be able to witness this scene. They didn't know what to do, so they did nothing. Allen and Kanda were faring no better. Allen looked like a deer caught in headlights, while Kanda looked like he couldn't register what happened. Everyone stayed like that for a while.

Until Kanda suddenly bolted up and started hacking and furiously scrubbing his mouth. Allen followed suit a second later. The only sounds filling the air was coughing and spluttering.

"Are… you thinking what I'm thinking, Lenalee?" Lavi murmured out, his eye wide open.

"I think I am thinking what you are thinking, Lavi." Lenalee whispered, as she pressed the "stop video" button on her iPhone. They both looked at each other and beamed. Lenalee and Lavi both stated –

"Best. Blackmail. Material. Ever."

Meanwhile, Kanda deemed fit that he could stop spluttering and glared darkly at Allen.

"I really want to punch you in the face right now."

Thank you for reading this not-so-funny FF!