i am a horrible, horrible person. i started a new fic without finishing my other ones but i'm stressed because of school and this is one way i distress myself. this one won't be longer than 10 chapters, though, well it shouldn't be anyway.

this is my first attempt at a jagan fic so be gentle.

this first chapter is short, but worry not, the others will definitely be longer.

enjoy!

"James, we can't do this again." The man lying next to him whispers.

James can hear the regret in his voice and it makes him sick to his stomach. No one has ever regretted being with James. But this isn't just anyone, it's Logan Mitchell; the good man who does nothing wrong, the man who lives by his morals and never breaks his own rules, that is, until today. James feels himself getting angry with Logan's tone of voice but he forces it down before he does or says anything he will regret. He knows they shouldn't have done this. But he couldn't help himself. He took one look at the man and just like that, his lust took over. One thing led to another and here they are. It got even worse when he heard the moans and sounds of pleasure emitting from the other man's mouth. He knows they can't do this again and yet, he has no intention of ever letting Logan go, especially after all these years.

He turns his head to look at Logan. He's still panting slightly and his body is covered in sweat.

Fuck. James thinks. Now there's no way in hell I'm going just let him walk out of my life.

James rolls over and hovers above the smaller man.

"We're finally together after 6 years, Logan. Don't take that away from me."

Logan shuts his eyes and sighs deeply. "James, please."

"Are you sure?" James whispers softly. "Are you sure you never want to do this again?"

He places delicate kisses along the side of the other man's neck. Logan practically whimpers as he tangles his hands in James' hair.

"James, please."

James smirks as he licks his way up and nibbles on Logan's earlobe. James is about to kiss Logan when the man freezes. He looks into James' eyes and slowly shakes his head. James can feel the lump in his throat rising. Logan pushes the taller man away and quickly sits up, scrambling out of James' bed. James tightly shuts his eyes and falls on his back. He can hear Logan frantically put his clothes on. He hears the click of his belt and the slick movement of his hands. With his head hanging in shame, he exits James' bedroom and is almost out of his apartment when he hears the lock turn. James' eyes snaps open. He quickly puts on a pair of sweat pants and wipes his face with his pillow and runs into the living room.

His best friend is standing there, staring at them.

"What's going on?" The dark skinned man with big brown eyes asks.

"James was just showing me a workout." Logan laughs nervously.

And just like that the Latino brightens up. He grabs onto Logan's waist and grins, placing a soft kiss against his lips. James' jaw tightens.

"So did you tell him?" The Latino whispers against Logan's lips.

"Tell me what?" James asks impatiently.

Logan coughs and pushes the man away. He can't look James in the eye so he looks behind him, at the clock hanging just above his head.

"Carlos and I are getting married." Logan says, keeping his tone light and cheerful but James sees right through it.

James' heart drops. He knew Logan and Carlos were serious but he didn't think it was this serious. For so long James had been watching Carlos with Logan, hating his best friend for stealing the only person he's ever wanted and now, now he hates Carlos more than he ever thought he could. And just when he thought he and Logan could be something, especially after what just happened a few hours ago it got snatched away from him. He swallows and smiles tightly as he walks over to his best friend.

"Congrats!" He yells, pulling Carlos in for a hug.

The hug is awkward and cold and it ends just as fast as it had begun.

"You'll be my best man right?" Carlos asks brightly.

James nods. "Of course, Carlos, anything for my best friend."

"We still have to call Kendall and our parents-" Carlos goes on and on but James stops paying attention.

He fixes his eyes on Logan but the shorter brunette can't meet his gaze. He walks over to the brunette and makes him look at him.

"How could you not tell me?!" James hisses.

Logan averts his gaze once again and quietly says "I wanted to make love to you, James."

"And yet here you are, getting married. You're fucking engaged and you didn't think it was appropriate to tell me?!"

Carlos, who had walked into his room comes out and frowns at the two.

"You guys okay?" He asks. "The conversation looks pretty intense."

"I was just telling him that he better not hurt you." James lies.

Carlos laughs. "We've been together for over two years, James. I don't think it's his intentions."

"Well, you think wrong." James mutters before storming off into his room.

He puts on a hoodie, brushes past Logan on his way out of the apartment and tells them he's going for a run.

James goes to the park and immediately starts running. He doesn't care that he doesn't have proper shoes on or that he didn't stretch, he just needs to clear his head.

They're getting married.

Carlos and Logan are getting married.

Your best friend is better married to Logan.

They're getting married.

The more he runs, the louder those words become. He feels his heart breaking with every thought but they don't stop. His thoughts ring loudly in his ears until it's all he can hear. The birds chirping, the kids playing, the kids' adults talking all drown out until the only thing he hears is 'they are getting married'. He thought the news would make him angry, but he just gets more depressed as his vision blurs. He's not sure if it's because he's crying or because he's running so fast that he can barely see anything but all he knows is that, he's not going to be okay. Not now, not ever.

He runs until he can't breathe, he runs until he collapses onto the grass, until his head is dizzy and his heart is weak. He lays on the ground and pants for air.

A tall, lanky man with blonde hair walks over to him and lays down next to him. They stay like that until James is finally able to catch his breath.

"What are you doing here?" James asks.

The blonde man looks over at James. "Carlos told me the news and I thought you could use a friend."

"He's getting married, Kendall." James said quietly.

Kendall nods. "To your best friend."

"What is wrong with me?" James blurts out. "I hate my best friend for being happy. I hate him for being with Logan. I'm not supposed to hate my best friend, Kendall."

The blonde stands up and brings James' to his feet, wrapping his arms around the brunette. James buries his head into Kendall's shoulder and finally lets it out.

"I'm supposed to be happy for him." He sobs. "I'm not supposed to be in love with his fiancé. What am I supposed to do?"

Kendall pulls way and looks into James' eyes. "You either man up and tell Logan how you feel or you move on."

"Gee, nice choices." James grumbles, wiping the tears away."

"James, those are the only choices you have." Kendall says softly.

"But I can't tell Logan how I feel. It will break Carlos and I can't move on, it will break me."

"You were almost over him, what happened?"

James doesn't say anything. He just awkwardly fidgets with his fingers and stares down at his feet. Kendall's eyes widen.

"You slept with him?!" The blonde hisses.

"I wasn't planning on it!" James frowns. "He came over asking for Carlos and one thing led to another!"

"That's going to kill Carlos."

James runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "I fucking know, okay, but what do you want me to do? It happened and I can't take it back."

"So what? You two are planning on keeping it secret from him?"

The brunette shrugs. "Honestly, I don't know what we're going to do."

Kendall sighs, wrapping an arm around his best friend. "C'mon, let's go home."

James nods and they both start walking back to the apartment James and Carlos share when James' phone vibrates.

That was a mistake and it can never happen again.
- L

His heart sinks.

oh angsty, but we all know how much i love angst.

tell me how you guys like it! :)