Batman regained consciousness to see Harvey Dent, not Two-Face, tied up and kneeling next to him, which confirmed that he was still in the hellish reality of Tetch's making. He realized his own hands were bound and looked up to see Harley finishing tying his ropes, and then go over to Jack, striking a match and lighting his cigarette.

"Thanks, dollface," he said, patting her cheek affectionately. He approached them, puffing on his cigarette. "Must be kinda a shock to you, all this, huh, Bruce?" he asked, grinning at him.

"Less of one than you'd think," retorted Batman. "And I'm getting kinda used to being shocked tonight."

"Really?" laughed Jack. "So you didn't quite buy our perfect fifties couple act? Although it ain't really an act – no reason a guy can't be a criminal genius and enjoy the comforts of a well-managed home, ain't that right, baby?" he asked Harley.

"I always make sure puddin' comes home to a clean house and a nice dinner before he goes out to work," said Harley, kissing him.

"Ain't she just a peach?" he chuckled, beaming at her. "Anyway, living a normal life keeps people from figuring out who I am. That name I gave you, Bruce, Jack Napier, it ain't my real name. I never tell anyone my real name. People only know me as J, and they never see me face-to-face. I mostly do all my business through other people, and I ensure however I have to that nothing I do can be traced back to me. So you should consider yourself lucky, Bruce, getting to deal with me in person. Or not so lucky, depending on how things go," he chuckled. "So, Harvey, let's talk a little business, shall we?" he said, turning to him.

"You don't need to tie me up to do that," growled Harvey.

"I do, because I need to teach you a lesson," said Jack, grinning. He leaned forward and blew smoke into his face. "You've been a bad boy, haven't you, Harvey? You've been leaning on my guys, and I told ya to stop that. This town belongs to me, get it? Everyone in it belongs to me. You belong to me."

"J, if your guys are gonna be careless and slip up, I can't just blindly make exceptions for them," retorted Harvey. "It'll start to look like I'm in your pocket. And if you want me to keep getting re-elected, it's gotta look like I ain't in your pocket."

"You saying this is my fault?" asked Jack, quietly.

"I'm saying if you're gonna keep hiring idiots to work for you, then you gotta live with the consequences of your actions."

Jack was silent, smoking his cigarette. "That a joke, Harvey?" he asked softly.

"No, it's…"

"Think it had better be a joke," interrupted Jack. "Cause if you were seriously criticizing me, you gotta understand that I can't let you live. And it'd be a crying shame to get blood all over your Armani suit. But me, I'm the kinda guy who appreciates a joke, so maybe if you make me laugh about it, I won't kill you."

He withdrew a gun, pointing it at Harvey. "Go on, Harv," he murmured, grinning. "Make me laugh."

To everyone's surprise, Batman suddenly started laughing. They all turned to look at him. "Something funny, Bruce?" asked Jack. "You wanna share it with the class?"

"It's just…it's not my fault!" laughed Batman. "It's strangely nice to know that you're still scum even without my help! I didn't create you at all! You've always been a monster! Oh, it's such a relief!"

He kept laughing, and they all stared at him. "Mr. J, make him stop!" cried Harley, shivering. "He's giving me the creeps!"

"You nuts, Bruce?" asked Jack, approaching him. "That why you were wandering around Crime Alley? You suddenly just lost your mind? I was gonna hold you for ransom when I found you, but I thought it would be funnier to let you go and then come back to us of your own free will, and then I would hold you for ransom. I'm the kinda guy who appreciates a joke, you see, and you walking right into your own kidnapping would be quite the joke."

"Oh, I know you like jokes," said Batman, grinning. "I know everything about you, J. You haven't changed. Still the same Joker, even without the clown persona."

"What the hell are you babbling about?" demanded Jack.

"It's not Batman who created you," retorted Batman. "You ruined your own rotten life. The responsibility for you has always been on you. I didn't have anything to do with it. Well, maybe I gave you the costume idea. But you can look however you want on the surface – it's what inside that counts. And you've always been a monster on the inside. Batman didn't change that. Nothing could."

Jack laughed. "You are crazy, Bruce, you know that? Babbling all this crap about this Batman guy. If he's real, why hasn't he stopped me yet? Where is he, then, this costumed crime fighter?"

Batman suddenly head-butted him, knocking him backward. "He's right here," he muttered, breaking free of the ropes he'd been working at. He punched Jack, sending him flying into the wall, then ducked when he heard a shot. Harley had a gun and was firing at him, but he knocked it from her hands in an instant, seizing her arm. "You're not pregnant yet, are you?" he asked

"No," she retorted.

"Good," he muttered, flipping her over his shoulder and slamming her on the ground, knocking her unconscious. He went over and began untying Harvey, who was gazing at him in astonishment.

"Where…did you learn how to do that?" he gasped.

"I'm full of surprises, Harvey," he retorted. He picked up the ropes and tied Harley, and then approached Jack, who was lying unconscious on his back. As Batman bent over to tie him, Jack's eyes snapped open and he smiled. "Joke's on you!" he cackled, pointing his gun at Batman's head. His finger tightened on the trigger and then…

There was a blinding flash of light, and Batman opened his eyes to see the Joker, the real Joker, shaking him. "C'mon, Batsy, wake up!" he shouted. Batman immediately punched him in the face.

"Aw, he ain't a morning person!" laughed Joker, struggling to his feet and beaming. "But at least he's awake now. How ya feeling, Bats? Any nasty side effects from the reality simulator? I don't mind telling you, I had the runs for about three days after being exposed to that thing…"

"What are you doing, you idiot?!" shrieked Jervis Tetch, who was being restrained by Harley Quinn, as the Joker removed the top hat from Batman's head and stomped on it repeatedly. "I worked months on that…"

"Yeah, you should probably find another hobby, Tetchy," chuckled Joker. "Or maybe a girlfriend. But I won't hold my breath on that one."

"Joker…what are you doing here?" stammered Batman, still shocked.

"Aw, c'mon, Bats, I was expecting you at the old toy factory hours ago!" said Joker. "When you didn't show up, I kinda figured something had happened to you. And there's only one guy I know who goes around making people late for very important dates. Plus he was bragging about this reality simulator a couple weeks ago, and how he was gonna trap you in unreality forever, or some kinda nonsense like that. And I told him, if you didn't break outta it, I would do it for you, because life would be so boring without you. I warned him, I really did, but he didn't listen. But now we've found you and saved you from Tetchy's little trap, and we can have that fight after all! Assuming you're feeling all right. You ok, buddy?"

Batman could have kissed him, if he hadn't suspected that the Joker would enjoy that. But it was an incredible relief to have returned to reality with the knowledge that he didn't carry the responsibility for the Joker's existence. He wasn't responsible for any of them.

Instead of kissing him, Batman punched him again, and then began a full-scale fight against him, Harley, and Tetch. It was over in a matter of minutes.

"I can't believe you!" shrieked Tetch at Joker as Batman dragged them all, handcuffed, into the waiting Batmobile. "This is all your fault! You saved him, and now we're being dragged back to Arkham because of him! I would have ensured he stayed out of all our lives forever!"

"Where would be the fun in that, Tetchy?" chuckled Joker. "Anyway, we'll break out and do this all again soon. It's the routine that makes life interesting! A world without Batman would be a pretty bleak place. Like a joke with no punchline, right, Batsy?"

Batman said nothing – he had an image to preserve. But he smiled to himself as he climbed into the front seat and drove off. For the one and only time in his life, he agreed with the Joker.

The End