Hi all! This is my first attempt at anything besides Gundam Wing, so please forgive me if it's not adequate.  I like rare pairings, so you won't see much of the common pairings from me.  I don't know if I'll have lemon in this or not… I guess I'll just see where it takes me.  This fic is for Diana who is my lovely lovely beautiful friend across the see, who could use some cheering up.  Aaaaand a super huge smooch and many thanks to Triste who was kind enough to beta this for me.

And away we go!

"Soul of a Healer"

Two bourbons with ice sat half-drained on the elegant glass kitchen table beside two sets of matching paperwork.  These were the only things to mar the cold, clear surface besides the muted reflections of two very lost people about to complete the promise made eight years hence.

Mika looked over at her slender husband, noticing that he had the same lost expression she was sure was on her face.  The papers were finally signed and after twelve years, it was over.  In some ways, the excitement of fast living had made the time pass swiftly, and yet, sadly, the anticipation had lengthened the time immeasurably.

Mika thought it surely must have been worse for her husband.  He had endured so much and had been faithful to their marriage.  He had to.  He was the president of NG and a keyboardist for Nittle Grasper, one of the biggest rock groups to ever rise in Japan.  His life was under constant scrutiny and therefore her life was only her own if he stayed faithful.

She, on the other hand had had ample time to visit her lover in New York whenever she pleased.  She wasn't in the spotlight like he was.  He must have been lonely, though he never complained.  He even came to New York on occasion with her, if only to spend a few days away from prying eyes.

Their marriage had been prearranged by their parents, who were both very strict, upstanding families.  They had never loved each other, though they had been friends.  But they had been slaves to the prestige of their respective clans and neither of them could escape it.   Both families had very respected names in Japan, but Mika's family had been in severe debt.  They had pressed this issue with her constantly and she had realized that the only way to take care of Tatsuha and Eiri would be to marry the little blond waif who cared nothing but for playing rock-star with that psychotic lost child Sakuma Ryuichi at the local hospital.

They had never before met.  Then, when Mika was 19, Tohma had come to see them.  He carried himself so well.  He had all the practiced elegance of his mother and the shrewd business sense of his father.  He had an uncanny way of looking larger than life when he wanted something.  Even within that slender body, he exuded a sort of unconscious power.   Most people were intimidated by him…many people hated him.  Very few realized the kind heart he really had.  Very few wanted to get close enough to see.  Perhaps this was why he spent so much time with Sakuma-san.  Sakuma-san always saw people for what they were underneath, but very rarely showed himself.

Mika had realized Tohma's kindness the fifth time he had come to visit.  She had tried to put on a good front, but had broken down, crying. He had held her, nervously begging for her to tell him what was wrong.   She confessed that she was in pain because she loved another, but she swore that she would stay true to him, that she wanted to help her family. She knew what was expected of her and she would learn to love him.  He stared at her, jaw open for a few minutes before smiling.   He wiped her tears and reassured her softly that she didn't have to do any of those things and that they would work something out.  It only occurred to her later that Tohma wasn't much interested in women.

Tohma too had been trapped into this situation.  If he did not comply, he would be disowned and abandoned.   He would be nobody.   Both his love for his family and a desire to satisfy his father had kept him a prisoner in this ignominy.  Besides, Tohma needed the power of the money he possessed.  He had his own dreams and he needed money with which to achieve them.  Without the money to start their band, he would not be in the position he was now.

That was when they made the deal.  When their parents died, they would separate.  Of course, Seguchi Tohma had made so much money now, but he never went back on their deal.  He cared for her so very much… and later, he cared for Eiri even more.   She had been uncomfortable with it at first, his growing love for her brother, but he never tried anything while he was a child. 

She noticed the attraction when Eiri had been about sixteen.  He was starting to fill out and look more like a man and less like a boy.  Suddenly, Tohma had become very careful around him, always looking out for him, always very kind.   He was very nervous around the boy.  As for Eiri, he had changed.  They had stayed in New York while Mika and her lover ran off to Mexico for a time.  Yuki had promised to take care of him, hiring a private tutor and renting him a separate apartment while they were there, helping the growing boy find some independence. 

Maybe it went too far to his head, for when she returned, he was cold to her, renouncing their family and determining to stay in New York, go to school and attempt to find a career in writing.  Tohma happily paid for it, saying how important it was to support burgeoning artists.  It made sense since he was becoming that himself.  Nittle Grasper was quickly climbing the charts after their second album and suddenly, there was the possibility of Tohma making enough money that he would no longer have to worry about his inheritance.  Mika had grown scared and continually reminded the blond of his promise for fear he would leave her and abandon her brothers.   He would always look at her sadly and assure her that he had no intention of abandoning her family.  That was how much he loved her little brother.

At nineteen, he had grown to be a strikingly handsome boy with dangerous eyes and a deep, entrancing voice.  His writing was only mildly received in the US, but in Japan, he was quickly becoming quite popular. So he moved back, able to stand on his own. He took an apartment in Tokyo and continued to hide in his apartment and write, occasionally attending signings and public appearances.  Tohma would watch him, entranced, but sad.  Finally, Mika had given him permission to court her brother if he so wished.   After all he had done for her, she could not be selfish that way.  He only looked at her, almost in fear, saying that he couldn't, but not denying that he loved the man.  So they had continued on with the status quo.

Until, three years later, Tohma's father passed away, having succumbed to colon cancer.  Her mother was dead, but her father was still alive. Tohma had enough money, with his inheritance and what Nittle Grasper had brought in however to substantially provide for the remaining family.  They agreed that the time had come.

So, now, they stood in their large kitchen, facing each other uncomfortably.  Out of the two, Tohma would be the lonely one.  Mika's lover was waiting for her in Italy, whereas Yuki had already found someone.  Tohma had even blessed their union. As long as Yuki was happy, he was happy, but Mika could see it eating him inside.  She felt guilty for leaving him at a time like this, but she had waited so long…

As usual, Tohma flashed his sunny smile at her. "Good luck, Mika-chan."  He hugged her gently and gave here some time on his shoulder to compose herself.  She backed away, eyes shining brightly.  He smiled.  "I hope you will be very happy," he said.

"Tohma.  Thank you."  She grabbed his shoulders and kissed him softly on the lips before turning and heading out.  Suddenly, she found herself looking back.  She wanted to tell him to find someone, wanted to tell him not to sit alone in that empty house.   She was so afraid for him.  Tohma simply smiled at her though with the same damned smile that had made everything final, as if everything would be all right.  She turned, determining to help him somehow. 

And so Mika left the blond, running out to her taxi and heading for New York and a new life.  As she looked back, she could see her ex husband through the sliding glass doors.  He stood in his bare feet on the cold red tile floor, alone in a house that was far too big.  She prayed that somehow things would be all right for him. 

Seguchi Tohma stood in the middle of his cold, sterile empty house and stared at nothing.  It was over.  Finally, their parents were dead and they were free from this arrangement, but the blond felt lost.  His life had been like this for nine years now.  It was part of him.  Now that Mika was gone, what was next?  What would he do now that he was alone? What was left?

Tachi Aizawa stared bitterly at the screen as NG's president smiled his sickly smile and told the interviewer about what made Nittle Grasper decide to tour again.

"To be honest, we were all a little tired out."  The blond laughed sweetly. "Noriko had a son and he was growing up without her.  Sakuma-san wanted to try touring America for a while.  I decided that we had enough assets that we should try starting our own studio, NG.  So far, we've been very successful and though the economy is bad, we have signed some top notch bands so far."

"That would include Bad Luck?"  the reporter asked as they faced each other in easy chairs in a fake living room on some studio lot.

Tohma smiled again.  "Ah.  I have a lot of confidence in Bad Luck.  Shindou Shuichi seemed a little shaky at first, but he has a heart for music that I want to endorse."

"It's true that for such a new band, their songs are surprisingly complex and exciting.   What about the former NG band, ASK?  They were doing so well and suddenly all but disappeared."

Aizawa's hand tightened on the beer he drank as he watched the haughty blond's eyes darken.

"Unfortunately, it was necessary to drop ASK's endorsement.  As small as NG is, we can only support so many new venues at this time and ASK was starting to collect some unsatisfactory rumors around certain… actions."

The reporter seemed to brighten at the suggestion of bad rumors.  "What sort of rumors if you please, Seguchi-san?"

The tall singer kept a cool front, tilting his head and smiling darkly.  "That isn't my place to say.  They were rumors after all.  Plus, I hear that ASK's band has been picked up by another studio.  If we could leave it at that."

There was a flash in the brown eyes of the powerful man that stopped the reporter on the spot and she returned to talking drivel about Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper's current tour.  Aizawa caught the look in the producer's eyes.  He could tell a lot from people's eyes. For instance, he knew that somewhere and at some time, Yuki Eiri had killed someone.   He knew that Shindou Shuichi was sensitive and easily shot down by insults, but would choose death, pain and shame over hurting the people he loved.  He also knew that cold arrogant bastard Seguchi Tohma who had ruined his career wanted to die.  He had seen it in the man's eyes when he asked what Yuki Eiri meant.  As he was pushed into the path of an oncoming car, Tachi could see the challenge in those eyes.

The singer stared at the shining glint of stainless steel sitting on his coffee table in the dark of the room and took another drink while he stared at the face of that manipulative asshole.

Who was he to argue?

"Toooohma-san, daijoubu????"  The genki voice scraped into the keyboardist's senses as he clicked on various files; trying to find the sound he planned to add to their beat tonight. Startled, he looked up to see the beady black eyes of a stuffed pink bunny looking at him.  Though he was surprised, his eyes softened.

"Ryu-san… gomen, Kumagorou-san," he amended at the low growl from under his keyboard.

"Tohma-san," Kumagorou said sadly in his high-pitched voice. "Tohma-san is sad, ne?"

The blond tried to comfort his fragile friend… er, Kumagorou.

"Iya, Kumagorou.  I'm just a little tired.  I'm just thinking about a lot of things right now since the divorce," he whispered.  He always knew that somewhere in there, Ryuichi was listening, even when he was in full child mode.  He was always honest with the singer. They had been friends for over a decade now and Tohma trusted that Ryu always knew, always understood far more than anyone gave him credit for. Even Shindou-san seemed to trust the otherworldly singer unerringly. 

A soft hand on his knee startled him, but Kumagorou stayed staring at him lifelessly.  The sweet childish voice that was Kumagorou chimed up.

"Ne, Tohma-san shouldn't think so much!  Otherwise his stomach ache will get worse."  With that, the hand left his knee and the pink bunny hopped away, leaving a surprised Tohma clutching his stomach.  He knew he shouldn't be surprised, but how the hell did Ryuichi know about his ulcer?  Tohma only found out himself a couple of weeks ago. 

"Everyone ready?"

Tohma looked up. The stage was completely set for rehearsal.  Quickly, he found the sound he had been looking for and gave a wave.  Noriko was already reeling out the first few bars over and over to get used to them.  Ryuichi had set Kumagorou down on a speaker and walked gracefully, sexily downstage, pressing a hand to his head. He turned to wink at Tohma and purred into the microphone.

"Let's go."

  They had just left the stage without playing their biggest song, a cheap trick to get applause to come back out again.  Now they were back on and the crowd was going wild for the reunited band. Tohma blasted the descending intro beat for the second half of the song, maneuvering the slide bar with ease.  The bass seemed to echo unnaturally loud as they hit the first beat of the next measure.  It ricocheted off the surrounding rocks and Tohma felt a searing pain rip through his shoulder. Nanoseconds later, he was blasted across the stage backwards, a sudden pain exploding through his head.  He was out before he hit the stage.

Ryuichi heard the shot and immediately stopped singing, feeling scared.   The microphone dropped to his side, forgotten as he tried to figure out what the noise was.  People were screaming.   K was running toward them shouting something.

"Down, get down!  Kill the lights!  Get them out of there!"

The confused lead singer turned to see that Noriko was still playing, but she stopped as well and only the bass track was left to repeat on its own.  Everything seemed to be running in slow motion as Ryuichi's turn brought his eyes to catch the blond hair, soaked with red on the floor of the stage.

Suddenly, everything was clear again and Ryuichi screamed as he ran to the still form on the stage.  He slid on his knees the rest of the way and paused, his hands hovering shakily over his limp friend before he made a decision and turned him over.  There was so much blood.  The blond hair was nearly completely red with it and Tohma was so pale... so pale.  The lights were killed as figures moved around them, shouting orders and moving to get everyone off stage.  The spotlights were turned on the audience so no one could see and K kneeled in front of Ryuichi, who still held tightly to his unconscious friend.  Ryu looked up, sniffing.

"K-san?" 

K put his hands on Tohma, checking the man's neck and pulse before pulling the body a little to let Ryuichi know what he wanted to do.

"It'll be ok, Ryu.  Let me take him and we'll get you off the stage."

Ryuichi's eyes hardened and he pulled the limp man back.

"No," he said, his voice free from any trace of uncertainty.  "I'll take him."

He lifted the taller man into his arms and let K lead them both out.  Gently and somewhat reluctantly, he placed Tohma onto a stretcher and then K and the two male band members were airlifted out and rushed to the hospital.

"Yuuuuukiiiiii!" 

The blond dropped his head to his hand.  Why must he always screech in the middle of the best inspirations? Of course, Shindou Shuichi was now the source of all of his romantic inspirations, so how could he complain?  He closed his story out and waited for the bundle of genkiness to come and talk on and on about his day until he was effectively silenced, his energy put to better use.  Yuki stifled a grin and looked up at the opening door. 

His smile was effectively quashed as he saw that his lover was shaken and scared.  He was also out of breath.  He must have run here from work.   He looked up.

"Yu… Yuki."

Yuki got up, moving toward Shuichi.  There was something in his blue eyes.  Something that chilled Yuki, something was terribly wrong.

"What's wrong?"

Shuichi looked up, with tears building in his eyes.

"Yuki.  Seguchi-san's been shot."

K walked back upstairs with two cups of hot chocolate. As he stepped off the elevator, he could see Ryuichi, his baseball cap pulled way down as he hunkered in the chair in the hallway.   Fortunately, all of the nurses had been very professional and had found the closest and least populated place for them to wait. 

Ryuichi looked up, his eyes big and watery.

"Any news?"  His lower lip trembled.  K smiled tiredly.

"No, Ryu. Not yet."

"What if he dies, K?"  The tears started to spill over in the enormous trembling eyes and K grabbed the smaller man's shoulders, giving him a shake.

"Ryu.  You have to stay together now!"  he said softly.  "Tohma will not die.  I've seen worse wounds than that.  But the impact to his head may have done some serious damage.  We are going to have to be there for him."

Ryuichi stopped crying, and sniffed.  When he looked up, he was calm.

"Where's Kumagorou?"

K smiled and put one of the singer's hands on the cup of hot chocolate, holding it for a minute, knowing the singer needed some comfort.  He hadn't been the man's manager for six years for nothing.

"Noriko is bringing him with her from the stage.   She should be here soon."

Ryuichi nodded.   K smiled and produced a coloring book and crayons from his trench coat.  Ryuichi's eyes grew to five times their normal size and he glomped the blond man.

"K-saaaan!  K-san is the best manager!  The best, the best, the best!!!"

K smiled and sat down to color with the childish man.  His only focus now was keeping the rattled singer together until his friends arrived.  In the back of his head though, he wondered what possible damage that second bullet may have done to the mind of Seguchi Tohma, and which one of the NG president's enemies could want him dead.

Tires screeched as the light turned green.  Shuichi looked worriedly over at his lover.   Yuki's jaw was clenched so tight that Shuichi wondered why his teeth didn't come popping out in all directions from the pressure.  The taller man's hand shook as he took a draw on his cigarette.

Shuichi knew he was asking for it, but he was worried and a little bit scared to be in the car the way Yuki was driving right now.

"Yuki?"  he said very quietly.  "Daijoubu?" 

"URUSAI!"

Shuichi meeped and sunk down into his seat. 

"Gomen."  He looked at the floor, wondering what he should say next. Yuki would be angry one way or another, but he had to press the matter.  He had to know.

"Yuki…" he ventured.  "You care a lot about Seguchi-san, ne?"

His lover was quiet for a moment and Shuichi wondered if he had stepped over the line again somehow.

"He cleaned it up."

"Eh?"

Shuichi looked up at his lover, startled.  Yuki had pulled off the road for a moment.

"Tohma.  He…"  Yuki blew his smoke out the window and threw the cigarette out as well, laying his head on the steering wheel.  "When he found me, he was the one who hid it all."

"Yuki."

"I don't know how he did it.  He took me downstairs and gave me some pills.  I didn't wake up for two days.  He must have done it though because when I searched later, there was no trace of Kitazawa.  He was a missing person.  They found blood, but no body.  I did it, but he cleaned up the mess."

Shuichi tried to imagine it.  Seguchi-san had been twenty-six at the time, so Sakuma-san would have been twenty-five.  The pink haired man distinctly remembered that Nittle Grasper had had a slump around that time.  They must have been related, mustn't they?

"He's like an older brother to me, Shuichi.  He took care of me through all of that, keeping me away from my family so that I could pull myself back together. I think he even loved me a little bit, but I never… I never."

Shuichi crawled into his lover's lap and held the shaking blond head against his chest.

"Yuki."

"I never even said 'thank you'.  I never even told him that it wasn't his fault."

It seemed dim.  He must still have been on stage, though he didn't remember how he passed out.  There were voices around him, but quiet.  He figured the crowd must still be cheering, but somehow he couldn't hear it very well. It was swishy.  He moaned and tried to open his eyes.  The voices stopped and things in his head began to clear.  A rough hand touched his forehead.

"Seguchi-san?"  A deep, but quiet voice spoke out.  Why was everyone so quiet?  Tohma tried to open his eyes and force himself into awareness.

"Wha… What…did I… Is the concert over?"  He tried to sit up to assure everyone that he was ok.  He'd just passed out, probably from dehydration.  A woman's voice said something like 'don't let him', and strong hands held him to the bed.  Yes, he was in a bed. He was still confused, but his eyes were opening now and K's face slowly blurred into focus.

"Don't move, Seguchi-san.  The concert is over.  Just lie down."

"Lie down, Tohma-san!" Noriko's voice came from farther away.

Tohma couldn't refuse, as his eyes were still so heavy.  His left shoulder hurt like hell.  He looked down at it and saw that it was bandaged.  Kumagorou lay in his right arm, its black beady eyes staring up at him.  He tried to look around, but couldn't make out much that wasn't right in front of his face, though things were getting clearer.

"Sakuma-san?  Ryu?"

A gentle hand clasped his and he saw the eyes of his friend.  Tohma was surprised to see that there were no tears on that face.  Ryuichi's eyes were filled with an intensity that seemed to bore into the frail blond.

"I'm here Tohma-kun," he said gently.  The childish Ryuichi was gone for now and Tohma felt a little bit steadier as he looked into the sure eyes of his old friend.  He shut his eyes.

"Thank you, but I'm fine.  You should go finish the concert."

Silence.  Tohma reopened his eyes to see them staring at him.

"What?"

"I told you the concert was over," K said, perplexed.  Tohma frowned.  That's right, he had said that, hadn't he?  Noriko looked worriedly at him from across the room.

The nurse who had told K to hold him down before now intruded. 

"Seguchi-san, I'm afraid the concussion you received will probably leave you a bit flustered and confused for a while."  She smiled and wrote some notes on her clipboard.  "If you don't mind, I would like to ask you some questions to assess your cognizant abilities."

Tohma gave a pretty closed-eye smile.  "Of course. You need to do your job, but please be quick.  I have work I should be doing."

The nurse smiled kindly.  "That may be true, but you can't do it now because you're injured.  You'll have plenty of time to deal with it later."

Tohma looked away, flustered.  "Of course," he replied.  He didn't know what the hell he was saying.  He was in the damn hospital, he shouldn't even be thinking about work.  Things were so mixed up right now.  He decided that it was best to keep quiet.  He stared quietly at the wall, angrily, for what, he didn't know.  Everybody was treating him like a child, but all he had was a headache and a hurt shoulder. 

"Please don't worry, Seguchi-san."  The nurse said sweetly.  "This confusion should only be a temporary thing."

"Of course," Tohma acknowledged.  "Ask what you need to."

The nurse smiled and gave a reassuring look to the two worried men in the room.

"Do you recognize these people?"

Tohma nodded to K.

"That's K, the manager of Bad Luck."  He turned to Ryuichi who still held his hand.  "That's Sakuma Ryuichi.  He's the lead singer of Nittle Grasper."  Tohma noted the slightly hurt look on Ryuichi's face, but he flashed his accustomed closed eye smile.

"And of course, how could I forget Kumagorou?"  He squeezed the pink rabbit as well as Ryuichi's hand and kept his eyes closed for a minute, trying to block out the increasing pain of his wounds.

"Yaaaay!"  Ryuichi's eyes lit up.  "Tohma-san's so smart! He knows Ryuichi and K-san! Kumagorou is so proud!"

The blond smiled weakly at the man's antics.  His headache was getting worse, but he was still glad to have the genki singer there.  A few more questions revealed nothing out of the ordinary except that the blond couldn't keep his mind on track. His memory was sound, he could read, see and hear properly.  It was just mild confusion but the nurse was adamant that Tohma be watched over.

"Is there anyone close to you, Seguchi-san that could keep an eye on you for a couple of days?"

Tohma smiled uncomfortably.

"I live alone."  He grimaced in pain, both physical and emotional.  He suddenly felt very isolated.  Now that Mika was gone, he really had few friends who were that close to him.  There was Eiri, but Tohma would never impose upon him.  Both his parents were of course, dead, and the rest of his family was so removed from him that he would feel ridiculous asking them.  Other than that…

"With me," a soft voice spoke up. 

Everyone looked at the singer in surprise.  Ryuichi smiled widely.

"Kumagorou and Ryu-chan could use the company, ne?" 

Tohma looked up at Ryuichi and the other man stared back at him intently.  For an instant, the blue eyes were unclouded by doubt.  Tohma took strength in the warmth that flowed from that gaze and he nodded, exhausted already.  He was too tired to argue.

"Sa.  I can stay with Ryuichi-san."

"Hai.  That would work.  I can get security assigned to Ryuichi's house and they both can lay low for a while."

The nurse nodded and arranged for Tohma to check out in a few days.  There would be more psychological tests later, but for now, he was out of danger.   The wound in his shoulder was clean and stitched as was the gash in the left topside of his head.  The area had been shaved for now for easier access and was covered by a large bandage.

K excused himself to go make some calls, Noriko kissed Tohma on the forehead and went home to her son and Tohma was left with a very serious Ryuichi.

The taller musician was very uncomfortable.  He was not used to charity, nor imposing himself on other people in such a way.  He felt very helpless right now and he hated it.  He had not seen Ryuichi so serious since they had attended Shindou-san's first live concert.  The brunet looked at him with soft kind eyes and took his hand, making the blond flinch at first.  How long had it been since someone had touched him in such a kind way?  He had so thoroughly removed himself from the rest of the world that he had forgotten such tenderness. 

 But Ryuichi was his best and oldest friend and Tohma felt his weary body give in to the painkillers and he drifted off, looking into those wonderful wise and loving eyes.  As he fell asleep, the last thing he heard was Ryuichi's soft voice singing a comforting song; something he was making up on the fly.  It was soft and deep and beautiful and seemed to help the pain more than any medication could hope to compete with.