Warning: Some swearing.

"Would you care to explain what you have done to my son, Miss Swan? It seems like you're having fun," Gold said with his patented smirk.

Emma felt like punching him in the face but thought Neal wouldn't appreciate it. Besides, she didn't want to be turned into an inanimate object or worse, an animal.

"I tried to find the entry point for the curse. I didn't make it all up, look, it's listed at number 69, that was your handwriting."

Rumpelstiltskin forgot that he wrote that. He was about to comment on her ordering of the list but Bae interrupted, "I really hate to break up this spell-breaking convention. However, there is a guy here tied up to a chair, dripping wet from head to toes, without a shirt and pants. Perhaps somebody should do something about it."

"OK, Bae." Rumpelstiltskin flicked his fingers and in an instant, Neal found himself dry from head to toes, dressed in a suit, which he later checked was Dolce & Gabanna, complete with a tie, even his shoes were changed, and the most important of all, his hands were free.

"Why can't you free me using a key like normal people do? Did you just magic the clothes and shoes?"

"Bae, in case you forget, I'm not normal, that's why you left in the first place. Don't worry, you're not paying the price."

Neal was exasperated. "That's not what I meant. I don't want to anyone else to pay the price."

"Too late for that. Before you decided to throw the clothes and shoes away, I didn't magic them. I actually purchased them as a gift for you. I have some more suits for you in the closet. You should have dressed better."

"It's a bit too late for parenting me now, isn't it? How do you even know my size?" A realization hit him. "Henry?"

Rumpelstiltskin simply nodded.

Neal raised his hands in defeat. "I really need to go to the bathroom now. I'll be right back."

He went out of the room and turned to the left. Rumpelstiltskin said, 'Bathroom is on the right."

"Yes, right." He promptly turned 180 degree and walked to the bathroom.

He stayed in the bathroom a lot longer than necessary to calm himself down. What Emma said couldn't be true. Tamara knew nothing about magic. He felt guilty for not having told Tamara about his origin. He thought, "I'll tell her when this is over."

He doubted when it would be over since Emma had quite an extensive list. It actually hurt him that his family actually conspired against him. Why couldn't they be happy for him? OK, he wasn't being fair to Emma. He had hurt her too much. The least he could do was to face up whatever they planned for him even talking to his father so Emma could fulfil her deal.

On the other hand, he had run away and hidden for so long it had become his second nature. He had to in order to survive Neverland. He could just run away again, never had to deal with his father. His father didn't need him now, he had Belle, well, after her memory was restored. Emma would understand. She would be better off when he wasn't around. He felt guilty bringing Tamara here with the betrayed look Emma giving him. But then there was Henry. Would Henry understand? Would Henry be better off without him in his life?

He was terribly confused. What should he do to make Tamara, Emma, Henry and even his father happy? He sat heavily besides the bathtub holding his head with both hands, thinking.

Meanwhile, in the bedroom...

Awkwardness hung heavily in the room. Emma didn't know what to say to Gold. She was not the one for small talk. Neal usually did that during their thieving days.

Rumpelstiltskin was also annoyed. It shouldn't take this long to break the spell. He really shouldn't meddle but these two blockheads were really too taxing.

He broke the silence. "Miss Swan, why did you move the item number one on the list to the last one? I'm sure if you try it first, the spell will be broken much sooner."

"Do you mean the true love's kiss? Are you kidding me? I don't think true love's kiss even works here."

Rumpelstiltskin simply smirked. "How about your kiss to Henry?"

It was Emma's turn to get irritated. Those annoying smirks must be heredity. "OK, it only works for breaking sleeping curse and only from a parent to a child."

"Are you an expert in magic now? You haven't even tried so how can you be sure?"

Emma acted as if she didn't hear him and continued, "I also don't believe Neal is my true love. He left me because Pinocchio told him to. He didn't even look for me when the curse was broken if that was his intention for leaving me in the first place."

"I'm sure he has explained his reasons. Has he apologized to you? If he hasn't, I could make him do it."

Emma was certain Gold wouldn't harm Neal. However, she didn't want to know what trick he had up his sleeve to make Neal apologize. She quickly said, "Actually, he had. He had also explained his reasons."

"So why didn't you try the method?" Gold said again with that smirk.

"Gold, I don't know why you keep having this perverse desire to keep matchmaking me with your son. As I have told you numerous times, I don't love Neal. He doesn't love me since he has a fiancée."

"Miss Swan, do you think I want to be related to that thick headed father of yours? I just want what's best for my son. Somehow the twisted destiny says what is best for him is you."

"Don't you dare insult David! He's a much better parent than you."

The words stung Gold so they were back to awkward silence.

Emma felt slightly guilty making Gold feel bad although he deserved it. Five minutes later, she broke the silence. "Don't you think Neal has taken an awfully long time in the bathroom? How if he runs away as he tends to do when you're involved?"

OK, smooth, Emma, smooth, you want to make the guy feel better but you mentioned about his son's desire to run away from him.

Gold wasn't offended. He actually chuckled and said, "Don't worry about that. If he decides to step out of this house before talking to me, he will end up back in this room."

Emma thought that was rather clever, she should learn such a spell in case Henry sneaked out again without her knowledge. "In that case, how could I know whether he chooses to return because of his own will or because of your spell?"

"Miss Swan, if he chooses to escape, he'll end up in this room in the way you like - tied up to the chair he just vacated. I'm more traditional so I use ropes instead of handcuffs."

Emma's mouth hung open for a while. When she managed to find words, she said, "Neal is going to hate you more if you do that. I thought you wanted to talk to him, not to detain him."

"I think that boat has sailed, Miss Swan. We may as well finish our goals. Besides, it's time for tough love. Having said that, I do hope he comes back willingly."

Emma also hoped so. She found that there was something she forgot to say to Gold. She racked her brain and finally she remembered. "Gold, for the record, I don't enjoy Neal being tied up to a chair."

Gold had the audacity to smirk and replied, "Just keep telling yourself that, eventually you will believe it."

Fortunately, Neal walked into the room at that particular time. He said, "What did I miss? Emma, what do you need to believe in? I hope it's not some magical non sense."

Emma quickly says, "Oh, it's nothing." She then noticed that Neal indeed looked great in a suit. She never saw him in one. Perhaps she should encourage him to wear a suit more often. Not seeing his scarf was an added bonus unless he managed to wear a scarf with his suit. She shuddered at the thought.

Gold suddenly asked, "Miss Swan, do you happen to know why my pantry is empty? I was looking for mustard, coconut milk, vinegar, and tomato sauce. I saw them in the cupboards yesterday."

"Perhaps Belle took them away. Neal, do you want to sit down again?" Emma replied quickly hoping Gold would change the subject.

Neal sat back down and said, "Shall we continue?"

However, Gold hadn't finished. He insisted, "I don't think Lacey is interested in the content of my pantry."

Neal suddenly realized the implication. "Emma, weren't those the liquids you dumped on me? I knew it. They weren't enchanted. You just dumped those on me because they're hard to clean. I can still smell the vinegar on my hair. My hair is still sticky because of those different liquids."

"Well, it will reduce the fluff."

Neal looked genuinely hurt, "I thought you liked my fluffy hair. Do you know how hard it's to maintain the fluffiness especially without any shampoo in the Enchanted Forest? How could you trick me?"

"Well, for a start, you left me pregnant in a jail. I know your reasons now but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to my revenge. You're lucky it's only me. If I were Regina, you would end up worse."

Neal mulled it over and agreed, "I guess that's fair enough. No permanent harm done."

Gold cleared his throat. Emma forgot that he was still there since she still got distracted by the sight of Neal in a suit. She should be careful not to threaten Neal in front of his father.

Gold said, "Miss Swan, quit playing game! I guess you can start with the true love's kiss now."

Neal was about to object to the kiss but Emma was quicker than him. She said, "Why do you give me this list if you insist on the kiss?"

"Miss Swan, that list is used for people who don't have their true loves."

"Is that the solution for all the magical problems in the Enchanted Forest? Just kiss it away? No wonder you haven't invented any effective weapons to fight ogres."

"Excuse me, but I'm entitled to have a say here. I don't want any kiss as I already have a fiancée."

Both Gold and Emma still stared at each other and they asked Neal to shut up at the same time.

Neal said, "OK, then, don't mind me. I'm just the kidnapee."

Gold insisted, "Just try it first, Miss Swan. Believe me, it will work. After that, I give you permission to finish the rest of the list."

"OK, deal. I really want to try the fairy wand."

Neal paled at hearing Emma's enthusiasm as it meant more bad news for him. "I still don't want any kiss or any wand. What kind of fiancé I'm if I kiss another woman behind her back?"

Rumpelstiltskin sighed loudly and said, "You're a bowl of soup." He affected an annoyed look until he walked out the door. When he was out of sight, he smirked and thought, "That'll teach them. I really hope they kiss now so I can reconcile quicker with Bae."

Emma and Neal looked at each other.

"What was that? Did my father just call me a bowl of soup? Has he lost his mind?"

"I don't think he is sane in the first place."

Neal glared at her. "Hey, that's my father you're talking about."

Emma was surprised to see his reaction. She never understood Neal's relation with his father. He seemed to dislike his father but at the same time he was always quick to defend him.

She quickly said, "So how about that kiss he insisted? Just one kiss, it means nothing. You can go back to Tamara once this is over."

"Well, if that is the only way, I guess I have to agree." He stood up and hesitated. "I don't know what to do."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Gee, Neal, this is no rocket science. I sometime wonder how you managed to make Henry in the first place."

"No, Em, I know how to kiss. However, I never do that for spell breaking."

"For a start, you need to come closer." Neal walked closer. "Now hold my waist." He followed. "OK, now we kiss like the old time." Neal hesitated so Emma just pulled his vinegar-and-beer-scented hair toward her and crashed her lips against his. Despite initial awkwardness, Neal certainly hadn't forgotten how to kiss so they kissed passionately like old time.

Suddenly a wave of rainbow washed over them. I guess he is really my true love then.

She looked at Neal's direction and was surprised to see him fell to his knees clutching his head in pain. Her heart froze as she remembered Graham. She whispered, "Neal? What happened?"

"I don't know. I felt so relieved after the kiss then suddenly I had flashes of Tamara's images in red. Those images seemed to be false memories as I don't remember them ever happened now. Every flash creates a new pain." Kneeling was too much for him now so he just fell to the floor clutching his head.

Emma yelled, "Gold, I need you here now. It's an emergency."

She didn't know what to do so she just rubbed his back to calm him. After what felt like ages which actually was less than one minute, Gold appeared. He paled looking at Neal's condition.

A purple light emanated from his fingers engulfing Neal and when the light dissipated, Neal seemed to be asleep but still twitching.

"What did you do?"

"I just took the edge of his pain away. I also put him to sleep so he didn't suffer too much. What happened?"

"Should we move him to bed first?"

Somehow both of them managed to drag unconscious Neal to the bed. He still seemed to twitch and mumbled in his sleep. Unfortunately this was not an unfamiliar sight to Emma as Neal often had nightmares when they slept in the bug.

"So what happened?" Gold asked impatiently.

Emma explained what Neal told him.

Gold looked pensive. "That woman is cunning. She used the love spell from South East Asia. The spell is introduced bit by bit usually from food or drink. That's why you couldn't detect the point of entry before as the trace was too little to detect. It is like a drug so after the first taste, the victim gets addicted to the spell and wants to get more without realizing it." He growled, "If I ever got my hand on Tamara, ..."

Emma didn't want to imagine what Gold would do to Tamara. She interrupted, "Well, join the queue. Anyway, what will happen to Neal now?"

"Each flash of image means a set of false memories. I guess the purpose of the spell it to create addiction and also to implant false memory. His body is trying to expel the false memory now hence the red images. However, since it's like a drug, the body still tries to hold on to the spell while expelling it at the same time hence the pain."

"Is there any way to speed up the process?" She looked worriedly at Neal.

"Unfortunately no, the spells are still being expelled as we speak. They need to get out of his system naturally. After that, he may suffer from some confusion but will be free entirely as long as he doesn't get another food or drink again from her."

Emma said grimly, "I'll make sure of that. I'm also worried that Neal in his foolishness will rush to confront Tamara after he realizes he was tricked. That woman is ruthless so I don't know what she will do to him."

"Miss Swan, in that case, we need to find a way to prevent that. In the mean time, we just see how he progresses."

After what feels like agonizing hours, which in fact was only around half an hour, Neal finally moaned and opened his eyes.

He was surprised to find himself on a bed in a suit with both Emma and his father looking down on him. That was quite disconcerting. He felt that he had the worst hangover ever and the problem was he didn't even remember that he drank. Isn't that the worse hangover if you don't remember it? Where is he? What happened?

Suddenly it all came back to him, the yellow bug, the blue smoke, being tied to a chair, the kiss. Oh, the kiss. He couldn't forget that even if he tried. I guess I was really under Tamara's spell then as he doesn't really feel anything for Tamara now.

Despite his headache, he smirked and said, "So we kissed, huh?"

Rumpelstiltskin took that as a cue to leave so he smiled, walked away, and said, "Good luck, Miss Swan."

"Yeah, Neal, we did. I know you will focus on that rather than the fact that you were under Tamara's spell."

"Well, you know me well. You always do."

"Flattery gets you nowhere Neal, except in bed with terrible headaches."

Neal as usual still wouldn't let it go. "So true love kiss actually works. I had my doubts. Does it mean we are true loves?"

"Not necessarily. I kissed Graham and he got his memory back. I touched Jefferson's hat and jumped start his magic hat. I touched Regina and she got her magic back. I think it's just my touch."

"Wait, who is Graham? Why did you kiss him? Why did you touch everyone in Storybrooke?"

Emma liked his jealous tone. Neal liked to pretend he had his emotion under control but he could never hide it from her. "Well, Graham was the Huntsman."

"Was?"

"He is dead." Emma still felt a pang of sadness at the memory of clutching his lifeless body. That was the last time she kissed a man. Well, the second last. That certainly didn't improve her self-esteem if the men she kissed kept dropping in front of her.

"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?" Neal said that and he meant it.

"It's a long story. How is your head?"

"I've been better. I felt like getting hit by a truck repeatedly." He managed to sit down at the edge of the bed. When he tried to stand, he staggered and fell back to the bed. "I guess that answers your question. So who is Jefferson?"

"He is the Mad Hatter."

"Really? Like from Alice in Wonderland? Is he from the Enchanted Forest?"

"Are you really up to this kind of discussion with your condition now?"

"I guess not. So why did you touch a lot of people?"

"It's a really long story and no, I don't touch people randomly because I like it."

"OK, you need to tell me all these stories one day. Oh crap, I need to break up with Tamara and I don't know what to say."

Emma panicked. She said, "Well, she tricked you after all, so you don't need to be so decent in breaking up with her. Anyway, I'll help you. Don't forget that you need to help me doing paperwork for one month. I will find a way during that time."

Neal looked relieved which in turn made Emma feel relieved as she didn't know how to deal with Tamara yet.

Neal suddenly had an epiphany. He said, "Emma, it couldn't be because of your touch. It must be your true love's kiss."

"What made you so sure?"

"Well, you tackled me in Manhattan. OK, that's a bad example as there was no magic there. You touched me a lot today, remember, with and without clothes." Emma blushed at that. "If it was because of your touch, the spell would have been broken as soon as you touched me. That means it was the kiss," he finished triumphantly.

Damn Neal and his logic.

"Well, even if we are true loves so what?" Emma asked. "It wouldn't solve our problems."

"I know that, Em. That's why I had my doubt about true love's kiss. Life was so simple in the Enchanted Forest, just kiss. I know this world is more complex than that. By any chance, does your kiss also cure headaches?" Neal gave his annoying smirk again.

Emma thought Neal would do just fine if he could joke now. She knew he must be hurting inside to be betrayed by Tamara but she would play along. "Seriously? That was your new pickup line now? Kissing for a hangover cure?"

"Well, it's worth a try. What do you get to lose? The kiss will mean nothing if you don't put any meaning to it."

"It's never nothing for me, Neal and you know that."

"I know, Em, but it feels good, doesn't it? Why don't we try one more time?"

"OK, if it will shut you up."

Emma then sat at the edge of the bed. At first, they didn't dare to make any move. Suddenly, they both held on each other and kissed even more passionately to make up for the lost time. After a while, they broke the kiss to get some air. In an instant, Neal found his right hand cuffed to the bed post.

He looked disbelievingly at Emma. "Come on, not again! What do you do that for? How many pairs of handcuffs do you carry anyway?"

"Well, that should teach you a lesson not to expect a kiss from me every time you have a problem. How is your head by the way?"

"Still hurting like a bitch. What do you mean by every time?"

Damn Neal and his ability to find meaning in any words she said.

"Well, since you're going to help me doing paperwork for one month and you also owe me three back up works I guess we'll see a lot of each other for a while."

"Is that still on for tomorrow?" Neal asked.

Emma took pity on him. "Well, if you still have headaches, you could do it the day after. See you soon, Neal! Good luck talking to your father!"

"Emma Swan, please release me this instant!"

Emma just smirked and walked away.

After Emma left, it was Neal's turn to smile. He had put on a good show. His left hand produced a set of keys he pick pocketed from Emma when they kissed the second time.

He just took the keys for old time's sake. To see whether he still got it. And of course to annoy Emma as he secretly enjoyed seeing Emma being flustered especially by him. Call it his childish side.

Now he was glad he took the keys. It was not necessarily the right key but he could work on it and they're still better than paperclips.

He heard his father asked, "Bae, is that OK for me to come in now?"

"Papa, just five more minutes."

"OK."

He would be terribly embarrassed if he let his Papa released him from the cuffs again. What kind of thief will that make him?

Well, he was glad he made the right choice to come back to the room instead of running away. He knew he couldn't make everyone happy. He thought if Emma couldn't break the spell, she would at least be satisfied that she tried. Now, Emma was right all along and he was the fool. He should be more hurt by Tamara's betrayal. Well, it stung but somehow having Emma by his side reduced the pain.

Now, he just needed to face his father.

Finis

Author's Notes:

-Sorry for not updating for a while, I got sick so update for all stories got delayed.

-The South East Asian love spell does exist, but of course I took the artistic licenses so don't expect any accurate depiction.

-If you want to continue with more of Neal's misadventure, you can read the "I Dream of Soap-Opera-Free Lifestyle" where he got stuck with the Phillip-Mulan-Aurora triangle. "All My Faults" is more serious as it deals with his PTSD after getting shot but not falling through the portal. But knowing me, they will be humor in all stories. I really can't write a full 100% angst story.

-Please tell me what you think, thanks.