As The Limit Approaches Insanity

Come on, Rose. Hogwarts is over. It's the last summer before the real world - time to let loose, figure out what the hell I'm doing, and [finally] get over Scorpius Malfoy.

Graduation.

AKA, me making my lovely, completely bullshitted speech in front of a large crowd of teenagers (who are in no way ready for what comes after school), sobbing mothers (even mine is getting a little teary), stoic fathers (mine had the good sense to get a bit tipsy beforehand, thank Merlin), and the like.

Not exactly the most memorable occasion of my seventeen years.

But graduation only happens once, I guess, so I paste a bright smile on my face and blather on about taking the next step as responsible young adults and using the skills that we've learned in the last seven years in the real world.

And then everyone gives me a standing ovation because if Harry Potter is giving some a standing ovation, you better be damn sure that you are too.

After finally tossing my stupid cap in the air and getting my diploma and trying to not get killed by the surging crowd, I manage to make it to my family.

"Oh, Rosie," my mother beams, practically flying into my arms, "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Mum."

"Good job, kiddo," my dad says, ruffling my hair affectionately. "You made it."

"I didn't know that was actually a question," I huff, "but thanks, I guess."

My father squints at me. "You do realize, even with your scholarship, that I'm paying for your living expenses."

"Oh, I think I see Albus. Love you Dad, Mum!" I quickly duck behind Tyler Macmillan and dart out of their line of sight, heading towards an unmistakable black head of hair, when I get sidetracked.

"Rose!" I turn my head and see Camille Zabini, one of my closest friends, heading in my direction. "Nice speech, bitch."

"Boo you, whore," I laugh, hugging her once we're close enough. "I put a lot of thought into that."

"Yeah, right," she snorts delicately. "I happen to know that you were severely intoxicated when you were writing it."

"Why am I friends with you again?" I ask, pulling a face, but quickly dissolving into giggles when she slaps my shoulder.

"Because if you hung around Luce too much, you'd probably die," Camille says seriously.

"I heard that!" Lucy comes bounding up to us, a large smile on her face. "I hate you both."

"Love you too," Camille and I chorus, before glancing at each other and laughing again.

"So," Lucy lowers her voice, "have you finished packing yet for tomorrow?"

"Almost," I grin. "I have a few last-minute things to put in."

"Oh no you don't! I'm packing for you this time, missy. We can't have you parading around in nunnery clothes when we're partying in Cancun or Ibiza!" Camille retorts.

"I'm so excited!" Lucy squeals. "Partying all around the world in our last months together, no parents, no restrictions. This is going to be insane!"

"No cousins, either," I sigh contentedly. "Well, besides you, Luce."

"And no boys tying us down," Camille says dreamily.

"Cams, you're a slut," I laugh.

"You know you like it, babe," she winks.

"Tomorrow at the portkey, at noon, then," Lucy says definitively.

"What's happening tomorrow?" Albus interjects, appearing out of nowhere and slinging his arm around my shoulder. "Any parties I haven't been informed about?"

I roll my eyes. "Al, you practically hold every party that happens in England."

"No, I think me and Scorp divide it up pretty evenly between us."

"You're an idiot," said blonde-haired sex god says, appearing next to Camille. You'd never guess they were cousins with their completely different complexions - at least they don't get along sickeningly well. "But what's happening tomorrow?" he asks, looking directly at me. I shiver and look away. It's almost as if he knows that he can make me melt.

"It's a secret!" Lucy says brightly.

"Oh," he smirks, "you mean the trip you guys are going on?"

"Camille," I hiss, "get your cousin away."

"I didn't tell him anything!" she whispers harshly back, then straightens up and clears her throat. "I have no idea what you're talking about. If you'll excuse us..." she trails off, pulling Luce and I away from the Terrible Two.

"Merlin," I moan, putting my head in my hands, "I bet you five Galleons your horrible cousin is going to come along now."

"Just because you're in love with him doesn't mean you have to avoid him," Lucy says wisely.

"Shut up!" I whisper, looking around to make sure no one heard her. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. Malfoy can not come with us, guys!"

"Honey, it's two months," Camille says flatly. "Deal with it."

"What part of freedom do you not understand," I yell hoarsely, waving my arms around wildly. "Malfoy is the opposite of freedom. He's... unfreedom! Grindelwald! Hitler! The devil incarnate! Communism!"

"I think you're overreacting, Rose."

"Miss Weasley." All three of us whirl around to see Professor Blackthorne looking at us worriedly. "You seem to be... distressed, as I can tell from your arm gestures. Is everything alright?"

"Just peachy, professor," I mutter.

Humming satisfiedly after my family's farewell dinner - in which James brought all his teenage angst and made everything worse, while Albus told me he hated me for leaving him behind - oh, what healthy relationships we have in our family - I was packing a few toiletries when Camille's snowy owl pecked on my window. I thought it was any regular note, so naturally, I opened it.

And now I'm wondering why the hell these things happen to me.

Change of plans. Scorp is coming.

Camille xoxo

So much for that boy-free summer.

Oh yeah, did I mention this was supposed to be the summer I get over Scorpius Malfoy?

Well, shit.

Hey people! So, you probably know me as the writer of Seven Reasons Why, but I wanted to try something light-hearted this time around. This is almost the opposite of Seven Reasons, and it's probably going to be a lot more humorous and crass. Not exactly sure where this is going, but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. So grab your bags, ladies, because we're in for one hell of a road trip. Title credits to my good friend... is it bad I thought of Calculus after she suggested it?