Hi there! First of all, I'm so sorry for the late update (again)! I started a new job and the time just seems to fly by like crazy! My apologies for the late update, but this chapter is a bit longer, so hopefully that makes up for it :) Second of all, thank you all so much for the incredible support! Thank you all so much for reading and subscribing! And a big thanks to CileSuns92, MerDer4aneternity, MeredithGreyIsExtraordinary, MichelleBell16, pickmeforever, RhizOneill, Rachel and hockeyplayerfor all your lovely reviews! You are all so amazing, and your kind words mean so much to me. Thank you so much for all the support! Third, I'm so sorry if some of my medical terms are off…I tried to apply my research as best as possible, but I did really learn a lot! :)

Thanks so much everyone! Hope you are all well xxx

"I'VE GOT TO BE THE ONE IN THERE," Derek screamed, turning the heads of the nurses walking by. "I need to do that surgery! I need to be in there!" he bellowed, clearly pissed off. He couldn't think of a moment in his life where he had felt this angry and helpless before.

"I'm not letting you in that OR Shepherd," Richard replied, his voice steady and calm, a strong contrast in comparison to Derek

"She's my wife!" Derek yelled.

"That's exactly my point!" Richard replied, his voice taking on an edgier tone. "Derek, Meredith has a hematoma, and if you were looking at this from a surgeon's perspective, you wouldn't be worried! You would know that it's not severe. You do at least one everyday. Nelson will go in, remove the clot and relieve the pressure…"

"I know damn well what the surgery looks like," Derek snapped, glaring at Richard.

"Derek…" Mark said from behind.

"This is my fault! Okay? This is my fucking fault! If I had been," he pauses for a brief, finding the words even harder to utter aloud…"if I had been there, this wouldn't be happening to her." The last few words came out slightly choked, quieter than the ones before. His anger had briefly slightly subsided only to be replaced with sadness and guilt.

Mark gently placed a hand on Derek's shoulder, "Derek this is not your fault. It's no one's fault."

"You have got to stop blaming yourself for this," Owen added.

Derek quickly spun around to face them head on. His dark blue eyes were piercing with pain and anger. "My wife was in a car accident! My little girl was in the back seat. Meredith's brain is hemorrhaging by the very second; I need to get in there! I need to fix this! I need to fix my mistake!" Derek's jaw clenched, his hands wound into tight fists. He fought the urge to pick up the nearest object and slam it against the wall.

His anger immediately silenced Owen, and he found himself looking at his friend with such sympathy, that for the briefest second, he almost felt like telling the Chief to let Derek so do the surgery.

Richard cleared his throat, trying to steady his voice. "I'm not letting you do this surgery Derek. You are her husband. And I get that you want to help her but you can't. You aren't thinking straight. You're upset and angry...and I understand that -"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT!" Derek screamed. "YOU DON'T GET IT. IF SHE DOESN'T SURVIVE, THEN I…." he trailed off, unable to utter the rest of the words as his words caught in his throat.

"Derek…"

Cristina's voice reached him from behind. He turned to face her, and their eyes immediately locked. Cristina put both her hands on Derek's shoulder, forcing him to look straight at her. "You can't do this," she said, her words forceful yet reassuring. "You're one of the best neurosurgeons out there. I know that, we all know that," she said, gesturing to the group of people around them. "But you are not the best for this. It's not the best for Meredith."

As Derek listened to Cristina's words, he felt his eyes fill up with tears. He couldn't keep it in anymore; he felt like he was going to lose it any second and collapse on the floor.

"This is Meredith Grey we are talking about. She's survived so much. And she's going to survive this. The bleed isn't severe, and it was caught immediately. She's going to be fine. You need to take a step back and look at it from a doctor's perspective. "

He slightly nodded, wanting so hard to believe her. Derek closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep breath.

"Okay," Derek said, looking into Cristina's eyes. She gave a small, reassuring nod in response.

"I'll be in the gallery the entire time," Mark said, looking over at his best friend. "I'll come and update you every two minutes, if that's what you want."

Derek nodded again, grateful for his friend's presence. "Okay," he replied, looking up and meeting Mark's concerned face. "Thank you."

When he glanced back at Richard, it suddenly struck Derek how worried he looked. His eyes were slightly watery and his face looked tired. Meredith was the closest thing he had to a daughter. Derek had known that from the first year he worked at Seattle Grace – he had watched as Richard tried over and over again to revive Meredith after the drowning. She was Ellis Grey's little girl. He also knew how grateful Richard was for what Meredith had done for him and Adele, although he would never publically say it out loud. If there was anyone here who was feeling just as horrible as he and Cristina were, it was Richard.

"Richard," Derek said, his words coming out slow and still lingering with guilt, "about before, I didn't mean to –"

"I know," Richard interrupted, "I know, you're just upset. I would be the same way."

He gave Derek a few pats on the shoulder. "She's going to get prepped for surgery in a few minutes…just in case you wanted to talk to her first."

Richard gave his best attempt at a smile, before turning and walking in the opposite direction.

The second he was gone, Derek immediately turned to Cristina. He had tried so hard to focus on one thing at a time, but his head was pounding the entire time with thoughts of Zola. Anytime he had a spare second to think, Zola immediately popped into his heard. Derek's biggest fear was that something had happened to Zola while he was so preoccupied with Meredith. He felt himself praying to a God he didn't believe in for everything to be all right.

"Please tell me Zola is okay?" Derek pleaded.

He seriously didn't know what he would do if he heard more bad news. He needed her to be all right, he needed to hold his little girl and know that she was going to be fine.

Cristina smiled, "She's fine. Not a cut or a scratch on her. I took her up to Arizona, she ran a few tests and everything came back just fine."

Derek let out a sigh of relief, and felt it a lot easier to breathe than it had been a few seconds ago. He pursed his lips together to stop himself from crying, but he couldn't manage to keep it in anymore. A few tears slipped down his cheeks, and he made no effort to brush them away. It felt like a rush of relief, finally letting out everything he had been bottling up.

"She's okay," Cristina repeated, knowing that Derek needed to here those words as many times as possible. "And Meredith is going to be okay too."

"I just…"

"I know," Cristina replied, knowing what he was feeling. "But the thing about Meredith is that she always comes back. It might take her a little bit of time, but she always comes back. And you're the same way," she added. "You guys always go back to one another, no matter how tough things get."

Derek returned Cristina's smile and nodded slightly, realizing just how right she was. It was always supposed to be him and Meredith; they just didn't work apart.

"Why don't you go see Meredith?" Cristina suggested. "I'll go get Zola from peds and then bring her to you."

She turned to leave, and Derek watched as she took a few steps towards the elevator.

"Thank you," he suddenly said, causing her to stop.

She tilted her head to the side, a confused expression on her face, "For what?" she questioned, her brow knitting together.

"For making sure Zola was okay. When I was with Meredith, I glanced back for a second, and I saw you with her. And I just knew that you would do everything you possibly could for her. Derek felt the familiar pang in his heart as everything came rushing back to memory. "I knew that I could go with Meredith, knowing that you were with Zola. So thank you."

It was rare for Derek to get so sentimental, especially with her and it was even rarer for Cristina to display emotion, but she couldn't help but feel something at his words. She remembered a few words that he had spoken to her not that long ago.

"Well, that's what family's for…"

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Derek took a deep breath before walking into Meredith's room. He took a seat in the chair next to her bed, much like she had done for him after the shooting. She had been in and out of consciousness ever since the ambulance arrived, but when she was awake it only lasted for a few seconds. Derek wasn't sure if she could hear him, but he figured she was out of it.

With one hand, he reached out and tenderly pushed back the hair from her face. He tilted his head to the side as he looked at her. He tried to memorize her features, the way her golden, blonde hair fell around her face, the curve of her lips, and even though he couldn't see them, her green eyes - sharp, inquisitive and warm - shining out at him. He had done this so many times before – after the drowning, George's death, the shooting– he would gather Meredith in his arms and study every single one of her features. It made him feel safe, like there was still a thread of hope; that maybe, just maybe, everything would be all right. With his free hand, Derek grabbed hers and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. His words were so quiet but they still seemed to echo throughout the empty room. He had spoken the same words so many times today, but he still didn't feel like it was enough. It still didn't convey how completely sorry and guilty he felt. "I didn't mean any of it," he added, bringing his head down and resting it on the side of the hospital bed.

"I just…my temper got the better of me. I snapped, and I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry. I just…I can't lose you okay? I can't live without you. So please, please fight like the Meredith I know. Please come back to me."

The sound of footsteps at the door drew Derek out of his train of thought. He quickly wiped away the tears on his cheeks, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Meredith's forehead.

"I love you," he whispered, just loud enough so that only Meredith could hear them if she were awake.

He lingered over her for a few seconds, merely wanting to feel the warmth of her presence for just a little while longer.

After taking one more glance at Meredith's face, Derek walked back over to Cristina. And he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face at the sight of Zola perched in her arms.

"Hey Zola," he said softly, reaching his arms out for the little girl, his little girl. Zola happily welcomed the switch into her father's arms, her tiny little hands immediately reaching for his ID card. He watched as she fumbled with it, before drawing Zola even closer to him, needing to feel her presence and warmth against him. He buried his nose in her hair, and couldn't help but notice that she smelt like lavender. It made his heart ache for Meredith even more – this was supposed to be a moment they shared together. He reminded himself for the 100th time that day, that they would be blessed with thousands more of these perfect little moments.

He glanced back into Meredith's room - her eyes were still closed. Derek longed for her to wake up once more before surgery, but he knew that it probably wasn't going to happen. When Meredith did regain consciousness, it was only for a few seconds, and it had been less and less frequent in the time that had elapsed since they brought her in. The neurosurgeon in him understood that they needed to fix the bleed and relieve the pressure as soon as possible, but the husband in him, just wanted more time.

"Are they prepping her for surgery soon?" Cristina asked, once again bringing him back to reality.

"Yeah, in just a few minutes."

Cristina nodded, her eyes quickly glancing into the room.

"Go ahead and see her," Derek said, motioning with his head towards the door.

He could see Cristina contemplate it for a second, before finally walking in. From outside, he watched as Cristina gently smoothed back Meredith's hair, the same way that he had done minutes earlier. If she said anything to Meredith, Derek didn't hear it; but halfway to the door, Cristina stopped in her tracks.

"I'll see you soon."

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Cristina rejoined him in the hall, just as one of the new interns headed towards them. Cristina let out a huge sigh, and Derek couldn't help but chuckle at her impatience; he couldn't even begin to imagine what she would be like as an attending.

"Umm…the chief sent me to get Meredith prepped for surgery?" the intern said tentatively, the statement coming out more like a question.

Derek gave his best attempt at a smile, and nodded. It was a struggle for the words to leave Derek's lips, but he finally managed to give her the go-ahead.

"Have you called Lexie yet?" Cristina asked, watching wearily as the intern approached Meredith.

"Yeah, she's on her way now. I explained what was going on."

Cristina shot him a look.

"After I calmed myself down," Derek assured her, a slight smirk forming on his lips. "I know what Lexie's like."

"Good. I have a few patients to check on, but if you need anything…" she trailed off.

Derek nodded, "I'll find you with any updates." He recognized that Cristina was trying to be strong, not only for him but also for herself. And he hoped that she knew how grateful he was for it.

He watched as the intern wheeled Meredith out of the hospital room. In a quick, fluid motion, he leaned down, Zola still in his arms, and pressed one final kiss to Meredith's temple. He felt his eyes water, but forced back the tears. Derek didn't want to leave Meredith's side, but he knew that now he needed to stay strong for Zola.

Zola gurgled little incoherent noises under her breath, causing him to turn his attention back to her. She rolled her head back to look at him, her big, brown eyes staring up at him.

"Say goodbye to mama!" Derek cooed, waving bye to Meredith as the intern wheeled her out into the hallway. "Bye mama!"

Zola's tiny little hand reached up and mocked Derek's wave, as her eyes followed Meredith. The action was so adorable that it almost broke his heart just watching.

Kissing the top of Zola's head, and willing another silent "I love you" to Meredith, Derek headed back towards the waiting room.

"Hey Zola, are you hungry? Should we have a snack?" Derek asked, as he took a seat in the waiting area. He juggled Zola in one arm as he rummaged through the diaper bag with his other. He was desperate for another distraction, and he figured food might as well be it. He pulled out a plastic container of little cookie snacks that looked suitable. Zola immediately lunged for them, so he figured he must have chosen right.

"Okay, sounds good to me Zola," he said, popping off the top of the lid. He handed Zola one of the biscuits, watching her chew in contempt for a few seconds before letting his head fall back against the wall.

He closed his eyes for a brief second, and it was like everything suddenly hit him at once – grief, panic, angry, love. This wasn't first time he knew what it felt like for a patient waiting for a loved one. It literally felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.