(Author's note: according to Wikipedia, a "shooting star" is a common name for the visible path of a meteoroid as it enters the atmosphere, becoming a meteor. As it enters the atmosphere, the meteor burns and vaporizes. If the meteor survives the entry and lands on the surface of the Earth, it is classified as a meteorite. This is our response fic to episode 4x18 Shooting Star. Enjoy the JaMaRyder. -amy and gala)
Walking down the sidewalk seemed very ordinary after being locked in the choir room all morning. There was no way Figgins was going to continue school after they called the all clear, so the rest of the day ended up being all meeting with counselors and parents crying, and Ryder just couldn't handle it. Walking down the sidewalk alone was easier than trying to pretend he cared about the other six hundred and forty-three people in that building, because other than the twelve people in Glee - and maybe Coach Beiste was a thirteenth, because she was pretty damn awesome - and Katie, he didn't give a rat's ass about anybody's personal fears. He didn't want anyone else to make him feel guilty about that, either. Marley and Jake had done a grand job making him feel guilty enough already.
He stared at the phone in his hands as he walked. He knew it was a bad idea, but he couldn't help wanting to text Katie again. Whoever she was. Now, at least, he knew it was someone who'd been in that room. Somebody in Glee, probably. How was he going to face them, knowing that an unnamed one of them had been secretly reading his most personal feelings for the last month?
It wasn't until he was halfway there that he realized he wasn't walking to his own house at all, but toward Marley's. Which was a stupid idea, wasn't it? More rejection was exactly what he didn't need right now. But he dialed his mom anyway.
As a rule, she wasn't much of a cryer, but he waited as patiently as he could while she got through the are-you-okay-and-I-was-so-scared. He might have cried a little about that too before saying, "I'm going over to Marley's house for a while before dinner, okay?"
Once Ryder got permission for that, it was a matter of deciding whether he wanted to call Marley or just show up at her house. He decided about two blocks away that he didn't want to deal with trying to convince anybody he deserved to be there. He was annoyed enough to want to do some convincing of his own.
Marley's mom gave him the biggest hug when he came through the door. Somehow this made him cry more than his own mom's anxiety had. She smiled sadly at him.
"I can't tell you how much better I felt," she said, holding his face in her hands, "knowing Marley had the Glee club with her during that whole awful experience. If I couldn't be there, at least she wasn't alone."
"Yeah," Ryder agreed. "She had Jake right there with her the whole time."
"All of you." She gave him a little pat. "You all depend on one another. I see that."
He tried not to scowl, because of course that was true. The entire group of them, huddled together after they'd called the all clear - not one of them had been left out then. But that's not how it had felt when he'd crawled over to them in the middle of the crisis. There was Jake and Marley, and then there was him.
"Is Marley here?" He didn't bother to ask if Jake was here, because there's no way he'd leave Marley alone after a day like today. Or if he had, Ryder would have to kick his ass.
Mrs. Rose nodded, turning back to the stove. "She and Jake are supposedly finishing their homework, but I think you might want to knock before going in there. After a day like today, I don't think they'd be doing a lot of studying. Marley's a sensitive girl." She glanced down the hallway. "You'd be welcome to go on back, I'm sure. Could you tell her that dinner's in twenty minutes? And you're invited to stay."
Ryder gave her a weak smile before heading down to Marley's room. He hesitated outside the closed door for several long moments before tapping sharply with his knuckles four times. Living in a house with two preteen girls, he knew the importance of clear signals. The outsider wants in.
"Come in," he heard Marley's voice call, and he turned the handle. They were, indeed, not studying, unless they were rehearsing for a play in which there was a scene where two people were huddled together on the bed. Jake's leg was slung over Marley's, and he didn't bother to move away when Ryder walked into the room. Got a pop quiz in Advanced Snuggling? Ryder could have said, but he didn't. They both looked up at him expectantly while he stood there, feeling completely extraneous.
"You guys doing okay?" he finally said, closing the door behind him. Jake sighed, but Marley nodded.
"I think so. I stopped crying, anyway. That's something." She looked a little embarrassed, as though crying was something somebody shouldn't be doing after a day like today. It made him want to hug her, but that was definitely not happening, and anyway, she looked like she was being hugged plenty already.
"I... wanted to apologize." Ryder set his backpack down by the foot of her bed and pulled out the chair from her cluttered desk. Marley was neat enough, but the room was the size of a closet, and there was barely enough room for anything else when the chair wasn't tucked away. His knees brushed against the edge of the bed frame. "For the other morning. I overreacted, and I should have accepted what you said. I know you guys wouldn't... that you wouldn't do that to me."
"It's okay," Marley said. She nudged Jake vigorously with her elbow. He made a slight grunting noise and sighed.
"Yeah," Jake said. "We really wouldn't."
There was a long silence, in which Ryder could hear the ticking of Marley's Felix the Cat clock, and Marley tucked herself more securely under Jake's arm, not taking her eyes off Ryder.
Ryder fiddled with the collar of his striped polo before dropping his hand back down, frowning. "So... do we still have a problem? Because I know I yelled yesterday, but I just said sorry and stuff, and also I think there should be second chances after near death experiences."
Marley didn't look nearly as confused as she should, which made Ryder want to grab at his neck again. But it was Jake whose expression was clear as day. Jake's face said very clearly that yes, there was a problem.
"Yeah. It's that."
At least he was copping to it. Ryder turned toward him, trying not to look impatient. "That, what? What's 'that'?"
"The near death thing."
He leaned back in the chair, away from the two of them on the bed. "Can you extrapolate or something? Because I'm not good at cryptic most days, and today, especially, all of my coping and figuring has been used up already."
Jake's gaze didn't waver, and his frown mirrored Ryder's. "It was a near death experience, right? I mean, no one actually got shot, from what I've heard, because if they had Puck would be kidnapping me and spiriting me and Sarah away to some hippie commune where they've never even heard of guns. But at the time, we were leaving goodbye messages, and it seemed like we were all gonna die, right? Agreed?"
"Yeah." Thinking he was going to die was the only reason Ryder said all that stuff to his dad. Before he even left the school, he'd already asked Artie to delete it.
"So you think we're gonna die, and the last thing you ever do is text Katie?" Jake's face was suffused with embarrassment and distaste. "Really?"
Oh, there was so much bullshit in that statement. Ryder kept his hands in fists at his side for fear that he'd reach out and just fucking shake Jake until he got whiplash.
"Well, originally, the last thing I ever did was gonna be crawling across the room to sit with you two, but it looked like you didn't give half a shit about that, so I figured she was next on the list."
Jake sat up straight, glaring at him. "That's not even close to true! I told you not to call her."
"Did you listen to literally a single word of the last sentence I just said?" Fuck him. In a situation like this, Ryder was allowed to be as passive aggressive as he fucking wanted. "I'll say it again. Slowly, to give you more of a chance to get it. After. I realised. That you two didn't care. That I could have gotten shot in the back. While crossing the room. I called Katie. Because fake pic or not, she cares. About. Me."
Jake looked like he was about to explode. "You're an idiot. How about you listen to what I just said?"
"I seriously want to stab you in the face right now."
"Right back at you!"
Marley threw up her arms. "Can we please not threaten each other with violence, what, thirty minutes after the end of a school shooting? I can't believe I even have to ask that. Why do I always date stupid, stupid boys?"
Jake broke first, grimacing apologetically. "Sorry Mar. We suck, you're right."
"Sorry," Ryder echoed. She put one arm around Jake's waist; the other she rested on Ryder's shoulder, pulling him closer.
"Look, I'm not saying don't fight. You two don't even know how long I've been waiting for you to have it out. But there's a world of difference between fighting and weapons, and honestly if I have to even say that word one more time I'm gonna puke."
"Ryder, I did care," Jake said soberly. "I do. That's why I reminded you of your reasons to not call Katie when we were sitting together. Because if we had only had minutes left, yours shouldn't have been wasted on whoever'd been leading you on and fucking with your head. You're better than that."
He wasn't sure what to do with that. "But my minutes would have been wasted getting a hug too? Is that why you didn't bother when I crossed the room to sit with you?"
Jake's eyebrow went up. "Maybe you don't remember, but you said yesterday you didn't want anything to do with me - uh, us."
"I apologised for that!" he insisted.
"Yeah, now. How was I supposed to know that then?"
Ryder stared at him. "Really? You thought that should be my final message, what I whispered into Artie's camera?"
"It would have been better than trying to talk to Katie!" Jake shouted.
"Oh, my god, you're such giant douchebags."
That was a word Ryder never thought he'd hear from Marley, and judging by Jake's expression he was equally surprised. He knew Marley was a feminist because she'd thrown a fit over Jake wanting to sing Chris Brown, and weren't feminists against using female-related words as disses?
Marley pulled away from Jake's arm to cross to her desk. She stood there fiddling with something for longer than someone would need to normally, and it was only when she pulled out her notebook that Ryder remembered her message to her mom about a hidden compartment.
"I have a few songs I want you to read."
"The ones you were keeping secret?" Jake's voice was soft. Ryder could see exactly how he felt about Marley, the way he was watching her, and he hated to admit it got to him.
"I was keeping all of them secret. I don't know if I'm ready to share them all with Glee. I mean, I probably should; these are mostly just lyrics with some guitar, the stuff I remember from camp. They could use some of your drum ability, or Unique's sax playing. But these ones are relevant, and... I'm just so, so done, guys. I mean we could have died without this being solved." She gestured at them. "Just read it."
Ryder moved to sit beside Jake on her floral bedspread so they could both look at it at the same time. The page the notebook was open to was handwritten. Ryder spared a moment to hate his dyslexia for the millionth time, and then got to work decoding the linked letters. Jake got through the messy scrawl first, of course, but he didn't react apart from a scowl. Once Ryder strung together the song title Stupid Dudes Who Date Me Because They're Scared To Date Each Other, he stopped and looked at Marley.
"Is this about...?" Ryder gestured, not quite capable of finishing that sentence. It didn't have to be about them. A lot of lyricists wrote about things they'd never experienced. It wasn't like anyone in a metal band had actually drunk blood out of someone's skull.
Instead of answering, Marley flipped a few pages deeper. Ryder only got through the first word by the time Jake was crossing his arms. The whole thing read Threesomes Solve Everything - If Only I Didn't Date Morons.
"Wait, is this about...?"
"I know the titles are a bit long for commercial works, unless you're Panic At The Disco. That second one is only nine words; their song There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey. You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet is way longer. But the lyrics are good, I'm proud of them. And the music composition is good, I think, though like I said I don't know much of anything besides guitar."
Ryder watched Jake inching away from him on the bed, scowling. "What, is this some kind of joke?"
"I wish. I think even Taylor Swift would have trouble coming up with song titles if the two guys who wanted to date her were you and Ryder." She sighed, throwing up her hands. "I can't even shut you in a room and tell you to work it out because you'll just sit there and glare at each other. Don't boys ever talk about their feelings?"
"Yes," snapped Jake, just as Ryder said, "No." Marley choked on a laugh, but she wasn't smiling. Ryder decided he'd had enough.
"I think I'd better go." Two pairs of eyes followed him as he passed the unbelievable notebook to Jake and clambered off the end of the bed. "Your mom said dinner would be soon. I'll... yeah."
"Oh, taking off. Very mature of you." Jake sounded calm, but the way he was hunching over and crossing his arms made Ryder wonder if he was about to lose it. He paused in the doorway, watching Jake uncertainly.
"You know what? I don't think I want to have dinner with either one of you." Suddenly Jake was on his feet, being hurried efficiently out the door right next to Ryder, with a determined Marley pushing right behind them. "You guys can do whatever you want to do. I'm going to have a nice meal with my mother and tell her how lucky I feel to be alive, and maybe watch a little Bad Girls Club before I go to bed."
"Marley," Jake protested, but he didn't get a chance to say one more word before they were at the front door. Ryder watched Mrs. Rose carefully not watching as Marley dumped them unceremoniously onto the front porch.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow," she said firmly. "I love you." Then she shut the door in their faces.
It was almost dusk, but Ryder could see Jake clearly, staring back at the silent house, his face a mask of confusion. "She... what was that?"
"Your guess is as good as mine, man," Ryder said. He felt a little blurry, like he might not be able to quite make out all the details of this situation. Jake wasn't moving very fast, though, so Ryder decided not to bolt, no matter how much easier it would have been. "Looks like we're kind of stuck, though."
"Yeah, Puck was going to pick me up later and we were going to have dessert with our moms." He looked more than perplexed; he looked hurt.
They both started down the steps to the sidewalk at the same time. "Do you think she meant it? That she wants to date us both?"
Jake shook his head. "Didn't you read all the-"
"Since when is reading my forte?" Ryder snapped. At least he stopped himself from tacking on an insult. That had to count for something.
"Sorry. Forget sometimes. Anyway, it's not like she wants to date me, and date you. The lyrics made it really clear she wants the three of us to date."
"Which is crazy, because she knows we're not bi."
Of all the moments that Ryder thought Jake might blow up, this was one he hadn't forseen. "You know what? Speak for yourself! You fuckin' jerk! You don't get to decide who people are! You-"
Ryder held up his hands in a stopping gesture. "Is this about Unique? Because we were hugging earlier. Me and her are cool now." He knew to call Unique her now. Even if he still didn't quite get it, he acknowledged that it didn't matter if he got it, as long as he respected it.
"No. It's really freakin' not. It's dandy that you've solved your gender policing, but that doesn't mean shit for orientation policing."
"I wasn't-"
"Just because you don't see it doesn't mean you weren't. You just said that we weren't bi without even asking what I consider myself."
"But you didn't come out?" Ryder knew gay and bisexual people, and they all had one thing in common; coming out.
"Why do I have to come out? Why can't I just sometimes not want to date girls? Why can't I like...boys?"
It hit Ryder like a sledgehammer. He was gonna say me. He wasn't gonna say boys, you were gonna say me. He took two steps backward, stumbling off the curb, and caught himself before he fell. "What the fuck?"
"Yeah, okay." Jake sighed, running a hand over his head. "So maybe you're cool with Unique, but clearly you're not cool with the rest of your friends being anything other than ordinary." Jake's voice rose as he spoke, until the last few words were shouted across the six feet between them. Ryder flinched at Jake's expression. He wasn't just hurt now; he was pissed again, but it had a particularly personal quality that made Ryder wonder what else he'd missed.
"I'm... I don't really know what to say, man. I think I'm going to go home. I'm not running away," he added, with a meaningful stare. "You can say anything you want about how immature I'm being, but I just don't have anything helpful to say right now. A little time to think, maybe. Is that cool with you?"
"Sure. Whatever." For somebody who was so concerned about maturity, Jake sure wasn't acting much that way himself. Twenty seconds ago, Ryder would have chalked it up to this being a hard day, but now everything looked a little different. He gave Jake a short nod, turned, and headed for home.
Visiting Marley's house had been a notable fail in the getting-clarity department. Ryder thought he might have more questions than he'd gone in with. How long have you been writing songs about the three of us dating? Whatever made you think either of us would be into it - and maybe we would and maybe we wouldn't, but what, exactly? He shook his head as he crossed the street and cut through the woods to the other side of the neighborhood.
And Jake. They'd both used the term best friends, more than a couple times, to apply to one another. No matter how frustrated and upset he'd been with the two of them in the hallway, that wasn't going to change, just because Jake liked... guys. But he hadn't meant to say guys, he reminded himself. He'd meant to say me. Jake likes me. What the hell was he supposed to do about that?
It was funny, though, how he hadn't even thought twice about any of the rest of Glee Club that afternoon. Even Katie had slipped to a distant second-place status in his mind. After that traumatic morning, all he wanted was to be right there with Marley and Jake. Both of them, he thought. He wasn't sure what that meant, exactly, but it wasn't anything simple.
Ryder's home was a lot less warm and inviting than Marley's. It was also a lot louder. Ryder ducked one flying paper airplane and caught the second one, much to his sisters' dismay. "Hey!" cried Hayley. "I was going to win that race. Livvy's barely got off the ground."
"Mine was a trick plane," Olivia said loftily, retrieving her vehicle from the top of the cat tree. "What happened at the high school today, anyway? Mom won't tell us anything."
"So what makes you think I'm going to?" he said. Ryder wouldn't talk about it until after she'd had a chance to explain her reasoning for not telling the twins. His mom always had a reason. It couldn't just be because. Like, liking boys was just because. He shook the thought away and headed into the kitchen for a snack.
His mom stopped what she was doing, which appeared to be stirring a huge pot of chili, to give him a quick hug. She paused when she saw his face. "Long day."
She'd never been a woman of many words. He nodded, wondering what she might say if he mentioned what had happened at Marley's, or what Jake had said. He suspected it would have something to do with talking. He wasn't any closer to figuring out what to say than he had been five blocks ago. "You too, I bet."
She nodded. "I'm glad you're home. It's a mom thing; we think you're safe when you're in the house. You hungry at all?" He nodded again. The most upsetting traumas couldn't stop him from eating. "I'll call you into the kitchen when food's ready, if you want a little time alone before dinner."
Quiet was a rarity in their house, and privacy an even more rare commodity, so Ryder took what he was given and holed up in his room for fifteen minutes. He wondered where Jake had ended up. He didn't have to wonder for very long.
"Ryyyyyyder, your boyfriend is heeeere," Hayley screamed down the hall, followed up with the mad giggles of both of his horrible siblings.
Ryder didn't bother to leave his room to greet him, or even sit up. Jake's head appeared in the doorway, then the rest of him. He closed the door behind himself, looking more awkward than Ryder had ever seen him.
"Hey."
Ryder stared across the room at the opposite wall, covered with football posters. "It's been like an hour. How fast do you think I think?"
"Okay, but here's the thing. Whether or not you like someone isn't an intellectual decision. It's something your body does. I know you already know that, because you crawled across the room risking getting shot because you wanted a goddamn hug. And I couldn't give you one, because I was pissed off that you'd never wanted one before, and scared that if we did live through the morning you'd never want another one. Because I know that I want to do it about a million times."
The shiver that idea inspired wasn't exactly frightening. "Yeah. That much I figured out. That you like me."
Jake didn't respond to this, but he did take a step closer to the bed, his face determined. "Marley's not wrong. A threesome would solve everything, and we're both totally stupid. You, because you have all this privilege you don't even realise, and it make you ignorant. Me, because I've decided it's easier to suppress what my body is telling me. Like, it's dangerous when you try to push through changement with a strained tendon. This is just as bad."
Now Ryder sat up. "You're telling me you want me and you think I'm a bad person in the same sentence? I don't know what you want from me. I'm not changing who I am just so you can make out with me."
He took another step forward, then back again. "The stuff I'd have you change is the stuff that if someone pointed it out, you would. Like the Unique thing. I'm not demanding you be Mr Open Minded. I'd rather you be you - confused and sometimes a jerk but wanting me and Marley - than be Sam, who totally doesn't care that Blaine wants him and who doesn't care that Blaine wants him, you know?"
Ryder didn't, not exactly, but he nodded. He didn't think Jake needed to explain himself any more just then, not dancing around on the floor the way he was doing. He also figured it was time to stop pretending he wasn't hearing what Jake was saying, because apparently he'd been doing that for a while now.
"So if you think my body will be less confusing than my head, then... what? What do you suggest? That we just... I don't know, kiss and find out that way if I have gay panic and shove you off the bed?"
Jake snorted. "If you have gay panic, then I'm gonna get up from the floor and punch you in the face because you have two bisexual friends and a gay friend, and none of us deserve that shit."
"Yeah, but gay panic because you have friends who are gay is totally different from gay panic because your best friend is kissing you." Ryder tried to keep his voice as steady as he could while he said that last part, but it wasn't easy. Tectonic shocks were throwing him off-balance, and his words were a little wobbly. Or at least he could try to blame what he was thinking on that. He rose to his feet as Jake took two more steps, watching him as though he wasn't quite certain he should believe what he was seeing.
"You think you're going to panic?" Jake said softly. One more step, and he'd be within reach of Ryder's hand. Kissing distance.
"Your guess is as good as mine." Ryder watched the space between them for one more moment, then took the step himself. His knee collided with Jake's, but that didn't stop him from capturing Jake's face in both hands and giving him his best shot.
He wasn't exactly sure what the window for not-freaking-out was, but when the kiss passed the ten second mark, Ryder decided to give up his worries about that and focus on how goddamn amazing a kisser Jake was. No wonder Marley had chosen Jake over him.
But maybe she didn't, he thought, releasing Jake at last in dazed triumph.
"Hey," he said. "Look who didn't freak out."
Jake grinned. His laugh was full of relief, and anticipation. "Look who might be getting kissed again."