AN: Hey there, here is chappie 23.

Dear readers,

Thank you for joining me on this journey so far Thank you for taking the time to review and leave your feedback. It made me laugh and cry and generally just inspired me ;-)

For now, however, I am embarking on a very exciting new journey myself, becoming a mother for the first time in a few days (hopefully). As such I don´t expect to be able to continue writing this year. As for next year? Hopefully, yes!

So, I made this chappie extra-long and extra 'relationshippy' for you ;-)

Enjoy and RR. (Still un-betaed.)

Chapter 23 – The Art of Occlumency

Hermione and Professor Snape settled into a tentative routine over the next four weeks. While the Headmaster had, as of yet, forbidden the professor to deny or confirm Hermione´s suspicions about what she had seen and heard in the Pensieve, he had supported the both of them in starting Hermione´s private lessons. Dumbledore had even added one of his own rare volumes about Legilimency to Hermione´s reading curriculum. Additionally, he had fabricated a believable explanation for Hermione´s extra studies.

Officially, Hermione was working on an advanced Transfiguration project, which also required further studies in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions. She was to build an altered foe glass, which was able to specifically identify witches and wizards bearing the Dark Mark. It was a valid reason for everyone in the Order and for Hermione´s friends. It certainly was ambitious enough to be seen as a challenge Hermione Granger would jump at. For everyone else she was doing it for extra credit, end of story.

Professor Snape, meanwhile, was able to communicate via Lucius Malfoy that he was working on his mission by spending more time with Hermione, while, at the same time, sabotaging her efforts with the altered foe glass.

Minerva McGonagall had readily agreed to work with her favourite pupil and lend the story further credibility. Hermione, of course, had been so intrigued by the prospect of learning from the experienced Transfiguration Mistress, that she had decided, very early on, that she wanted her cover-up story to be an actual success.

As such she found her schedule to be satisfyingly stuffed full of classes, periods for studying and homework and the additional extracurricular lessons and study periods for the foe glass experiments. It had taken some adjusting to her schedules and some deflecting of her bantering friends, who could not understand her wish for spending extra time with school-anything. She had been able to get rid of their complaints of her spending more time with her books than with her friends quite easily, as she had promised to be there for Quidditch matches and still help with their homework. However, she had not been able to quell their dissatisfaction about the fact that she was willingly spending more time with Professor Snape, especially after he had been such an 'unfair greasy git' towards her in class. Even telling them that her detention had not been as dreadful as feared did not soften their dislike for the hated teacher.

For the time being, Hermione would let it slip. It would not do any good, if she intervened on his behalf too early on. She would secretly chip away at their iron-clad prejudices and nurture their doubts. Little seeds of doubt were more effective than head-on confrontation with Gryffindors. Hermione had had to smother an ironic and sad laugh as she caught herself starting to think about manipulating her friends like this.

As soon as you were aware of certain knowledge, and accepted the feeling of responsibility that went with it, you changed. Hermione realised that changing was necessary. Nevertheless, she had promised herself that she would stay true to who she was and ask herself from time to time, whether she was still labouring under the right reasons or whether she had allowed herself to become like Albus Dumbledore, whose enormous power and enormous sense of accountability had made him settle all of his reasoning on the 'greater good'.

On Friday morning Hermione was sitting at her favourite desk in the library, her nose buried in a thick volume about Transfiguration of magic-infused objects. Gamp´s law clearly stated that you could not make matter out of nothing, just create new things out of existing matter. One of the problems with magic-infused objects was that transfiguration of magic – as opposed to transfiguration by magic – was very advanced. Masters of such Transfiguration skills were able to change magic, nullify, enhance or even dissolve it. That, however, was limited to certain kinds of magic and spells. If, for example, the spell was quite intimately linked to the caster´s intention, say with the Killing Curse, the spell could not be altered as easily, or at all. In such a case, the intention superseded the mere use of magic and was so intertwined with it that you could not simply dissemble the magic without changing the intention, as well. Which was unlikely when casting a true unforgivable, especially mid-spell.

It was all very confusing, even to her sharp mind. However, she did understand that it would not be easy to create a magical object that was able to discover the Dark Mark without understanding the Mark´s inner workings. What, for example, if Voldemort had integrated an anti-detection charm in its creation with the intention of hiding and protecting his minions? Then the foe glass would need to be able to nullify this specific charm whenever faced with a hidden Dark Mark.

Working on all of those rather complicated theories made Hermione once again appreciate the brilliance Severus Snape had possessed in creating the spells as the Half-blood Prince, even at his young age. The thought that he might have been an obnoxious little know-it-all just like her made her smile her secretive smile that was reserved for fond thoughts or memories of him.

"Feeling the need to smile into space again, Miss Granger?"

Her smile widened and she grinned up at him.

Professor Snape was leaning lazily against the bookshelf to her right, his left eyebrow raised and his signature smirk in place.

Ever since their confrontation in his office, their interactions had stayed civil and even companionable from time to time. So far they had only been doing theoretical work on Occlumency and Legilimency. Since they had quite similar working ethics that endeavour went pretty smoothly. As planned, he did not deduce or award points during their extra-lessons concerning the Order mission. Whenever they were working on the foe glass, however, he had sneaked in some small point awarding here and there. Sneeringly and underhandedly, of course. She did not complain. It was extra credit work, after all. And she thought it was kind of sweet, actually.

Now, however, they were in a public space. Therefore she made certain that no one was near before retorting teasingly.

"As usual, I must have been thinking of you, Sir."

He snorted and sat down opposite of her.

Yes, well, it is the truth. Not that you´d believe that, right?

Professor Snape´s smile vanished and his countenance grew more serious and teacher-like. He pointed at the book she had been reading. His whole demeanour changed, signalling to her, that she was now facing Professor Snape, Death Eater on a mission.

"Any usable new information, Miss Granger? The way your nose-tip was glued to the pages one might assume that this book held all the secrets of this world."

Sneering at her and insulting her in his uniquely charming way? Ah, the joy of working on one of those scenes. Well, she´d do her part.

Hermione straightened and expressively gestured at the opened tome.

"Oh, yes, Sir. The book is quite fascinating, the author has very concise ideas about the subject matter and he certainly is a Master of his field. Did you know that he was able to turn a nose-bleeding spell into a tickling spell at exposure? Brilliant, don´t you think?"

He nodded unenthusiastically.

"And the way he describes everything in depth really shows his extensive knowledge, not only of his chosen field, but other subject matters as well."

"Very fascinating", he drawled.

Pretending she had not heard the sarcasm in his last statement she smiled widely at him.

"Yes, isn´t it? Very fascinating. However, um-"

She quickly looked down on the desk, pretending to be nervous about continuing.

"However?" he encouraged her.

She brushed her fingers over the edge of the book, smoothing down some wrinkles in its worn pages.

"Well, I think, I find it a little bit too theoretical in certain parts."

Professor Snape´s eyes momentarily softened in quiet humour. Outwardly, however, he laughed derisively.

"My, my, I never thought I´d live to see the day that the Gryffindor Princess proclaims a book as too theoretical."

Hermione shrugged, slightly embarrassed.

"I did not say that I did not like the theories. It´s just that we do not have that much time for developing this rather complicated object. Some practical hints wouldn´t go amiss, is all I´m saying."

Professor Snape leaned forward and captured her eyes in his dark gaze. His index finger was trailing his bottom lip.

"So, I take it you prefer a more hands-on approach?"

Damn it.

She knew that he was simply playing her and why. Still, her heart skipped a beat and she did not have to fake the slight colouring that came to her cheeks.

She eagerly responded, "Well, you said that I should learn to strive for more first-hand experience, didn´t you, Professor?"

"Indeed. Firsts are always exciting to pursue."

Ewww, honestly? Hmmpf, fine, I´ll play along.

"Firsts, Sir?"

He folded his hands under his chin and regarded her with his head cocked to the side.

"Well, I find that most students retain information much better, if the subject matter is stimulating - and experiencing something for the first time is always tantalising."

Hermione smiled widely at him, all star-struck pupil.

"True, Sir. That´s what I like about Potions and Defense, you know? We get to really do something. Then again, Ancient Runes is quite fascinating, too."

"I see. So, more first-hand experiences from now on, Miss Granger?"

"Sir?"

"Well, seen as I have been tasked with the honourable duty of over-seeing the progress of your project, at least pertaining to the parts linked to Potions and Defense, I would appreciate a more open-minded and experimental approach to the matter than you display in your every-day schoolwork."

"Oh", Hermione´s mouth formed a rather fish-like snout before, once again, settling into a timid smile.

"Thank you, Sir. I, um, I really am grateful to you and Professor McGonagall for investing your time in this project. I know, I´ll learn so much!"

"Well, Miss Granger, don´t make me regret it."

"I won´t, Sir. I won´t disappoint you, I promise."

"Yes, you always aim to please your teachers, don´t you?"

She looked away to hide the resentment she was sure had flashed over her features at his amused and at the same time slightly accusatory tone. He had been quite clear about his opinions on that in the past. He didn´t need to rub it in, did he? Still, it would not do to outwardly show her anger, when she was supposed to be the uptight, little goody-two-shoes-bookworm.

"I´m not sure what you mean, Sir", she mumbled and furrowed her brows as if confronted by a rather complicated Arithmantic equation.

Professor Snape leaned back and held up his right hand in dismissal.

"Forget it. Now, let us talk about this new information you have found."

"Oh, yes, Sir."

She nodded enthusiastically and launched into an extra wide-spread explanation on what she had found. He deserved to be punished, right? The way the corners of his mouth twitched lightly, Hermione felt certain that he perfectly understood her motivation.

After finishing her monologue Hermione beamed at him expectantly, her eyes opened wide, perched on the edge of her chair and her hair forming an animated and wild halo around her face.

Professor Snape remained quiet and processed all the information he had been exposed to. When Hermione´s inner nerd decided, that too much time had gone by, she interrupted his contemplation. She had to keep up her bad, too-eager reputation, after all.

"Well, Sir?"

He looked as displeased with her as he surely truly felt by now. Hermione dipped her head.

"Sorry, I got carried away."

"Stop wasting my time, Miss Granger. My patience is not indefinite."

Let´s loose some points for Gryffindor.

"Every student knows that", she mumbled snidely.

Professor Snape did not disappoint.

"15 points from Gryffindor."

"What? I hardly think that´s-"

"Are you already eager for another detention, Miss Granger?"

Hermione snapped her mouth shut and glared at him.

"Well?" he challenged.

"No, Sir", she responded huffily.

"Very well. Now, I want you to write a summary of the chapters four and five with regard to implications of practical implementation. How can the proposed theory be translated into achievable aims? Understood?"

"I think so. Um, like 'How can the amount of intention behind a spell be differentiated from the magical energy used to cast it'?"

Professor Snape briskly pushed his chair back and stood up. He straightened his cuffs and sneered down at her.

"On my desk by Monday morning."

He strode from the library, completely ignoring her acknowledgement of the given task.

Hermione allowed herself to relax into her seat and stretch her aching back muscles. Of course, she knew that Professor Snape himself was no threat to her, but she was still very nervous about messing up. What if she did something wrong? What if she made Voldemort suspicious and Professor Snape had to pay for it?

Thankfully, she had another meeting with him, later in the evening, though, of course, to everyone else it would be a meeting with Professor McGonagall. She´d floo to Professor Snape´s quarters from her office. That meeting would be unofficial - not for Voldemort´s eyes – and she´d be able to clarify, if she had acted like it had been expected of her.

Still, she was very nervous about it, since Professor Snape had hinted at a first practical approach to her Occlumency. She did not want him to find out her secret. She would be drop-dead mortified, if he caught even the slightest bit of her less than proper thoughts about him.

She had to prevent that from happening, at all cost.

"Tempus!"

Time to go to classes. Fortunately, she had a full schedule today, even if her day started with a learning period. Harry and Ron would have taken full advantage and taken an extra-long breakfast time, she was sure. Talking about Quidditch, most likely. Hermione rolled her eyes good-naturedly and packed away the books. Then she left the Library and headed towards the first lesson of the day.

A few hours and an uneventful dinner later, she nervously knocked on the door to Professor McGonagall´s office. Her Head of House immediately opened and beckoned her inside. When the door had closed behind her, her teacher pointed at the fireplace.

"It´s activated. Professor Snape is expecting you. I´ll be here in two hours."

"Thank you, Professor."

The witches smiled at each other and then Hermione stepped into the fireplace. She grabbed some of the Floo powder and threw it onto the floor. Green flames enveloped her.

"Professor Snape´s office", she intoned very clearly.

Seconds later she emerged from the fireplace with the snakehead ornament. Professor Snape was not there, but the door to his chambers stood open. Hermione, used to this silent invitation by now, made her way to the small hallway.

In the past few weeks she had used more than one opportunity to communicate with the castle via the mirror. Hermione had grown rather fond of Hogwarts and its likable quirks. She still felt rather special for having been chosen by this old magical institution. She had asked once whether she had permission to rub that fact in smart-ass pureblood brat Draco Malfoy´s face, but had, unfortunately, been denied said pleasure. Oh, the look on his face would have been worth it, Hermione was sure. The fact that she, an unworthy Mudblood had been selected above everyone else would have given him a conniption fit. Ah, well, all good things to those who wait, right?

As for today, Hermione was already quite late - meaning only 5 minutes too early. Therefore, she did not address the mirror, but continued walking towards the door at the other end of the hallway.

Something unusual happened then.

Hermione had just extended her hand towards the door handle, when the surface of the mirror flashed in silver and white, illuminating the small space in an eerie and yet beautiful light. The moment she shifted her attention towards the mirror, Hermione was assaulted with a barrage of images, all showing her scenes of Harry, Ron and her keeping secrets, telling half-truths and even outright lies.

Hermione frowned.

"What? Do you want me to feel bad about this?"

McGonagall, failed exams.

"No, you don´t. I don´t get it. Be more specific, please."

Next she was shown images of Harry miserably failing at one attempt after another at keeping Professor Snape out of his mind.

"Wow, you are encouraging today, aren´t you?"

Professor Snape glaring at her younger self and her frantically waving hand.

That was a new one. Could that mean, that-?

"Are you angry with me?"

50 points awarded to Gryffindor.

Hermione was quite surprised. She honestly had no inkling what she might have done wrong. She held up her hands and looked contrite.

"Sorry, I don´t know what you want."

Lavender Brown giggling in the corridor about some boy. Colin Creevey hopping around excitedly with his camera and being frozen by the Basilisk. McGonagall telling Harry and Ron, that they were having way too much fun in the corridor and that, unfortunately for the boys, their free period had been cancelled as Professor Slughorn accepted EE students in his Potions class.

Hermione frowned. Usually, she was very adept at encrypting what the images meant. Today, she was not sure.

"You don´t want me to have fun?"

McGonagall, failed exams.

Colin Creevey hopping around excitedly with his camera and being frozen by the Basilisk.

"I get it. You think I should not take something too lightly?"

50 points awarded to Gryffindor.

Harry miserably failing at one attempt after another at keeping Professor Snape out of his mind.

"You are worried about the Occlumency lessons then?"

50 points awarded to Gryffindor.

"Well, I am, too. I´ll do my best to keep Professor Snape away from memories of you, but, well, I can´t guarantee anything, can I? I mean, it is a highly complicated art and - "

Dumbledore telling Harry that help would always be given at Hogwarts to those who need it.

Hermione smiled.

"You want to help me?"

50 points awarded to Gryffindor.

"But how?"

Dobby and Dipsy and the corridor Hermione was standing in.

"You want the House-Elves to help me?"

50 points awarded to Gryffindor.

"Okay."

Crack.

"Hello, Miss Hermione, Hogwarts has asked us to help Miss."

"Yes, we help Harry Potter´s best friend."

Bulbous eyes alight Dobby excitedly grabbed her hand on the right, while Dipsy did the same on her left. Then the two elves clasped their remaining hands together, so that the three of them were linked in a circle.

"Miss must not worry. Elves´ magic won´t hurt."

Hermione kindly smiled at Dipsy.

"I trust you, Dipsy. Just go ahead."

The elf looked quite pleased at that and lightly squeezed her hand.

"We will begin now. Miss must not interrupt."

She grinned at his assertive tone.

"I won´t. Promised."

The tingly feeling of magic began to wash over her. The elves had closed their eyes, clearly concentrating on their task. Once again, Hermione felt humbled to be the recipient of such care. After just a few seconds she felt a slight pressure against her temples, not uncomfortable, but noticeable. The magical protection seemed to be targeted at her brain, which only made sense, if the goal was to prevent a Legilimens from accessing certain memories. The pressure increased, but remained bearable. Overall, Hermione was not worried, even if the magic was centred at a very vulnerable organ. She wondered: maybe elf magic had been created as an especially calming kind of magic, at least for humans. Usually everything the elves did was to help, protect and nurture witches and wizards, after all. Apart from Kreacher, that was, but, well, the poor elf had clearly been through something horrible, so…

"We has finished."

Hermione felt a light squeeze at her right hand and looked at Dobby, who was once again grinning widely.

"Miss learns to understand elves."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Miss has thought about elf magic. Miss is good observer."

Hermione realised with a start, that the elves had been able to read her thoughts while they had been connected. Somehow, this did not make her feel uncomfortable, which was unusual as she was a reserved person, at least when it came to truly speaking about her innermost thoughts and feelings.

"Um, can you always do Legilimency?"

"We not use Legilimency. We just listen."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "You just listen?"

Dipsy started fidgeting.

"Miss can ask later. Miss will be late and then Master Snape will be unhappy."

"You´re right, Dipsy. Ok, but I will get back to that."

"Miss must hurry now."

Crack.

Hermione smiled indulgently. "And goodbye to you two, you trouble-makers."

They were right, though. She would be too late. No need to upset him right at the beginning of the first practical Occlumeny lesson, right? So she hurriedly stepped to the door and entered Professor Snape´s living room. Feeling a bit more secure than before, Hermione squared her shoulders and surveyed the room. Professor Snape had not yet arrived, which was fortunate for her. Once again, she was astounded that she had been granted entrance, even without him being present.

She walked to her couch and sat down. She had to resist the urge to immediately start perusing the shelves of valuable and old books, which beckoned to her. She would not, however, pay such disrespect to his sparely granted trust.

As such, Professor Snape found her patiently waiting on her couch when he entered through the green flames of the Floo a minute later. He was carrying the Pensieve from Dumbledore´s office.

Hermione smiled nervously.

"Good evening, Sir."

"Miss Granger."

He walked towards the sofas and gently sat down the valuable artefact upon the small table. The liquid inside was swaying slightly, rotated slowly in the bowl and unhurriedly settled down again.

Professor Snape sat down opposite of Hermione and glanced at her sceptically.

"You seem tense."

Hermione sighed and leaned back.

"Well, I am."

"Did you practice the breathing technique we have talked about?"

"Yes, but –"

He held up his hand.

"No, no over-thinking it. I know that it is against your very nature, ebullient creature that you are, but you need to 'let it happen'."

He would have been more successful at helping her, if he had foregone to smirk at her knowingly.

She huffed and crossed her arms under her breasts.

"Well, I think I have demonstrated amply today, that I am able to 'go along', even in rather strange situations. I mean, honestly, Professor, firsts are always exciting? Really?"

He raised an elegantly arched eyebrow in clear amusement and his lip curled into a rather self-satisfied smile.

"Well, I am meant to test your limits and somehow 'get' to you, am I not?"

"Well, then you were very successful today, Sir. That was very close to me losing my countenance at how utterly unfitting this whole exchange was for you. Do you honestly expect him or even Lucius Malfoy to think that this is the best way you figured out to, uh, 'get to me'?"

He smirked and leaned forward suggestively. He was clearly enjoying her discomfort.

"No, but I am also expected to have fun playing with you."

Hermione blushed and quickly tried to hide it by poking her finger at him.

"If that is your idea of funthen I don´t see a future for us, after all, sorry to disappoint."

He traced his chin with one long finger and cocked his head to the side.

"Hmmm", he sighed, "so very disappointing. You break my heart, Miss Granger."

This time Hermione could not keep the smile off her face. This playful side to him was rare, she knew, and it made him so much more human and approachable and likable and – well, let´s just say that this kind of flirtation certainly 'got' to her, especially since he was not doing it on purpose. It was just him. Him in her company, him in her company and being relaxed.

Still, she would not yield so easily. She sat forward, too.

"So, your DE pals think that any school girl just waits for someone to take pity on them and offer to be their first, or what? How utterly disrespectful and vile and small-minded and, well, presumptuous. For all you know, I might already have had a very torrid affair with Mr. Filch and taken care of it."

Unfortunately, he did not take the bait. He simply beckoned her to lean forward even more with one crooked finger. As such they were now both leaning over the Pensieve, their faces closer than would be normally acceptable. Hermione could feel his breath upon her lips and could not stop the fluttering that made itself known in her stomach. Just a few inches more and their lips would touch.

His dark eyes held hers and she drew in a very small, shaky breath. She could have sworn that his pupils dilated minutely in response, but he blinked, leaned back slightly and changed back to reprimanding teacher in a second.

"Well, Miss Granger, as fascinating as the topic of your virginal state, or lack thereof, might be to more interested parties, the only thing I am interested in right now is that you are stalling."

Hermione lifted her chin defiantly.

"I am not stalling."

Professor Snape looked at her pityingly and shrugged.

"Well, Miss Granger, if you are sure, let us begin, shall we?"

He whipped out his wand and pointed it straight at her forehead. Hermione gulped and tensed immediately, her thoughts running wild and her heartbeat escalating in her chest. Surely, he would not simply assault her with the spell without giving her some hint about how to counteract it?

"On the count of three?" he drawled lazily. "One, two –"

Hermione instinctively grabbed his hand and shoved the wand away from her face.

"Wait", she shrieked, "I don´t even know how. You can´t do this. I´m not prepared, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I - "

His silent laughter interrupted her raving and she stared at him wide-eyed and full of adrenaline. He chuckled once again and stowed away his wand. Then her heart nearly exploded from her chest when next he extended one long-fingered hand and gently settled his fingers against her temple and his thumb underneath her chin. His touch felt soothingly cool and firm.

"You are nervous, comprehensibly. Occlumency is a very difficult discipline. It takes practice. I do not expect you to succeed today. Understood?"

Hermione nodded slightly against his hand, still fighting her racing pulse. His gesture had nothing erotic about it. He was trying to ground her like a guide leading his protégé by the hand on a dark and slippery path. And yet, him touching her so intimately, Hermione had to concentrate on what he was saying, so that she would not miss something important.

"However", he continued, "I expect you to follow the exercises and routines I am trying to establish for you. I need you to learn to merge full alertness and meditative abandon. You´ll need both discipline and the ability to let go without losing control. While that seems paradoxical at first sight, you´ll learn to feel at home in that state. It is nothing mystical or even magical. Meditation practices have been and are used by many, many Muggle cultures. It is a very primordial human skill."

He retracted his hand, but he did not lean back further. As such Hermione remained in her position, as well. While she was missing the firm pressure of his fingers, she was still captivated by his voice and the intensity of his delivery.

"It is my belief that it is that very fact that makes it so difficult for many witches and wizards to employ Occlumency and Legilimency. Both disciplines do not require an extraordinary amount of magical power, in contrast to what the majority thinks. Average powers would actually suffice. However, witches and wizards are not accustomed to having to do something prior to wielding their magic. They want something done, they grab their wand and start waving it around, expecting things to work their way."

"Foolish wand-waving and silly incantations?"

"Indeed."

"Thus your fascination with Potions?"

"Thus my fascination with Potions. Partly, at least. Now, it is the nature of humans to expect things to work their way, whether through magic or through any form of control or whatever the individual fancies as their given skills and advantages. If, however, they encounter an obstacle outside of their comfort zone they suddenly feel frustrated and lacking and, often enough, betrayed."

"Betrayed because they don´t get it at first try? I don´t think so. People expect to have difficulties learning things, don´t they?"

"Yes, they do when they try new routines or learn new facts, but they believe that they have an inherent right to certain things. Think about how people react, when they face their first serious sickness, how women react when they just don´t get pregnant or how men suddenly tumble into a mid-life crisis because they have suddenly realised that, yes, they age, too."

"That is a rather morose outlook on our world, Professor, but I think I get what you say. We simply assume that we will stay healthy and that we will be able to procreate when we want and that we´ll stay young forever until we are faced with another reality."

He nodded.

"Indeed."

Hermione settled back and looked down onto her hands, contemplating the implications.

"So, you mean to say that wizards and witches expect their magic to work and thus cannot cope with Occlumency and Legilimency, because it usually won´t at the beginning?"

"Yes and no. Let me ask you a question. Why do you think humans tend to overestimate their abilities and their entitlement to being healthy and happy and such?"

"Well, as a means of protection, I guess."

"Elaborate, please."

"As a form of psychological protection. They want to feel safe. I think that´s understandable, don´t you?"

"Oh, yes, it is deeply human and in itself a very helpful way of psychological resilience. Nevertheless, it does pose difficulties when faced with the realities of life."

Hermione smiled crookedly at that.

"Never figured I´d be one day discussing psychological welfare with you, Sir."

Professor Snape raised his eyebrow impatiently.

"The point is, that the Mind Magics require the caster to accept defeat and to let go of preconceived expectations and entitlements. It is the user who fails, not the magic."

"Why thanks, now I feel better."

Professor Snape tapped his finger on the surface of the table insistently.

"You should. Just think, Miss Granger. How might this help you?"

Hermione shook her head dejectedly.

"I don´t get it."

"Merlin´s beard, Granger, here I offer you a perfectly plausible explanation about why you should be able to succeed where most purebloods fail and all you do is pity yourself."

"Excuse me? I am nervous as hell, then you stick your wand into my face and proceed to tell me I´ll most likely fail and that it will be most definitely and entirely my fault. How on earth is that supposed to make me feel better?"

He hit his flat palm upon the table.

"You are a Muggle-born, you dunderhead."

"Oh really? I must have forgotten."

He waved his hand impatiently.

"Cynicism doesn´t become you. Last chance before I am going to lose my temper. Calm yourself and think. Why would you have a psychological advantage as a muggle-born witch?"

Hermione swallowed the retort that had waited to tumble from the tip of her tongue and took two calming, deep breaths. She repeated the facts in her head and suddenly she felt quite stupid for not having understood directly.

"Oh."

He smirked at her.

"Oh?"

"I am used to having difficulties using my magic, I don´t think I am entitled to anything just because I have magic and I am usually working extra hard to prove myself worthy."

He nodded. "And?"

"And, um, well?"

"And how do you cope with failure?"

Hermione shook her head resolutely.

"Not good. I think I am horrible with accepting failure on my part."

"So, if something doesn´t work out the way it should, what do you usually do?"

"Hmm, retract my steps, find out why it did not work and try a different way."

He steepled his fingers underneath his chin and smiled his half-crooked smile at her.

"And who do you blame, if it still won´t work?"

"Me."

"Only you?"

"Usually, yes."

"Rethink that."

Hermione frowned. Then she nodded.

"Hmm, I guess I´d also question whether my sources were reliable and if maybe the author of the book might have gotten it wrong, or if the teacher might have made a mistake or something like that."

Professor Snape shrugged his shoulders.

"And if, say, you´d tried anything in your power and just could not do it, what then?"

"Then I´d be most unhappy."

"And then?"

"Then I would be a moody nuisance."

"And then?"

"Then I would question myself."

"And then?"

Hermione huffed, but played along.

"Then I´d feel even worse."

"And then?"

"Then I´d get angry and sad and feel small and worthless and maybe start hating myself."

"And then?"

"Really? What are you getting at?"

"And then?" he insisted.

She sighed and felt rather burdened by the unsettling turn the conversation had suddenly taken. How would she react, if she was made to feel worthless and small? Memories of moments of humiliation flashed before her eyes, moments that had burned her with shame from the inside. Moments she had felt inadequate and alone and unloved. Hermione closed her eyes against the pain and swallowed heavily. The moment Draco Malfoy had hexed her and her teeth had grown. The many times she had been called a Mudblood. The way she had felt disconnected from her classmates at the beginning.

And then, one by one, other memories floated by. Harry and Ron helping her with the troll. Her mother cuddling her whenever she had felt sad about her being different than other kids at her school. Hermione pulling herself together and succeeding and even bullying Ron and Harry into succeeding. Hermione at the Black Lake, playing the Death Eaters and, most of all, her realising her feelings towards the man who was sitting right in front of her.

She had decided to judge him by what he did rather than his snide personality. She had taken time to get to know him and she had not regretted doing so for one second. On second thought, Severus Snape was just the tip of the mountain. How often had she forgiven Ron and Harry for their adolescent behaviour? How often had she felt deeply with friends who were in need?

And suddenly Hermione realised that she was a human being with the ability to feel compassion, to accept help and friendship and to fight against insecurities and obstacles. She was a fighter and someone with the need to learn and explore and experience new things, while at the same time she retained her link to others. She was not alone. And she would not let others dictate what she could or could not do. She would try and do her best. She would succeed, or she would fail. Anyway, she would know that she had tried her best and if she would not be able to do it, she would find another way or get help and accept that she would have to be useful in a different way.

She was Hermione Granger, and Hermione Granger did not simply lie down and die and anyone who wanted to make her feel different could just go and f… themselves.

There.

She had not realised that tears were slowly flowing down her cheeks until fingertips brushed against her skin and carefully wiped them away. Her eyes sought his and she saw a warmth in them that did not fit his words.

"Took you long enough", he huffed quietly.

Unconsciously, she leaned against his hand and he allowed it even though his eyes widened slightly in surprise. Hermione´s lips parted on their own volition and her breath hitched slightly in her chest. Her eyes remained glued to his and the tears stopped flowing. Instead, a wide smile began to form on her lips and, impulsively, she grabbed his hand and pressed it closer against her cheek.

"Thank you", she murmured against their joined hands.

His hand twitched against her skin and he looked at her with raised eyebrows, clearly out of his comfort zone now himself. Still, he let his hand rest underneath her own.

He cleared his throat. He sighed. He cleared his throat once again.

"Foolish girl."

She smiled and nodded against his hand.

"Yes."

He smiled back crookedly.

She liked his smile.

Then he finally withdrew his hand and pointed at the Pensieve.

"Ready, now, to begin your first Occlumency lesson, Miss Granger?"

Hermione nodded and squared her shoulders.

"Ok, let´s do this."

Professor Snape then started to explain about the withdrawal of memories and how she would be allowed to extract her worst memories in the first lessons. He showed her the right wand movements and then excused himself.

"I´ll return in ten minutes. Please be finished then."

"Yes, Sir."

He stood up and left through the door to his office, granting her the privacy she needed to clear her mind of what she herself conceived as her 'worst' memories.

Little did he know that the thoughts that bothered her the most, were her most cherished ones.

Smiling her secret smile Hermione started removing memory after memory and put them away in the Pensieve. Then she sealed it with the protective spell that Professor Snape had shown her. Now only she would be able to view them and take them back again.

He need not have shown her the spell. Hermione once again was warmed by how considerate he was, if he so chose. And he chose to be so with her. And he had allowed her to cuddle to his hand, even if only for a short while. And he had flirted with her earlier and he had made her see her own strength.

So, maybe, just, maybe she would have a chance to one day show him those memories.

All of them.

And not be rejected.