Disclaimer: Do we really have to do this? I know it's been a while, but...
AN: Hey lovies! Erm...so. Hi.
Yeah. I posted a story a while back called Reckless and basically that was my adios amigos story...which it was...and is...but I felt like writing something...so I am...but I'm not back...but I suppose if I'm writing something I'm not necessarily gone either. So. I'm confusing myself.
Hm. Well I really just felt like writing and I figured you all would at least like to see something but I could be wrong I don't know this could be a big failure...yeah so BASICALLY I just wanted to write something, decided to post it, and that is that. Otherwise, still on hiatus. :) x (Was that not the stupidest thing ever oh my gosh aha. Oh well.)
This is fresh out of my typing so if there are any mistakes...sorry!
xXx
It was a Tuesday.
A Tuesday, in the heat of the summer, and Ally was asleep. Well, not so much asleep as she was trying to sleep. It was hot out, as previously mentioned, and her bed was uncomfortable. And, it being summer, her room wasn't pitch-black yet, either. It was...dark, yes, but light enough that if she closed her eyes it still wasn't dark enough for her liking. Her sheets were altogether too hot, and she'd already ditched her pants for a nightshirt, hoping to cool down. She'd even flipped the pillow and stripped her bed of the blankets, but Ally was still not sleeping. She was altogether too hot, too awake, and now, too irritable. She'd been flitting in and out of consciousness, but that did not equate to sleeping. At all.
She and Austin had discussed this, once, actually. He said that this, this feeling, was happiness.
"Happiness," He had repeated, swallowing his orange slice. "You heard me. When you go to bed, one of the hot nights of summer. So hot that you have to flip your pillow and peel your sheets off one by one until you're on top of them."
"But how is that happiness, Austin?" She'd asked, confused. That sure as hell didn't sound like happiness...at all.
Austin had merely shook his head. "Maybe one day I'll tell you, Ally, if you don't figure it out yourself."
So far, she hadn't, but she was perfectly alright with that.
So it was a Tuesday when Ally looked across the street and saw, at promptly 1:51 in the morning, Austin Moon sneaking out of his house across the street from hers.
Ally wasn't one for sneaking out. Then again, she never thought Austin was either. But, she supposed, all rockstars or popstars or whatever the hell Austin was, all of them had secrets. Maybe this was one of his. So Ally flipped over on her now-sheetless bed and tried her best to fall asleep. (And to ignore the gnawing guilt inside of her for not going after the brown-eyed boy.)
She woke up cold.
xXx
It was a Wednesday when Ally caught him in action once again. Not the Wednesday after the Tuesday, but just a Wednesday after a Tuesday. They are two completely different things.
Once again, she was awake at 1:51 in the morning of this particular Wednesday, once again she had kicked her sheets off, and once again she had ditched her sweats for a nightshirt. And once again, she couldn't sleep, and once again she saw Austin sneak silently out of his house.
She plugged her headphones in and blasted Everybody Talks as loudly as she could bear, never once looking up at Austin after he passed her house.
She woke up shivering.
xXx
It was another Tuesday. Ally had decided to suffer through the night, so she was stuffed under all of her blankets, too hot, but too tired to try and rearrange them. This time, she saw Austin sneak out of his house, but it was 2 in the morning this time, and she wondered why he was nine minutes late.
This time, she sat up and ran to her window, keeping low so he wouldn't notice her. She followed her best friend with her eyes as he walked to the end of the street and turned the corner, out of her sight. But she stayed, now curled up in blanket, perched in her window long after she had any hopes of staying awake to see him return home.
It was almost nice. But the blanket was a little too fluffy, and she woke up almost at the right temperature. But she had an ache in her neck that persisted through the next three days.
xXx
It was a Thursday when Ally almost brought up Austin's late-night adventures. He looked a little more tired than usual, and she had seen him sneak out yesterday around 1:55, so it's not as if she was ignorant. But if Austin wanted her to know, he would have told her. They weren't that close anymore, she thinks. He had been pulling away and for whatever reasons he didn't want to share his mornings with her. So Ally zipped her lips and sent Austin off to take a nap.
That night, she didn't sleep.
xXx
Austin and Ally ended up sleeping at his house on a Tuesday night, as her dad was (no surprise here) out of town on business and wanted her to stay with someone. She almost asked Trish, but she wanted to see if there would be any 1:51 AM adventures Austin snuck out to.
There weren't. Or maybe there were, but she fell asleep and didn't notice.
She woke up too late and couldn't focus all day.
xXx
Austin became more and more reserved, caving in on himself. Mindless things, like leaving the lights on in a room he had no intention on returning to, or leaving his food plates or drinking glasses out instead of washing them or throwing them away. He was thinking a lot, and while thinking was a good thing, overthinking could lead to awful, terrible things.
He was tired, all the time. (Ally knew that sometimes, mostly Tuesdays, it was because he snuck out, but the other six days of the week, she had no clue as to why.) He was over tired and he couldn't focus and everyone was worried but nothing was said, not yet.
Ally stayed awake to worry about him, and now his late night adventures were the only times she saw him looking alive.
xXx
It was a Tuesday when she decided to do something about it. She hadn't bothered to even change into pajamas this time, just stayed in her jeans and tanktop until the morning, and slipped silently out the front door at 1:45.
He didn't show, this time.
She woke up with lines from her jeans imprinted in her waist and worry lines etched on her forehead.
xXx
It was another Tuesday when she tried again, only to get the same results.
Her dad pointed out the bags under her eyes the next morning.
xXx
It was a Monday when she realized that maybe he didn't want it to work this way.
xXx
The next Tuesday (Ally waited on pins and needles as the week ticked by) she was ready, but she wasn't out the door until he was almost halfway down the street.
"Austin!" She called, quietly as to not wake the neighbors.
He didn't turn around to look at her, but he stopped, and she knew he was waiting, so she ran ahead. "Austin, where on earth are you going? It's 1:52 in the morning!"
"What are you doing up, Ally?" He shot back at her, but they both knew exactly what she was doing up.
"Where do you go?" She whispered, her voice cracking. "Where are you always going and why are you so tired and-"
"Ally."
The two syllables cut her off mid-sentence and she stood in the cool night air, shivering.
"Go home, Ally," Austin sighed, but she shook her head vehemently.
"No."
They stood in a face off, in the middle of the street. Ally was suddenly reminded of another Allie, asking Noah what would happen if a car comes.
We die, he had said, and non-movie Ally shook her head to clear it.
"Are you being safe?" She asks now, and Austin sighs.
"I need to get out of my house sometimes."
"Every Tuesday without fail," She says without fail, and he shrugs.
"Come on," He says, inclining his head up the street and shrugging ogg his hoodie and handing it to her. "Since you're already awake you might as well come along."
They really don't go anywhere, mostly looping all over town. It's pretty dead, for Miami in the middle of summer, but they live in a neighborhood area so it makes sense. They walk to the park and circle around the swings, walk past Sonic Boom, and the duck pond, and Ally feels like her feet are going to fall off in a good way.
They don't talk, except for a direction to Ally here or there, but it's nice. It's nice, and for the first time, when Austin drops her off at home, Ally sleeps well. She still wakes up cold, though. She forgot to put the sheets back on before she fell asleep.
xXx
They don't talk about it the next day, and no one comments on their tired faces. Austin's is nothing new, but Ally wears hers like a badge of honor, and Austin can tell this won't be a one-time thing.
xXx
It's the next Tuesday when Ally remembers a jacket and meets Austin under the lamp post he stopped at last week to wait for her. Again, they're silent, but this time they stop at the park and swing gently on the swingsets for what feels like either five minutes or forever. Ally isn't sure.
But this time, Austin hugs her tight when he drops her off at home, and Ally realizes it's the first hug he's given her since...since even before he started sneaking out.
She missed that.
She wakes up too warm but with a smile on her face.
xXx
It's the next Tuesday when they talk.
"I do it to get away from the yelling," He says gently into the air, and it hangs there, as if the words aren't sure whether to settle onto their heads to really sink in or to run, fly away, before they're caught.
Ally looks up at his face, and his jaw is set, so she knows he wants her to wait a week until she responds.
She doesn't sleep at all that night.
xXx
But it's not a week, after all, when Austin texts her on Thursday night, around 7, and says he'll be under the lamp post if she'd like to join him.
She would.
xXx
She doesn't know what to say, but looking at Austin under the all-too bright lamplight, she wants to snatch him and run, run from whatever is hurting him. She settles for grabbing his hand and squeezing, hard. He looks down at their interlinked hands, surprised and ready to pull away, but she shakes her head gently.
"This doesn't make us married, Austin," She whispers. "But sometimes at 2 AM all we want is for someone to hold our hand to remind us we aren't alone."
He nods, and those are the only words they speak that night.
xXx
It's not just Tuesdays anymore, it's always Tuesdays, but sometimes there's a Friday or Sunday or Monday or any day that's lonely and needs to be filled with silence and such little talks.
It's the Wednesdays when he breathes, clear and easy and if it's cold enough they can see the small puffs of air against the sky.
It's the Thursdays when they actually talk, rather than just walk around aimlessly, and Ally discovers everything on these Thursdays. Everything but nothing at all.
It's the Fridays when they just goof off, and nothing is serious. They swing from the swingsets and slide down the slides and once they even shared a KitKat.
It's the Saturdays where they're the loudest, where they play music and sing along, quietly, because if they're being cliche teenagers then they are going to be respectuful cliche teenagers and not wake up the elderly or the young.
It's the Sundays when they walk the slowest and shortest, usually staying close to the neighborhood, because soon there will be early-risers/
It's the Mondays when Austin seems apprehensive, and Ally knows it's because he's scared of the Tuesdays.
It's the Tuesdays when he falls apart.
xXx
"Have any Imagine Dragons?" She asked, spinning around on the mini child carousel at one of the many parks they frequented. Austin was fiddling with his iPod but he stopped to look up at her.
"You like them too?" He asked, smile spreading across his face.
"Yeah, Demons is probably my favorite," She called, still spinning, and Austin laughed, slow and soft and short, but he laughed, and Ally wanted to bottle the sound and save it for a rainy day.
It's only a second later when music is blasting, albeit quietly, from the tinny-sounding speakers, and for once neither sings along, instead just listening to the music.
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come
Ally slowly stops spinning and insteads watches Austin, who was watching her. But for once, neither breaks the stare, and it's not an unpleasant thing.
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Austin closes his eyes and lies back in the grass, heaving a sigh that makes Ally's heart hurt and possibly cry.
That night, she feels hurt, too.
xXx
It's Monday and Austin is tense, like any second he'll snap and fly off the handle. Ally barely wants to grab his hand, which they have established is a thing they do, but only at 1:51 in the morning. She's scared that if she interlaces their fingers, he'll explode, but she also knows that it's a thing and he needs it, so their fingers are linked, but if anything, it makes him more tense.
So they walk, stiff and apprehensive, and Ally is dreading Tuesday.
xXx
Austin makes a point of never, ever letting Ally see him cry, but sometimes it's 2 in the morning and you just need to let out a few tears. So he does, and if she notices, she says nothing, but maybe she holds his hand a little tighter and strays a little closer.
Which, he thinks, is probably what he needs. Because sometimes at 2 AM all we want is for someone to hold our hand to remind us we aren't alone.
xXx
It's the Wednesday when they make a playlist, sitting in the park. (Because that as well is a thing.)
"I'm just saying, sometimes when it's really early in the morning, and I don't want to hear the silence, I want quiet songs that fill up the silence in the quietest of ways," She explains, and Austin shrugs, but taps New Playlist anyway.
So that's how they end up with a soundtrack to their early morning adventures.
xXx
"Awake my soul, awake my soul," Austin sings along, and Ally giggles, around 2:15 Thursday morning, thinking she likes when Austin sings Mumford and Sons. Awake My Soul is the first track they put on their playlist, which Ally had insisted on calling 1:51 for sentimental reasons. Austin rolled his eyes, but secretly, he liked the name.
"In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die, And where you invest your love, you invest your life!"
It's on these Thursdays that Ally learns his parents fight, and by fight, he means a lot. The yelling gets to be too much, but on Tuesdays, like clockwork, it's the worst. Always in the late night or early morning, too, and that lead to him sneaking out just to get away from it all.
"I don't like that you did it on your own for so long," She says, concerned, and Austin shrugs, turning down the music volume.
"Town's dead. And no on'e s going to mess with me anyway, I'm six foot," He said, cracking a smile, and it didn't ease her worries, but she appreciates the effort.
xXx
Fridays are never really theirs because people are still out partying, and it's summer, but the park is empty without fail, so there they head, singing along quietly and swinging their joined hands.
"Tell me what you want to hear! Something that will light those ears! Sick of all the insincere! So I'm gonna give all my secrets away..."
Ally thinks this song might be one of her favorites that they listen to, Secrets, because it seems to define their morning-nights and it's fun to sing along to. (Although she just likes all the songs because they're theirs and each song in and of itself is a secret. She'll be out in town or hear one of them on the radio and it puts a smile on her face because it's like a reminder that she and Austin have a world of their own, a world they can find any day and most definitely Tuesday, and that is one thing that neither of them have messed up yet.)
And it's on this particular Friday when Austin looks better, Ally thinks. Maybe the fighting has stopped. (But it hasn't, because even if Tuesdays aren't as awful now, they're still terrible.) Or maybe it's the fact that he isn't carrying around all his secrets, like demons that eat him up, by himself anymore, or maybe these early mornings have affected him in the same way they affect her. She hopes so.
xXx
She still wakes up either too cold and shivering on a sheetless bed or too hot and shaking with too many blankets but she's starting to understand why Austin said summer nights and early mornings that were too hot equate to happiness with him.
xXx
And so it's a Tuesday when he tells her his mom moved out a few days ago and is currently staying in a shitty apartment across town, and it's a Tuesday when he decides he's done with letting their fighting control his life.
So it's a Tuesday when they cut their night short and go home, not at their usual 4:30 or 3:45 but at 2:15, at the time they're only just getting started.
xXx
They don't go out in the mornings anymore.
xXx
School has started, and now they don't talk about those summer nights and early mornings where they had a kingdom built up in silences and songs and park swings.
xXx
It's a Tuesday when he passes her a note in Chemistry.
1:51 Friday?
But it's October and it's starting to be chilly and she's not sure if it's a good idea. School is going on and now they're getting serious and Austin seems better now, less tired, so it seems pointless. But Ally also misses her kingdom of singing about secrets and demons and lights guiding her home so she hesitantly scrawls back, under the lamp post.
It's a Tuesday when she thinks maybe those nights were the best time of her life.
xXx
She waits under the lamp post until 2:10 and she thinks he's stood her up, but then he's rushing out of his house, jacket half on, and he's speeding past her, grabbing her hand and tugging, running, and not stopping until they're collapsing at the park.
"A-Austin?" She pants, hands on her knees and feeling like she's going to die. "What the hell was that?"
"More yelling," He wheezes. "She moved back in...for school. They saw me sneaking out, and there was...yelling."
So they sit in silence as the speakers that sound like tin play their playlist she thought he'd deleted a long time ago.
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart.
xXx
They silently agree to wait until summer. Summer is their time.
xXx
It feels like 500 days until summer actually comes, and Ally waits on pins and needles for Austin to send her a text saying Tuesday.
xXx
She thinks he might not risk it, sneaking out, but there he is under the lamp post, at exactly 1:51 on the first Tuesday of summer, and he looks good.
Happy, and less tired, and she thinks it's probably because his parents no longer live together so he's not subject to fighting any longer, but she likes to think their adventures helped a little bit, too.
They draw out a list, of everything they plan to do this summer, on their mornings, and they both know they'll probably forget 99% of the list in favor of listening to music from crappy iPod speakers in the park, it's okay, because listening to music from crappy iPod speakers in the park is a thing.
xXx
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
Ally's been trying to perfect the way she sleeps this summer, and she thinks she's almost got it, but she doesn't understand Austin's "happiness" theory.
xXx
All I want to do is turn around I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean Because I couldn't let go when the water hit the setting sun Passing white daisies taking turns
They go to Walmart, which is open 24 hours, and play the Walmart game, trying to find the three items to buy that will most embarass their cashier.
They fail, however, because they end up getting distracted and buying junk food and stupid toys like bouncy balls just for the hell of it.
xXx
I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive I'm just out to find The better part of me
They search for the best pie in town, but their selection is rather limited at 3:30 in the morning. However, the family owned grocery store down the street keeps open 24 hours as well, mostly because half the population boycotts Walmart just for the sake of boycotting it, and some people need food or other needs at 3:30 in the morning. Like pie.
So Austin and Ally decide, over a testing period of 3 days and with help from Matt, the cashier from checkout stand 8, that the Lucky Duck gorcery store's apple pie is the best selection available at 3:30 in the morning.
xXx
So keep your head up, keep your love Keep your head up, my love
Austin learns to ignore his parents now, and focus on himself, because when he tried to get involved it only ended in him suffering. So now they spend their Tuesdays and Saturdays and other days doing stupid, fun stuff, rather than being tense and worrying. But they still sit quietly in the park and listen to music from crappy iPod speakers that sound like tin, because that, like holding hands, has become a thing, and you can't mess with things.
xXx
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
Ally rides on the handlebars of Austin's bicycle and she swears she's never had so much fun in her life.
xXx
Somehow you kicked all my walls in
Tuesdays are now a thing, though Ally supposes they always have been, really, but now they're an actual thing and Ally knows that even when school starts up again, Tuesdays will still be a thing.
xXx
This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come.
It is a bit like a kingdom, Austin agrees. He is the King and she is the Queen and their subjects are all the sleeping people, and their members of the court are all the people who are awake at 2,3,4 in the morning, the insomniacs and the people stuck with the night shift, and it's a kingdom but they are the only people who see that it's actually magical.
xXx
Every night of the summers they've had adventures, Austin has dropped Ally off at her house before trekking back up to his own. But tonight is different.
Because like Tuesdays and linked hands and apple pie at the Lucky Duck and the kingdom of sleeplessness and crappy iPod speakers, they are now a thing too. And it is not discussed, it is just known, that this is a thing and that is that.
So when Austin follows Ally up to her room to crash, she hopes that maybe she'll get the heating temperature right this time. It's a hot night of the summer, and normally she'd ditch her shorts for a nightshirt by now, but this thing is new and she does have morals, thank you very much, so she gets on top of the sheets and she and Austin drift in and out of consciousness. She tries to sleep, and her efforts are futile, though she is more comfortable with Austin here.
And around 5:30, right when she thinks she can't take it anymore, how can anyone sleep, a breeze flits through the window and suddenly she's chilled to the bone. And that's when Austin, in his groggy half-consciousness reaches over and pulls the thin sheet over the two of them, and after that, drifting into a deep sleep is no problem at all.
xXx
When she woke up that morning, not cold or too hot but just right and with Austin tucked up next to her, she understands what he meant by happiness. Because it's that reaching, that reflex, to pull what's warm, whether it's something or someone, toward us. It's the feeling we get when we do that, when it's cold but hot and that one little bit of warmth is enough. It's the feeling of being safe in this world and ready for sleep, and that is happiness.
It was a Tuesday.
xXx
AN: Yeah. Erm. I liked this hahaha. A lot actually...have any of you guys ever experienced what I was talking about? The waking up cold and pulling the one sheet over and then suddenly you're just very happy? :) Oh and shoutout to my twin! -MizMaz ;)
Please review, stay safe, and be happy!
xx
Also, how would you guys feel about a sequel to Reckless? Let me know!