Christopher

The longest day imaginable comes to a slow end. Terrible guests, fight with Michel, headache from hell. She walks slowly home, regretting the kitten heels and wishing that she had taken the Jeep today. Damn picturesque tiny take-a-stroll town.

She drags herself up the stairs and into the house, dreaming of a bath, a good meal, six Tylenol, and about thirteen hours of sleep, none of which she will be able to get. Out of medicine, no time or energy for the store, stale takeout for dinner, need to call Rory, bills to pay, laundry to be done. And it was already well past ten.

And then there was Luke. One frantic text around 5 p.m., explaining for the thousandth time that she had to cancel their dinner plans, she had to work a double, Sookie was out sick, excuses, excuses. Add guilt to the list.

Luke, who had worked just as many hours as her, who had done the same thing she was trying to do now- all by himself and at a younger age. Luke, who never complained about 5 a.m. deliveries after late nights inflicted on him by his night owl of a girlfriend. Luke, whose arms she had woken up in that morning, who had kissed her deeply and told her to have a good day even as his own morning got off to a disastrous start when Ceasar called in sick.

And yet, there is Luke. Luke, who had received her text during the dinner rush and instead of thinking of his own disappointment, thought of her comfort. Luke, who was in her kitchen finishing up a delicious smelling dinner. Luke, who had brought a bottle of wine and an industrial-sized bottle of pain reliever, knowing how she tended to get headaches when she was stressed.

Luke, who loved her and cared for her and had never once in his life thought of himself first.

It overwhelms her, and for once, Loreali Gilmore is at a loss for words. She hugs him in the kitchen, melding her body to his weakly, a few tears leaking into the shoulder of his beautiful Luke-scented flannel shirt.

"I love you," she whispers. And she means it.

She isn't sure she ever loved Christopher. She wanted to, but she's not sure she ever did.

It was easy to love Christopher on a good day. There was no effort required to have fun with Christopher; he joked, he mocked, he undoubtedly was good at making her laugh.

But Christopher would never have done this. And more importantly , he never would have thought to do this. He would have sulked about her cancelling plans, his own selfish way of demonstrating how he cared about her. "I like spending time with you, and you can tell by my petulance when I don't get to."

Christopher never thought of anyone before himself. Not of baby Rory, sweet and soft and spending her infancy in a baby carrier while her mother changed sheets and cleaned toilets. Not of sixteen-year-old Lorelai, independent but unwilling to get married. To Christopher, this unwillingness was a get out of jail free card. No marriage, no relationship, no daughter.

She supposed there was some argument that he had thought of Sherry above himself. But ultimately, that too was about Christopher. He didn't want to feel guilty twice. He didn't want to abandon his child twice.

Abandoning Lorelai twice, however, had not fazed him.

It was hard to love Christopher on a bad day. A little stress, a tiny argument, one too many drinks, and suddenly Christopher was a child. He was too sensitive, too inflexible in his emotions. If she snapped at him, it was past his ability to write it off as the result of a bad day. They had to have a heart-to-heart, he had to know what was wrong, and suddenly she was the one consoling him.

It was an unforgiving relationship, and she could never feel completely comfortable in her own flawed skin around him.

Christopher had never grown up. He had gotten a more mature vehicle and a better job and a second child, but he had never grown up emotionally. He could never be depended on for more than a day at a time.

And if there is anything she has learned in her life, it is that she needs someone dependable. Christopher might be a wonderful man, but he will never be the man for her.

Christopher, she thinks as she feels Luke's strong, wonderful arms wrap around her back, could quite possibly be someone's Luke someday.