What's up everyone! JustSittin'OnCityRoofTops here.ヽ(･∀･)ﾉ (mother of peanuts that name's too long＼(*T▽T*)／let's reduce it to RoofTop!...er..nevermind)

Anyway, this is a new Okita x Kagura x Hijikata fanfic I came up with it. As I've mentioned, this is going to be a 10 chapter one (I hope I can fit everything in 10 chapters)

Although, the main pair here is obviously Okita x Kagura. I don't know, I guess Hijikata x Kagura isn't favored by many but I still think it's a rockin' pair! But actually the original character in Hijikata's place was Takasugi, but then I thought that it would be more painful for Okita if it was Hijikata instead. (Gosh I'm such an angel (*´ε｀ *) )

Blotches of Kagura x Others on the side as well. (Ah I'm pimping Kagura too much but I just think she's so freaking adorable.)

First chapter, I figured is sort of mind-numbing too read but I hope you guys would stay tuned! (=´ー｀)ノ

Ah Valentine's Day—a day smothered in the aroma of freshly made sweets of every sort, ornamented with hugs and kisses sponsored by couples of every size and age.

It is in fact, also the day in which every bishounen in Gintama High wishes, no, pleads to Kami-sama that that they'd ascend into the afterlife sooner.

After all, they'd rather die compliantly by their choice rather than to die in the horrifying obsession of rabid fangirls.

But as time passed by for the annual rape fest, each one of them had learned to cope and had something up their sleeve to flee from the fateful event.

Be it bolting to the province or even to another country or simply staying underground for a good 24 hours, it didn't matter as long as they would live to see the sunrise the day after without a violation on their skins, such as scratches induced by manicured nails or kiss marks done by cheap lipstick.

Luckily for Okita though, he didn't have to resort to such drastic measures.

So here he was, relishing in a peaceful slumber inside a run-down storage house beside the equally ancient gym.

And just to be secure, he slipped into one of the cabinets containing a number of stacked up exercise cushions that would serve as his bed.

They were rather filthy and wheezed puffs of dust bunnies when squished but that did little to none to his comfort and he was at ease.

It isn't exactly a kingly treatment but he would have to endure with it for a while, until sunset strikes.

Then, he would skip outside with a sadistic grin etched on his features and scream 'Haza!' with all his might to the heavens.

Not that he would actually do that, well except for the smile that is.

He stirred from his rest and his disinterested eyes flapped open to half-lidded.

A glimpse on his wrist watch and he whirled himself to the other side to change into another sleeping position.

"Still a couple more hours to go until I can escape this bullshit" His groggy voice whispered to himself.

Faster than a bat of an eyelash, and he was off again into dreamland.

For the love of everything that is good and wise in the name of the mother of sukonbu, why of all the possible victims in the world, why did it have to be her.

An insanely vexed expression was gradually creeping on her features as females; whether it may be a student or faculty staff from her school or another had been surrounding her that it looked as if a huge ass human barricade was encircling her petite frame.

And holy freaking hell, not only did they entirely seal off any means of exit but they also caused her hiking light headedness due to the poor ventilation their antics brought.

"Ne, K-Kagura-sama c-could you p-please hand this to y-your brother?" One evidently jittery female inquired, aware of Kagura's she-hulk reputation. But her aim to deliver the homemade package of cookies in her hands could not be shaken by this.

"M-Mine too please! P-Please give my chocolates to Kamui-senpai." Another chirped as she warily shoved a box of chocolates in front of Kagura's steaming mug.

"But I was first!"

"No you weren't, I was!"

"None of you were! And only my chocolates should be eaten by Kamui-senpai!"

"It should be mine!"

"No, it's mine!"

"Kagura-sama, please take these to your brother!"

"Kagura-san,"

"Kagu—"

Yet before any of the persistent girls could reach out their frantic little voices to her, she'd quickly tornado kicked all of the confectionaries in their grasps and had sent them plummeting down onto the floor just like dominos.

"WILL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE! IF YOU SO BADLY WANT MY ASS OF A BROTHER TO GOBBLE UP ALL OF YOUR HALF-ASSED SWEETS THEN GO KIDNAP HIM AND PLAY S AND M FOR ALL I CARE, JUST FUCK OFF AND GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Finally the volcano has erupted as she stood there, short and proud with a wrathful expression to match.

That's what that they get for clashing with the Queen of Gintama High.

Though, instead of pulverizing their hopes of being all lovey-dovey with the vermillion haired male, all of Kagura's other words seem to have been muted in their ears as the permission to perform S and M pierced their perverted minds.

And as if their luck could get any better, Kamui just happened to have taken a pit stop there in order to regulate his heavy breathing, caused by sprinting around the school grounds for hours.

Abuto tailed right behind him but it was only due to the fact that he was Kamui's second in command in their yakuza named the Harusame.

Poor Abuto isn't even offered a speck of chocolate for all the years that has passed.

Just by being situated next to Kamui as a chick repellant served his purpose, but some girls are just too damn pig-headed.

Thus, the option to run is still very much appreciated, but it wouldn't be the case for the given situation now that Kamui was awkwardly petrified on the spot with his unfading smile still intact but his mouth was ridiculously agape, absolutely at a loss.

In truth, their dilemma could have never taken place if it wasn't for Kamui, who lightheartedly scampered away from their secret underground headquarters in order to search for food.

Apparently, the dumplings that Takasugi had slaved over weren't to his liking, much to the miff of the cook.

Thus, here they were jammed in this nonsense,

Abuto merely smacked his forehead with his palm and muttered something about 'regretting to have ever agreed to be this nincompoop's subordinate'.

The army of Kamui Doki Doki Love Love Fans Club orbited through a march in a way that military soldiers would motion and they ogled at their target with googly, possessed eyes.

In conclusion of his idle state, Kamui was able to utter a single word.

"Oopse."

"Sisters, get him!"

And the war involving a battalion of hormonal girls, an ill-starred red head and an unintentionally involved blonde had commenced.

Soon articles of clothing coming from Kamui (and sadly from Abuto as well due to distaste), were being thrown in the air like pretty fireworks.

The right sleeve of her sailor uniform was already hanging on the side of her slight shoulder at the horrid sight.

Kagura watched with uncertain eyes as Kamui popped up from the huge scuffle of smoke and literally, raked his nails onto the ground.

Several hands were latched on his ankle, jerking him back into the love zone.

Without warning, a seemingly mangled figure was propelled out of the commotion and landed in a pool of blood right at her feet.

Abuto was as out cold as a rock and his little, spherical soul had surrendered and glided from his mouth.

Anymore of this absurdity and she was certain she'd be drained of her remaining sanity.

So she ran faster than you can say, 'Gin-chan sleeps with a strawberry action figure', with her mind set on taking refuge in a guarded corner of the campus.

The hallways were nothing but ruins.

From each and every joint, traces of smoke and ominous destructions from a lethal force are evident.

Not allowing anytime for the battle field to recover, another explosion echoed in a deafening frequency.

"Toshi! What are you doing? That's Otae-san's special fried egg!" Kondo shrieked as his hands held the sides of his head.

"We've got no choice, commander. The enemies are too strong." The vice commander of the disciplinary committee or better known under the name of Shinsengumi, simply replied and tossed another one of the dark matter towards the hoard of females.

"But I pleaded for Otae-san to give me those in exchange for not stalking her for a week! I consider them as her Valentine's gift." The gorilla whined like a child and ducked his head further, ears ringing due to the kitchen made bomb.

"If her hellish cooking hadn't helped us get away from these zombies then I would've hunted her down myself for poisoning you." Hijikata pressed his back alertly onto the wall that protected him and Kondo.

"Even though Otae-san's fried eggs taste just like my underwear that hasn't been washed for weeks, I would still gladl—"

"What in the—?!" The door of the classroom that they were using as a shield slammed open and several hands wiggling like tentacles began to forcibly draw Hijikata inside.

"Toshi!" Kondo yelled, absolutely alarmed but before he even had the chance to yank the vice president back to the light side, the door had been swiftly shut and his face collided with it.

He swayed back and forth before descending on the floor, like a fly would after it was wacked.

Soon enough, hands looking similarly like the ones that kidnapped Hijikata, albeit with killing intent, emerged from the stairs beside the classroom.

They dragged his unconscious body down by his feet slowly but surely.

Her weary ocean colored orbs was practically dangling from their sockets already.

And the undeniable growling of her stomach was making it all the more tedious.

For how long she'd been fleeing/threatening/beating the living daylights out of the whacko females after her due to her links with all the good-lucking men in her life, she'd lost track.

Oddly enough, she could still identify just where her inhuman pace had carried her.

She whipped her gaze unstably from side to side to uncover herself, standing like a jackass in the middle of the godforsaken area of the school.

From the right was a column of bountiful trees and from the left, the view was no different except for the abandoned gym situated beside the olden storage house.

Kagura's left eye involuntarily twitched.

"Just why the hell do you hate me so much, huh?!" She darted an accusatory finger towards the heavens.

"I promise to be a good girl and not put wasabi in baka-aniki's lunch every morning, and I'll stop hiding papi's wig. Just please, get me out of this shit!" She hollered futile pleas into nothingness.

A defeated sigh breathed from her lips and she rested her back against the nearby tree and slid on the soil, indifferent about her skirt getting dirtied.

She shot her eyes towards the suspicious looking gym and began to ponder.

"That place doesn't seem so bad…"

Then without warning, the memory of her little situation of getting imprisoned with the mayonnaise freak in the new gym a couple of months ago sent shivers up her spine.

She just couldn't seem to shake off the sight and smell of Hijikata, releasing all his pent up frustrations in his pants due to the multiple amounts of laxatives that Okita had 'accidentally' placed in his mayonnaise.

A horrified look painted her features and she vigorously shook her head.

There was no way in hell she'd risk reliving that nightmare.

"Besides, who knows? Mayora could be hiding in there."

And so her attention shifted to the storage house adjacent to it.

Her firm stare was beginning to puncture holes on the innocent place.

"Should I…?"

She pulled herself upright and began to motion towards it, but she halted her steps midway and smacked herself on the forehead.

"No, no. I'm not going to take any chances of being stuck in the same disgusting situation." So Kagura instantaneously orbited her form and began to walk away from the storage house.

"Hm…take that…! And that…" A dreamy, monotonous voice drifted from the lips of the still comfortably out cold young man.

He launched his fists about, and kicked around with the same passion.

"Die Hijikata-san." But his mini haven had been cut short by a solid pain on his head after hitting it on the dangerously close wall.

He bounced back a bit and his hand quickly rushed after the twinge throbbing on his skull.

"That hurts, damn it." He sprung up from his position and began to massage the afflicted area.

Sleep-heavy eyes blinked a couple of times before catching a glimpse of the time on his wrist watch.

"20 minutes to 5, huh. I still got time to kill." Knowing that the fangirls would still be seeking for him despite how late it was, his form collapsed once more on the welcoming cushion.

But as he sprawled out there, leaning on his side, something seemed to be out of place.

'Why does it feel like an exhaust fan is blowing on my face?'

And the moment he flapped open his eyes, he gawked with unconcealed shock and jumped away by a good distance.

There she was, only a handful of millimeters separating his face from hers.

Kagura had been unaware that she was slumbering right next to Okita.

But neither was he, who now currently wore his unmistakable poker face yet it was glazed with something along the lines of annoyance.

The gears in his sadistic mind automatically bustled and he planted his foot down on Kagura's cheek.

"Oi, China monster, what the hell do you think you're doing here? Trying to take advantage of me in my sleep?" He jerked his foot rigidly as he taunted her.

But she merely stirred and even wounded her arms around his leg, almost cracking it due to her natural strength.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch! Crazy bitch!" He promptly retracted his foot and plopped down on the mattress, cradling his abused leg in his hands.

And as if whoever was watching over them was trolling them, only then had she woken up.

Doe like eyes gently fluttered open, followed by an unfeminine yawn as she lifted her upper body up in order to sit.

She reached up high for a well appreciated stretch, clearly unaware of the pair of vindictive eyes watching her with a murderous glint.

"Ah, that was a good nap."

Her gaze began to wander, familiarizing herself with her current surroundings.

"Where am I?" Still she had yet to realize that she wasn't alone.

"In a fucking sardine can, with unicorns shitting loads of rainbows." An obviously sarcastic retort interrupted her from her musings and she flicked her eyes to the direction of the voice.

Okita's stare had left her by now, and it was engrossed in whatever items he had in his bag as he sifted through it.

"Sadist, what the fuck are you doing here you creep?!" She poised her hands in a fighting stance out of instinct.

"I should be the one asking you that, China. Crawling in here and sleeping beside me, don't tell me you've stooped so low as to become one of those shitty fangirls." His search had not ceased nor did he bother to spare her a single glance.

"Over my dead body! I came in here…because, because I remember running away from baka-aniki, Gin-chan, Mayora, Zura and even your stupid fangirls who fucking want me to give their shitty Valentine's gifts to you idiots!" Everything had thankfully returned back to her once more. After disregarding the thought of taking shelter inside the doubt-worthy looking storage house, she ventured in nonetheless after detecting a series of giggles coming her way.

"And of all the places to hide you choose this storage room? And coincidentally, you chose the place which I was staying in?" He took joy in twisting ever loop hole he could get but his focus was still fixed on his bag.

"Yes, you damn bastard! If I knew you were in this sickening old dump then I never would have endured to hide, heck even be in the same room as you!" Truth to be told, her statement was genuine and she hadn't noticed the presence of Okita already occupying the cabinet.

"The feeling is mutual, but don't worry about it. You could compensate for your repulsive behavior by cooperating with me." Living up to the sadist he was, he located what he'd been trying to retrieve and in his hands, was a dog collar with a matching chain.

He menacingly waved it in his grasp with a sadistic grin to boot.

"You sick bastard! I'll fucking feed you to Sadaharu before you could even—"

Just then, the subtle sound of the entrance to the storage house being opened buzzed in his ears, something which Kagura hadn't noticed.

With a blink of an eye, his body had suddenly hovered on top of her.

His hand had securely clamped over her mouth and his other one had immobilized her arm behind her back.

"Mfhmvnmt?!" Incomprehensible muffles were whimpered by her and she tried to kick him off of her, but he'd already predicted her actions and had inclined his lips so close to her ear that if she'd move in the slightest then he'd already be kissing that area.

"Don't move. Listen, there's someone else in here." It was meant to be just a hushed statement, but the low timbre of his voice sparked the sensitivity of her skin.

Her body abstractedly shuddered underneath his control and a hue of scarlet surfaced on her face.

This of course, did not go unnoticed by him and a triumphant smirk had weaved on his lips.

Both would have engaged in one of their well accustomed sparring sessions if it wasn't for the mousy scraping that was padding around from the outside.

Okita and Kagura were paralyzed and their gazes aimed towards the door.

A pair of indoor school shoes visibly treaded past the wooden divider through the distance between the door and the floor, courtesy of the dim sunlight that penetrated through the windows outside.

Their eyes were glued to the feet that had been obviously putting an effort at being stealthy.

From the diminishing silent steps, they could tell that whoever was outside the door had opted to scan another portion of their lame excuse of a sanctuary.

But both knew of the cliché plot in most stories and how accurate they were when not long after, the pair of shoes was again, lounging outside the door and was there to stay.

By this time, they were as tense as Gintoki stuck in the toilet for hours due to unknowingly drinking spoiled strawberry milk.

Okita's left foot hastily darted for his wooden sword on the floor, ready to resort to drastic measures.

There it was—the noise of the door about to be unraveled thumped.

With a swing of his leg, he was instantly on his feet with his weapon in hand, about to strike when the clamor of what seemed to be a bombing thundered from the outside.

The quacking of the ground made his frame jerk back harshly, causing his behind to land back on the cushions.

The incessant earthquake was making it challenging for them maintain their balance, so Okita and Kagura stayed put as they eyed the burst of chunks of detonated materials being swept away by the forceful gust of wind through the gap under the door.

Fate just really seemed to be messing with both, when out of nowhere a gym stick had drilled right through the door and the direction to where it was aimed was unmistakably to Kagura's stomach.

She in turn, was speedy with her reflexes but he made a move himself and scooped her up in his arms then threw himself back away from the threat.

And they remained like that as they recovered from the sudden occurrence, with her enveloped in his embrace in the manner that it felt so bizarrely protective.

'Too fucking protective that I can't breathe!' Her thoughts revolted in her head.

With a knee to his man berries, she freed herself from his hold and he half screamed, half groaned as he doubled over from the hurt, still keeping himself quiet for any unwanted ears to hear.

A devilish grin was hung on her face and a brawl could've been unleashed, if it wasn't for the ringing of a familiar voice that had stolen their attention.

"Are you trying to get our asses saved or do you have a death wish?!" Yes, they couldn't be wrong.

"I'm only trying to find the quickest way to open the door." Another well acquainted voice that rhymed too heavily with Katsura was heard.

"Quickest way my strawberry printed ass! You just destroyed our possible hiding place, Zura. And where the fuck did you get those bombs? Didn't Oogushi-kun confiscate those?" The hysterical person couldn't be anyone else but Gintoki

"It's Gin-chan and Zura!" Kagura murmured with eyes twinkling in elation and she scooted over closer to the door and pressed her ear up against it.

"Elizabeth still had some stored away in case of emergencies."

"I'm going to grill that crazy duck if it's the—"

"Kya, Gintoki-sama and Zura-sama!" Frenzied, scampering feet appeared from their only source of view from what's happening in the outside world.

It must have been the ninja wannabe fangirl that was lurking around the place.

Ah, fangirls—truly it's a mystery how their kind could survive such deadly blasts.

"It's not Zura, its Katsura! Gintoki, it was very nice knowing you. I'm sorry it has to end here."

"Shut your trap! There's no way I'm going to let myself suffer the same fate as that mayo. Now get your ass moving because right now, I'm seeing your Zura-sama Masochist alliance rushing here with my Ginpachi-sensei Onegai Punish Me Crew!"

"How many times am I going to tell you that it's not Zura, its Katsura!" As sudden as it had come, the bickering along with the chaos in tow had ended.

"Gin-chan's still in trouble." Kagura gaped at the door contemplatively before shifting her gaze to Okita from her shoulder.

"Later, Sadist I'm going after Gin-chan."

"As much as I'd hate to be breathing in the same room as you any longer, are you really that stupid to think that you're safe to go frolicking outside?"

Her hand that had already drifted to the handle of the sliding door froze in place.

She whirled her head with a matching snarl as a bargain and looked at him dubiously.

"I'm not fucking stupid! And the hell do you mean by that?"

"If you're not stupid then you should understand what I mean, China. From the loud ass explosion a while ago don't you think that the rest of the place, aside from this crummy room is blown to bits?"

"And so what if it is?"

"That means, you idiot, that you have less of a protection now; that if you step out that door and those pack of crazy banshees see you then you're a goner. Believe me, China. I've dealt with this bullshit long enough to know that the safest time to actually go out of hiding is when it's dark enough that you wouldn't be seen."

Her eyes were reduced into slits and the hand that had found its way on her ticket out didn't budge.

"Why are you suddenly concerned about me? This is unlike you, Sadist. What makes you think that I'll trust you of all people?"

"Concern and self preservation are 2 different things. I know that if you get caught, then my location is exposed as well. Got to blame that messed up OkiKagu Community that's been stalking me for weeks."

"So that's why that weird stalker I beat up a week ago wore a loin cloth with the words Sadist x China girl printed on it." She wisely held her chin with her index finger and thumb. "And for your information you full of yourself asshole, they're also my stalkers!"

"I would've liked it better if they stalked me for a reason that doesn't involve anything about you."

"I hate you all the more!" She bellowed with rage.

"Likewise China, likewise." He replied, unfazed and leisurely pushed his back on the wall with his arms crossed and eyes shut.

She readjusted her position as well and had selected to whip around and use the wall opposite of him for support.

An inconceivable absence of sound resulted from each party's reluctance to engage in conversation, yet it seemed as if Kagura was the only one uneasy, seeing as that the expressionless form of his face hadn't dropped.

And holy hell was it killing her.

If she was going to be stuck in this dipshit of a predicament then she would at least, try to cope with it in a way that it wouldn't bore her to death—even if it meant having small talk with the Sadist.

"Anyway…why don't you just go and get a girlfriend? It'll save you from all this trouble you know." She awkwardly started.

To her fortune, he cracked open an eye but had reclosed it right after.

"Then that means I'd have to deal with that bitch instead."

An impish look was plastered on her face.

"Oh is that so? Then could it be? Is the sadistic Prince of Gintama High rooting for the other team? It must be the reason why you never had a girlfriend since the dawn of man." Her voice was leaking with venom, fully aware of the fact that not once in his entire life did Okita Sougo ever involve himself in a romantic relationship with a girl.

"I never said anything like that, China monster. If I wanted then I could just bang any girl I please and that'll be a piece of cake." Kagura's provocation had done little to no effect on him.

"Then why don't you?"

"I have standards, obviously."

"I bet it's really busty whores, and that's a rare find in this school. Aw, that's too bad for you."

"Even if I'm a sadist I'm still human, China. I'd never hook up with someone I don't love."

His casual statement had caught her off guard and she brings down her stare on her pasty hands poised on her lap.

"Have you ever fallen in love with someone?"

When she received no answer from him, she self consciously lifts her gaze to his face to picture him, gawking at her without a trace of any emotion on his face.

"W-What is it? I'm just curious!" She reasons out hectically with her face notably engulfed by a tiny flame and her hands balled into fists.

"Why do you want to know?" He brushes off her apparent lie.

"I-I don't know what it's like." She gathers up her legs in her scrawny arms and shoots her head to the side with the aggravated blush still staining her cheeks.

"I've never experienced falling in love with anyone before." If only she could view herself in the mirror right now then she was certain she would've already smashed her own, nauseating reflection with all her might.

She was acting like such a sissy girl!

For all she knew, the word 'sissy' can never be correlated to the name 'Kagura'.

She could feel the ignition of the fire in his eyes lifelessly smoldering her.

Let everything be damned but his unnecessary staring literally made her want to rip out all her hair off her pretty little head.

"How about we make an agreement, China? It's to my benefit and yours." Before she could snap her vermillion colored head to him with her trademark, furious expression, he had given her an answer absolutely off topic.

"What? What kind of sick deal do you want now, Sadist?"

He eliminated all opportunities for her thoughts to process when he unexpectedly trapped her smaller frame with his own, fist slammed above her head and the either cupping her shoulder.

In response to his actions, she hurled a punch determined to hit him square on the nose which he evaded by a few centimeters.

He then fastened his grip on her shoulder too harsh that it triggered a flinch to result from her.

Just to be certain, he shoved his thighs against her own which effectively halted her resistance.

"Be my practice girlfriend. That way, my status as someone who 'hasn't had a girlfriend since the dawn of man' will be lifted. And you," He slyly neared his reposed face to her flushed one.

", will learn a thing or two about romance or whatever you call that shit." A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips by the spot-on dilating of her irises.

"And if I refuse?" Her voice was distinctively defiant but it was laced with a touch of anxiousness.

"I'm not asking you, China. I'm demanding you to." Call him a pedophile, or even a demented lolicon but he sure didn't regret stealing her first kiss by the conclusion of his response.

And that was the beginning of the unforeseen, blessing in disguise they spontaneously brought upon themselves.

And it's finished! I know it's not Valentine's Day yet (heck, not in a long while) but to hell with it. 〜(￣▽￣〜)(〜￣▽￣)〜 More humor and of course, drama to come in the further chapters!

Oh and before I forget, credits as well to Say You Like Me by We the Kings for inspiring me to write this.