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Category: J/D humor
Spoilers: extremely flimsy S4
Summary: Who's the guy who forgot the notes on next week's debate? That would be Josh.
AN: I got the premise from starting to read the S4 spoilers on TWoP and then slapping myself on the wrist and swearing to be spoiler-free. Too bad I couldn't get that first sentence I read out of my mind.
1/6
"Do you think it's contagious?"
Donna looked up from the papers on the bed, arranged not very neatly in front of her. Josh was seated on the edge.
"What?"
He gestured pathetically towards the television. "That."
"Meteorologists forecasting the weather, up to a week in advance, are actually a popular trend in local news broadcasts."
"Not that! The woman."
Donna glanced at the woman on the television, moving her hand in a circular motion to indicate the tropical depression forming in the Gulf of Mexico.
"Now I know they're scarce for you, Josh, but I really think you'd still be able to identify one-"
Donna ducked fast enough to nearly avoid the folder sailing toward her head. "What are you, eight?"
"Donna," he whined, "I'm serious."
"So am I."
"Look at her! She's..."
"Indicating a low-pressure system?"
"She's pregnant!" he blurted out.
Donna shook her head. "Astute observation."
"She's huge!" Josh continued. "Come on, when she points to North Dakota, you have to admit she practically wipes Texas off the map."
"And why isn't she working for us?" Donna quipped.
Josh ignored the remark. "Think about it. How many of these debates have we done?"
"Three."
"And in every city, a pregnant meteorologist."
"Fascinating," Donna replied dryly. "Is there a point to all this?"
"Doesn't this strike you as just the least bit strange?"
"Not particularly."
Earnestly, he offered, "Maybe it's a conspiracy."
"Maybe," Donna muttered half-heartedly, returning to her filing and sorting.
It wasn't until she had reread the same line three times did she realized Josh's channel surfing was breaking her concentration. She slammed the papers in her hands down with enough force to bend them slightly.
"Just pick a channel!"
Josh looked at her like she had just kicked a tiny, adorable puppy. She sighed and hung her head, to apologize for being harsh. He continued to surf. Donna returned to the report.
"Why are you here?" she said, looking up a second time.
"To keep you company."
Josh flipped off the television and leaned back, flopping out on the bed. His head landed on the corner of a pile of papers, but Donna was too disorganized to notice.
"Really?" she asked, only half-believing him.
"Yeah."
Josh was examining the intricate pattern of the ceiling tiles.
"Josh?"
"Donna?"
"Is that all?"
He looked to be counting the tiles.
"There's a chance I may have left the notes for the next week's debate at the debate site this afternoon," he answered calmly.
"Josh!" For effect, she swatted him on the shoulder with same folder he had thrown at her.
He sat up again. "Now who's eight years old?" Donna only glared at him, still fuming over his revelation. "Anyway, it's all your fault."
"My fault? How is your being careless my fault?"
"You never reminded me to remember them."
"I thought you had them already!"
"I thought you had them!" Josh countered.
"And why exactly would I have the debate notes that, need I remind you, you wouldn't even let me touch on the flight here?"
"This is different," he feigned. Donna regarded him skeptically "You're my assistant. You're supposed to...you know."
"Oh, that explains it!" She paused. "What were my last words to you before we left?"
Josh thought for a moment. "'You're not helping matters, Josh, so stop acting like a pompous jackass?'"
Donna shook her head with a small laugh.
"That's not the right answer?" he asked.
"I asked, 'Do you have everything?' You said yes. My job stops there."
"You did not ask that!"
"Yes, I did."
"No, you didn't."
Donna sighed. "I will not get into this," and she picked up her report again.
"Oh, no you don't..."
"Hey! Give me that back!"
Josh held the sheet of paper above his head, away from her reach in a sitting position. She tried once to grab it, but failed.
"We have to deal with this," Josh decided.
"You forgot them, you deal with it. Now, give me my report back."
"Those notes are in enemy territory."
"First of all," she puffed, "those notes probably never left the prep room, which I should remind you only members of our campaign are allowed into-"
"That's what George McGovern thought!"
Donna only glared at him for interrupting. "Unless, of course, you consider Bruno or Doug our enemy, which I believe, Joshua, brings up a whole new set of issues."
"Can we talk about my supposed paranoia later and get back to the issue at hand, which is how you're going to rescue my precious debate notes from the evil hands of the Republicans?"
"'Supposed?'" Donna asked. Before Josh could open his mouth to reply, she pressed forward. "This is not my problem."
"Do we have to go over this again?" he remarked with a heavy sigh.
Before Donna could answer, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," they said simultaneously.
As the door opened, Donna leaned close to Josh and whispered, "This is my room."
"I could have continued to listen to this fascinating argument in the comfort of my own room," their visitor said, motioning to the wall they shared, "but I thought, as a courtesy to those around me, it would be better if I actually came into the room to yell at you." By now, their visitor was looking pointedly at Josh.
"Hey, CJ," Donna greeted.
"Oh, Christ," Josh mumbled as her cradled in face in his hands.
"Honestly, Joshua, do you lose brain cells by the minute or what?" He looked up, but said nothing in his own defense. "Leo specifically told you to guard those notes with your life!"
"Donna-"
"This is not her fault!" CJ said with a note of finality.
"Thanks," said Donna.
"Don't mention it," CJ replied.
Josh was waving his arm fanatically. "Can we skip the female bonding and focus here?"
CJ glared at Josh, unappreciative of the smart remark. "This," she walked over to the nightstand and placed the telephone on the bed, "is a telephone. Use it."
"To do what, exactly?"
Donna swatted his arm as a reminder.
"I'm not messing around here," CJ said. "I want you to call Louis at the debate site and tell him you left those notes in the prep room, and then I want you to get into that car in the parking lot, drive to the debate site, have Louis place them in your hands, and then I want you to get back into your car-"
"I," Josh waved his hands to cut her off, "I think I get it."
"And," CJ continued, "I'm sending Donna with you."
"What?" Josh and Donna exclaimed together.
"This is not punishment," CJ said to Donna, though she shot CJ a look that said otherwise. "I just don't trust Josh not to screw this up."
"I'm sitting right here," he reminded her.
CJ simply folded her arms across her chest, indicating the discussion was over.
"Can I ask one small question?" Josh asked meekly. He raised his hand partially.
CJ inclined her head a little.
"We're supposed to take off in an hour, and there's no way we can make it back here in time to catch the flight, which reminds me," and he turned to face Donna, "if we're leaving in an hour, why haven't you started packing yet?"
Donna smiled sweetly. "I'll explain why on the ride there."
"Well, Josh," CJ said, "it seems you're going to have to catch a later flight. Can I make a suggestion?"
Josh buried his face in his hands again. "Dear God, what now?"
"Wait until you actually have the notes in your hands before you make a reservation."
"Thanks," he muttered as she left.
TBC