author's note- character study seemed appealing, and drabble format is easier for alphabets, so. also i just have a lot of feeling about derek. expect the drabbles to jump around in the timeline a lot. (like, this is set just after laura's death, and the next one is set just after the hale fire. big time jumps, because i like being unpredictable.)

accept

Laura is dead. That's a truth, even though you wish it were a lie.

And truth always hurts the worst, you know that. You've known that ever since the first time you shifted in front of a friend in kindergarten, and he called you a monster and ran away.

It's a fact that's more bitter in your mouth than any number of lies could ever be. Laura is dead. You want to not believe it, but. It's a truth.

(Acceptance is a crucial stage of grief, isn't that what the books you've read about said?)

And anyways, denial isn't a choice that you can make, now. Someone has to clean up the mess that your uncle made, and it's not going to be anyone else so it has to be you.

Oh, and it is a mess, now isn't it? A newly turned wolf and people who know who shouldn't, and you were never meant for this role. Laura was the natural leader, bossy and commanding right from when she was little. But Laura isn't here now, because your uncle Peter who used to bounce you both on his knees when you were still small enough killed her. (And that's another mess, literal and otherwise. You still need to bury her, because she at least deserves that dignity.)

Laura is dead, and that's a truth, and another truth is that you were never meant to be this person.

Pity, that. Would've worked better if Uncle Peter had killed you, instead. At least Laura would have known what to do. Of course, that's exactly why he didn't kill you.

And, oh, when did killing become so commonplace in your life that you can think so callously about your own death.

Oh, that's right. When you let Kate Argent into your life. First mistake, right there. (That's another truth.)

Your family is dead, which is your fault (lie, not truth, though you'll never let yourself believe that). Laura is dead, and that's your fault as well, because of Peter, and the fire, and everything (lie).

You wish that denial was a choice you could make. (Truth.)

a/n-

title from a poem by rilke:

"This is the animal that never was.
They didn't know, and loved him anyway:
his bearing, his neck, the way he moved,
the light in his quiet eyes.

True, he didn't exist. But because they loved him
he became a real animal. They made a space for him.
And in that clear, uncluttered space, he lifted his head
and hardly needed to exist.

They fed him: not with grain, but ever
with the chance that he could be."