It went without saying that when one twin started to outshine the other, the latter brother simply had to step up his game. Kaoru of all students at Ouran was the least expected to show such passionate drive, especially when compared to his dominant twin. But there was an undetected current of energy in his eyes, shining only in the most private of moments that even his extreme precision of keeping a secret enveloped. His mask could not be outdone. Hikaru was the only one who truly knew his brother and how different they were, but lately he had been too wrapped up in himself to notice. It couldn't be helped—Kaoru was distracted with his own self discovery as well, but instinctively chose to be more private about it.

Their true differences began with expression. It had begun with their childish games in middle school by pretending to be each other, playing recklessly with young girls' hearts. Acting had become natural to them, but there was always this strange dissatisfaction in pretending to only be your twin. It was too easy. When Tamaki-senpai had approached them with the idea of the Host Club, it was immediately rejected for the sake of keeping appearances. Inside, there was a tingling nervousness and excitement at the possibilities, but not without the lingering doubt. In the beginning, it was always just going to be a game.

Later, to their utmost horror, it had become something real.

They learned how to properly cradle a maiden's dreams, how carefully to pluck the strings of their hearts—lessons that forced them to smother their broken individuality and distract it with more impeccable acting. Suddenly life was fun and interesting again. Suddenly, there was a more solid purpose to their daily rituals.

Sometimes Kaoru would question silently as to whether or not this had ruined their brotherhood by making them wear another face, a careless act for the sake of another's dreams. Towards the end of their first year he noticed the distance and growing anxiety in Hikaru. He would pull at his hair sometimes even though it was already put together perfectly while treating the corners of his uniform in a similar fashion. He refused Kaoru's help when it came to fashion or schoolwork, going as far as to lock himself up in the guestroom to avoid his brother.

It got lonely for awhile.

Nobody suspected the distance at school, since Hikaru was only affectionate in public anyway. It was just another script, another stupid stupid act. Their bond was crumbling, he knew it, and wondered as to when he had started holding onto his brother so hard. Hikaru was oblivious to his inner turmoil, which came as no surprise to the younger twin, although it didn't stop it from hurting any less. There was no point in saying anything when it would only fall onto deaf ears, a curious ability his brother had since he was small. Kaoru would let his insides fester for years until he admitted something was hurting him and listened carefully to every word spoken.

They were almost opposites, he thought, which only managed to make him feel worse.

School continued as expected, and Kaoru met every plan or act with his signature smile and open arms. There really was nothing else to do.

When his brother showed interest in Haruhi openly for the first time Kaoru wasn't exactly surprised. It was part of the growing distance between them, another obstacle keeping his brother from his side like old times. Although he liked Haruhi—probably now loved her after everything the Host Club had been through—Kaoru wished desperately that Hikaru had fallen for someone different. He wished his brother had fallen for someone he could hate easier, someone who didn't deserve every ounce of his twin's attention.

Looking back on it now, Kaoru supposed that this was the beginning of his more… intimate feelings in regards to his brother. At sixteen years old, however, he was more focused on building boundaries and scrambling for a solution to the severing of the precious bond between his brother and himself.

He figured at first that pushing Hikaru towards the path of independence was the more mature way to handle things, since all he really strived for at that moment was to make his brother happy and healthy. Kaoru didn't necessarily want to part, but he knew that if they had to leave at some point he wanted it to be under his control.

His plans had begun to backfire lately.

During the beginning of their second year things took a rather dramatic turn. His brother suddenly reemerged from his secluded phase and opened up himself wide and embraced Kaoru. He smiled happily and laughed as if nothing had happened, as if the time apart had merely been a silly dream. At first the younger twin was relieved that Hika had returned to him, stronger and happier than he had ever been in their childhood. Kaoru didn't know what exactly caused such a change in Hikaru, but suspected that maybe he was wrong all along and that he was maturing naturally on his own.

For the next several days Kaoru noticeably relaxed. His customers flocked and giggled as they normally did, but threw each other secret smiles as if they somehow knew something had changed in their favorite host. To celebrate the mending of his brotherly bond with his twin, Kaoru indulged himself in sweets that several of his customers had brought from their latest vacations. He couldn't name them all exactly, but he ended up being rather fond of what Tamaki called a friand which was filled with dark chocolate rather than almonds. Kaoru liked bitter things, unlike his brother. He filled his cup with Hunny-senpai levels of sugar and cream, hardly leaving any room at all for actual tea. His customers would gently tease them about how different they've become, to which Hikaru would throw his arm across his brother's shoulders and respond with, "Well, you know what they say: opposites always attract."

Kaoru sometimes would question the sincerity in that statement, which led to a rather odd discovery.

Later that evening Kaoru had been filing his nails due to an accident with the concrete outside the school gates. His palms were a little scraped, which resulted in the most terrific brotherly love act in front of all their departing customers. It caused quite the uproar and left both Hikaru and Kaoru giddy. Still, his nails were all scratched up and he couldn't stand the imperfection left in each grove.

Eventually he got to a point where he couldn't file down any further for fear of scraping actual skin off. They still weren't in a suitable condition for Kaoru, so he decided that he would have to polish them with supplies in his mother's bathroom.

Hikaru didn't notice when he left.

Irritably shuffling down the extravagant hallways of the Hitachiin estate, Kaoru mumbled at his ruined nails. They were getting a little bit too long and had jagged scrapes in them along with several hangnails, all of which vexed him unnaturally. He was quite the perfectionist, that much the twin would admit, but he found nothing wrong with putting a valiant effort into ones appearance. Upon reaching the master suite of the house Kaoru called out into his parent's room before opening it, but found no one there. His mother's collection of perfumes and crisp sheets were the only things to greet him.

Kaoru smiled at the sight, remembering briefly how as a child how he would try and memorize each scent his mother brought back home from luxurious shopping trips or gifts from the latest fashion show. Citrus had always been his favorite, while his mother preferred floral.

She stopped giving him samples once he turned thirteen, but Kaoru wasn't sure if that was because she ran out of his favorite scent or the fact that she knew he would wear the perfume to school.

They never talked about it, and suddenly the memory was gone. Shaking himself slightly, the young Hitachiin ventured into his parent's giant bathroom. It took awhile to find the right cabinet that contained his mother's nail products, but sure enough it was next to the washcloths and bathsalts. Her makeup had its own armoire.

Kaoru found simple clear polish and a nail trimmer and set them on the marble countertop. He figured it would be a waste of time to walk all the way back to his room when he could just clean up real quick in here, so he sat down at one of the plush chairs next to the bathtub and carefully opened the small glass of nail polish.

The first stroke was a little messy, but Kaoru got used to the brush fairly quick and finished his pinky nail well enough. Blowing on his hand lightly, another nail was coated in a fine sheen. This process continued until his entire left hand was shining in the dim bathroom light, wet and even across each nail.

Slightly mesmerized, Kaoru switched hands and applied just as carefully the clear polish to his right hand. He swore quietly when he messed up on his thumb, but he figured he could dry it quickly and apply another coat. Once both hands were complete Kaoru trimmed away the hangnails alongside the crease in his fingernails, edging carefully so as not to ruin the shiny layers of gloss.

The perfectionist inside of him cheered once he was done. Kaoru felt smug at the new state of his nails, proud of the fact that all evidence of a fall was completely eradicated. The feeling faded though, replaced with some sort of awe at just how… pretty his hands looked now. The transformation from dirty and grimy fighting hands to a level of clean delicacy a porcelain doll would have was simply amazing.

Kaoru wiggled his hands experimentally, surprised that he could almost see his reflection in the layers of shininess these new nails carried. For a moment, he wondered if they would be just as shiny if they were painted red.

Startled, the young Hitachiin jerked his head towards the cabinet he found the clear polish in. He knew his mother carried all sorts of hues to match the changing seasons, but he wouldn't dare to just… take them. He was a boy after all, and you just didn't do that, no matter the fact your mother had dressed you as a Lolita girl when you were five or that she was an incredibly famous fashion designer. There were just some things a guy didn't do for the sake of his image.

It took a moment for Kaoru to realize that at one point he had dyed his hair bright flaming pink, and that he was also pretending to be in a taboo relationship with his twin brother. Suddenly, defending his male pride didn't make any sense, nor did it appeal to him.

He grabbed the red nail polish without a second thought.

Applying the hue was a similar process as the clear gloss had been, except now there was more of a frenzied energy with every stroke. For every nail that was completed, his heart beat harder. Kaoru licked his lips more frequently, refusing to wipe the moisture that had gathered on his forehead. Thankfully his hands didn't shake, but his legs twitched nervously at the thought of getting caught or anything that could ruin this moment.

He let out a shuddering breath once he dropped the brush back into its scarlet bottle, hands fully painted and complete.

For several moments Kaoru stared at them. He wasn't sure what to do anymore, afraid that this new beauty would chip away and shatter if he so much as twitched.

Finally, he couldn't take it. The young Hitachiin lifted one hand delicately and rested it on his naked forearm, gasping at the stark difference because of the bright, glimmering red. His hands were delicate and feminine now that they were painted, causing his cheeks to glow with pride and astonishment.

When he shifted his legs again, he noticed a growing problem.

Kaoru blinked and looked down at himself. Oh. At some point during his ministrations, his pants had become a little too tight, and something throbbing in them had demanded attention. For a moment he didn't know what to do and was mildly ashamed at himself. All of this, over a simple manicure?

What would his brother think? God, what the hell would his parents think if they knew what he was doing? This was disgusting and abnormal and just plain stupid, so why was he doing it?

To his absolute surprise, the thought of getting caught only made him harder. The young Hitachiin's heart sped up, pulse throbbing as he swallowed and fluttered his hands nervously. Stupid stupid stupid stupid. He should take the polish off, he should just remove the color entirely, he should just take his pretty little hands—

—and see what they looked like wrapped around his cock.

Before he knew what he was doing, Kaoru was unzipping his ripped up designer jeans and tugging them carefully down with the red scarlet tips of his hands. His long nails grazed at the side of his exposed skin, making him twitch and gasp quietly. He pulled himself out of his underwear with a sort of finesse he didn't know he had, but still marveled at since holy shit it didn't even look like his own hands were doing it. The young Hitachiin didn't even need a fantasy, since he had just set up and built one with his own goddamn hands.

The tip of his cock was weeping a little so he smeared it around with his thumb, making it twitch. He shuddered as he began to slowly pump himself, the glossy red nails shining back his aroused expression whenever he paused long enough to look. His other hand was resting innocently on his thigh, rubbing small—almost comforting—circles into his tight jeans. Already he felt a pressure begin to build up in his body, his shoulders hunching as he began to stroke faster. With it came an uncomfortable chafing, so Kaoru quickly spat into his hand several times before returning the crudely lubed appendage back to his cock. He hated doing that, but somehow now it made the situation all that much more of a turn on. Such a pretty thing—god, how could that hand even be his?—getting ruined by the deep desire to just fuck already.

The sweat on his brow became more obvious as he got closer to finishing, but the young Hitachiin refused to move his hands to wipe it away. He wanted them in his sight at all times, just to see that pretty red hue flutter near his arousal. His hands were soft and glossy and just too perfect to be true.

Biting his lip, Kaoru tried not to close his eyes. He liked to do that whenever he was in the shower, cutting off one of his senses to heighten all the others. And shit did it feel more fantastic that way, but this was a sight worth seeing.

Groaning, his pace quickened. He pumped himself almost harshly at the sight of his dolled up nails, gripping his leg tighter and turning his knuckles white.

What really set him off was when he accidentally cut himself through a rip in his jeans, and saw the line of blood drip towards the tip of his finger. It was the same shade as his nails.

Gasping, Kaoru threw his head back and came hard. He closed his eyes finally, riding out the pleasure and feeling his cum drip all over his hands and down the front of his underwear. The young Hitachiin let out a long, low groan as he sank down further into the bathroom chair, shoulders unwinding and legs giving out from under him. When his eyelashes fluttered open, he was left to face the mess he had just made.

His pleasure-induced haze shattered abruptly as he realized what he had just done.

Shaking slightly, the young twin lifted his sticky hands and stared. Thick strings of semen coated the webbing between his fingers and lightly grazed the scarlet of his nails. Almost like cherries and cream, he thought, but shook his head and swallowed a lump in his throat.

He had seriously fucked up.

There was a towel by the counter, fluffy and white and perfect for hiding the whiteness of his release. Standing unsteadily, Kaoru grabbed it and rubbed away the mess on his skin and clothes. He tucked himself away in the meantime, zipped his jeans up afterwards, and then stopped to stare at himself in the mirror.

His hair was a mess from all the sweat, and his skin was flushed. Either he went jogging or had been completely ravished by someone. The chances for the first option flying by his brother where absolutely zero.

Perfectionist instincts kicking in, Kaoru quickly grabbed another towel and washed his face in the sink. He combed his hair back into place, sprayed some of his father's cologne onto his jeans, and tugged at the end of his shirt to hide any suspicious stains. He threw both towels into the hamper and tried to ignore the anxiety building in his gut.

When he looked down again, Kaoru noticed that his hands were still red.

He almost wanted to throw up.

Looking up and trying to blink back tears—why the hell was he crying anyway he really should be screaming, he thought—the young Hitachiin tried to calm his erratic heartbeat and pulse, slowly taking in deep breaths while staring at the small chandelier in his mother's bathroom. He needed time for composure, since there was no time for analyzing exactly what he had just done. Right now he needed to destroy all evidence, he decided, and immediately reached for the cabinet where the nail polish remover was tucked away.

For several minutes, almost as long as it took to paint the damn things, Kaoru scrubbed away furiously at his nails, desperately trying to remove the scarlet stains painted earlier there. Eventually it was gone, but still he felt dissatisfied. Nothing could erase what had happened in his mind. It was branded there alongside the deepening shame.

When he finally left the bathroom it was dark out.

He didn't glance at the perfume bottles on his mother's dresser, but still felt their heavy presence in his mind. Suddenly that memory from his childhood made sense, and he couldn't bear to look at the bright and colorful bottles with scents he could name off like the alphabet. He held hid breath until he was out of his parent's room.

When he returned back to his bedroom, Hikaru sat up from his place in bed.

"Hey!" he called, smiling. "Where've you been? You wandered off some time ago."

Kaoru carefully made his way over to the dresser, pulling out a new pair of boxers and night pants. He turned back to his brother, who was already dressed for bed and had a pair of tangled headphones resting around his neck. The younger twin smiled innocently at his brother, shrugged his shoulders, and replied with a careless tone.

"Went to look for an old game. Got caught up in the kitchen with one of the maids and had a quick snack."

Hikaru rolled his eyes and groaned dramatically. "No fair, man. You could've taken me along. Dinner wasn't that filling, ya know."

"Yeah, I know." Kaoru laughed, heading toward the bathroom that joined their spacious sleeping quarters. It was almost as big as their closet. "I'm gonna change real quick and then head to bed. Be right back."

"What, no shower?"

Kaoru shook his head. "Too tired."

His brother shrugged his shoulders before flopping back onto the mattress, bouncing a little as he went. "Whatever you say, Ototo. Just make sure you take one in the morning, yeah? Don't want to sleep next to someone that smells like week old ramen. Bleh!" Hikaru gave a dramatic groan of disgust, before smiling mockingly at his twin.

Kaoru sometimes had to wonder at his acting skills as he stuck his tongue out at his brother before closing the door to the bathroom. Inside, he rested his head against the cool tile of the shower wall and cried.

Hikaru had outshined him in every way. But instead of stepping up to meet him like always, Kaoru dove deep into the forbidden waters that would only separate them more. Hikaru had matured while Kaoru had shrunk back into his shell, dragging every insecurity within him and scraping it roughly along his emotions.

He was breaking himself, while his brother was a fixed and final product.

If he looked hard enough, Kaoru could still see the red along the skin of his nails, and with it his deepening shame and regret. In the end, he wasn't really all that pretty.

His mask was all he had left now.

Pulling his nightclothes on quickly, he tossed the soiled remains of his regrettable activity in the hamper hanging by the doorknob. He washed his hands again to try and get rid of the horrible feeling and the smell of nailpolish. They returned just as clean as they were before.

Sighing, Kaoru stared at himself in the mirror and tried to regain further composure. His eyes were half-lidded from feigned sleep, and he let his shoulders sag for exaggerated exhaustion. Hopefully his brother would just let him sleep this time, since despite the effort to have separate rooms neither twin was able to acquire good sleep without the other present. It became more of a necessity than ever, despite their newly awakened independency.

As satisfied as he could ever hope to get about his dreaded appearance, Kaoru left the bathroom and shuffled over to their joined beds. He gave an exaggerated yawn and a spine popping stretch to further prove his point.

"I think I'm just gonna pass out."

Hikaru looked up from a comic book he was reading, surprised. "Eh? You really that tired?"

"Mmhmm…" the younger twin murmured his reply, genuine sleep seeping into his voice. He threw himself onto the bed, tangling himself in the thin silk sheets. They had thrown aside the comforter long ago since the warmer season had started, which helped prevent sweating and stuffy warmth. Burying his face into his plush pillow Kaoru hoped for a dreamless, undisturbed sleep, but was unsuprised at his brother's insistence on staying awake.

"C'mon Kaoru, it's only nine o'clock, you can't be that tired!" Hikaru tossed aside the comic book in his lap and crawled to his brother's side of the bed. Childishly, the younger twin pulled the sheets over his head. This was stupid, everything was stupid, he hated life at the moment, and he just wanted to sleep it off.

"Hika, 'mm tired." Kaoru mumbled into his pillow further, grunting when his brother sat on his back. His spine made a low pop as Hikaru shifted. "Dude, this is stupid."

"Stay up with me." His brother whined, putting more weight on his spine and making him uncomfortable. Hikaru, while muscular in certain places, had just like him inherited their mother's thin and bony physique.

Kaoru groaned. "No."

"Please?"

"No."

The older twin had hooked his legs around his brother's in the midst of their argument, stretching the sheets and bringing himself closer to the mirrored image of his face. The fluffy pillow was the only obstacle in the way. Kaoru vainly tried to bury further into the fluffy down, but only succeeded in suffocating himself. Gasping, he pulled back and nearly smacked his brother in the face.

Hikaru started, looking worried. "Jesus, you trying to kill yourself? What's wrong with you?"

The question, whether serious or not, bit at Kaoru's insides. He quickly tried to rein in his emotions before they flew loose, showing all along his face and bringing the waterworks. Stupid stupid stupid, he thought, trying to regulate his breathing. Never think about it again.

"I'm fine, Hikaru…" slightly breathless, he quickly thought up a lie. "Just a little stressed out from school is all. I guess club took out more of me than I thought." He flashed his brother a small smile over his shoulder, closing his eyes to hide any remaining traces of inner torment.

Hikaru tilted his head to the side to get a better view of his twin, clearly unsatisfied. His arms snaked around his brother's torso and pulled him into a backwards hug, resting his full body weight onto Kaoru's back. They were the same height and fit along together perfectly, so despite the added weight the younger twin was comfortable enough to not complain. His face, though, was slightly flushed at their proximity. Hikaru was only ever affectionate in public.

"If you say so…" doubtfully, the older twin sighed. "We can sleep then, I guess, if you're so tired."

"We don't have to do everything together, you know." Kaoru laughed at this, putting his face back into the pillow, albeit with a little more breathing room. Quietly his brother untangled himself limb by limb and began to turn off the lights. Cool moonlight seeped from the tall glass windows that lead out to their private balcony, chasing off the liquorice night that painted their bedroom walls with stealthy midnight fingers. The younger twin was suddenly nostalgic, and remembered a time when his Hikaru would tell him stories about the scary shadows that crept under their beds when they weren't looking. For hours they stared out into the night, waiting for the chance to face the monsters and beat them with their bamboo swords they had tucked away in the covers. The monsters never came, but that didn't matter much to the seven year olds at the time.

Hikaru hummed from across the room, causing Kaoru to stir in his nearly unconscious state.

"You know what you need?" he asked, walking closer to the bed.

"Sleep?" Kaoru replied sarcastically. He really wondered when his brother would give up.

"Nah. More like a good beating."

Suddenly there was a jump, and Kaoru's body was nearly launched out of the bed before he was pinned by his older twin who was grinning wide and laughing. Kaoru choked, confused, before he felt his sides and underarms being viciously poked at.

"Wha—ah!" Letting out a rather girlish shriek, the young Hitachiin twitched and tried twisting himself as far away as he could from the sudden onslaught of all the ticklish spots his brother was inflicting on his body. He scrambled across the sheets but didn't get very far, clawing at the headboard as Hikaru grabbed his foot and ran a long line across it using the tip of his finger. They were both breathless and laughing hysterically, Hikaru at his brother's unmanly squeals and the younger twin from the abuse of his sensitive feet.

Begging got him no where, until finally they heard a rip from one of the sheets pulled too tight. The older twin released poor Kaoru's legs and went to check the damage. The red head, meanwhile, was twitching and out of breath.

"Wow." Said Hikaru, holding up the shredded silk remains of the corner bedspread. "Way to go, Kaoru."

"Shut… the fuck up… Hika…" he could barely get the sentence out, eyes watering and hair in complete disarray. Sudden exhaustion fell upon Kaoru, and he struggled to sit up and face his twin.

"Yet another bedspread ruined." His voice deadpanned, but Hikaru's face held an amused smile. He looked at his brother and shrugged.

Kaoru debated the pros and cons of smacking his brother's dyed brunette hair, but couldn't raise enough energy to fall through with anything other than falling headfirst again into his rumpled pillow.

"You're so stupid." He screamed, but didn't think the statement would carry much volume through the thick mass of bundled goose feathers. Nonetheless, he was satisfied with the attempt, as well as too tired to care.

Hikaru laughed, dropping the ruined sheet and crawling over towards his side of the bed. "At least now you have a good reason to be tired!"

Exhaling deeply, there came a form of agreement from the younger twin. His eyes were too heavy to keep open and his limbs numb with exhaustion, allowing Hikaru to easily slip under them and bring his brother back into a hug. It was warm and comforting, but Kaoru could feel his conscious slipping around the edges to really savor the feeling. He yawned, causing Hikaru to as well.

Sleepy goodnights were exchanged, and the last thing Kaoru remembered thinking was how glad he was that his brother had cheered him up. He ignored the self hatred stewing still in the pit of his gut, rather choosing to focus more on the beating of his twin's heart and the lack of red paint on his nails. No one knew, nor would they ever know, and at that moment the young Hitachiin locked away a part of himself that he hoped he would never visit again.

Little did he know that despite how clever and mischievous his mask could be, there were always small things that could leak out; things much brighter than the shine of his nails or as taboo as the feelings for his brother.

But until then he was content with the steady beating of his heart and the warm arms around his chest, long, familiar, and identical to his own.