A:N/ Hey guys! So this is the Wizarding take on the classic film Mean Girls. It's also Dramione themed. I hope you enjoy it, it's a lot harder to convert than you'd think.

I would also like to make it clear;

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS OR THE STORY LINE TO MEAN GIRLS.

Enjoy.

Chapter One.

Mr Granger was stood on Platform 9 ¾, taking a photo of Hermione and her mother with a muggle camera. It was Hermione's first day at Hogwarts, having never attended a wizard school before, she was a little nervous.

"That's good," her Dad said, "Stay close."

At that moment, Hermione's mum burst into tears.

"My baby's going to school!" she cried.

Hermione smiled, comforting her mother. She really ought not to worry so much. She guess it was natural for parents to cry on their kid's first day of school. But this usually happens when the kid is five. Hermione was 15, and until today, she attended muggle-school. That meant muggle teachers were the only teachers she knew, and muggle substitutes were the only subs. She knew what everyone was thinking, muggle-school kids were freaks. But it wasn't like that with Hermione. Her family was totally normal. Except for the fact that both my parents were Muggles and had spent the last 15 years in muggle London.

In Hermione's life so far, she had lived in 9 different muggle locations. But it wasn't like she didn't have structure growing up. She'd spend all her day at school with other muggles. And then at night, she'd to homework with her Mum. Her favourite subject was always Math, cause with Math, you're either right or wrong. There's no in between. Which is comforting when you live in a crazy place. It had always just been the three of them. And she never thought she'd live any other way. Then it happened.

"You got it! You got it!" Hermione's mother cried.

"I really got it?" In all honesty, Hermione had had doubts.

"You're going to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"

Her articles about the Wizarding world and Magic had earned her a full enrollment at the Wizard School. So it was goodbye, muggle London. Hello Hogwarts.

Hogwarts was a lot like the Muggle world.

"Are you nervous?" Her mother asked, standing on the platform, "It's okay to be nervous. I'm nervous for you. But nervousness is perfectly nervous. Nervous. Nervous. Nervous. Nervous"

Hermione smiled,

"Okay, I'll see you next semester."

At that moment, Hermione turned to the edge of the platform, when the Hogwarts Express pulled up at lightning speed. She was almost hit by it, when her mother gasped.

"I'm okay!" Hermione re-assured her, "Sorry. I'll be careful."

As Hermione entered the train, she heard some loud music blasting, which she had never heard before. She turned to the cabin beside her, and saw a group of black Ravenclaw students looking at her.

"Hi," Hermione said politely.

However, embarassing as it was, the witches and wizards merely stared at her, causing Hermione to keep walking.

In the next cabin, there was a bunch of Quidditch players, (she'd read up on the sport,) fake fighting. The cabin after was full of relaxed students who seemed to be holding what looked like mushrooms in their hands. The smell was ghastly. They looked pretty high. The next, an overweight Hufflepuff eating what seemed to be a very large pumpkin pastie in secret. Hermione found herself with no where to land.

She was glad when she'd finally arrived at the school. Hermione entered her first lesson, Transfiguration. She noticed a mature looking woman stood at the front of the classroom, and approached her.

"Hi, I don't know if anyone told you about me. I'm a new student, my name is Hermione Granger."

The woman, who turned out to be a mature student, looked weirdly Hermione and gave her a look before rudely saying,

"Who cares?"

Hermione had never been so embarassed. She heard two people laughing behind her, and she turned to look at her. The first, was Ginny Weasley. She was an average height, skinny girl with flaming red hair and a messy looking uniform. By her side, was her best friend, Neville. Who was very lanky and definitely gay.

Whilst dismissing their laughter, Hermione went to take a seat.

"You don't want to sit there," called a voice from behind her.

She turned to see it was Ginny.

"Angelina Johnson'll sit there to be next to her boyfriend," she stated plainly.

At that moment, Angelina entered. She was big, and tall, and quite athletic. She must of been on the Quidditch team. Immediately, she leant over and started making out with the boy next to her who was very tiny and looked an awful lot like the muggle character Oliver Twist.

Hermione watched in horror, before moving to the front row seat, before she was interrupted again,

"Don't sit there," It was Ginny, "Do you want to carry attendance sheets to the office every day?"

Reluctantly, Hermione moved on to the third chair.

"No," Ginny said, horrified.

Hermione sighed, turning the girl. She pointed to the boy infront. He was fat, and ugly looking, and from the Slytherin house.

"He farts a lot."

Truthfully, he did look like a guy who would fat a lot, so Hermione got up and sat next to Ginny.

"Thanks," Hermione smiled.

Neville looked over to her, eyeing her cautiously.

"Did you go to Beauxbatons last year?" He questioned. He was definitely gay.

"No," Hermione said.

"-Cause you look like the girl who won House Cup in the Triwizard Tornament."

Hermione had no idea what he was talking about.

"Wasn't me."

"Thank god," Neville sighed, "She had attitude problems."

The red-head girl turned to Hermione.

"This is Neville," she gestured to the boy beside her, "He's almost too gay to function."

With a look of shock and horror, Neville hit Ginny over the back of her head with his textbook.

"Nice to meet you," Hermione said politely.

Finally she'd made a friend.

A tall, dark haired guy also from the Slytherin house walked past the group, turning to Ginny.

"Nice wig, Ginny. What's it made of?" He spat.

People around him burst into laughter. Ginny, however, was quick to reply.

"Your mum's chest hair!" she shouted.

A stern, old and odd looking man walked into the classroom. He had an extremely long, grey beard, very much like his hair. He was also wearing some half moon spectacles. Overall, he was very intimidating. He looked about the classroom for the teacher.

"Where's your Transfiguration teacher?" he asked, his voice low and quaking slightly.

At that moment, in ran what must have been their Professor. She was also quite old, but seemed nicer than the man.

"Okay," she had a broad Scottish accent, "Okay, I'm late so I brought chocolate frogs."

It was then she noticed the head stood in the doorway

"Oh, hi, good morning," she greeted him, a little nervous.

The head, however, dismissed her comment and turned to the class.

"All right. I just want to let every know that we have a new student with us. She just moved here from muggle London.."

Many students turned to look at an odd, weird girl with very long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She had a dreary expression. Everyone presumed it must have been her.

"Oh," she said, her voice a high pitch, "Don't look at me, I'm from a magic background."

"-So let's help her to adjust to her magical life here at Hogwarts. Her name is," the head continued, looking down at a note card and reading off it, "Hermeon Granger. Where are you Hermeon?"

Hermione raised her hand a little,

"Oh," she said, "That's me. It's pronounced like Hermione."

The class was suddenly a little disinterested.

"My apologies," the old man continued, "I have a nephew named Anfrenee and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact his name is Anfernee."

"Well, welcome Hermione and thankyou, Professor Dumbledore," the teacher smiled.

"You've got to be on time this year, Minerva," Dumbledore lowered his voice, before leaving the classroom.

Chatter erupted again and Ginny turned to Hermione.

"Where are you going first period?" she asked.

Still not quite used to her timetable, Hermione took out a printed roster.

"Sixth Year Magic and Medicine. Room B14."

Ginny looked over to Neville, a glimmer of amusement in her eyes,

"I think that's in the back building," she said to the boy.

He agreed,

"Yeah, that's in the back building."

"We'll take you."

The corridors were nothing like Hermione had imagined before. Everyone was pressed against everyone, like it or not. Claustrophobia was not an excuse as she was bumped and bashed and squished and squashed against anything that moved, or didn't for that matter. She followed behind Neville, however, who seemed to be keeping his own.

"Watch out!" He called, "New meat coming through."

Hermione followed him and Ginny out of the building, across the Quidditch Pitch. Neville lit a cigarette.

"That's really bad for you," Hermione stated.

Neville merely smiled,

"It keeps me thin," he said, before plopping onto the grass with Ginny.

Hermione was worried. There was no classrooms nearby.

"Where's the back building?" She questioned.

"It burned down in 1987," Ginny said calmly, just as the late bell rang.

"Won't we get in some sort of trouble for this?" Hermione asked.

She really was concerned, and didn't want to be in trouble on her first day.

"If you show up late, yes," Ginny said plainly,

"But if you just don't show up at all," Neville was just as calm, "They'll never even notice."

Hermione guessed she'll never know what she would miss on that first day of Sixth Year Magic and Medicine.

A tall, mysterious teacher with greasy, long black hair and black robes to match stood in front of a class.

"Do not have sex," his voice was completely emotionless and he looked as though he wanted to be anywhere but there, "Because you will become pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the 'broomstick position.' Don't have sex standing up. Don't have sex where the witch is on top controlling the pace and friction. Just do not do it, understand?"

The class agreed in unison. The teacher was very intimidating.

"Alright," he confirmed, "Everyone take a spell list."

The teacher held out a list of spells that were listed under the 'Contraception' category.

"So you took all these tests and then what?" Neville asked Hermione.

"They placed me in all Sixth Year classes, except for Seventh Year Transfiguration."

Neville seemed to considering what she said, before he spoke,

"I'm repeating Fifth Year Flying."

Ginny looked up from the piece of parchment she was holding.

"How do you spell your name, Hermone?" She asked.

"It's Hermione. H, e, r, m, i, o, n, e."

"-I am so going to mentor you," Neville was off again, "What else is important that I can tell you about? The Great Hall is terrible. You're going to want to get your lunch as quickly as possible. I recommend the cauldron cakes. What else? Oh! The Yule Ball."

"-The Yule Ball is not important," Ginny sounded a little angry.

"It is to me!" Neville cried, "At the end of every year, the graduating Seventh Years throw a dance called The Yule Ball for the other classes. Whomsoever is elected Yule Ball King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activity Committee and since I am an active member of the S.A.C, I would say, yeah, it's pretty important to me."

Ginny looked at Neville incredulously.

"Neville, you've out-gayed yourself."

Just then, a Flying class began trudging out onto the field.

"In all that is holy. Look at Millicent Bullstrode's Quidditch clothes," Neville murmured.

Millicent Bullstrode, a fat, ugly Slytherin was walking across the field in a horrifying outfit that consisted of overly tight Quidditch pants that were far too small for her figure, and a miniature green tee which revealed her sagging beer-belly.

"Is that a shirt or a fungus growing on her body?" Hermione said, a little shocked at the sight.

"I don't know, Hermone," Ginny said. Would she ever get Hermione's name right? "But I do know that Millicent Bullstode is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Neville sat next to her in Charms last year."

"She asked me how to spell Incendio," Neville looked horrified.

Next onto the field was Astoria, a puny little blonde girl. She is not 'hot' but has expensive clothes.

"And see that little one next to her?" Ginny continued, gesturing to Astoria, "That's Astoria Greengrass. She's rich as shit cause her Dad invented Sugar Quills."

"She's a little Witch Bitch," said Neville.

Hermione frowned,

"What's a Witch Bitch?"

"A girl with 1,000 galleons of designer clothes on a 2 galleon body," Neville confirmed.

Pushing themselves up off the floor, Ginny, Neville and Hermione began walking back to the school.

"Why do you hate them?" Hermione asked.

"What do you mean?" Ginny frowned.

"You seem to really hate them."

"Yes. What's your question?"

"Did they do something to offend you?"

Ginny sighed.

"They're Slytherins. There's nothing they do that doesn't offend me."

She pulled out a folded piece of parchment from her bookbag and handed it to Hermione.

"Here. This is for you," she said.

Hermione looked at the paper. Along the top it said Marauders Map. It was a detailed map of the school saying who belongs where and who was going where.

Ginny noticed the Quidditch teacher had left her bullhorn by the side of the field, and quickly signaled to Neville on his left. He snagged the bullhorn as the passed and right as they entered the doorway he turned it on.

"Sugar Quills causes Dragon Pox!" His voice echoed throughout the hall.

Hermione noticed Astoria looking around. Her face was a cross between confused and angry, but Hermione couldn't quite decipher which. She noticed Ginny and Neville run into the building, so Hermione took the hint to follow too.