Katniss felt herself being pulled from sleep, the sound of Aran's urgent cries drawing her to lucidity. Groaning, she untangled herself from Peeta's arms, and forced herself to sit up, pushing back the covers and climbing out of their warm bed to go to her infant son.
He was having another bad night - it felt like every night for the last year had been a bad night. Peeta had already been up with him twice earlier in the night, and they were all suffering the effects of the constant nights of broken sleep.
She yawned as she lifted the crying baby from his crib, cuddling him close to her as she started to sway with him, hoping she could soothe him back to sleep before he woke Peeta too. But it was too late, she could hear Peeta stirring as he slowly got out of bed and came over to join her, placing his hands on her shoulders as he gently kissed the nape of her neck.
"Hey you," he said quietly as he slid his hands down her arms to encircle her waist, pulling her back against his chest and matching the swaying movements of her body with his own. "You shouldn't have gotten up Peeta," Katniss said quietly, "I've got him. You need your sleep too".
"I felt you getting out of bed, and I missed you" he replied. "The little guy is having another rough night, isn't he?"
"Aren't we all" she agreed. "This is the second time I've been up since the last time you were up with him" Katniss sighed deeply. "Nothing seems to settle him for long. I just don't know what else I can do for him. He's not hungry, he's not teething, he's not sick, he just likes to cry." Her voice sounded defeated and exhausted even to her own ears.
Peeta tightened his arms around her. "You should have woken me, I would have let you sleep. You have to look after him all day, and you looked so exhausted last night."
"Peeta, you got up twice already tonight, and you have to go to work today. I really don't want my husband having an accident with an oven at work or falling asleep behind the wheel because he is sleep deprived".
"I'm okay" he offered. "That won't happen. But I'm worried about you. You look so tired all the time."
"I'll manage." Katniss retorted shortly, "I can try to catch a nap myself later on if I can get him to go down for a nap".
"I'll tell you what," Peeta said. "It's almost time for me to get up for work anyway. It's not really worth my while going back to bed... unless you want to come join me?" he asked, pulling her closer and lifting his eyebrows suggestively, a smirk on his face.
She glared, side-eyeing him.
"Okay, I was just kidding!" He chuckled softly, letting go of her waist and backing up. "Give me five minutes to grab a quick shower, and then I'll bring him downstairs and give him some breakfast while you go back to bed".
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. I'll bring him back up to you when I have to leave. That way you both might manage another couple of hours sleep before Skye wakes up."
He bent his head to place another quick kiss to her neck before grabbing the clothes he had laid out on the dresser the night before, and heading into their bathroom. A few minutes later he emerged, his blond hair damp, but fully dressed.
"C'mere little guy," Peeta said, taking the baby from Katniss' arms. He bent over and pressed his lips gently to hers once more. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you when I get home tonight, okay? I love you."
"I love you, too." Katniss smiled, climbing back into bed and snuggling down into the pillows that smelled like Peeta. Instantly, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
When she woke up again, the sun had fully risen and she could hear the sound of the baby happily gurgling and laughing for once. Peeta was gone and Aran was tucked into their bed beside her. She hadn't heard him bring the baby back upstairs or leave for work.
"Hey, little guy," she smiled at her son and tickled his tummy. He squealed back at her and chuckled, kicking his legs. She heard the sound of quiet footsteps, and then Skye's dark head and sleepy blue eyes came peeking around the open door of the bedroom, her favorite orange blanket clutched in her arms.
"Hi, Mama," she greeted, "can I come in?"
"Sure, come on in and join us," Katniss held her arms out to her. Skye padded over to the bed, and climbed in beside her mother. For a few minutes, Katniss enjoyed cuddling with her daughter.
The peaceful moments didn't last long though. Soon enough, Aran started to gripe again, and before he could work himself up into full tantrum mode, Katniss lifted him up and climbed out of bed.
"C'mon Skye, let's go downstairs and I'll get you some breakfast".
The three of them made their way downstairs to the kitchen, where, to Katniss' joy, she found a batch of freshly baked cheese buns in a basket on the kitchen table. Peeta must have baked them before going to work. Katniss could have kissed him at that moment.
Settling Aran into his high chair, she gave him his own bun to pull apart, while starting a pot of coffee and pouring cereal and milk for Skye.
"Can't I have a cheese bun too Mama?" Skye pouted. "Aran got one!"
"Have your cereal first, then you can have one" Katniss said, smiling over at her.
She grabbed a cheese bun for herself, poured a cup of black coffee, which she felt she badly needed to wake up, and joined the kids at the table. She bit into her cheese bun, savoring its flaky texture with pleasure, and sending up a silent prayer of thanks for her wonderful husband who always indulged her craving for cheese buns.
Aran was making a terrible mess pulling his bun apart, getting more on his face and on the floor then in his mouth, but Katniss didn't care about mess, as long as he wasn't crying. Smiling at the fun he was having, she snapped a photo of the messy baby on her phone, quickly texting it to Peeta, adding the message "Thank you for the cheese buns. We love you".
"Love you back!" the return message flashed on her screen almost immediately, quickly followed by another "Hope Aran has a better day today. I'll try to get home as early as I can".
Katniss put her phone down and continued sipping her coffee, hoping the caffeine would kick in soon and give her the boost she needed.
Unfortunately, it wasn't going to be a good day.
Before long, Aran's persistent crying started again, and continued on and off no matter what Katniss tried to do to distract him. She struggled to get a few household chores done while carrying him on her hip the whole time as he screamed every time she tried to put him down.
By midday he was exhausted, but he refused to give in to his own tiredness and go down for a nap. Eventually, when she could take no more Katniss him and Skye into their jackets, put Aran into his stroller, and headed for the local park. She hoped a walk in the fresh air would tire Aran out a little bit.
As she sat on a bench in the playground watching Skye play, she listened to the birds singing above her head and looked around at the different foliage of the trees and shrubbery surrounding her, and it all just reminded her of her woods back home. It was mid-summer, but soon the seasons would begin to change and the leaves would turn, changing from her favorite green to Peeta's favorite orange. All too soon, winter would come. Katniss hated winter. Thinking of the peace and quiet of the woods made her want to cry. With every passing day, she knew her emotions were overtaking her more and more, and she knew it was because she was feeling exhausted, worn out, and maybe a little down.
She had a difficult pregnancy and hard labor with Aran, and though she loved her little guy with all her heart, there was no question that he was a challenging baby. It felt like he had been born crying and hadn't really stopped ever since.
"Mama! Come push me on the swings!" Skye's voice called to her, distracting her from her thoughts.
Inwardly, Katniss groaned. Sitting on this park bench had been one of the first times she'd been off her feet all day. But she just couldn't deny her little girl, not when she was being so good, she deserved the chance to have some fun, too.
She settled Aran on her hip, as she pushed Skye on the swings. Hearing the little girl's squeals of joy made her smile.
"Higher, higher Mama!" she begged. Katniss smiled again and pushed the swing harder. Skye loved being outdoors, running and jumping and playing in the dirt or splashing in puddles. She took after Katniss in that way, and she took great pleasure in watching her little girl having fun.
Since Aran had been born, she felt guilty that she couldn't give Skye as much individual attention as she used too. It made her feel like she was somehow letting both her children down, failing Skye as her mother because Aran took up so much of her time and energy, and failing Aran, because she couldn't seem to find a way to soothe her younger child. It made her feel inadequate as a mother. Sometimes at her lowest points, she almost resented Aran, though she pushed those feelings away strongly whenever she felt them rising in her.
She was really trying to keep just how down she was feeling about everything hidden from Peeta, knowing that it would only upset him. If he knew, he would push himself to do more, when she knew he was already pushing himself to his limit as it was. He worked so hard and then he threw himself into helping with the kids from the minute he arrived home until he left for work again the next morning. He was always worried about how exhausted she was, but she was just as worried about him. Most nights, one of them ended up falling asleep on the sofa, so the other had to wake them before they dragged themselves upstairs to bed.
Deep down, she knew it was all getting too much for her, and that with every day and every week that went by she was feeling worse and worse and finding it harder to cope. She longed for a break, sometime away just to catch her breath and get away from her responsibilities and God, get some sleep.
Again, she thought about the woods behind her childhood home. Her woods. More than anything, she longed for the feeling of peace and tranquility she felt whenever she was out there, sitting high in a tree or hunting alongside her childhood friend, Gale. But she couldn't just drop everything and take off. It wasn't far, but even if Peeta could manage to get a few days away from the bakery, he didn't really enjoy the woods like she did. She couldn't expect Prim to mind the kids either, she was busy with her own job and Aran was just too much of a handful. She sighed. She could see no opportunity for a respite any time soon.
It was starting to turn cooler. "C'mon sweetie, it's time to go home!" she called to Skye, as she put Aran back into his stroller and turned to head home. She was hoping to surprise Peeta by having dinner cooked and waiting for him when he got home tonight, so he wouldn't end up taking over and cooking for them, like he did most nights. Maybe they might get a chance to spend a little extra time together tonight before one of them fell asleep first.
It was ironic that the second the stroller started moving Aran nodded off into a deep peaceful sleep. Katniss enjoyed the quiet. He slept all the way home, but no sooner had they got back into the house and Katniss had Skye's jacket off, he woke and started screaming again.
"Please Aran, please, stop crying, just give Mama a break for five minutes," she pleaded, her voice breaking, knowing if she didn't get a break from his constant crying soon, she was going to lose it. She could feel her nerves stretched to their limits. She just couldn't take this anymore.
She picked him up and juggled him on her hip, while picking up the phone and dialing a number. She hated asking for help more than anything, but she knew she really needed it this time.
"Hello?" said the warm voice of an older woman on the other end of the line as her call connected.
"Sae?" Katniss confirmed, trying to stop her voice from shaking. She could feel tears starting to well up, and she was shaking. "It's Katniss. Could I ask you for a favor?"
"Off course, anything Katniss," the older woman replied "Is something wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong really, but I ... um... would you mind watching the kids for me for an hour or two until Peeta gets home from work? I... I have to run an errand and I can't bring them with me."
"Sure I can. I'll be over in fifteen minutes, is that okay?"
Katniss let go of the breath she'd been holding in. She could last another fifteen minutes, "that would be great Sae, thanks. I really appreciate it." She responded, relieved.
Katniss put the phone down, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. She knew she was doing the right thing for her sanity. She had to get away or she was going to explode. Today she had just hit the limit of her tolerance.
Making sure Skye was occupied watching a cartoon in the living room, she walked up the stairs to their bedroom, sitting Aran on the bed while she threw a few things into a bag. She'd only go for a night or two to catch up on some sleep. She'd call Peeta when she got there. He'd understand. At least, she hoped so. She shook her doubts off. Peeta knew her better than anyone else. He was always so empathetic and giving, there was no reason why he wouldn't understand her need to do this.
She went back downstairs and left her bag by the front door, just as she Sae tapped lightly on the back door before opening it and letting herself in.
"Katniss!" she called out, "I'm here".
"Aunt Sae!" Skye jumped up and ran to hug the older woman. "Hello sweetness!" Sae said, opening her arms to the little girl for a hug.
Sae looked over at Katniss, taking in her disheveled appeArance, her puffy red eyes and the dark circles beneath them. "You look tired, girl, what have you been doing? Is this little man still keeping you up nights?"
"And days too, Sae," Katniss said. "Thanks for doing this. Peeta should be home by six at the latest," she smiled weakly.
"It's no trouble honey. You look like you could use a break. You get on now, and leave these two with me, we'll be fine until Peeta gets home".
Katniss smiled weakly again, and bent down to give Skye a hug.
"Where are you going Mama?" the little girl asked, her curious face looking up into Katniss'.
"I'm just going to visit a friend for a little while sweetie, I promise, I'll be back soon, okay?" she kissed her on the cheek and hugged her again. "Your Daddy will be home soon and he'll take care of you until I'm home."
She turned then, and picked Aran up, giving him a hug and a kiss, while brushing her hand through his soft blond curls and squeezing her eyes closed for a moment. "I'm sorry," she whispered to him in a voice so low that no one else could hear before handing him over to Sae. The guilt was overwhelming her, but she knew she had to get out of this house and away from all this stress for a little while.
"I'll see you soon Sae, thanks again." Katniss said, as she picked up her bag and her father's old hunting jacket, before heading out the front door. She didn't look back as she closed the door behind her, and threw her bag into the car. Climbing behind the wheel, she thought about Peeta again. She rested her head on the steering wheel for a moment. He was going to be so pissed with her, she hadn't even called him. But she would as soon as she got to where she was going. She'd explain and he'd understand. He always understood what she needed.
She pulled the car out of the driveway, and headed for the highway, pointing it in the direction of Gale's house in the woods.
Peeta yawned, glancing up at the clock as he wiped the flour from his hands on his apron. It was nearly finishing time. It had been a long day, and he was tired. The nights of broken sleep were catching up on him too. He'd been up even earlier than usual this morning, even though he was used to rising with the sun. He reached for his phone, checking for any new messages from Katniss. Scrolling through his phone, he smiled again at the picture of Aran's messy face as he demolished one of his cheese buns that morning.
He'd baked them early that morning, talking to Aran the whole time, telling him each step of the recipe as he went along. The little boy had gurgled and cooed back at him as he talked, and he smiled at the memory. It reminded him of quiet mornings he had spent with his father as a boy, learning his family's recipes, though his son was far too young to start picking up on those yet. But it helped keep him occupied while Peeta put off leaving for work as late as possible, so Katniss could sleep. When he couldn't delay leaving any later, he carried Aran, whose eyes were starting to get sleepy again back upstairs and tucked him into the bed beside his mother. Peeta knew Aran would sleep better tucked in beside Katniss, just like he did. He smiled softly as he looked down at his wife and his now sleeping son. With gentle fingertips, he stroked some stray hair back from Katniss' face, frowning at the dark circles that shadowed her eyes, even in sleep. He knew Katniss was finding things tough, but this situation couldn't last forever. Aran would grow out of this phase and sleep through the night, eventually, and things would get easier. He bent to kiss his sleeping wife one last time before he left, pressing his lips gently to her forehead. She stirred a little at his touch, mumbling his name in her sleep, but didn't wake.
He hoped today had been a better day. He was glad it was nearly the end of his day and he could head home soon. He typed out a quick text to Katniss "How was today? I'm finishing soon, I can bring home takeout for dinner if you'd like?" before putting his phone back in his pocket, and starting his prep for the next morning.
When he was finished he checked his phone again, but there was no answer. She was probably occupied with the kids. He'd bring something home anyway, hopefully if they didn't have to cook they could get some extra time to relax together tonight.
"G'night Rye!" he called over his shoulder to his older brother, as he ducked out the back door. He heard him shouting goodnight back. He didn't want to be delayed talking tonight, he was anxious to get home to Katniss and the kids.
He stopped and picked up their food, then made the short journey home. The drive was only a few minutes to their house. He frowned as he pulled up outside. That was strange. There was no sign of Katniss' car in the driveway. Usually if she was planning to head out somewhere late in the day she would text him to let him know. Oh well. He could put the takeout in the oven to keep warm until she got home. No big deal.
He walked up the steps, keys in hand, but before he could unlock the door, it swung open and Skye came skipping towards him, a wide smile on her face.
"Daddy's home!" she sang out, as she launched herself at him, hugging his legs.
"Hey little girl!" he said surprised to see her, bending and swinging her up into his arms and planting a kiss on her cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled her cheek against his. "Where's your Mama?"
"Mama went out a little while ago. She said she'd be back soon. Aunt Sae is watching us".
"Oh, okay. How was your little brother today?"
"He cried a lot Daddy. All day. But Mama took us to the park, and I played on the swings!"
Peeta smiled down at his little girl, trying not to frown on hearing that Aran had cried all day again.
"That's great sweetie," he said, walking into the house, where he saw Sae sitting on the living room rug, playing with Aran.
Seeing Peeta, she waved from her position on floor, and Skye ran into the living room and plonked down on the rug beside them.
"Hi Sae," he called out smiling "thanks for watching the kids. I hope they were no trouble?"
"Nothing I couldn't handle Peeta," she said. "Katniss called me earlier and said she had some errands to run, I shouldn't expect she'll be long".
"I'm just going to put this food in the oven to keep warm, then I'll be right out and I can take over." Peeta said, making his way into the kitchen with the food. He turned from switching on the oven to see Sae, standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.
"Peeta, I don't mean to pry," she said in a quiet voice that Skye wouldn't overhear, "but is everything okay with Katniss? She looked really upset and stressed when I came over earlier."
Peeta frowned. It worried him hearing that Katniss had looked upset. "I know she's exhausted Sae," he explained. "Aran still cries a lot, and he's been keeping us both up at night too. It hasn't been easy on her".
"Or on you either, I bet." Sae said. "That's probably all it is. Listen, you know if you need any help, I'm just next door okay? Tell Katniss if she needs to take a nap, I can watch the kids for an hour during the day, it's no trouble".
"Thanks Sae, I'll tell Katniss. I really appreciate the offer. I hope she'll take you up on it, but you know how she is".
Peeta walked her to the door, and thanked the older woman again as she left, before closing the door and going back into the house. He fished his phone from his pocket, still no text from Katniss. He frowned, dialing her number.
The phone rang a few times, before going to voicemail. "Hey Katniss," he said. "I'm at home. Just wondering where you are. Hope everything is okay. Call me when you get this. Love you," and he hung up.
He lifted Aran out of his play pen and called to Skye. Might as well feed the kids and get them ready for bed while he waited for her to come home, then maybe he and Katniss could have some time together. He smiled at the thought of snuggling up on the sofa with his wife.
He first started to feel a little anxious, when there was still no word from Katniss by the time the kids were fed, bathed, and ready for bed.
Skye didn't want to go to bed before Katniss came home, but she dozed off on the sofa waiting, cuddling her favorite orange blanket. Aran fell asleep in his arms, so he gently lifted him first and put him down in his crib, switching on the baby monitor so he would hear him if he woke, before carrying Skye upstairs to her room and tucking her into bed.
By now, Peeta found himself starting to get annoyed as well as anxious. Where the hell was Katniss? Surely she knew Skye would want her at bedtime? He checked his phone again, still no messages. She could have at least texted him to let him know she was okay. The food was ruined, so he took it out of the oven and threw it into the trash.
Quickly he texted Prim to ask her if Katniss was with her.
"Sorry, haven't seen her all week," came back the reply from Prim's phone, a few minutes later.
Next he texted Annie. Same reply. Katniss wasn't with her either.
Now Peeta could feel anxiety starting to rise within him, taking over from his earlier annoyance. If she wasn't with Prim or Annie, then where the hell was she? He began pacing the living room, trying to suppress his growing feeling of fear. What if she'd had an accident? Why wasn't she answering his calls?
He dialed her phone again, this time it went straight through to voicemail. He felt his heart rate starting to increase.
"Katniss please, call me when you get this," he pleaded. "Where are you? It's getting late and I'm getting really worried. I'm about to start calling hospitals".
He sat on the sofa, staring at his phone, willing the damn thing to ring. He thought back to when he last seen her, early that morning, fast asleep and warm as she lay in their bed, when he had kissed her and she mumbled his name in her sleep.
He paced for another hour, continually checking his phone before he finally thought of the woods. He stopped pacing suddenly. Sae had said Katniss looked upset and stressed, and for as long as he'd known her, whenever Katniss had felt really stressed, whether it was to do with college or just life in general, she would take off for the woods for a few days. To Gale. She hadn't always told him before she took off either, but that was before they had two young children to take care off. She hadn't done anything like that since before Skye was born and he'd almost forgotten about the feelings he'd always suspected she had deep down for Gale.
He shook his head. Surely she wouldn't up and leave now without talking to him, not when she knows how much the kids needed her, how much he needed her? She wouldn't leave him to cope with two upset children alone, would she?
He jumped up off the sofa and ran upstairs to their bedroom. Pulling open the door to their closet, he started searching through Katniss' side, looking for the one item he knew she would never leave behind if she had done what he thinks she has.
It didn't take long for his suspicion to be confirmed. Peeta sank down to the floor of the closet, running his hands through his hair before leaning his head back against the wall.
Her father's old leather hunting jacket was missing.
That told him all he needed to know. He knew now where she had most likely gone and to whom. Leaning forward, he tried to catch his breath and focus on what he should do next. He couldn't believe she would do this to him again, especially now, not without even talking to him first.
But she had. She had left him and their children behind to run off to the woods. To Gale.
But Peeta didn't get much time to think before he heard loud cries coming from Aran's crib. He pulled himself up off the floor and went to check on his son. From the sounds of things, it looked like they were both facing another rough night ahead of them.
"Shussshhh Aran," he said, his voice breaking slightly as he picked the little boy up and gently cradled him against his shoulder. "It's okay, I've got you. Daddy's here. And I'll never leave you".
Okay! So this is my very first attempt at writing anything of my own, so please be nice! All comments and (constructive) criticisms are welcome. I have about four chapters of this story written, so if its well received, I would hope to update about once a week or every ten days.
Thanks to my wonderful friend KnottedEnergy, for all her patience and encouragement in convincing me to even attempt to write something in the first place. It never would have happened without her. Also thanks to my wonderful friend and beta Kismet4891, for all her encouragement and guidance.
You ladies are wonderful. If anybody fancies a really good read, go check out either of these ladies stories!
Oh, and if anyone is curious, I chose Peeta and Katniss son's name based on the Irish language word for bread - Arán :)