AN: A spur of the moment idea I had. This is basically a sort of Behind the Music thing exploring Mario's 'shroom addiction. If it gets popular enough I'll continue it.
~Testimonials~
=Scene 1=
(Bowser sits in an arm chair trying to affix his mic to himself)
Bowser: Is this thing on?
Producer:(In the background.) Yeah, just put it anywhere. It's got adhesive...
(Scene shifts. Bowser is now sitting back in his chair with his hand under his chin.)
Producer: So, what can you share with us?
Bowser: Share?
Producer: Yeah. With your past experiences with...
Bowser: Well, I'm not really inclined to be the first speaker, but uh, (Sniffs) it has been somewhat of a blast starring opposite of a Italian plumber. It's been like what, 30-sommad-years? But I think the person better to talk about the guy's beginnings would be D.K.
(Scene shifts to Donkey Kong also sitting in an armchair.)
D.K.: Boy, whatta aspiring time that wus. Ya know, back in the day, arcades were big and Ah mean big. It wus 1981! I had no hair back then, ya undahstand? Got my first job too, and even beddeh, an arcade game with my name on it! I guess I wus hittin' the big time. And then...oh Lord Jesus, I met dat crazy-ass plummah.
He wus fresh outta school too, ya know. Dis guy Miyamoto got us hooked up with dis job and we wus gettin' a good paycheck. Then I find out about a week latuh, dat the plummah is the hero of this gig. I'm like, 'What da hell is this?! Why bother callin' it Donkey Kong when I'm obviously NOT the hero?' Then I realized dat this wus kinda based off that one flick King Kong. Sheesh, no respect ya know? But it wus still fun I guess, I met new people. Oh, especially Pauline. Man dat girl wus real fresh back in '81.
(Scene shifts to Pauline sitting crosslegged.)
Pauline: Oh, we were real young back then. Gosh, I think I was about 17, Mario was just barely 20 and D.K. was 2.
Generally, I thought that was gonna be an interesting bit. Of course, I was hired to be the 'damsel', but it was interesting. Now remember, this is 1981 we're talking about. There was no star system back then. I think superstar in that whole period was Pac Man. Mr. Miyamoto wasn't big name yet, but that project proved to be one of his finest for a guy of 29 no matter how simple it was.
The script was cliché if you ask me. Typical Beauty and Beast thing going. Of course they gave Mario and I the weirdest names. I was 'the Lady' and Mario was billed as 'Jumpman'.
(Shifts to Donkey Kong.)
D.K.: Pfft! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Jumpman, hee-hee-hee-hee! Yeah, Ah remembuh dat! And he didn't start out as a plummah, he wus a carpentuh. Kinda weird, but whatevah. One thing I did not like about the script wus the fact dat I wus an abused animal. I mean what kinda bullsh-t wus that?! And then it made me the bad guy for kidnappin' Pauline! But it's justification ain't it?
(Shifts to Pauline)
Pauline: Honestly, I felt more bad for D.K.'s character than Mario's.
(Shifts to Donkey Kong.)
D.K.: But anyway, the game wus a huge hit and Ah mean huge. Dat thing raked in more money than dat Pong thingmajig. Ah used to see a whole load of kids just play the sh-t outta them cabinet's.
So it wus only common sense to make a sequel. Unfortunately, someone gave them the bright idea of replacin' Pauline with a another charactuh. Donkey Kong Jr. Dat wus confusin' cuz Ah had no experience with kids, ya know? But at least it wus nice dat the plummah-or should I say carpentuh-wus the bad guy this time. Ya know, Ah think it wus the only time he wus the bad guy.
(Shifts to Pauline)
Pauline: So, Mario became a superstar overnight basically. Everyone wanted to play his games. He couldn't cross the damn street without getting harassed for his autograph. As a matter of fact, since he became so popular, he was created Nintendo's mascot and Mr. Miyamoto created the Super Mario club later on.
(Shifts to Donkey Kong.)
D.K.: And then...the crash happened.
(Shifts to Pauline)
Pauline: Oh my god, that was a big mess. Video game titles just overflowed the market and most of them were just god-awful. There was a lot skepticism in video games in general. It certainly took Atari out of business.
(Shifts to Donkey Kong.)
D.K.: Man, Atari just disappeared off the face of the freakin' Earth then. Hell, they even buried all their sh-t in some kinda landfill in New Mexico. But they still managed to develop games today. But Miyamoto wus one smart slick. He wus able to restore the market by comin' out with the Famicom system. Which became the NES in the US 'bout two years latuh. One of the new games Ah think for dat thing had the plummah's bruddah in it. Ah didn't know he had family.
(Scene cuts to Luigi.)
Luigi: Oh boy, that was-a exciting thing to get into. Of course I appeared with my brother in a title before the a-NES. Mario Bros. it was a-named. That was when they a-changed Mario's character into a-plumber. I didn't a-think the carpenter thing would last. Anyway, they were a-lookin' for a new guy and Mario was a-nice enough to suggest me. Nintendo was a-always looking to a-expand their horizons. Then the year I will always a-remember. 1985. Super Mario Bros.
(Scene cuts to Princess Peach sitting straight in her chair.)
Peach: My, I never thought this role would land me in the spotlight. Nor did I think it would span two or three decades. Being a princess was a lot of fun I'll admit. And the little guys playing the Toads were so cute. One of them called me Auntie Peach.
(Shifts to Luigi.)
Luigi: Peach was a looker. No a-question. But Mario at first didn't like the fact that they were-a replacing Pauline with her. He and Pauline were-a great, great friends. They used to go to a-nightclubs together. But after a while, he and a-Peach hit it off the bat. Mario was always a gentleman.
(Shifts to Bowser)
Bowser: Personally, I thought it was sh-t. I mean I had more better things to do with my time than taking over a kingdom named after a freaking fungus. But, they needed a monstrous bad guy for this thing and I guess I fit right in the profile. The costumes were simplicity at its finest and it took me weeks to figure just what the hell the Toad guys were wearing on their damn heads. Although I must confess I stayed on for Peach. She was so popular with the dudes, you'd think she was the firs Playboy or something.
(Shifts to Toad.)
Toad: Well, what can I say? Mario was my idol back then. I think he was everyone's idol. His picture was plastered just everywhere. But even idols have there downfalls.
(Shifts to Luigi.)
Luigi: You see, one of a-the power-ups was a mushroom. Harmless a-right? They a-used two, one to make Mario and I a-big, and the other was a one up I a-think.
(Shifts to Peach)
Peach: Of course Luigi didn't get much action, because he was just doing retakes of the frame rate, really. So, Mario spent weeks downing all those mushrooms and well...pretty soon he became an addict.
(Shifts to Bowser)
Bowser: Ugggghhhh, that just unraveled into a freaking nightmare. Sure the game sold a couple million units world-wide but it left Mario pilfering 'shrooms like there was no tomorrow. I don't know why the hell the company thought it was a good idea to use a psychedelic fungus as a power-up. And could easily see where this was gonna end.
(Shifts to Peach)
Peach: I remember the wrap party we had just the day before the game was released. Mario came in 30 minutes late, and was just a blabbering mess! He was screaming and yelling about this and that.
(Shifts to Donkey Kong.)
D.K.: Well Ah wus just shocked. Ah mean, Ah've nevuh seen him like that before. Dat boy wus just crazy as hell. Kooky basterd litterly bounced off the mutha-f-king walls, man! Ah'm glad Pauline couldn't make it to the party dat night, cuz Ah don't know what would've if she saw him like dat. And then ya know what he did?! He freakin' dropped me.
(Shifts to Bowser)
Bowser: That was a disaster waiting to happen. His pupils were so god-damn dilated, you would've thought that he had black eyes instead of blue. After 10 minutes of him screeching the Overworld Theme of the game off key, I managed to get him off of D.K.-who by the way, had to see a therapist the next day.
(Shifts to Peach)
Peach: I think it was all clear to us that Mario had to go to rehab. Certainly, if he was gonna keep his career. Goodness, I think all our careers would've gone the tube if he didn't go.
(Shifts to Luigi.)
Luigi: Frankly, I didn't want to a-do it. But he wasn't gonna a-do it himself so I had to a-take him. I was really a-disappointed because how could he a-let himself go like that? At the same time, I a-felt it was my duty, as a brother, to a-sober him up.
=End Scene=