Never Lost Hope

Summary:

The Countries are starting to fall in love, have children, even… But not everyone is happy, not exactly because of the pregnancy, but because of the lack of it. Multipairing, Mpreg.

Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine! –GASPS–

Prologue

It was dark.

Of course, it was midnight, but it was even darker, somehow… Or at least Roderich felt it in that way, he tightened even more his grip on the sheets, if it was possible, he tried hard not to whimper, not to disturb the sleep of his bedmate. Gilbert was sleeping next to him, without any covers, just his night clothes, he was asleep, yes, yet not peacefully, something disturbed him, even asleep, he was frowning, his cheeks were wet from previous crying, it seemed like he had done a lot of it. So did Roderich, he couldn't get rest, biting hard his bottom lip, hot fresh tears falling from the corners of his eyes, he has lost the shine in his eyes, it almost seemed like he had lost hope, but even there, he grappled of any little light of hope, he didn't want to lose it, not anymore.

He couldn't take it anymore, he let his fists relax in the covers, setting them away, carefully avoiding his boyfriend, he knew Gilbert needed sleep; he had been awake all this nights since, well… That day. Roderich was sure there was blood on his lip, from the hard biting, just addressing it as "That day" made his legs feel weak, his vision blurry for the tears already falling in his cheeks, plus, he had forgotten his glasses, he did not care at the moment, he just needed to let all go, let the tears fall, let everything away… Away from him, even when he didn't want to forget… He didn't want to remember either… It was a vicious circle, one that he couldn't escape of.

Austria walked with no rumble, in his and Prussia's house, the house they had brought together, to start a new life, like a couple. He saw what he thought was a door, a white door, maybe if he had just grabbed his glasses… Maybe if his vision wasn't so blurry… He would have stopped there, before the door. He entered and his eyes went wide. Yes, his vision was blurry and pretty bad… But in the moment he wiped the tears away, he saw where he was standing.

The Bathroom

He couldn't take anymore, he fell hard on his knees, not bothering about the pain is his legs, images of that day flashed through his mind, he clapped his hands in his ears, his eyes strongly shut, repeating breathless "I'm sorry" between harsh sobbing and hard breathing, he could only remember. Remember what happened that day, clenching his nails in his ears, shaking his head violently.

Almost a week ago…

Roderich woke up bright that day, he felt like today was going to be an… Awesome day. He giggled a little about the thought, just after he did that he realized how girly it sounded, he shook his head slightly, smiling anyways, he glanced at his side, there was no Gilbert, he frowned slightly and then remembered, he chuckled and looked up at the air, he didn't know why, no, wait… He did know why! He placed a hand in his stomach protectively, simile growing more, if it was even possible…

He stepped out of the huge bed, walking out of the room, walking down the stairs, finding certain albino in the kitchen trying to make breakfast, he had it under control, tough he seemed making an extra effort, Austria walked into the kitchen smiling fondly at the plates without food on them yet. "Morgen…" He said softly, but Prussia turned immediately, a little surprised he didn't heard his boyfriend enter the room before, he smiled at him, stopping what he did for a second, placing a sweet kiss on the aristocrat's cheek.

"Morgen Prinzessin..." He placed the scrambled eggs in the plate next to the toasts; it was simple, but full of love. "You should be resting…" He said making a funny pout at Austria.

Roderich couldn't help but laugh, really… Gilbert have been caring about every single little detail, it was cute how he cared so much about the little baby, but then again, he was the Awesome Prussia! He promised the day Austria told him he was pregnant, that he was going to be the most Awesome father in the universe! Austria just rolled his eyes a smiled fondly down as Prussia talked to his tummy, blushing slightly.

"I'm pregnant…" He couldn't help but smile as he said that… He was still having problems trying to figure out how it was even possible, but he was too happy to think about it… "Not sick… You're overreacting…" He shook his head slowly, giggling slightly as the albino narrowed his eyes, pouting more.

"Hell to the no! The little awesome will have everything!" Prussia snapped, grinning bright as he placed the two plates on the table, opening the chair for the other one, who took it nodding politely, repressing a laugh. "I'll make sure of it!" He said taking his seat in front of Roderich, who softened his gaze and muttered a "Danke…" Gilbert just smirked slightly and said "It was a pleasure… Trust me on that." Austria just blushed visibly and focused on the now very interesting plate in front of him.

"But…" Gilbert started, looking serious; Austria looked up frowning, ¿Was there something wrong..? "All joking aside…" He reached for Roderich's hand and lacing their fingers together. "I'm extremely happy, Prinzessin… I love you, and I can't wait for little one to be here… With its family…"

"So am I… And I love you too…" Roderich said, squeezing his hand slightly, smiling fondly at his boyfriend. They both ate in silence, happiness and joy in their eyes. The rest of the day was pretty quiet, it was Saturday, so none of them had any work to do, they dedicated the day for themselves, enjoying the beautiful music of the piano, eating delicious sweets and cakes (In which Prussia said he had to help due to "Protecting the most awesome miracle ever") and well… Pretty much nothing really… It was a beautiful day, indeed.

Until night. Roderich was sitting in his favorite arm chair reading a book, Prussia was just sitting in the bed on his laptop, they enjoyed the pretty, peaceful silence, it was nice just to stay like that, silently and unconsciously expressing their los for each other with little things, they both loved how sweet their silence could get.

Suddenly Austria felt a horrible pain in his stomach, at first he tough it was just another symptom of the pregnancy, but it just grew stronger and stronger, and Gilbert just grew worried, and you could easily see that he was trying hard not to panic, at the end Austria just said he had to go to the bathroom, nothing weird, the albino visibly relaxed, and stayed in their bedroom waiting patiently for Roderich to finish. He heard a scream that got him out of his thoughts, he quickly went to the bathroom in a flash, and he opened the door and nearly passed away, what he saw… He couldn't believe his eyes, he didn't want to…

There was Roderich, screaming in pain and crying on his knees, in front of the toilet, blood trailing out of him, hands red because of the blood, there was blood everywhere, in Roderich's legs, trailing out of the toilet, in the floor… Prussia felt tears slid down his cheeks as realization hit him, there in the floor of the bathroom…

His baby…

Austria was whispering breathless "I'm sorry…" Or "It's my entire fault…" He dared to look up at Gilbert screaming 'I'm sorry' with his gaze, the albino wanted to wake up, this all was just a bad dream, surely he ate a bad piece of… something, but Roderich's screams made him fall, and fall hard, to the ground, he hurried to Roderich side and hugging him tight, he wanted to scream and cry too, but he had to be strong… Strong for Austria, strong for them.

"I-It's okay Prinzessin… S-Seriously… Please stop crying…" He said trying to comfort him. "It was not your fault…"

"It was! It was my entire fault! I must have done something wrong… Maybe… Maybe when I…" He trailed off trying to search for an explication, an explication for this… this nightmare, no. It was even more than a nightmare, it was like seeing everything you life for die in front of your eyes and you can't do anything to make it stop, like feeling your soul leave your body, and you just feel darkness, emptiness…

"Look at me…" Gilbert started again. "Roderich look at me, please…" He spoke with voice soft but strong, Roderich felt ashamed of himself, even thought it wasn't his fault. He dared to look up at Gilbert, shaking in fear.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" Roderich silently muttered, and took deep, shaky breaths, he finally found his voice again, and he spoke softly, but it heard loudly in the silent night, Gilbert tangled his fingers in Austria's messy locks, whispering sweet words of comfort in his ear. Roderich slowly stopped shaking, now he was only crying, tears rolling down his cheeks as waterfalls, sobbing quietly on Prussia's chest. He mumbled something against Gilbert's t-shirt, this one frowned as he felt breathes in his chest (Different from sobbing, at least…) and he said "What is it…?" Austria slowly raised his head locking eyes with the Prussian nation.

"I said… I-I'm sorry I miss… missca…" He tried to say but the simply word made tears form in the corner of his eyes, and made a knot in his throat. Gilbert simply patted slightly his head, tangling his fingers once more in his boyfriend's hair.

"Don't…" He said simply. "It was not your fault, ok? It was not. It was nobody's fault, things like this happen… It doesn't mean everything's lost…" He couldn't hide the sadness in his words, it was his baby! In the morning is just as happy and healthy as ever, and then just like that, gone... It was not fair, he felt life was not begin fair with them, he wanted to believe there was a reason for this to happen, but it was too sad to imply something good. ¿Why was that happening to them, right now…?

"I… I wanted to give you a child… Our child… It would look like us, and…" He smiled sadly at the thought. He imagined his son or daughter, really long afternoons of pure happiness, playing the piano, playing with Gilbird, taking the tea with Roderich, playing games with Gilbert… Doing everything they always did. And now it was… Gone, just like that.

"It's okay… It's not like we can't have another… I mean… Right now I'm devastated…" He dedicated one sad glaze at the reminders of their child. "But we can't lose hope…" Roderich allowed himself a small smile, it was true, after all. "Tomorrow we'll go to the hospital… Just to make sure everything is okay, yeah?" Gilbert said with a smile.

"O-Okay…"

"Come on… We have to wash you…"

Roderich sighed. "Ja…"

"I love you… Everything is going to be okay…"

"That's what I want to think…"

Prussia stood up with Austria still in his arms, walking slowly as he felt the cold blood between his legs, stepping inside the tub, water going red as he stepped in. After they finished they returned bed, not without giving one last look at the still liquid blood on the floor, it was painful, so they would have someone to clean it for them, it was just too painful to even stand in the room. They would not tell, but the silently wished the time they woke up, they would realize it was just a horrible nightmare.

The morning came, and they did not take bath that day.

When they first arrived to the hospital, they went straight to their doctor, Dr. White. He told them that he was going to do some analysis to get answers, he did them to both of them, and just to be sure he wasn't skipping anything. It was a three days wait for the results; at least they had that to distract them from thinking in… Well, the point is they were distracted from it; they had time to think, too, about what have they done wrong…? If they had done anything wrong. Dr. White called them a pretty quiet afternoon to inform them about the results, it turned out that they both had a problem.

Austria's problem made it very hard for him to have a child inside him like the other Nations did, his body didn't work in the same way as everyone, and there was a possibility of five in twenty for him to develop a normal pregnancy without the baby dying inside him in the first few weeks of begin there, he didn't knew, of course, you don't do tests to see if you can develop pregnancy in your life at least if you're male. Prussia's problem was in his sperm, ironically, he had a condition that made it hard for him to get a women―In this case, Roderich― pregnant, the doctor said there was a possibility of at least five in fifteen of getting his boyfriend pregnant. He kept his reaction to himself, thanking politely the doctor and saying good-bye to him, when he closed the door, his composure only lasted a few moments before he gritted his teeth in anger, he was angry, angry at himself.

"It was MY fault…" Gilbert said gritting his teeth forcefully, his jaw started hurting, glaring angry at the floor. "I'm not awesome enough to get you pregnant…" His hands turned into fists, his nails clutching hard in his skin. Roderich just stared at him sadly for a minute, before he spoke softly again.

"No… It was also my fault… You heard what the doctor said; I can't have a child like the other ones…" He forced a fake smile; he wanted to cheer his lover up, at least a little. "You did it but I…" He paused a little, staring now at the floor trying hard not to cry. "I killed it… With my body! It died because of ME!" He only snapped in the last word, he couldn't contain the tears anymore, Gilbert looked up at him, gaze softened visibly as he hugged his lover tight, Roderich's hand grabbed hard Prussia's jacket, sobbing quietly in Gilbert's chest. "I'm s-sorry I k-killed our ba-baby…" He said between whimpers.

"Don't say that… It wasn't your fault…"

"It wasn't yours either…"

Silence.

For the rest of the day they just stayed like that, they didn't really said much; there was nothing to say anyways.

Austria rarely played the piano, and when he did, the notes where strong and sad, you could say that the notes were crying themselves, it was the melody that makes you feel empty, Austria felt in that way, metaphorically and literally… Gilbert was serious all the time, he was still showing his love to Austria, he was still as sweet as he could be, but only with Austria he seemed to relax a little, he was extremely serious all the time, his friends were worried sick about him, even when it was just a call they could tell the bored Ludwig-like tone in his voice, thought he was not saying a word, ever.

Austria really couldn't take it anymore, he saw his hands red once more, the floor covered it what could have been his son or daughter, he remembered the pain, and he broke.

Prussia snapped his eyes open; he heard a familiar scream, from the bathroom. Fuck. He quickly climbed out of the bed, he knew how delicate Austria was with this topic, it was enough with them having problems in bed (Due to fear [Mostly Austria's] and because of Prussia's depression due to "Not begin awesome enough to please his Princess") so for the past week Roderich have been taking his showers in the guest rooms' bathroom, every time he passed nearby the bathroom door he became depressed, or sad. Prussia quickly opened the door, finding Austria in the floor just like that day, whimpering and shivering in the floor, it was just too much for him to take.

He hurried to his lover's side, hugging him as tight as he could, mumbling comforting words in his ear, he pulled away for a minute just to stand up and take Roderich up with him, he took him out of the bathroom, and they sat on their bed both hugging each other as thigh as their arms allowed them to.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have gone there… Sorry I woke you up…" Austria said in his lover's lap, as he straightened and looked properly at his lover, wiping the tears out of his eyes.

"You didn't know… Come on, let's go back to sleep." Prussia said with a small smile.

Austria nodded slowly , allowing himself to rest a little in his lovers arms, it have been so long since he had a restful night, he couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes he saw himself, sitting in his armchair, with a baby fall asleep in his lap. Fucking brain. Why did it have to come out with that sort of images? It wasn't fear.

"Hey, Roddy…"

"Hm..?"

"Tomorrow we're going to a World Meeting…"

Roderich sighed, he hated seeing everybody so happy because of their babies, and he felt…Jealous. "Why…?"

"I know it sucks… But we can't skip more… At least you, anyway…"

"Don't say that… You're just as important!"

Gilbert had to chuckle at that, it was cute how Austria cared so much about how he felt in that way. "Danke…"

"Fine… But it will be boring…"

"As always…" He placed a soft kiss in his lover's forehead, taking a deep breath, he wish he could be as happy as everyone, but life had another ideas… They slept as much as they could… Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

.

Yay, Prologue! It turned out to be longer than what I thought… But that's a good thing!

Thank you for reading and this is my first story… So don't me so mean to me! -Whimper-

Please, a review… Please…?