Nick and I have always been good friends ever since we met. We especially were close as I also shared a close friendship with his two best friends Schmit and Winston. While our friendship was largely platonic for the first few years things began to change after I broke up with my long-term boyfriend.

It started off small, it was just innocent flirtation. We kissed at a party over a year ago and neither of us thought anything about it, at the time I had a massive crush on a different guy in my year.

Though in the last few months stuff really got complicated. It all started with the summer break beginning, we had begun hanging out more mainly in the group of Nick, Schmit, Winston and myself. He was even nice enough to help me build all my new ikea furniture when I decided I needed a change. Many people began to allude to the possibility of Nick and I possibly becoming more than friends, but I just couldn't see it happen. My bestfriend Cece thinks I always have issues regarding denial when a guy might possibly begin to like me because I dont think highly enough of myself, but I genuinely didn't think someone like Nick could ever see me as more than a friend.

Things escalated really slowly, while at the same time really quickly. It began during a LOTR rings marathon with the boys at my house. It just happened that Schmit and Winston went to bed earlier and thus shared my guest bedroom, leaving Nick and I to share my own double bed.

I was freaking out about having Nick in my bed to say the least that I was a bit awkward and weird even when Nick made clear moves on me such as demanding a really intimate massage. I didn't really respond to him in hind sight and I think he might have thought I wasn't interested. I finally regained confidence in the morning when I moved his arm around me so that we were cuddling all morning.

We didn't really speak of that again. Two weeks later Nick threw a party at his house. We had been carrying on as usual. I was really disappointed as the whole evening during the party he was paying attention to my girlfriends and not me as well as doing stupid guy shit. At one stage he stripped naked and bombed into his pool. As a known close friend of his, his mother treated me as if I was his girlfriend and asked me to fetch him a towel and talk to him about his behaviour. This made me get a really weird feeling in my stomach.

It was not until everyone else except Schmit had left the party and I waited for my parent's to pick me up that finally something happened. Both of us were quite drunk. Due to how little attention he paid to me that night I was cold to him when I was about to leave, I hugged Schmit but didn't really address Nick. He was sprawled across a day bed. As I was about to walk out he protested, "Hey what the fuck Jess! Where's my goodbye?"
At the same time as feeling annoyed, I felt smug that he wanted a hug. However, when I went over he murmured, "give me a kiss goodnight". Without really thinking my lips crashed against his, within seconds I was on top of him straddling his hips and his hands were kneading my ass. I am unsure how much time had passed between I had the strength to pull myself away and announce I had to leave as my parents were waiting outside.

He offered to walk me out, and I gladly took the offer, we didn't get very far before he pushed me against the wall as started passionately kissing me again. He then picked me up so that my legs wrapped around his waist and proceeded to walk up his drive way. He stopped when he reached his parent's four-wheel drive and pushed me against it. One of his hands travelled up my thigh and he started to finger me as we continued to kiss. My dad called and I answered while never taking a break from kissing Nick. It was only with much nagging from my dad and will power that he set me on the ground again and I walked up the driveway fixing my clothes and hair.

Once again to some surprise we went on as if nothing ever happened. Platonic friends. Yep.

We even went down the coast on a 7 day holiday with a group of 9 friends where nothing occurred except some innocent flirting, which was a huge disappointment for me.

And so, i thought that was that.

It was not until a month and half later at my birthday party did things escalate and then crash and burn.

The night started off as quite a mess, Nick showed up over 2 hours late and then went on to flirt with Cece for majority of the night, even when we went out to a nightclub after the party. Schmit asked whether it would be okay for he and Nick to stay at my house after clubbing and I reluctantly said yes regardless of how annoyed I was at Nick, especially because Cece was already sleeping over.

When we got back to my house everyone was beyond intoxicated. We ate left over chocolate mud cake and just messed around. After an hour Schmit announced that he would be going to bed if nothing exciting was going to happen since Cece and I declined the suggestion to do more vodka shots.

I try to replay the events which followed in my head but it almost hurts me too much in ways physically, emotionally, positively and negatively. I had it in my head that there was something happening between Cece and Nick, so in an array of emotional distress I isolated myself by having a shower. I tried to calm myself down under the steady stream of warm water, I tried to cleanse not only my body but also my soul. Ten minutes later I felt slightly more at ease but as soon as I saw Cece and Nick in my room together the anger within me resurfaced immediately. They were not doing anything wrong and in hind sight it was completely and utterly irrational. Tatiana was just unclipping her hair extensions and laying them down on my bed while talking to brad who was sprawled across my bed. I've had trouble dealing with their relationship ever since Schmit told me Nickhad a fetish for Cece's ass. As much as people try to say chicks before dicks or bros before hoes in reality it is always romantic and sexual relations which ruin stable friendships due to insecurities, hurt, inability to accept the facts or trust issues. I value my friendship with Cece more than any other friendship in my life, but I won't lie, the brad situation tests me.

And so, wanting to just go to sleep before I did or said something I would very quickly come to regret I flatly said, "can you please get out of my room, I need to dress."

As if I didn't exist the two continued to chat but turned their heads so that I could put on my pyjamas. Irritated, I quickly pulled on the t-shirt with bunnies printed on it and turquoise boxers which were hung on my bed end.

"We'll, I'm going to bed now so..." I muttered as I pulled my blankets from under brad and climbed into my bed.

"Okay, I'll go have a shower and stuff," Cece responded with a smile. My heart softened as she looked at me and the anger almost immediately dissolved.

I smiled back at her, "Okay well if you feel like sleeping just come join me after."

She nodded before exiting the room with her extensions and pyjamas in her hands.

While Cece had left, Nick had not moved an inch since I entered the room. He still laid face down on my bed making tired moaning noises.

"Nick, go to bed." I murmured sternly hitting his shoulders.

"Ooh, that feels nice, more please," he looked up and grinned at me.

I couldn't help but giggle a bit before putting my stern face back on, "Come on Nick, I'm really tired, go downstairs and annoy Schmit."

He made some in audible noises of protest without shifting his body again. After another five minutes of me asking to be left to sleep Nick finally sat up, "Do you really want to go to sleep?"

"yes," I responded truthfully with a yawn.

"Okay then," he pulled himself off my bed, "goodnight," he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek on the edge of my lips. Without another word he rushed out of my room, turned off my light and shut the door.

And that was my eighteenth birthday party.

Ha- only kidding. In about five minutes after I finally started to doze up my door swinger open and Nick sprinted in and jumped on top of me. I groaned in protest struggling to push his body weight off of my body.

"Jeeesss, I can't sleep, I have too much energy." He continued to crush me, both metaphorically and literally.

"go annoy Cece or Schmit, I am seriously so tired, I can't stay awake," I replied quietly drifting back into sleep.

"But I'm bored! Jess! I'm bored! Come on let's do something! I have so much energy." He bounced up and down on top of me causing me to feel highly uncomfortable and sexually frustrated. When I didn't respond to him he pulled the covers from me and jumped into bed next to me.

"Ugh, fine, if you want something to do you can spoon me for a while," I said as I grabbed his arm and put it around me, he complied willingly. At first, we spooned and I was actually falling asleep, but then he started stroking my arm and then my cheeks. He nuzzled my head and before I knew it I turned my head and we started kissing. Within seconds he was somehow on top of me and his hands were travelling south.

My mind was a hurricane in this moment, I kissed him more passionately than I had ever kissed another, I wanted this him so desperately and part of me could not even comprehend that he was on top of me. I hadn't had another boy (well at least straight boy) sleep in my bed since Russell apart from Nick and I definitely hadn't kissed anyone on my own bed since Russell, I almost felt like an inexperienced virgin again, everything felt so new. It was refreshing.

At some point he had ripped my shirt off, I wasn't wearing a bra since I had just had a shower his hands roamed across my chest as we continued to kiss and grind in a steady rhythm. After some time past Cece finally finished her shower and wandered into my room, probably expecting to find me in a deep slumber, but instead found two half naked people on the verge of fucking. She later told me she thought Nick had been mediating and watching me sleep and didn't realise what was going on until I muttered the words, "Well... This is awkward."

Cece very quickly disappeared after she realised what was occurring in my bedroom. Nick and I slowed down after she left and we became aware of the fact that we were both half naked, drunk and in bed together.

What I didn't expect to hear was what he said next, "lets have a threesome."

I laughed half because I thought he was joking and half from shock, "no way."

"I don't want to take the attention away from you but I've just always wanted to have a threesome." He drunkenly slurred as he planted kisses down my neck.

"There is no way I would have a threesome, especially with Cece, that is just fucked up." I responded with now a hint of annoyance. The anger began to resurface but I didn't have the will power to stop returning his kisses.

"How about a foursome?" He nuzzled me softly and stroked my cheek.

"Nope, it's not going to happen." I started to laugh, "sorry I don't think I can see Schmit naked, that kind of scares me."

He stopped trying to beg me momentarily and we started having really intense dry- pretty much we were having sex but there was the barrier of our underwear. I huskily announced, "I don't want a foursome but i can give you something else," before kissing down his neck to his stomach and then his unusually large dick. Though, He was teasing me so much that I couldn't help it anymore, I had told him i wouldn't have sex tonight due to how drunk we were countless times already but this little voice inside my head kept feeling me this would be my only chance to fuck brad and that if I didn't take it I would kick myself forever.

So, thus, I said if we were going to have sex I was going to have a shower first to sober up so it would at least be more pleasant. I went to have another shower, and it was the most adrenaline rushed shower I have ever had, but when I returned to my room it was empty. I won't lie, I completely freaked out and started to panic thinking the worst. I thought maybe I scard him off, or he changed his mind and came to his senses or even worse he wasn't serious about it the whole time. I laid in my bed confused for another five minutes before brad finally came back and announced that he had just spent the past ten minutes trying to convince Cece and Schmit to have a foursome. The next day I found out he told the others I was keen and upstairs waiting.

Though as soon as he got back into my bed it was as if we had never moved, but this time all our articles of clothing were removed and for the first time we were completely naked in front of one another. We were exploring each others bodies when my door opened slightly again and the song "birthday sex" started playing loudly. At first Nick and I were extremely confused about where the music was coming from, but we soon figured out that Schmit and Cece were the culprits when we heard Cece's signature laugh. Soon the other two returned to the guest room downstairs while Nick and i continued unbothered. He was about to enter me when I came to some form of drunken sense and pulled a condom out of my dresser.

I can not emphasis enough how large Nicks penis is. Think of a big dick and then think even bigger. It's not just long, but its also very fat. It's a monster. Honestly I truly hope he never takes anyone's virginity, I cannot imagine how much it would hurt as it even hurt me when we first started.

He was on top to start of with and I held onto him for dear life as I was getting used to his size, he told me that he "hadn't really fucked a girl before" and that he didn't really count his first because it was so short. For someone who didnt have all that much experience he was doing pretttttty well. I wrapped my legs around his waist and suppressed my need to scream by bitting down on his shoulder or kissing him. At times he held my arms above my head as if i was his hostage. He would roughly ram into me causing my head to bash into my bedhead. We eventually changed positions so that I was on top, his hands did not leave my ass for a second. I'm not sure how long we fucked, half an hour maybe until he collapsed on top of me in completion.

He went to the bathroom to clean up the mess I was too afraid to look at and then I fell asleep in his arms. One or two hours later however I awoke to his kiss, and I found myself crushed under his weight. In a storm of passion he re-entered me and in the heat of the moment I didn't care that he wasn't wearing protection. It was spectacular, and I'm not sure either of us could blame alcohol for the second time. There was some sort of spark there which was genuine and I am sure of it even if it doesn't mean much now.