"Come on Nick, please."

"Jess, no, for the hundredth time, I don't need to lock my suitcase. No one's gonna want anything in there anyway."

"I know, but just to be safe. I don't want you wearing the same filthy ensemble for five days."

"Not that it's much of a change, anyway." Winston interrupts, planting himself down beside Nick.

"Hey man? A little respect?"

"Winston, come on. Nick may be lazy and unmotivated but he is not a slob."

"He's kind of a slob."

"Ladies, Gentlemen, Nick." Schmidt appears from his room carrying an A4 notepad.

Nick raises both his eyebrows, slightly astounded by all the 'Nick Hate' and opens his mouth to defend himself, but is swiftly cut short by Schmidt.

"I have compiled a checklist to make sure that we are as prepared for this vacation as much as possible."

"I thought going on vacation meant we didn't need lists." Winston retorts.

"And where in the laws of vacationing does it state that. Do you know? Of course you don't, because it doesn't exist there."

"You didn't give me a chance to-."

"Okay, now what I need you three to do is make sure that you have readily packed the stated items and are prepared to leave at 6am sharp tomorrow morning."

Nick groans audibly, throwing his head backwards.

"Is there a problem, Nicholas?"

"I don't get why we have to leave so damn early. You said if we agreed to come to Hawaii with you that it'd be relaxing."

"I'm sorry; this is coming from a guy who leaves for planes home for Christmas every year at 4am?" Jess teases, swiping her hand playfully over his. She interlocks fingers with him and plants a light kiss on his cheek, to which he responds by kissing her tenderly on her rose-red lips.

Now it's Schmidt's turn to groan.

"You two had better tone down the lovey-dovey nonsense when we leave tomorrow. If either of you gets mono I'm not letting you use my health insurance."

Jess smiles against Nick's lips, breathing softly onto them, and finishes with one last peck.

"The list, Schmidt?" Winston says impatiently. "You know I gotta go see Daisy before we go. A man's gotta get a release before he goes without sex for five days."

"Yes well whenever Anastasia and Christian are finished sucking the life out of each other."

"Man, I told you that book was a bad idea." Winston directs to Nick.

"Fifty shades of 'why?' more like." Jess responds, her head resting on Nick's shoulder.

"Onto the list that I so gracefully prepared, using the finest quality ink, from the finest quality of pen-"

"Schmidt!" They impatiently exclaim in unison.

"Okay, okay, I get it. You all have sexual needs that you must tend to, while I wallow alone in my cocoon of melancholy, while my true love loves another."

"Okay I'm out." Winston says. He is promptly out the door, almost leaving a dust outline of where he once was before Schmidt can react. He stands, mouth slightly agape at his roommate's sudden departure.

"Not to worry. At least we'll be conscious of our necessities for tomorrow." Schmidt gestures to the two, including himself in the little triangle motion his finger is making.

"Hooray for us." Jess mutters sarcastically into Nick's ear.

"As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted, I have compiled a list-"

"Yeah, yeah, list and ink we got all that." Nick signals for him to speed up before he too disappears and locks himself into his room.

"Very well. Jessica Day, as you are a female and have been for quite some time." Jess raises an eyebrow. "I assume you have tampons and sanitary towels and painkillers et cetera, for when, or if the red devil appears suddenly."

"I'm sure Honolulu will cater for feminine hygiene products, Schmidt."

Ignoring her remark, he continues.

"As for you Nicholas, you should still have those condoms I loaned you a few weeks back. I assure you have some left."

Jess bites her thumb, a wide grin graces her features as Nick squeezes her hand in his.

He clears his throat of any laughter that may escape.

"Sure do, pal."

"Well I'm glad to hear that, because our budget does not account for protecting against any mini-Millers. Which is probably for the best in case the hotel refrains from sound proofing the walls"

"Who says it'll be confined to the hotel room, Schmidt?" Nick smirks.

"Disgusting, disgusting human beings. Have you no shame?"

"None that I'm aware of." Jess chirps proudly.

"Are you done yet, Schmidt? She's making it very difficult to concentrate on all that yammer coming out of your pie-hole."

"You're weak."

"Not gonna argue with him, Miller you are pretty weak." Jess purrs, tracing circles on Nick's arm.

"When did this become about me?"

Schmidt rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed at his roommate's indiscreet infatuation with each other.

"Fine, if you two aren't going to take this seriously, I'll leave. But don't come crying to me when you forget clean underwear. Have fun eating each other's faces off. Schmidt: out."

"What an idiot." Nick mumbles.

"Heard that!"

"You were supposed to!"

"I feel kind of bad for him." Jess says sympathetically. "He did plan this for us, the least we can do is try to make him happy."

"What are you suggesting?" Nick responds.

"Maybe if we hold off on the no-pants parties-."

"Sex, Jess. It's called sex."

"Right, that. Maybe if we hold off on it until we get there."

"Is this about the condoms, Jess?"

She smiles at him, as innocently as she possibly can, widening her eyes to such an unusually large scale, he can only comply with her. Not only because he finds 'googly eyes kinda hot', but also because he knows if they torture themselves for a whole forty-eight hours at most, the sex will be just as incredible.

"Okay, no sex tonight."

"Woah, slow down there. Sex doesn't have to be all intercourse, Nicholas."

And now her smile has transformed into a devious little pout. Which is totally not helping him in any way. So he acts on the next best idea that he's had all day, besides the choice to let Jess make the French Toast, (he cannot suffer anymore burnt pinkies), and swings her up from the couch, pulling her into his arms in a cradling fashion, resulting in a small, light giggle from her as she tugs at the collar of his shirt, and disappears into his bedroom.

And he's pretty damn sure that last condom won't last.