There was a prompt on the kink meme of this pairing and how Joker would show Jack that there were other ways to have sex than she knows about. And I thought "The psychotic biotic and the fragile pilot? No way!" But then I thought about it some more and being an angry powerhouse wasn't exactly Jack's choice, was it? They made her like that but that doesn't mean she wants to be like that. From that thought these two just started talking in my head and wanted to be written down.

()()()

"He could have died! Damn you, Shepard, he could have died because you left him here without anyone capable of fighting! He could have died...!"

She suddenly felt her arms pulled back in a strong grip and angrily flared her biotics. No one could hold her like that.

A two-toned voice snarled into her ear. "Don't you think she knows that? Don't you think she blames herself already? What are you trying to gain here?"

Garrus loosened his grip on Jack's arms and turned her around. "She is already blaming herself. I know how you feel, believe me and she knows it too. But you are not really angry at her, you are angry at yourself."

Jack snorted loudly and pushed him away, "Oh, look who got a fucking degree in armchair psychology now?"

"Shut up, Jack. How about you go to your man, the hero who saved the ship and tell him how afraid you were?" Garrus turned around and walked over to Shepard, who stood in front of the CIC station, still like a statue, her hands opening and closing at her sides.

Jack pulled air through her teeth, "I'm not afraid..."

"Whatever, you're wasting time here." Garrus said over his shoulder and then carefully put one hand on Shepard's shoulder. Her head snapped around like she hadn't even realized that anybody was there. Garrus put his arm around her shoulders and walked her over to the elevator. When the doors had closed behind them, Jack heard Shepard yell out in an ear shattering, angry scream that went through the whole ship.

Jack noticed that she was shaking. Hot fucking damn it, the turian is right. I'm so afraid.

About four months earlier, early morning shift.

She liked sitting in the co-pilot chair at night. The vast blackness of space, a few stars twinkling here and there, even Jack could appreciate the view. She also liked the orange glow of the flight controls, how they made the cockpit glow. She actually liked it best when Joker was there as well, but tonight only the relief pilot sat in the main chair. The pilot, Martinez, eyed her from the side as if she was afraid of Jack exploding at any second.

Jack contemplated jumping from her chair to yell "Boo!" at the relief pilot, but decided that would be way too childish. What a dumb idea.

Behind her she heard the familiar shuffle of Joker, coming up to the cockpit. Martinez jumped out of the chair as if something had bitten her and ran out with a nod towards Joker. He looked confused for a minute, but then discovered her sitting in the co-pilot seat and he laughed out. "Have you scared poor Martinez again?"

"I didn't do anything. I was just sitting here." Jack mumbled.

"That's usually enough, crazy Lady." Joker said and slid into the pilot chair. His hands lovingly caressed the leather on the armrest before flying over the translucent display, checking the ship.

Jack had spent a few nights up in the cockpit with Joker. They didn't talk much. She had once tried to rile him up by calling him a cripple and he had called her a psycho experiment and that had been that. She hadn't thought about how much she liked sitting in the cockpit with him until tonight, when he hadn't been there.

"Where were you?" She asked.

"Aww, sweety, did you miss me?" Joker asked with the biggest fucking grin he could possibly fit on his face. Jack felt her biotics prickle on her scalp, he was practically asking for a punch to the face. Unfortunately that would be lethal for him and Jack was pretty sure that Shepard would not be very forgiving if she killed her precious pilot.

"Fuck you, you are usually here at this time and Martinez is just creepy." Jack answered. Why the hell did she even start a fucking conversation with the guy?

"Martinez isn't creepy, you're just scary." Joker said without taking his eyes off the flight controls. "I had to run some diagnostics last night and ran a bit later than usual, so I slept a bit longer."

Jack kept looking at his profile, the rim of the stupid cap shading his eyes from the orange glow. "If I'm so scary, why aren't you nervous around me? Martinez always looks like she expects me to fucking burst into flames or something."

That fucking grin was back on Joker's face. "Well, you know, I guess I'm just not afraid of you. Everybody on this ship could break me, you are really no different."

"No different?" Jack was outraged. "Why don't you ask Donelly how he liked it when he was hitting on me."

"Oh, he was complaining about it for a week, you almost broke his arm and every other bone in his body." Joker laughed. "It was great, he was carrying his omni-cast around like a badge of honor." He turned to Jack. "But I'm not hitting on you so I'm safe."

Jack snorted. "Better not, why would you even think of hitting on me?"

Joker winked at her. "Well, you know, maybe dangerous women are an aquired taste for me."

Jack snorted. "The fuck? Dangerous women? You can't even have sex without breaking in half, you think you can handle me?"

This time Joker turned around with his chair and faced her. The look on his face was suddenly serious. "I'm not afraid of you, Jack, so cut the act." He turned back to the controls. "If I would have let my Vrolics decide what I can or can't do, I wouldn't even be sitting here. And, yes, I have had sex and it didn't break me. Don't think you know my strength, just because I can't punch through walls like you."

Jack opened her mouth but she didn't know what to say. Usually they just exchanged some snarks here and there; serious conversations were not part of their usual banter. Not knowing what to do pissed her off. "Well, fucking congratulations." She snapped and got up. She walked out of the cockpit and got even more mad when she realized that she would have liked it if Joker had called her back. She paused for a moment to see if he did. But he didn't.

"Stupid fucking pilot." She mumbled as she went back down into her cave underneath the engineering deck.

The next night she woke up at her usual time again. Her sleep rhythm kept her away from all the noisy crewmembers and especially the quirky Cerberus cat Kelly who wanted her to talk about her fucking feelings all the time. She was about to get up to saunter to the cockpit, but hesitated.

After that last conversation with Joker she felt awkward. She didn't need some cripple to tell her his feelings. Maybe he didn't even like her spending time in the cockpit. He was always awfully defensive about the Normandy and the cockpit was practically his living room. She leaned her back against the wall, suddenly without a plan of what to do. She realized with a start that she had gotten used to the routine of going up there and sitting in the cockpit with Joker.

She got up and aimlessly began to wander around the ship. Finally she ended up in the starboard observatory. The room was bare and had a giant window to look out into space. It was almost like in the cockpit, only without the orange glow from the flight controls. In front of the window, Samara the asari Justicar sat cross legged, bathed in the blue glow of her powerful biotics. It looked like she was floating.

Jack hesitated. She wanted to look out the window but she didn't want to talk to the Justicar. The asari was the only biotic Jack had met who possessed more power than herself. She walked over to the window, keeping the glowing asari in the corner of her vision. Her eyes were open and glowed white. Between her hands, a storm of biotics was floating, blue arcs spreading out like lightning that licked at her fingertips in the dim light of the lounge.

Suddenly the asari let her biotics die down, closed her eyes and opened them again to look at Jack without the bright glow. "Do you wish to speak to me, child?" She asked with her soothing voice.

"I'm not your fucking child." Jack growled angrily. The calmness of the justicar made her suspicious, as if she knew something about her that she didn't say. "No, no talking, I just wanted to look out of the window."

"Very well." The justicar turned her face away and began to glow again. Jack was taken aback, she was not used to being ignored like that.

Who does she think she is?

Jack leaned against the window frame and put her forehead against the ice cold glass. It felt good for a short time but became unbearably cold after a while. She tried to endure it for as long as possible, only pulling away when it felt like her skull would crack. At the edge of her vision, she could still see the blue glow from the asari justicar. Somehow it made her nervous.

She sat down next to the asari and looked out front. She was getting very bored. "What are you doing here anyway?" Jack asked.

The blue glow disappeared and Samara turned to her. "So you do wish to speak?" She asked with a bemused smile.

"I just want to know what the fuck you're doing here? There is nothing here. This room is even less inviting than mine." Jack was quite aware that she could make her cave under the engineering deck look as nice as she wanted to, but she didn't see the point. It wasn't like she was inviting guests down there. And there really wasn't a point in decorating a place that you would have to leave soon anyway.

She still hadn't really decided if she even wanted to stay. While the money was nice, she didn't have that stupid streak of helper syndrome like the queen of the boyscouts did. Why should she risk her life for a bunch of humans who wouldn't give her the time of day if she ever met them?

Next to her Samara spoke again. "I'm meditating. I am very old, child and there are many things I have seen and done that weigh heavily on my mind."

Jack stood up and crossed her arms. "I'm still not your child." She mumbled.

A faint smile crossed Samara's face. "You are all children to me. Such a short lived species and so hungry for life." The asari looked up to Jack. "I will gladly answer any questions you have. But if you do not wish to talk, I will return to my meditations."

Jack shrugged. "Whatever."

Samara's eyes began to glow white and the blue biotic storm appeared between her hands again. Jack looked at her for a while and she couldn't help but be slightly envious of the asari's calmness. She herself didn't feel calm, she felt restless, angry.

And lonely. What the fuck?

Jack returned to the starboard observatory after three nights of aimlessly wandering the ship and avoiding the cockpit. Samara sat at her usual spot, glowing blue and balancing the biotic storm between her hands.

Jack sat down next to her and waited for Samara to notice her. The blue glow dimmed down and the asari turned to her, "Would you like to speak tonight, child?"

Jack swallowed a retort about her still not being her child and nodded. Samara kept looking at her and she realized that the Justicar expectedherto start the conversation.

For a minute she didn't know what to say. She couldn't make sense of it herself, why she felt so wrong. And what would a stone-old Justicar know about that? Jack jumped up again to leave the room, there was nothing this asari could help her with.

The calm voice of Samara stopped her in the door. "Why are you so restless, child?"

Jack stopped. She wanted to shout and scream but she didn't even know about what. "Why are you not? How can you be so calm on this ship full of strangers, fucking Cerberus soldiers who hate aliens and a Commander who doesn't even live herself?" She finally yelled out. Jack walked back and began pacing in front of the window.

"You are an astute observer, Jack." Samara answered calmly. "This is indeed an unusual situation for me. I have traveled this galaxy alone for hundreds of years and I had very little contact with humans." Her eyes followed Jack's movements. "I do not feel hate or distrust from the Cerberus members on the crew, so I am not worried about them. The Commander has brought more aliens on board and there have been no hateful incidents. That is why I feel safe."

"Yeah, you haven't been around humans much, I can tell." Jack muttered angrily. "Humans can act like they're your best fucking friend, then rob you and shoot you in the back when you stop being useful."

Samara looked her in the eyes. "And what happened to this best friend?"

"Oh, I killed the fucker. Thought I was an easy victim. Fucking asshole, he found out what a bad idea that was." Jack only now realized that Samara had noticed the story was not hypothetical. She stared at her, but she saw no judgement in the asari's eyes.

"And you think the Commander is not really living?" Samara asked.

"Her and the turian, man, I don't know what their fucking problem is but she walks around like a zombie, it gets worse everyday." Jack shook her head. "I see her go into the battery every single day and she always comes out looking worse than before, like she's lost all hope."

Samara had a little smile on her face. "You are indeed an astute observer. I can see a bond between them that is strained to breaking point. If it snaps, I'm not sure the Commander will want to survive this mission."

"You can see that?" Jack asked with disbelief. "Again, why the fuck are you so calm? Your survival and mine kind of depends on her!"

"The Commander will not endanger us, only herself. She will do her best to have us survive but without that bond, her own survival is unsure."

"Man, now I have to worry about that too? What a fucking joke." Jack said quietly, more to herself than to Samara.

"You are not used to working with other people?" Samara asked.

"Oh, fuck no! This is like the stupidest shit ever, all these people and we are all in this together, lalala, like a big fucking family... Fuck! Makes me want to puke!" Jack slammed her hand against the window frame, causing the mass effect field to waver into visibility.

"Then why did you agree to come along?" The Justicar asked in her perfectly calm voice.

Jack took a deep breath. Why did she? She had no answer, she wasn't even sure herself. "I don't fucking know." She snarled and stomped out of the room. She made her way down to her cave and spend the rest of the day brooding about questions.

At one point Donelly showed up and wanted to talk to her. He only left when she biotically threw one of the storage containers towards him. It's like he doesn't get the hint at all.

Why was she here? Why the fuck did she even stay?

She was brooding for the rest of the day. Wondering about her place on this ship, her purpose. She shook her head at herself; she had never needed a purpose besides surviving. She'd always just lived from day to day, taken the bad jobs that nobody wanted, fought and killed and left everyone she had ever met behind. She never needed friends, never needed support. She was strong, she stood alone.

But on this stupid ship people tried to be her friend. She had never asked for that, she didn't need that. Friends were just people who needed you now, so they just waited until later to stab you in the back. She really didn't need that.

She lifted one of her knives with a little biotic force and flipped it around her hand. With a flick of her wrist and a slash of blue biotic lighting she threw the knife across the room. It crashed against the metallic plating of the ship and the blade shattered. Jack huffed in frustration, she should put a foam board or something like that there, so she could at least practice throwing her knifes.

A slight snicker made her snap her head around. There, on the last step of the stairs leading down into her cave stood Joker. How he had managed to sneak up on her was completely beyond her. She should have heard his shuffle from a mile away.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Joker?" She asked angrily.

The pilot just grinned. "Apparently I'm watching you trying to stick knifes into the bulkhead of my baby. You really shouldn't do that."

The voice of the AI sounded out from the ceiling. "I have observed Subject Zero's actions and determined them as not dangerous to my bulkhead. I would have stopped her, if necessary."

"Yes, EDI, I'm sure you would." Joker said and rolled his eyes. He caught himself when he noticed the anger on Jack's face.

"I'm not fucking Subject Zero, I have a name! You stupid fucking tin can, my name is Jack!"

The AI's voice answered calmly. "I apologize. I did not intend to insult you, Jack. I have exchanged your name in my files now."

Jack slammed her fist against one of the support beams next to her cot and let out an angry grunt. She noticed Joker stepping up to her and she turned around abruptly. To her satisfaction he took a step back and raised his hands, a hint of fear on his face.

"Calm down, Jack." He said.

"Why the fuck should I calm down?" She yelled. "Everybody is always so fucking calm..."

"Hey, sure, be as angry as you want, I just want to make it out of here alive." Joker said, taking another step back towards the stairs.

"Why the fuck are you even down here?" Jack asked, now a bit calmer.

"Well, you haven't visited me in a while and I thought I'd see where you spend all your time." He let his gaze travel along the bare walls, the simple cot and the small table, both with some datapads thrown on it. "Nice place you have here." He said sarcastically.

"My decorator is on vacation." Jack snapped at him.

Joker grinned. "Hey, I could help you. You could put some drapes up here, with a bright pattern or maybe with a red dragon on it. That would look awesome."

Jack was speechless, did the guy really give her tips on decorating now? Although she had to admit, a red dragon would look kind of awesome.

"Just fuck off, Joker." She said and leaned back against the wall behind her cot. Joker nodded at her and began to slowly shuffle back up the stairs. Before he disappeared from her view he called back to her. "See you later, Jack."

"Whatever." She mumbled and only realized after she had heard the door close behind him that she had never agreed to meet him later. She had no reason to go to the cockpit at all. She shook her head, the stupid fucking pilot really thought they were friends.

Nevertheless, at the usual time in the middle of the night shift, she found her way up to the cockpit. She had nothing better to do anyway and she still liked the view. As she came closer, she heard unfamiliar voices speaking. She carefully approached the cockpit, making as little noise as possible. She had no interest in meeting a bunch of new people.

But the cockpit was empty, save for Joker in his chair. The voices apparently came from a recording and it sounded like a vid-show without pictures. Jack listened confused, the language sounded kind of dated and the story was full of made-up words like Aras and Mal-Se. Jack stepped over to the co-pilot's chair and sat herself down. Joker must have noticed the movement from the corner of his eyes and he yelled out involuntarily.

"Whoa! Holy crapshit! Don't sneak up on me like that."

Jack grinned. "Not my fault when you have all this noise on in here."

Joker tabbed a button and the recording stopped mid-sentence. "You want to listen to it from the beginning?"

Jack opened her mouth for some snarky remark and shut it again. Did she? What was it with people asking her questions all the time? "What kind of shit is this anyway?" She blurted out.

"That 'shit' is an audio-drama, it's like a movie without pictures. I like to listen to these, if nothing stressing is going on. I can still work cause I don't have to watch and have a story told to me." He tabbed the interface on his omni-tool. "Let's start at the beginning, so you know what's going on. This is a very old show from Earth, it's a series that started more than 200 years ago, called Perry Rhodan. It ran as single story booklets in Germany and there are billions of these. They rereleased them recently and some 'cycles' have been made into audio dramas." He turned to her smiling. "It's science fiction from the past and they had all these cool ideas, there are different universes with new laws of physics, different time-lines, weird weapons. There is one story where someone has a weapon that makes everybody stupid, can you imagine?" He turned back to the interfaces in front of him. "Just listen, it's so cool."

Jack was fascinated how excited Joker looked. The last time he had acted like this, he had been doting about his leather seat. She found herself strangely endeared by his behaviour, like he was letting her in on something personal. Why did that make her feel so good? She wanted to snap at him but all she said was, "Okay." Her voice sounded strangely breathless.

What the fuck?

Before she could say more, a narrator with a pleasantly deep voice introduced the show and the episode. After a few minutes, Jack found herself enthralled by the story, something about brain patterns and mutants and loads of other weird things. Somehow it became even greater by looking outside into the darkness of space, her eyes searching for the lights of distant stars. Everything seemed possible looking out there, even worlds full of telepathic mutants.

Only when the story ended and the silence spread out in the cockpit, did Jack become aware that she had been sitting next to Joker for an hour. One hour in comfortable silence, without any jabs or snarky remarks at each other. That had to be a new record.

Joker had a faint smile on his lips as he tapped the interfaces in front of him. His stupid cap had moved up and revealed his pale eyes. It was hard to tell what color they were, in the darkness of the cockpit and the orange glow of the interfaces. They actually looked like gold.

Jack turned her eyes back to the vast darkness of space in front of her. What eyecolor the pilot had was really not of her concern. She didn't need to know that.

"Same time tomorrow for the next episode?" Joker's voice gave her a start, and why the fuck did that happen now? She wanted to roll her eyes at herself, all this cuddly friendshippy shit had made her inattentive and complacent.

"Why should I care?" She snapped and pushed herself out of the chair. Walking out she wanted to relish in the familiar feeling of being on her own and not needing anybody for her own happiness.

It didn't quite work.

Fuck!

The next day, Jack hesitated as she came up to the cockpit. She didn't want Joker to think that he had become her friend or some such shit. But she really wanted to know how the story continued.

Finally she stomped into the room and let herself fall sideways on the chair on the right hand side of the ship. Joker turned his head and gave her a bright smile. "Good morning to you, Jack."

"Yeah, good fucking morning." She grumbled and let her head fall to the side against the backrest. She didn't look at him and his stupid happy face.

She only turned towards him when she heard him move out of his chair. He shuffled towards the door and called back over his shoulder, "I'll be right back, sweety, I'm just going to get some coffee." He was out before she could snap at him for calling her sweety.

When he came back, he carried two steaming cups and handed her one. She looked at him angrily, "I don't drink coffee..."

"I know." Jeff interrupted. "Honestly, I don't know how you can possibly live that way, but maybe it is a good idea to not subject someone like you to coffee-jitters." He placed his cup into a holder and slid into his chair. "That's not coffee, that's cocoa. I always drank that as a child and I thought... you probably never had cocoa as a child."

He didn't look at her, he took his cup and blew over it, making the steam waft away from his face. There was a strange feeling in her throat that she couldn't put a name to. Turning her eyes back to the window she took a careful sip of the cocoa. It was warm and sweet and felt soft on her tongue. She had never had anything like it before.

"This is good." She mumbled. "I like it."

"Good." Joker nodded. "Thought you might." With a tap on his omni-tool he started the next episode of the audio-drama. Jack was glad that she didn't have to talk, she wouldn't have known what to say anyway.

()()()

Just in case you have never heard of Perry Rhodan, it is only "the most successful science fiction book series ever written." (wikipedia - Perry_Rhodan)

;-)

Next chapter coming soon...

Thanks to Spyke1985 for editing.