Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Glee; it all belongs to 20th Century Fox, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, et al. I write these stories purely for enjoyment; no copyright infringement is intended. The songs, of course, are not mine either, and all due credit goes to the wonderful writers and performers of those songs.

Author's Note: This was written by request for the wonderful kutlessgurl90, who has been a faithful and enthusiastic reviewer of my little tales. This is an AU "Sadie Hawkins" in which Kurt and Blaine get themselves sorted a little bit earlier, thanks to a confession from Tina and some truth-telling from Rachel. "Catch My Breath" was originally performed by Kelly Clarkson. The title is inspired by one of Kurt's thoughts in the story, and also by Sarah McLachlan's song "Hold On." Chapter Two to follow.

Hold On

Kurt shouldered his bag and checked his phone on his way out of Cassie July's dance class – and by all that was holy, his muscles hurt; the woman was a sadist. He frowned when he saw that he had two missed calls, and it was only 11 a.m. He hit the button that displayed the caller, and his eyebrows went up in surprise at the Tina Cohen-Chang on the display.

What on earth could Tina want? He knew that Tina and Blaine had become friends, but he hadn't really spoken to Tina since he left Lima.

Kurt shook his head in puzzlement. He didn't have time; he was supposed to meet Rachel for lunch (without Brody, thank heaven), and then he had his vocal studio followed by his fencing class. Tina would have to wait.

"Kurt, what is that buzzing?" Rachel said in exasperation toward the end of their lunch, setting her salad fork down on the table. They were at a little café that had become one of their favorites, about a block away from NYADA. "It keeps happening, and it sounds like a phone; did you put your phone on vibrate?"

"You know the punishment for having your phone go off in Cassie's class as well as I do," Kurt reminded her. "I did not want to deal with that."

Rachel nodded her head in agreement; she had already been on probation with Cassie once and had no intention of repeating the experience.

"It is my phone; Tina keeps calling me," Kurt explained, pulling his phone from his bag again. "I don't know why. I haven't talked to her in ages."

"You could answer it," Rachel said in amusement, a smile curving the corners of her mouth.

Kurt sighed. "Is it weird that I don't want to? We're in New York, we're finally away from all of the New Directions drama, and I really don't want to be pulled back into it. You and I have enough going on in our lives, all by ourselves."

"All by ourselves, with Adam and Brody," Rachel laughed.

"Exactly," Kurt grinned, and he tossed the phone to the bottom of his bag as he and Rachel began to discuss their respective not-quite boyfriends.

Kurt plodded wearily up to their Bushwick loft that night, his body tired and aching after both dancing and fencing, plus the workout of a two-hour vocal studio. Mondays were brutal. He opened the door to find Rachel reheating leftovers, and he gave her a grateful smile.

"Thank you for that," he said as he set his bag down. "I don't have the energy to cook, and you frighten me when you're around a stove."

Rachel smiled back at him. "I know. I figured microwaves are about the extent of my talent, but at least this way we can just eat, and you won't be any more tired than you already are. It does get better. Your body gets used to it."

Kurt sat at the table and pulled a plate toward him, beginning to eat ravenously, just as a buzzing sound came from his bag again.

"Is Tina still calling you?" Rachel said, frowning. She dug through Kurt's satchel until she found the offending phone. "Twelve missed calls! Kurt, what is going on?"

"I don't know what's going on, clearly, and I honestly don't care," Kurt snapped tiredly. "My phone has been buzzing all day, and I don't know what Tina wants, and I would really be grateful if she would stop calling."

"Kurt," Rachel said gently, sitting and pulling her chair close to him, "what if it's something serious? I can't imagine she would call you twelve times in one day if it wasn't important. What if it's about Blaine? They've become fairly good friends, haven't they?"

"If it was about Blaine, Blaine would call me himself, and he hasn't," Kurt pointed out. "We've been okay since Christmas; we've been talking. I can't imagine he wouldn't at least text me if something had happened."

"Unless he can't," Rachel said quietly, and Kurt blanched. Rachel's heart ached; she could tell she had just voiced the one thing Kurt had been trying not to think about all day. "Or unless he's afraid to."

Kurt sucked in a breath, trying not to let his voice waver. "Why would he be – "

"Kurt," Rachel chided him, her voice careful but firm. "You two have history, a lot of it. Blaine hardly ever asks for help from anyone. Even I know that. He might feel that there are things he can't ask you for anymore."

Kurt was silent, his eyes on his plate, and Rachel knew it hurt him to contemplate that possibility. She set the phone next to his hand that was lying on the table.

"Call Tina," she told him. "Even if it's not about Blaine and it's just drama, won't you feel better knowing that it's not something terrible?"

"Okay," Kurt agreed softly. "Let me eat, first, though. No matter what, if I'm getting into an involved conversation with Tina, I want to have some fortification."

He gave Rachel a half-smile, and she squeezed his hand in approval before turning back to her own plate.

Kurt was true to his word. After helping Rachel do the dishes, he retired to his room with his cell phone and a large mug of decaf coffee. Taking a long breath, he went to his missed calls and dialed Tina's number.

She picked up on the first ring. "Kurt," she said, and he could hear her relief even through the phone. "Thank goodness you called. I've been trying to reach you all day!"

"I know; I'm sorry about that," Kurt said, deciding it was better to forego a long explanation. "I have a long day of classes today, and I don't usually get home until dinner, sometimes later. What's going on?"

Tina hesitated, then, "I did something stupid," she confessed, shame clear in her voice. "It was really stupid, but now I'm worried, and I didn't know who else to call about this –"

"Tina," Kurt cut in, not unkindly. "What did you do?"

"I, um, I might have proposed a Sadie Hawkins dance to the student council," Tina murmured.

"You what?" Kurt exclaimed, swiftly sitting upright and narrowly missing spilling coffee in his lap.

"I know!" Tina cried. "I know, but Kurt, I honestly didn't think about Blaine at first! I was trying to help the girls feel better and feel a little empowered; there are so many girls at McKinley who just walk around looking sad and trying to be invisible, and the Too Young to be Bitter Club thought it was a great idea – and Blaine was in the meeting, he's student council president for goodness' sake, and he was there! He seemed fine with it."

"Of course he seemed fine with it, Tina; Blaine makes an art form out of seeming fine with everything and everyone," Kurt said heatedly.

"It gets worse," Tina said desperately. "You know the whole point is that the girls are supposed to ask the guys, and in glee club we were supposed to ask the person of our choice with a musical number. Blaine and I have been hanging out a lot lately, and so –"

Kurt's hands were shaking, and every part of him was suddenly cold; he had to set his coffee down on the nightstand before he dropped it. "Tell me you didn't, Tina Cohen-Chang," he demanded, his voice lowering dangerously. "Please tell me you didn't."

"I did," Tina said miserably, and Kurt could hear her sniffling through tears, but he was too angry to care. "He was – he was so shocked I don't think he knew what to say – and then of course he said no. When I saw his face, that – that was when I remembered him telling us about what happened at his old school, and I felt horrible, Kurt. I just hadn't remembered up until then."

"And so not only did you essentially recreate an event that was traumatic for him, you asked him to go with you as your date, when the last time he went to a Sadie Hawkins dance he got beaten to the point of hospitalization for being gay!" Kurt hissed furiously. He jumped up from the bed and began to pace, unable to contain his agitation any more, and Rachel stuck her head around the partition to his room, her eyes wide and worried.

"Let's just reinforce the idea that the only way for him to function in this world is to masquerade as straight! As if he didn't get enough of that from his father! Tina – I can't – do you have any idea what this could do to him? He's worked so hard to be himself and be completely honest and straightforward about who he is, and - I swear, this group is supposed to be a family and take care of each other, and then I'm away from my boyfriend for a few weeks and everyone loses their minds! Everyone ignoring everyone else, not paying attention to each other at all, Brittany having a meltdown, Blaine falling to pieces from feeling invisible, cheating on me because I was being a self-absorbed idiot! Marley fainting at regionals because of bulimia and a psychotic new head cheerleader who cultivated her trust! And now this! Are you trying to inflict pain on each other? Is that what glee club is about now? Because if it is, I will be the first person to tell Blaine to stay miles away from that choir room!"

Kurt stopped, breathing heavily and trembling from head to foot with anger and anxiety. Rachel moved into the room and put her arms around him, thankfully giving him an anchor. She rested her head on Kurt's shoulder, and Kurt tried to take some comfort from the physical contact.

"Tina," he said, struggling to calm down, "what on earth were you thinking?"

"I – I wasn't," Tina admitted. "I've been lonely, Kurt, and Blaine's been a good friend, and I – I had a little bit of a crush on him, okay? He's kind and sweet and good-looking, and – it was wrong, I know that, but he's been lonely too, Kurt. It was just – it was just nice, that he enjoyed my company and I could make him smile. I haven't been able to do that for anyone lately, and Blaine almost never smiles anymore."

An image of Blaine's face in the hallway after Grease floated into Kurt's mind. He had still been in his white Teen Angel costume, and he had been pleading with Kurt to let him explain. Kurt had snapped back at him, and Blaine had looked stricken, his eyes wide and anguished in his exhausted face. Even through his anger, Kurt had been able to tell that stage makeup was the only reason Blaine looked healthy. He looked as though he hadn't truly smiled since their break-up. Maybe he hadn't.

"I didn't mean to hurt him, Kurt," Tina whispered. "I really didn't. Once I realized what had happened, I went to talk to him about it – and he was very kind about it, and we agreed to go to the dance as friends – but that worries me, too. He said the idea of the dance doesn't really bother him, but the idea of being there without you does. I wasn't sure whether to believe him, though. I'm still not sure he's okay, even though he says he is."

"And he wouldn't tell you if he's not," Kurt finished wearily. "All right. When – when is this happening?"

"Next Friday," Tina informed him, her voice still heavy with tears. "We're all performing songs for it, too. Guys and girls."

"Okay," Kurt said, regaining some of his composure as he began to think rapidly. "Look, I'm – I'm going to come home. Don't tell Blaine, don't do anything differently – but I'll be there if anything happens. Blaine got me through some of the worst days of my life, not to mention one of the most humiliating nights of my life at junior prom. I owe him this."

"Thank you," Tina said gratefully. "I won't say anything to Blaine, Kurt – but thank you. I'll feel so much better just knowing that you're there if Blaine needs someone."

"I'm not sure 'better' is the word that comes to mind, but I'd rather be there than not," Kurt said dryly. "Oh, and Tina?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for calling me," Kurt said slowly. "This isn't easy for me, but – I'm glad you called. I would rather know about this now and try to help than hear about something horrible happening afterward."

"I thought that's how you'd feel," Tina said. "Thank you, Kurt. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Kurt ended the call and let the phone drop down to his side, closing his eyes. He suddenly became aware that Rachel was still there, still holding him tightly, and he reached up and put a hand on her forearm in thanks.

"Clearly I heard most of that," Rachel said softly, just a hint of amusement in her tone as she tried to break the ice. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Kurt admitted. "I'm exhausted, Rachel, and part of me still can't believe the conversation I just had, or that I'm actually going back to Lima because of it."

"Well, how about we do talk, because I think we should," Rachel said, a little bit of her inner diva making itself known as she unwound herself from Kurt and pulled him down to the bed with her.

"What is there to talk about, Rachel?" Kurt asked in exasperation. "I'm going home because Tina was an idiot, and I'm really the only one who can deal with the fallout, assuming there is any. She's smart enough to know that, at least. Blaine might be telling the truth, but he might not. I know Blaine has become closer to both Tina and Sam, but he's not going to turn to them with something like this. "

Rachel reached over the space between them and took one of Kurt's hands in both of her own. "Kurt, don't you see what's going on here?" she asked, and Kurt blinked, taken aback.

"Other than trying to keep my best friend from becoming a wreck in front of the entire McKinley student body?" he returned a trifle sarcastically.

"Kurt. You called him your boyfriend," she pointed out with a knowing smile.

Kurt took a moment to answer, hastily replaying his angry comments to Tina in his head. "Rachel – that was – he was my boyfriend then," he protested. "We hadn't broken up yet."

"Yes, but you weren't thinking about your relationship in the past tense," Rachel averred. "You still love him."

Kurt closed his eyes again, trying to muster some patience. "Rachel, I don't – he's my best friend, yes, and I love him as my best friend. But we're not getting back together; I don't want that, and I can't presume that Blaine wants that. I've been dating Adam, and I like him. What on earth makes you think -"

Rachel laughed. She laughed at him until her shoulders shook and she was bent double, still clutching Kurt's hand and her forehead almost touching the duvet. Offended, Kurt tried to pull his hand away, but Rachel refused to let go.

"Kurt," she said finally, wiping tears from her eyes, "I am trying my best to be a supportive friend and talk some sense into you, but really – you think Blaine doesn't want you two back together? That's all he's wanted since you two broke up; he didn't want to break up with you to begin with."

Kurt suddenly looked at her intently. "Rachel, have you been talking to Blaine?"

Rachel's grin softened into a smile. "Blaine's my friend, Kurt; I e-mail with him once in a while. We haven't talked about you, though; he would never put me in the middle that way. He mentions you every now and then, when something reminds him of you or when someone in glee wants to pass along hellos. I tell you when that happens. He doesn't have to say anything, Kurt; I know how much he loved you – loves you still," she amended.

Kurt narrowed his eyes, his sarcasm returning full force. "And how do you know this? Telepathy?"

"For one thing, I saw how he looked at you when we went home for Grease," Rachel answered promptly. "For another, I wasn't here for Christmas, but just the fact that Blaine was willing to drop everything and come to New York with your dad, when he has his own family and they would normally expect him to be around for Christmas, says to me that you are still his first priority."

"He came because my dad asked him to," Kurt argued. "He came because he knew I was going to get bad news, and he was being a friend."

"He came because he loves you, and he wanted to be there when he knew you were going to be hurting," Rachel countered.

"Well, if he loved me so much, maybe he shouldn't have cheated on me," Kurt retorted angrily, and this time he did succeed in snatching his hand away. "If he loved me that much, maybe he should have had a little more faith that we would be all right, and not go running to some – "

Unable to find a strong enough word, Kurt gave up and turned away from Rachel, putting his back to her and putting his head in his hands.

"I thought he cheated on you because you were 'being a self-absorbed idiot,'" Rachel said pointedly. "Care to explain what you meant by that?"

Kurt froze as she quoted his words to Tina back at him for the second time that night.

"Rachel," he sighed, slowly turning back around. "Look, I've had a long time to think about this, and I realized at some point that I did things wrong as well. I was self-absorbed; I didn't pay enough attention to Blaine, and I didn't make time for him the way that I should have. I talked about myself and you most of the time, when I was talking to him, and I didn't pay enough attention to how he was doing. I didn't – I didn't make him feel like he mattered."

"And so he tried to find someone who would," Rachel whispered, holding Kurt's gaze. Kurt flinched, curling in on himself, and Rachel moved closer, putting her arms around him again.

"I'm not saying it's okay that Blaine cheated on you," Rachel ventured after a moment. "He made a terrible mistake, Kurt, and I know how much he hurt you. But if what I hear from Tina is any indication, he's been eating himself alive over it ever since. Even reading between the lines of his e-mails makes that pretty obvious. He was lonely, and he was afraid he was losing you – but he never stopped loving you. And I don't think you've stopped loving him, either. That's the first time I've heard you admit any culpability for what happened between the two of you, so clearly you don't blame him as much as you've been saying you do. I think you need to deal with that."

Kurt gritted his teeth in frustration. "I am not in love with Blaine."

"You're just dropping everything to go help him because you know he needs you, and you know how bad this might be if you aren't there," Rachel said bluntly. "Just as he did for you. You also jumped completely to his defense and yelled at Tina for what she had done. But you're just friends."

"Best friends," Kurt stressed, climbing off the bed. "This is what best friends do, Rachel. We help each other."

"I can't convince you," Rachel said, throwing up her hands. She stood up, too, making her way toward the door. "Just – think about this for me, would you?"

Kurt looked up from where he was deliberately straightening his desk, raising an eyebrow.

"I told Blaine once that we both knew what it was like to find our soulmates against all odds," Rachel said gently. "As it turned out, Finn wasn't mine. When he cheated on me, it was because he honestly didn't know who he wanted and was attracted to two different people. He loved me, but he loved Quinn, too. He and I aren't really suited for forever, I don't think. He did the right thing at the end of last year, even though I couldn't see it or wasn't willing to admit it then," Rachel continued, a pained smile flitting across her face before she went on. "But what I'm trying to say is – since you two found each other, since that first time Blaine kissed you, there has never been anyone else for him. I think if you're really honest with yourself, you will admit that there will never be anyone else for you, either."

It took Kurt a long time to fall asleep after that.

Arriving at McKinley the night of the dance felt surreal to Kurt. It had been odd enough to be home again, after a few more weeks in New York. He had been glad to see his father (who had looked tired, and Kurt had scolded him for not taking care of himself well enough, even though they both knew that cancer treatment tired even the healthiest people), but being back in Lima felt strange. He was so different already. New York was its own unique oasis, and it was changing him.

He looked in the rearview mirror and adjusted his bowtie before taking a long breath and getting out of the car, pulling his suit jacket down carefully so that it hung properly on his shoulders. The dance was already in full swing, and so thankfully Kurt was able to make his way to the gym without running into anyone he knew. He was fairly certain all the glee club members would either be performing or on the dance floor, and if he could surprise Blaine, so much the better.

When he entered the crowded gym he almost gaped. The decorations were amazing; he would have to remember to congratulate Tina on them later. No one would recognize the room for what it usually was. There were star-like snowflakes hanging from the ceiling, white lights sparkling everywhere, and accents of a silvery blue that made the room feel enchanted.

His attention was drawn to the stage when he heard familiar voices, and his heart jumped traitorously when he saw Blaine. His boyfriend was on stage with Artie and Sam, doing a killer rendition of "No Scrubs," and Kurt couldn't help but smile when he saw the energy Blaine was putting into it. It was the happiest he'd seen Blaine look in months, and there was confidence and energy there that reminded Kurt vividly of the Blaine Warbler he'd met on Dalton's staircase.

"The Warblers are like rock stars. Come on, I know a shortcut."

Kurt's face became solemn again as he thought of everything Blaine had gone through to become that boy, someone who was open about his sexuality and proud of it, someone who wasn't afraid to stand up for others and demand tolerance, someone who wore his heart on his sleeve and in his eyes when he cared about another person, someone who put everything he was and had been and could be into his performances.

Even when he occasionally had to attack a punching bag to deal with his demons.

Even when he still had nightmares about the attack that had happened five years ago.

If that night had ended differently, Kurt never would have known Blaine.

The very thought made an ache form in Kurt's chest. He honestly couldn't imagine his life without Blaine, didn't want to think about the world without Blaine in it. He didn't want to think about what would have been lost, had 14-year-old Blaine not been as strong as he was. He didn't want to imagine what would have become of him, without that chance encounter on the Dalton stairs – he might very well have been so terrified, so broken, that he would never have followed his dreams. Blaine had given him strength in ways he hadn't even realized he needed – the strength of courage, of belief, of love. Blaine would deny it if anyone asked him, Kurt knew, and say that Kurt had always been that strong – but loving Blaine and being loved by him had given Kurt surety in a way nothing else in his life ever had.

And with sudden, blinding clarity, watching Blaine perform, Kurt knew he wasn't ready to let go of that.

You still love him . . . if you're really honest with yourself, you will admit that there will never be anyone else for you, either.

Rachel's words whispered through his mind, and Kurt straightened his shoulders in decision, inhaling and letting out a long breath.

It felt like the first time he had really breathed since the night of their break up.

Whatever had gone wrong, whatever had made Blaine so fearful and lost and insecure that he had cheated on Kurt, Kurt had to know what it was. It was going to be painful and difficult to talk about and work through, but it had to be done. They couldn't ever let it happen again. If Kurt knew his boyfriend at all – yes, boyfriend, Kurt said determinedly in his own head, acknowledging the love and desire for what it was – there had been so much more going on in Blaine's head than simple physical need.

Blaine had spent months tearing himself apart and trying to put himself back together, and now it was Kurt's turn to help with that burden. Blaine always believed that Kurt was strong – well, Kurt was going to use that strength now, and figure out how to put them back together.

He watched Blaine exchange hugs and high fives with Artie and Sam before jumping down from the stage. Tina was waiting for Blaine and swept him into a hug almost before he was properly on his feet. She was smiling widely, and held Blaine's jacket for him as he slipped it back on. Blaine said something to her with a smile, and then offered his hand for a dance. The pair of them moved back into the crowd, finding their way to Brittany and Sam, Artie and Sugar, and Jake and Marley, who had all formed their own little group.

Kurt made careful note of where they were, beginning to find his way over to them, pausing frequently and doing his best not to be noticed by any of the glee club members. The newbies wouldn't necessarily remember him, but any of his old teammates would spot him right away, and he really wanted to keep his presence a surprise.

As he emerged on the edge of the glee club group, he saw that Blaine's back was actually to him, and the only person who saw him instantly was Tina, looking as she was directly over Blaine's shoulder. Her eyes brightened even further, and Kurt put a finger to his lips before stepping forward, just far enough away from Tina and Blaine that he could extend a hand.

"Excuse me," he said, and he had to raise his voice to be heard over the music and the chatter of the crowd. "May I have this dance?"

Blaine went still in Tina's arms, and then turned around slowly, disbelief washing over his features as he saw Kurt standing there with one hand out and a small, reminiscent smile on his lips.

"Kurt," he breathed, and oh, Kurt had missed the way his name sounded when Blaine said it. "What are you doing here?"

"Someone was a little worried about you," Kurt answered, with a glance at Tina. Blaine turned his head to look at her, surprise and gratitude mingling in his eyes, and she simply smiled and squeezed Blaine's hand before letting go and stepping back to stand with Sugar.

"So may I have this dance?" he asked again, and Blaine smiled before taking Kurt's hand.

"Yes. Yes, you may," he said, his eyes twinkling, and Kurt knew that he remembered, too.

They slipped into each other's arms easily, naturally, although both of them kept just a little distance between their bodies. Blaine searched Kurt's face; Kurt could see him trying to figure out the answers to the questions he wasn't asking.

Kurt forestalled the questions, though, instead asking one of his own. "Are you okay?" he questioned gently, tightening his hands almost imperceptibly on Blaine's waist and shoulder. "Tina was nearly frantic when she called me, and once she told me what was happening, I was worried, too."

To his credit, Blaine didn't pretend that he didn't know what Kurt was talking about.

"I'm okay," he said quietly. "Last night, not so much, but . . . I'm okay now. It was fun being up there," he added, inclining his head toward the stage with a smile.

"You guys were great," Kurt complimented him. "You were really killing it up there. It was like watching you with the Warblers all over again."

Blaine laughed. "It was a number we would have done, that's true. Singing with Sam and Artie is a riot, though. I love those guys."

Kurt studied him. "You've made friends with them, and with Tina," he observed with a fond smile. "I'm glad. You're so much more yourself than you were a few months ago, B."

Blaine's smile faltered at the nickname and shadows filled his eyes, cracking Kurt's heart open a little more. "To a point," he murmured. He started to move toward Kurt, but hesitated, and Kurt finished the action for him, drawing Blaine close against him. He could feel the shock, the stiffness in Blaine's frame, but as he rubbed his hands over Blaine's shoulders Blaine relaxed, melting into Kurt and burying his face in the crook of Kurt's neck.

Feeling Blaine in his arms again, so close, so warm, brought tears to Kurt's eyes. Kurt breathed in Blaine's scent – his familiar cologne, his hair gel, and underneath it all simply a warm spiciness that was Blaine. And Blaine was home.

He brought one hand up, curling it around the nape of Blaine's neck, leaving the other wrapped around his torso. "I really was worried about you, Blaine," he whispered, his mouth right next to Blaine's ear. "I may have yelled at Tina when she called me. I still can't believe she . . ." he trailed off, closing his eyes. "You had nightmares last night?"

"Yes," Blaine said wearily, his voice still muffled against Kurt's neck. "The same ones as always, but . . . it's been a while. I was exhausted when I woke up this morning. I took a quick nap after school, before I got ready for the dance, but I think I've been running mostly on adrenaline. It was such a relief to get here and realize that I didn't feel panicked. I was apprehensive, but nothing has happened. No flashbacks, no panic attacks. I've been a little tense, but I was focused on making sure Tina had fun, and on performing, and I think that helped."

"And then you were here," Blaine continued wonderingly, his arms tightening around Kurt as he lifted his head to look Kurt in the eyes. "You were here, and I felt like I was dreaming."

"You're not," Kurt affirmed, framing Blaine's face with his hands. He felt Blaine's breath hitch, and his own breathing grew a little ragged as he rested his forehead to Blaine's. "You're not, Blaine, I promise. When Tina called and explained what had happened, I couldn't stand the idea of you going through this alone. I didn't know whether you would really be all right or not, I didn't know if being here would bring everything back or not, and I was – frantic," Kurt confessed, his voice breaking over the last word. "Rachel . . . confronted me with a few truths, and I knew that I had to come and make sure you were okay, make sure that you had someone here you could turn to if you needed to."

He could see the tears starting to glisten in Blaine's eyes, tears that Blaine furiously tried to blink back as Kurt kept talking.

"But I also knew – I knew I had to come and find out if we could fix this, if we could be us again," he whispered. "I've missed you so much, missed my best friend and my boyfriend, and - I've been so angry, Blaine. I shut you out because I was so angry, but – that wasn't fair to you. And I think – if you still want this, if you still want me – I think we need to talk about what happened. I think I can talk about what happened now, without hurting you any more than I already have. I wasn't innocent in all of this either; I know some of it was my fault, and I'm so very sorry for that."

Tears were running freely down Blaine's face now, but he still hadn't said a word, his eyes huge and wet and impossibly loving as he stared at Kurt. Kurt wiped away Blaine's tears with his thumbs, caressing his cheeks gently.

"Blaine," he said, his voice trembling, "talk to me, please. If you don't – if you don't want to be with me anymore, it's all right, really it is, but – just please tell me I haven't lost my best friend. I don't want to go through the rest of my life without you in it."

Blaine laughed, then, but it came out sounding more like a choked sob, and Kurt's throat closed up as he remembered their phone conversation at Thanksgiving. It was the same sound – as if Blaine's worst fear had suddenly disappeared and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. His smile was bright and genuine, though, even through his tears.

"Kurt," he said thickly, bringing up his own hands to his face and lacing his fingers through Kurt's before bringing their joined hands down to rest over his heart, "of course I still want you, all of you, all of us, everything. I never thought I'd have it again, but I never wanted anything else."

Then Blaine's lips were on his, and Kurt sighed with relief as he breathed into their kiss, feeling the empty hole in his chest fade with every brush of their mouths, feeling himself become whole again with Blaine back in his arms.

"I love you," Kurt murmured when they broke apart, wrapping his arms around Blaine and pulling him close. "I want you to know that. I never stopped."

"I love you too," Blaine sighed. "So much, Kurt. I always did."

"What do you say to starting that talk?" Kurt requested solemnly. "The Lima Bean is still open, and no one will be there. We can claim one of the couches in the back."

Blaine nodded, smiling slightly. "I thought we weren't allowed to go there anymore because you saw a mouse," he teased.

Kurt shrugged. "Nostalgia. I can't help it. And their coffee is still the best in Lima."

"I'm all for it," Blaine repeated, "but can it wait just a few minutes? I have a number that I've been thinking about, and I wanted to sing it for you, the next time I saw you. I didn't plan on it being now, but it really seems to fit this moment," he said with a soft smile.

"Ever the showman," Kurt teased in his turn. "Please dazzle me, by all means."

Blaine leaned in and planted another swift kiss on Kurt's lips before flashing a smile at him and darting away to find some of the other New Directions. Somewhat to Kurt's surprise, when Blaine moved up to the stage, he brought Marley, Brittany, and Unique with him; he apparently needed some strong female backup.

Blaine spoke briefly to the band as Kurt waited and watched, and then turned around and settled himself in front of the microphone, with the girls flanking him. Kurt moved closer to the stage, and Blaine's eyes found him in the crowd. Kurt felt it instantly, the same breathless, awed joy that had floored him during "Teenage Dream" because this boy was singing to him, the same warm thrumming under his skin that was there every time he looked at Blaine and knew that he was loved and wanted. The same fierce need to cherish and protect Blaine, the person he loved with all of his heart. The same connection that felt so bone-deep that Kurt never wanted it to leave.

Blaine's reasoning behind his choice of backup singers became clear the minute the musicians began to play; as the beat of "Catch My Breath" began, Kurt knew why Blaine had wanted the well-matched girls. As the female trio picked up the notes of the accompaniment, Kurt found himself holding his own breath. He knew how Blaine's performances worked, knew how powerful they were and how much Blaine conveyed with them. Now more than ever, he needed to understand all of the layers in this one. Blaine crooned the low opening lines into the microphone, every sinew of his body clearly focused on the music, and Kurt was transfixed.

I don't want to be left behind
Distance was a friend of mine
Catching breath in a web of lies

Blaine's eyes were still trained on Kurt as he sang, and the pieces began to fit together for Kurt. Blaine had tried for so long to be the person everyone else needed him to be. First with his father and his brother, then with his schoolmates, then even with Kurt and the New Directions, he had put on the face everyone needed to see. Only with the Warblers had he let down some of those walls, and eventually he had opened himself as completely as he could to Kurt – but the fear of losing them, losing their love and their friendship and the connection he cherished, had caused Blaine to put on a front with Kurt as well, to pretend everything was all right until he was practically suffocating with it. Starting with Chandler's flirtation and Kurt's refusal to talk about their separation at the end of his senior year – maybe starting before then, with their failure to really talk about Sebastian and his impact on their relationship – Blaine had closed in on himself, his hard-won trust in Kurt and in them slowly collapsing under the weight of fear and doubt. He had pretended well enough to fool even Kurt – and the distance between them while Kurt was in New York had aided him in that endeavor – but the distance also terrified him. Kurt now knew that the idea of being left behind – not only in Lima, but left behind by Kurt himself - had practically paralyzed Blaine with fear.

I've spent most of my life
Riding waves, playing acrobat
Shadowboxing the other half
Learning how to react

Well, that was the truth of Blaine's life if he had ever heard it, Kurt reflected bitterly. His boyfriend had learned to turn on a dime depending on the reactions of those around him, dodging his father's disapproval and his brother's endless criticism, avoiding the homophobic slurs of his schoolmates and their equally harmful fists, literally learning to box in order to defend himself from physical threats. He was charming and polite partly to hide his insecurities, and he did everything in his power in order to please others, because it kept people from seeing aspects of Blaine that they might not like. It gave him emotional and physical safety in a world that had given him very little of either.

On the other hand, Blaine was capable of incredible things - the things he was passionate about and did for himself were the areas in which he truly shone, and that was never more true than when he was onstage. Blaine performing was a stunning sight. He still took Kurt's breath away. He knew how to take a song or a performance to its highest point, knew how to find the best words and phrases for a song, knew almost by instinct where the highlights of an arrangement were and how to make them moments that would transfix his audience. He was also a natural leader – people instinctively turned to him for help, for organization, for direction. Kurt knew, from the little he had gleaned through Blaine himself, through Tina, through Brittany, that whatever coherence the New Directions had achieved this year was due in great part to Blaine, despite Blaine's struggles after their break up. The Warblers had always looked to him to lead, even the members of the Council, and no matter how much Kurt had pushed them to change their style and approach, he knew just how good Blaine was at being the focal point for their group, at being the leader they needed.

I've spent most of my time
Catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show
Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told it's supposed to be right

As Blaine launched into the first chorus and increased his volume, a small smile graced his lips, and Kurt hoped he was understanding this part of Blaine's message correctly as well. If he was right, if that smile meant what he thought, Blaine was through holding back. He was through hiding what he wanted and needed from Kurt, and through protecting Kurt from the hardest parts of his life. Kurt knew Blaine's weaknesses now; they knew each other's, and they both needed to learn how to embrace and love those faults and contend with them as part of the fabric of their relationship. They both had a right to their own feelings and emotions, and communicating those feelings to each other, even when they were unpleasant or unreasonable, was something they desperately needed to get better at.

Blaine was asking Kurt to accept his imperfections, accept that he had worries and fears and character flaws. He was asking Kurt to love him in spite of those things. Kurt had known – of course he had known – some of Blaine's vulnerabilities, but he had failed spectacularly at remembering them and accounting for them in the months before their break-up. One of his own more unpleasant traits had gotten in the way – his tendency to become completely absorbed in his own goals and ambitions, something that was admittedly only exacerbated by living with Rachel, who was even worse than he. He retained a sense of proportion where she did not, but like her he tended to ignore the rest of the world when he was after something he wanted.

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that
Catch my breath, won't let them get me down, it's all so simple now

Ah, and there was the Blaine he remembered. Kurt's chest bloomed with warmth as he watched Blaine take over the stage, his wide smile and sparkling eyes bright in the dim light. Blaine was determined – he wanted this, wanted them, and now that he knew Kurt wanted him as well, he wasn't going to let anything keep them from being together. He would accept the darker parts of Kurt, as well, with faith that it would only make their relationship stronger.

Addicted to the love I found
Heavy heart, now a weightless cloud
Making time for the ones that count
I'll spend the rest of my time
Laughing hard with the windows down
Leaving footprints all over town
Keeping faith kind of comes around
I'll spent the rest of my life

Catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show
Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told it's supposed to be right

Keeping faith kind of comes around. Kurt smile a wry little smile as he thought about that. They had both lost faith, in themselves and in each other. Their break-up, as abrupt and out of the blue as it had seemed to Kurt at the time, had decimated not only his faith in Blaine and their relationship, but his faith in himself and his ability to read others. If he could not trust Blaine, who had been his best friend and who he had given everything to, who could he trust? He had spent months being terrified to admit that he wanted to trust Blaine again, that he wanted to give his heart back into Blaine's keeping – but what had surprised him as much as anything was the realization that somehow, he had never lost trust in their friendship, in their ability to be honest with each other. After Isabelle's gentle push on Thanksgiving and his hesitant but determined phone call to Blaine, he had known, deep down, that he trusted their friendship, if not their ability to be together again. Blaine had told him about Eli. He hadn't lied; he hadn't tried to cover it up. He had come straight to Kurt and told him what happened, and while Kurt had reacted badly and that had led to some of the worst months of his life, the simple fact that Blaine had told him rested somewhere in his subconscious. It was why, after weeks of not talking, he was able to say "I love you," during that phone conversation and mean it. He had slowly begun to rebuild his own faith on that one simple fact.

For Blaine, he was sure, it had been infinitely worse. Kurt had been devastated, angry, and plagued with insomnia, but Blaine had been shattered. Kurt had tried to ignore the worried e-mails and texts he had gotten from Britt and even occasionally Sam, but he didn't forget them. Blaine, from all accounts, had basically ceased to function. He showed up at school, but he didn't talk, didn't sit with the rest of the choir, didn't offer suggestions, and performed on autopilot. He turned down the role of Danny, which Finn and Artie had been willing to hand him without an audition. He had trusted himself with nothing, mentally flayed himself with his own guilt and failure. What was even worse was that everyone except Sam seemed to ostracize him or simply ignore his cries for help – and knowing Blaine, he had felt he deserved their condemnation. He had been left with nothing, no Kurt, no support system, no faith in himself, and had somehow rebuilt that faith on his own, with nothing but blind belief.

What haunted Kurt most about those few minutes with Blaine after Grease was not only the realization of how much Blaine despised himself for what he had done (it was written all over his face, all over his clearly exhausted body, and everywhere in his tortured eyes), but also the sickening knowledge that he had done nothing to decrease Blaine's self-loathing. He had been so blindly furious and so hurt after Blaine's confession that he had never bothered to ask why, never tried to sort out the complicated meaning behind, "I needed you and you weren't there." They had both struggled to find faith again individually, when they could have been helping each other.

They really needed to talk – and not, now that Kurt thought about it, somewhere they would be seen. He wanted the happiness and laughter he and Blaine had once shared, but they would never get there if they didn't work through the hard things first, and they couldn't even begin to do that in a public setting.

Blaine must have seen the solemnity in Kurt's expression, for his smile faltered a bit as he reached the end of the song. Kurt looked up at him and smiled reassuringly, and as Blaine came down from the stage and walked toward him, Kurt met him halfway and hugged him again.

"You were wonderful," he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on Blaine's cheek, "and I love you, and I think I understand now. Some things, at least. I have a suggestion."

Blaine pulled back just enough to look at Kurt, raising his eyebrows in question, his expression slightly puzzled. "I love you, too. And the suggestion is?"

"How do you feel about getting our coffee to go, and then going back to my house to talk? I have a feeling this is going to get pretty emotional before we're through, and I'm not sure the Lima Bean is the right place for that kind of conversation," Kurt said, hesitating just the slightest bit. He didn't want Blaine to think that he was trying to gain any kind of upper hand, and the Lima Bean was public and fairly neutral territory, but –

Blaine sighed, his shoulders slumping a bit as he considered the probable topics of discussion in the near future, and then nodded in agreement. "I think it's a good idea. I'll feel – marginally better about this if we're someplace private and – and safe," he finished, his voice suddenly quiet and shy. He looked down, biting his lip, and Kurt winced internally. There it was again, that desperate plea for safety of all kinds, and somehow, despite all that had passed between them, Blaine still considered the Hummel home one of the few spaces where that safety existed.

Kurt reached out a hand and rested it on Blaine's cheek, lifting his head up. "Hey. It's okay. I understand; that's why I suggested it," he said softly. He smiled, reaching out his other hand to entwine Blaine's fingers in his own. "So, coffee?"

"Coffee," Blaine agreed. He smiled and placed a kiss on Kurt's palm before Kurt let his hand fall, and they walked out of the gymnasium together.