the only future i want is with you

Tsurugi Kyousuke

The kitten is small, fits perfectly on your forearm. She's pure white like the snow, so much that you've already named her Yuki. When she meows, it's almost too soft to hear, but she hisses like she wants the whole neighborhood to know. Her eyes, yellow like the sunflower, seem to only shine more when you bring her out to the sun. You love her, and you've made it your job to take care of her… even though you've met her just a few minutes ago.

The kitten meows again and you coo; how can you leave such a hopeless soul behind? The mother must have abandoned her because she's all alone near the dumpster of your apartment building—oh, such an unfortunate thing!

Quickly, you walk up to the floor of your apartment, carefully holding the kitten with your other hand. Excitement fills you when you enter, already ticking off a mental check list of what to do.

You fish a small bowl and fill it with water. You offer it to Yuki who gladly laps it up. Beaming, you start to search on your phone what orphaned kittens can eat…

"[f/n], why is there a kitten on our counter?" a deep voice startles you from your thoughts.

You turn to your high school classmate turned college roommate. A sheepish grin enters your face as you explain, "It's our new pet, Kyousuke?"

He sighs, "We can't have pets. Who's going to take care of her?"

"I will," you pout, "And you, because you're my roommate, so you're legally required to help!"

"I don't have time to take care of a cat," he wrinkles his nose. He glares at the newcomer and huffs, "Did you steal it from the mother?"

"It's a her, and her name's Yuki!" (Tsurugi mumbles under his breath, "oh no, she's named it.") "Plus, I did not steal her from her mother; she was alone and abandoned by the dumpster."

"How would you know?" Tsurugi grunts. "The mother must have left it to get food. We have to bring it back, [f/n]."

"B-but… I love her," you sniffle. You look over to the kitten who's already watching the two of you with interest. Her golden eyes seem to sparkle. No, you can't leave Yuki, not when she needs you like this.

But Tsurugi's already reaching out to hold her. He glares at your attempt to beg for Yuki to stay when you notice one thing.

"Ah!" you scream.

The two of them flinch. Tsurugi scowls, "What?"

"You look like Yuki!" you exclaim, eyes widening. How had you not noticed it before? Both Tsurugi and the kitten that he's holding have the same eyes, down to the last shade!

"What are you talking about?" he asks, deadpan.

"The eyes!" you scream giddily, jumping towards them, "You both have golden eyes!"

"And so?" he challenges. "We're still taking her back to the mother."

You pout, "Just give me one picture."

You ready your phone and snap a photo: Tsurugi rolling his eyes, while Yuki is beaming. A tug in your heart captures you, wishing that you have Yuki in your apartment every day. But Tsurugi's basically the owner of the apartment and, though he's obnoxious about it, you know that he's right. Between Tsurugi's training and your procrastinating nature on deadlines, no one can give Yuki the attention she deserves.

Hanging your head, you follow Tsurugi as the three of you walk down to the dumpster. You make exaggerated huffs and sighs on the way down, wishing that Tsurugi feels guilty for tearing you away from Yuki.

As you approach the dumpster, there's frantic meowing and hissing. Tsurugi lets go of Yuki, who seems to be struggling to get out of his grasp. A panicked look is in her features as she runs over to the dumpster. You and Tsurugi stop to watch the mother, another older white cat, excitedly runs over to her young.

"See, I told you," Tsurugi says. When he looks over to you, he's taken aback, "[f/n]?"

Tears roll down your eyes as you sniffle your snot away. You've known Yuki for a handful of minutes, but that does not mean you aren't attached. And also, you're racked with guilt for trying to take a child away from its home. You look over to Tsurugi who's staring at you with concern. Another sniffle and you fling yourself over to him.

"W-what's wrong?" he asks as he catches you, wrapping his arms around your frame.

"I'm the worst! I'm a home wrecker!" you exclaim into his shirt, "I was taking Yuki away from her own family."

"Well, you get overexcited about things," he says. He rubs circles on your back, trying to calm you down. "The important thing is that they're together again."

You look up to him, eyes still tear-stained. "I really wanted to have a pet."

"I know," he hushes. "We're just not ready for it yet."

You bury yourself in his chest again.

"Ah, Yuuichi-kun's coming over this weekend, right?" you ask absently. Waving your textbook around, you finally give up trying to understand the lessons and plop it on the couch beside you. You let a sigh through your nose and lean back, studying for your test would have to wait. "What time do you think he'll arrive?"

"Why do you ask?" Tsurugi scowls from the counter in the kitchen.

"Well, I was thinking we should totally go to the movies and have dinner in that family restaurant I was telling you about," you proclaim, "Beats cooking dinner here."

"As far as cooking goes, you know that you're banned from using the stove," Tsurugi replies, "Plus, I have training that afternoon."

You peek to see his face from your position. You can tell he's having a tough time studying as well, from his furrowed eyebrows and the curled lips. You'd think after years of knowing Tsurugi, nothing he does would surprise you, but you always find yourself entranced by his face. You wonder how his sharp cheekbones feel against your fingertips, or how warm it is in the inside of his neck. There's always something inside you that craves more.

"Ehh," you say lazily, watching his eyes flicker over to you but returning immediately to his work. "If you can't go, I guess it'll just be me and Yuuichi-kun, then."

The vein near his temple appears, pulsing. You watch it with fascination. Coldly, he replies, "He won't go, he's promised to see the team on Saturday."

"I'll be alone on Saturday?" you question. "How come you don't invite me to your practices anymore, Kyousuke?"

Finally, he lands his gaze on you, his eyes solid. "We'll just have dinner when we get back. You can order take-outs if you want."

You jump out of the couch. Arms crossed, you glare at him, "You're really not inviting me? But Yuuichi-kun gets to be there?"

"He's my brother," he points out. "Plus, it's not like you know anything about soccer."

"I know some!" you protest. You feel your eyes stinging, this hasn't happened before; sure, you had arguments but somehow this all feels a little too personal. "And I'd like to think I'm your sibling, too! We've known each other for so long… was it just me?"

A pained expression crosses his eyes, but he stares at you precisely. His reply is straight, his voice doesn't waver or hesitate, "Yes. It was just you."

You run to the solace of your bedroom.

In the six years you had been his friend, this is the first time that your fight ends in tears.

On the edge of your bed, you sniffle and wipe your eyes though the tears just keep on rolling. You hadn't expected such an answer, and from the way he looked when he said that: you were sure that he wasn't lying. Maybe he was sick of you as a roommate; sure, you weren't that great of a cook, but you cleaned up after yourself and sometimes you helped him with his lessons. But maybe he hates that you're too emotional and that you bother him with your incessant complaining. Or maybe he's grown tired of you after knowing each other for too long. What if he kicks you out? What will you do then?

The thoughts plague your mind. You're only solution is to avoid him for the rest of time.

Sure, that will work perfectly.

Three days later, on a fine Saturday morning, and having managed to avoid Tsurugi, you find yourself walking to the kitchen. You know already that Tsurugi has gone because he leaves early for extra training with his captain. You're sure that no one's here yet so you hum a song and look for something to eat.

"Good morning, [f/n]-san," you hear someone speak from behind.

Startled, you quickly turn around and find Tsurugi Yuuichi waving at you from the couch. Seeing him, you relax, and wonder, "When did you get here?"

"Just this morning, right before Kyousuke left," he replies, smiling softly.

"I thought you were going to watch him practice today," you mutter, averting your eyes. You decide to lean on the counter to see and hear him better.

"Well, yes but I wanted to see you first," Yuuichi says. "He told me you two were fighting."

"It's his fault," you huff, not bothering to explain your side. Eyeing the tightly closed loaf bread, you decide to settle in making a sandwich for breakfast.

"Kyousuke isn't good at expressing his feelings," Yuuichi watches you carefully.

You put on some lettuce on the bread and the tuna spread you remember you bought at the convenience store around the corner. Frowning, you say, "I know that. I just thought it would be different with me."

"It is different with you," Yuuichi stands up and walks over to the counter. He dips his finger in the tuna spread and tastes it. He wrinkles his nose, but nods gently a few moments later.

"Because he doesn't value our friendship?" you say sarcastically. You take a bite of your sandwich, wrinkle your nose, and then take another bite. In between your chewing, you muster out, "What he said really hurt."

Yuuichi shakes his head. "He values your friendship. He just used the wrong words."

"You don't have to protect Kyousuke, Yuuichi-kun. I know what he said, and it hurt, so I'm thinking of moving out," you say. You look for a glass and fill it water.

From behind you, Yuuichi sounds frustrated, "You have to read between the lines, [f/n]."

You roll your eyes freely, knowing that he won't see it. You love Yuuichi, but even this conversation is getting out of hand; you don't want to lose your friendship with the older Tsurugi, too. Instead, you choose to down the water in one gulp and stay silent.

"You two need to talk. That's why I'm taking you to his training today," Yuuichi states.

Appalled by the decision, you snap to him and hiss, "No! I don't want to see him!"

His lips are pursed into a thin line, his arms are crossed, and his eyes dark—this is the strict brother that Kyousuke talks about all the time. Yuuichi will always be the nicest person you've ever met but you know that he's always a big brother first before he is a friend. Sighing, you succumb (Tsurugi men use their eyes to force people in doing what they want) and say, "All right, fine, I'll go. But he better be the one to apologize first."

"Yes," he breathes out, dropping the act and putting on his sunny smile, "I'm sure he will."

The two of you sit by the bleachers that overlook the field. All the players on the field are small, like dolls that you can squeeze with your fingers. As usual, the field's dewy and well-trimmed, nothing less for the university you two are both in. The sports department in your university is great, and athletes are really being taken care of—it's the main reason Kyousuke forced his way here, you followed suit.

Looking back, you find yourself realizing how much you and Kyousuke have gone through together. Since middle school, you found yourself sticking with him after an intense discussion about your favorite anime back in the day. You can't remember the details of the conversation, but the intense look on his face: golden eyes blazing and smile wide enough to fit a sub, it's a look you never forget. It's the look he sometimes gets when he shoots a goal or when he watches Japan play in the World Cup. When he gets so passionate, your heart melts a little more. It's that cliché saying about being happy when your friend is happy; that's exactly how you feel.

Maybe you blew things out of proportion. Yuuichi did say that you should read between the lines. You think about his wounded look when you said that the two were of you were like siblings. Why would he be so hurt about that? He said he didn't think that, so what did he think? Maybe he considers the two of you as best friends only. Maybe he's uncomfortable by the fact he has another sibling. Maybe…

As you mull things over, Yuuichi grabs your shoulders and shakes you. "[f/n], they're on break, we should go and say hi."

You pout, "But we're still fighting."

He rolls his eyes (now you wish he did see you roll your eyes at him earlier) and insists that the two of you should go. Grumpily, you walk down the bleachers, glaring at the back of his head for forcing you to follow him.

It's not Yuuichi's first time to watch the team practice, so he knows his way around the field. You didn't mind before that you couldn't watch it with him, your course has you overbooked on some weekends and other times you prefer to enjoy it with your other friends.

"Kyousuke! I'm here," Yuuichi is already waving his arms around.

You watch as Kyousuke and his whole team look over to the two of you coming up. You notice that some of his teammates are pointing at you and whispering. (Is it you? Maybe they're pointing at Yuuichi, you weren't that near yet.)

Before you can say anything, Kyousuke is already running up to the two of you. He glares at his brother and hisses, "Why did you bring her here?"

Yuuichi frowns, "The two of you were fighting, so I decided to become your mediator."

"What's with you?" you ask, noticing how tense Kyousuke has gotten all over a sudden.

"Yuuichi-san! Who's that with you?" someone from the team shouts.

"Don't you dare reply—"

"Oh, it's [l/n] [f/n], Kyousuke's roommate!" Yuuichi replies cheerily. "Good job with your practice, Tenma-san!"

"Ehh? Isn't that the name of Tsurugi's crush?" someone obnoxiously asks.

Kyousuke and you turn pink. He turns to his teammates and snarls, "Shut up! I thought you were supposed to be resting!"

His team snickers behind him while Yuuichi slyly smiles besides you.

"C-crush?" you squeak out.

Finally, Kyousuke turns to you. His cheeks are all red and his eyes are bouncing everywhere, trying hard not to catch your eye. As he scratches the back of his neck, your heart drops—Kyousuke is nervous. (Which means then… that… it's true…)

Yuuichi coughs and backs out, "I think Tenma-san is calling me, I'll see you guys later."

"Why didn't you tell me?" you stammer. Suddenly, you're embarrassed too. Heat creeps from the back of your neck, and you can already tell that red has spread over your cheeks.

"I—" he hangs his head in shame, "I didn't know how. That's why I didn't want you coming here because my whole team knows."

"B-but…since when?"

He takes a deep breath and pulls his gaze on you. "Since we started living together. One day, I saw you in our couch pulling an all-nighter for a paper due the next day. I made you coffee without question and you thanked me and told me you loved me. I just knew then."

You gawk, remembering that specific night, a month when the two of you moved in. Even back then you were touched by his gesture, by the coffee that he handed to you. The words just slipped out (you were sleep-deprived and had been racking your brain for hours) because you really just wanted to show how much you appreciated him. That was months ago and that meant—

"Oh my God," everything falls into place. "Oh, Kyousuke, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings when I said we were siblings. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," he says and yet his eyes are so cold. "I shouldn't have reacted like that. I should have just told you."

"Look," you say determinedly, grasping his elbows, "I'm so sorry for not noticing this for so long. I should have realized; I'm your best friend. I don't even know what we should do after this because this is really surprising. But I do know this: you're the most important person in my life right now. I may have been sleep-deprived when I said that, but I know that it's true. Kyousuke, I really do love you. I don't know if it's romantically or platonically—all I know is that I need you in my life. I love you."

Kyousuke softens, his eyes with such a tender emotion that you've never seen before. He closes the distance between you and asks, "Can I kiss you?"

You nod, breathless. He cups your face in his hands and presses his lips against yours. Your heart bursts, a longing you've never realized appears in you. Kyousuke is gentle and sweet, soft to the touch like you've always assumed. When he pulls away, you stumble towards him, your short nirvana broken. A blush covers your features and you're hyperaware that Kyousuke is holding you.

You look up to him and he's calm but still blushing. "I love you, too, [f/n]."

You're sure that your friendship won't certainly stay as before but details you can work out later. Instead, you wrap your arms around him and the thought of kissing Kyousuke again appeals to you. Hearts thundering, the two of you press your bodies close each other, the sound only drowned by the hollers and cheers from his team.

a/n. was suffering from writers block so i wrote this. hoped you enjoyed it